First night on board the ship, and already I'm at a computer and surfing the Net. I'm in a computer room right next to the casino on deck 7. It was glorious sailing underneat the Golden Gate Bridge. How often do you get to do that in a luxury liner. The best part is that people were waving at us from the bridge. That was cool.

When I walk around, I can feel the boat move. I keep thinking I'm in an earthquake, because that's the only time the ground has shaken for me in the past. But no, I'm on a huge boat sailing down the California coast to Monterey.

This cruise reminds me so such of being in Las Vegas. It's like a slice of America, full of people that I never get to see. The people on the boat are from everywhere, although there are many Californians. Sadly the boat is not at capacity, and my friend and I wonder how long this cruise line will sail out of San Francisco.

The cruise director made a joke tonight about how Ft. Lauderdale, his hometown, is like San Francisco. My friend and I looked at each other, and said "like so not". I grew up in a very small town, and this cruise has a small town feel. We keep running into the same people all the time. I thought I moved to San Francisco so I wouldn't have to live in a fishbowl, but here I am in a fishbowl of a cruise.

So far so good, I suppose. As we set sail out of San Francisco, we popped open a bottle of Bollie's that my friend had smuggled on board. Sipping champagne as you set sail is not a bad way to start your vacation.

It's a hot and sunny day in San Francisco, even here in the fog belt part of the city where I live.

I had a manicure and pedicure this morning, so my nails look pretty and painted. I can't believe manicures and pedicures were a regular part of my life a few years ago, when I used to wear suits to work every day. Now painted nails are a nice and luxurious treat for me.

I got my eyebrows and upper lip waxed as well. I usually do my brows and waxing myself, but the salon does such a better job. There is nothing like waxing the hair off your body, but take it from me, don't wax your underarms. It's so not worth the money. The underarm hair grows back in two days. What's the point of that?

I shaved my legs very thoroughly as well, shaving once, then buffpuffing the legs, then shaving once again for good measure, and then buffpuffing again to finish. I love the feel of my own shaved legs. They feel so smooth and silky.

It was nice to see that the salon I usually go to was full of women and men having beauty treatments. There is something comforting in seeing that in the midst of a bad economy and war, people still have enough money to beautify themselves.

I'm not sure if I'll post when I'm on the cruise. Supposedly I'll be able to log on from the boat, at a rate of 50 cents a minute, so I may post although it will be very short pieces.

I wonder if there will be TV on the boat. I was vacation in Bali when the Gulf War 1started, so I guess it's fitting I'll be on vacation on the high seas on a luxury liner sailing down the california coast to Mexico during Gulf War 2.

My parents taught me never to discuss religion and politics in polite company, and my father said even then, only with people you know very, very well. It will be interesting to see if the war comes up as a topic. I don't usually say anything with vehement anti-war people, especially when they're emotional and attacking Bush ad hominem. I mean, what's the point. I'm not going to have a critical discussion on the pros and cons of war, and I'll be accused as a Bush supporter, which I am so not. I'll probably just smile and nod, and walk away.

I was thinking about my pro-war stance on the way home last night. Having been an anti-government protestor since the age of 16, and having always felt apart from american society in general, it's kind of cool to think that I finally feel somewhat normal and a part of american society. Maybe I'm not such a freaky geek nerd girl after all.

A former peace activist changes his mind about the war on Iraq, Feature: Pacifist says 'I was wrong'.

There is so much bad karma in this talk about the war. People are saying the most awful things, and wishing death on people. Beware. All the spiritual people and futurists are saying that karma is speeding up now, so if you do and say bad things, you'll get it back instantly. And with karma, you get it back three times.

Check this article out about a professor from Columbia University, Columbia teacher calls for `a million Mogadishus;' referring to 1993 ambush of U.S. servicemen.

What a fool! I think this professor needs some serious therapy, because he obviously has a ton of repressed anger. And he's an academic as well. No matter what side you fall on about the war, what good does it do to wish people to die?

This professor just adds the fuel to fire that conservatives have been saying for years, that public education is all about indoctrination by the hostile left.

The other thing I'm start to hate is ad hominem attacks against Bush. People say they're against the war, but instead of offering rational arguments for why, they will launch into saying how much they hate Bush and don't trust him. I hear very few voices of the anti-war movement, especially the ones who call up and give their opinions on radio stations, that don't within 5 minutes launch into an ad hominem attack on Bush.

Introduction to Ad Hominem Fallacies
One of the most common non-rational appeals is an argumentum ad hominem--or, as the Latin phrase suggests, an "argument against the person" (and not against the ideas he or she is presenting). Our decisions should be based on a rational evaluation of the arguments with which we are presented, not on an emotional reaction to the person or persons making that argument. But because we often react more strongly to personalities than to the sometimes abstract and complex arguments they are making, ad hominem appeals are often very effective with someone who is not thinking critically.

Ad hominem fallacies take a number of different forms, though all share the fact that they attempt to re-focus attention, away from the argument made and onto the person making it.

Among the most frequent ad hominem appeals are attacks on:

personality, traits, or identity:
"Are you going to agree with what that racist pig is saying?"
"Of course she's in favor of affirmative action. What do you expect from a black woman?"
affiliation, profession, or situation:
"What's the point of asking students whether they support raising tuition? They're always against any increase."
"Oh yeah, prison reform sounds great--until you realize that the man proposing it is himself an ex-con."
inconsistent actions, statements, or beliefs:
"How can you follow a doctor's advice if she doesn't follow it herself?"
"Sure, he says that today, but yesterday he said just the opposite."
source or association for ideas or support:
"Don't vote for that new initiative--it was written by the insurance lobby!"
"You can't possibly accept the findings of that study on smoking--it was paid for by the tobacco industry."

The point is that each argument must be evaluated in its own right. Information or suspicions about vested interests, hidden agendas, predilections, or prejudices should, at most, make you more vigilant in your scrutiny of that argument--but they should not be allowed to influence its evaluation. Only in the case of opinions, expert and otherwise, where you must rely not on the argument or evidence being presented but on the judgment of someone else, may personal or background information be used to evaluate the ideas expressed. If, for example, a used car vendor tries to prove to you that the car in question is being offered at lower than the average or "blue book" price, you must ignore the fact that the vendor will profit from the sale, and evaluate the proof. If, on the other hand, that used car vendor says, "Trust me, this is a good deal," without further proofs or arguments, you are entitled to take into account the profit motive, the shady reputation of the profession, and anything else you deem to be relevant as a condition of "trust."

I am no Bush supporter, but I hate people arguing their case and making it personal. Conservatives did the same thing with Clinton, and I hated it then. The other side is doing it to Bush, and I still hate it. Where the heck is all this emotion coming from? Argue the points and don't make it personal, because then I just think you're not very intelligent and your argument is totally worthless.

Someone sent me this. This is funny in a sick way.

SECURITY NOTICE

We've just been notified by Security that there have been 6 suspected terrorists working out of your office. Five of the six have been apprehended. Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, Bin Goofin, Bin Lunchin and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody. Security advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of the 6th cell member, Bin Workin, at your office. Security is confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot. You are obviously not a suspect at this time.

A rocket lands near a shopping mall in Kuwait City, and reporter on the radio said there was an acrid smell, Large Explosion Rocks Kuwait City Mall. Scary!!!

You know people are just hiding with their gas masks on. What a strange attack. In the morning, which means very few people were probably there, and at Kuwait of all places.

More WMD stories from Iraq, and this one is from the venerable NY Times, Army Reports Iraq Is Moving Toxic Arms to Its Troops.

What will the french and the protestors say now? Still, I pray to God that this scenario never happens.

A mainstream news outlet, PBS, covered the story about the troops finding gas masks, nerve agent antidotes and chemica suits,War News Roundup - 3/26/2003.

Everyone has an agenda. The following appeared on Al Jazeera's website, Egyptian Economist: Economic Interests Guide the French, Germans, and Russians Toward Baghdad.

So maybe my prediction about the war lasting six weeks wasn't that far off. I just found out Gulf War 1 lasted 6 weeks.

That question that reporter asked Bush and Blair this morning about how long the war will last was so nonsensical. Who can predict how long the war will last? We can't even predict when it will rain, when there will be an earthquake, and after the dot com bomb on the stock markets, we certainly can't predict the profitability of companies or their stocks. Didn't the media brush common business sense aside and say that a company without profits was worth over $100 on Nasdaq?

Who can trust the mainstream media after the way they hyped dot com companies?

A fun link from space.com, The Greatest Myths, Hoaxes & Mysteries in Astronomy and Space Science.

According to this article, life is the greatest space mystery.

Life remains the greatest mystery of science. How did it start? Nobody knows. Does it exist elsewhere? Nobody knows. Now that astronomers have discovered planets orbiting other stars, the second question has taken on some added urgency, helping to spawn an entire new field called astrobiology. For now, astrobiologists are the only scientists I can think of who are more clueless than biologists, because they ask both of the biggest unanswered questions (the two above), whereas biologists mostly realize they have their hands full with the first one.

The following is a transcript of an interview I heard on NPR on March 11 about new military strategies in Iraq if Turkey refused to allow US troops access to its country, Analysis: Pentagon Considering Other Options For Attacking Northern Iraq If Turkey Refuses To Let U.S. Soldiers Deploy There. It's interesting to reread this interview in light of tonight's news of US soldiers parachuting into northern Iraq.

People have been asking about where I heard the rumor about the US dropping an e-bomb in Bagdad to knock out Iraqi TV. Here's the link, U.S. Drops 'E-Bomb' On Iraqi TV.

CBS news reported it first, but then the story seemed to be dropped from the media. Later reports said that the bomb that destroyed Iraqi TV was probably a tomahawk. The fact that Iraqi TV was able to come on the next day discredits the e-bomb report, because if it was an e-bomb Iraqi TV wouldn't have been able to rebroadcast so quickly. You would think that CBS news is a credible source, but it just goes to show you that you can't believe the mainstream news sources or the alternatives new sources.

The Vietnam war happened years ago, and we're still discovering what happened during that war.

I'm starting to hate the war coverage. I'm already bored by all the armchair quarterbacking going on by the military pundits and the media. It's worse than after a football or baseball game, and this is war people and not a sporting event.

People want instant results. It's a war for heaven's sake. The media sounds like a whining spoiled child: show me this, show me that, otherwise I'll hold my breath. The level of conversation about the war is like being back in junior high, or maybe it's the terrible two's. It's pathetic!

I heard one pundit say that the media totally misjudged Gulf War 1, and said it would take long and it didn't. The media definitely misjudged the war in Afghanistan, and said again it would take a long time and it didn't.

My best guess is the war last six weeks. I heard this prediction on the radio by a credible source, and I believe it. That freak Paul Harvey said something interesting today. He said there was a whole american batallion in Kuwait who aren't even engaged in the war yet, and they're just waiting around. Paul Harvey asked why. I'm wondering why too.

I heard Thomas Friedman of the NY Times being interviewed on the radio today, and he was asked about what he thought about the current american war strategy. Mr. Friedman as always answered the question in the most intelligent way. Friedman said he wasn't surprised, "Iraq has always been a black box militarily so we didn't know what to expect". DUH! I mean, isn't that why we had UN inspectors in Iraq in the first place, because we didn't know what kind of weapons they had.

This is why I respect Mr. Friedman. He doesn't jump to conclusions and he thinks about issues logically and analytically. He's a breath of fresh air from all the military pundits and journalists, who talk and tallk and don't seem to think about what all they're spouting about.

I received the following in an email. I'm not sure if it's one of those email hoaxes, but it seems like a good thing to start doing. Peace in our world, what a concept!

Dear Friends,

In W.W.II, there was an advisor to Churchill who organized a group of people who dropped what they were doing every day at a prescribed hour for one minute to collectively pray for the safety of
England, its people and peace.

There is now a group of people organizing the same thing here in America.

If you would like to participate, every evening at 9:00pm Eastern Time, 8:00 Central, 7:00 Mountain, 6:00 Pacific, stop whatever you are doing and spend one minute praying (meditating, visioning - whatever works for you) for the safety of the United States, its citizens, its men and women in the military, and for peace in the world.

If you know anyone else who would like to participate, please pass this along.

Now that I've lost enough weight to be able to fit into most of my skirts, I went to the mall last night to buy some pantyhose. Pantyhose is so expensive! Since I haven't worn a short skirt and hose in ages, I forgot how much the stuff costs. A pair of DKNY Ultra Sheer hose, the best hose for dressy short black outfits, costs $17.

I spent five minutes contemplating whether I really needed to spend $17 on a pair of pantyhose, but I rationalized the expense and told myself DKNY is the best and lasts a long time. I can't believe I used to have to wear pantyhose every day, and had to buy the stuff constantly.

I needed to buy four more pairs, but settled on only the brands that were on sale like Nine West or Calvin Klein. Even on sale the hose still cost about $5-6 per pair, but at least they were cheaper than the $17 DKNY pair.

Strangely enough, there were sale signs in every window of almost every store. It makes me think that retailers aren't doing that well, and are desperate to lure shoppers by having sales. I don't remember March being a big sales month. Desperate mall retailers is not a good sign.

Disturbing news from the New York Post about Iraqi soldiers found with gas masks and nerve agent antidotes on them, CAPTURED FOES FOUND WITH CHEM-WAR GEAR.

I'm trying to find articles on the e-bomb the US military used to knockout the Iraqi television station. The e-bomb is supposedly an electromagnetic pulse bomb, which shorts out everything than runs on electronics in its range. Remember that series on Fox called "Dark Angel"? In that show, the modern world was wiped out by an electromagnetic pulse. There was an e-bomb type device used in the new movie remake of "Oceans 11" with George Clooney and Brad Pitt. And in the movie "The Matrix", Morpheus said an electromagnetic pulse was the only thing that could kill those giant metal squids that were attacking the ship.

Interesting article from the The UK Sun Online how the biased the BBC's coverage of the war is, BBC's own man blasts his bosses over 'bias' . I always thought the BBC was very unbiased, but not according to this Sun reporter.

Here's an excerpt:

In one blast, he storms: “Who dreamed up the line that the coalition are achieving ‘small victories at a very high price?’

“The truth is exactly the opposite.

“The gains are huge and the costs still relatively low. This is real warfare, however one-sided, and losses are to be expected.”

This war on Iraq seems to be as much a war of words and propaganda as it is a war of military campaigns. The real time coverage of the war and the fractured reported is so weird. I'm not sure you can get a good picture of what's really going on with the war. All I can deduce from watching coverage is every reporter has a point of view and agenda, and that no one is objective.

I thought news was supposed to objective, but watching the war coverage by the american and foreign media it is obviously not. Even the BBC, which is supposedly famous for being the most objective media organization in the world, has an obvious anti-american bias.

And what's worse, the war coverage brings out the worse in the news reporting. The coverage has been on the bad news, the newsworthy stories, the sensationalist aspects of the war.

The truth of the war is out there somewhere, but it's definitely not coming from either the american or the foreign media. I am an intense lover of spin, but the spin on the war is just a bit too much for me.

I think this 24/7 war coverage will really make people take a second look at objective news coverage, and what that means or doesn't mean. My trust in both the american and foreign media diminishes daily.

So I know it's a bad time to go on vacation, but I'm leaving on a cruise on Saturday.

I made these plans back in January, when my friend and I thought we were going to laid off our jobs. We figured it was the only time we could afford to go on vacation before we both got laid off, so we booked. I was going to go and visit my mom sometime in April, but my aunt was visiting and staying in the house and there wasn't room for me.

As it turns out, we're both still working but now a war has broken out. Back in January, I had a feeling we might be at war by the time our cruise was underway, but my friend persuaded me that we would be safe on our cruise. I hope so.

The cruise is leaving from San Francisco, and sailing down to Cabo San Lucas. We'll stop in Monterey first, then Catalina Island off of LA, and then down to Cabo. It's my first cruise, and this one is going to last seven (7) days.

I'm excited but a little apprehensive about going, since we are at war. I'm hoping I'll be able to get away from all the depressing war news, but if there's a TV on the ship I know I"ll be watching it. Plus I'm sure I'll be having conversations with people on the boat.

It feels kind of awful to be going on vacation, while our there are pictures of US soldiers with execution gun shot wounds in their foreheads, and probably being tortured by the Iraqis. I bet some people in Berkeley are loving those videos and pictures of executed and frightened American soldiers, since they had a sign on a Berkeley freeway overpass last Thursday which said "We love you Sadam".

I have a feeling that all these anti-war protests are going to force people who are on the fence politically to make a choice, and go conservative. No data to support this, but it's just a feeling I get. People are already going that way, and extreme incidents like the anti-war protests just push many people over the edge. I'm sure this isn't the anti-war protests intent, but I believe it's what happening.

I also have a feeling that Bush will be reelected in 2004, much to the anti-war protestors chagrin, but they have themselves to blame for it if he does. And that will be ultimate irony I think of all of these anti-war protests. And I don't put it past evil John Ashcroft to roll out Patriot Act Phase II, or parts of it to crack down on the anti-war protestors. I'm sure all of these anti-war protests are making him very happy.

It's not the anti-war protestors are bad, beause they're not. They're just expressing their opinions. It's just that the violent ones are pissing people off, and worse, making businesses lose money. And if there's one single way to get the law to come down on people, it's to stop businesses, large and small, to stop making money.

If the anti-war protests really wanted to make Bush wake up and pay attention, they should have demonstrations in the heartland like in Nebraska, Texas or California's Central Valley or any other city that Bush has visited since he's been in office. He's never been to San Francisco, and he only went to NYC because of 9/11. Has he even been to Chicago? I doubt it.

The battle for American opinion has never been won on the coasts, but in the heartland. Look at where the most fierce presidential campaigning has taken place. Not on the coasts, but in the middle of the country, Michigan and Florida. There are so many more republican governors than democratic governors. That fact alone should tell you something.

Life imitates TV. There was a British science fiction series shown here a couple of years ago called "Survivors". The series was about a superflu that wiped the world's population, and followed the adventures of people from London and their plight to survive.

The opening sequence for the show showed a test tube being dropped, then an asian man sneezing, and then the man flying all over the world. From the asian man sneezing, the superflu spread all over the world and killed people.

Well, check this headline out from the SFGATE.com: Mystery illness traced to Hong Kong doctor Globalization has quickly spread disease -- 386 cases in 14 other countries.

Life imitating TV? The series was created by the great Terry Nation, who also created "Blakes 7", "The Avengers" , "Doctor Who", and of all things "MacGyver".

I'm watching the Oscars, although it seems so trivial because there's a war going on. I watch it more out of habit and history. Heck. When I was in London on vacation, my friend and I stayed up to watch the Oscars in our hotel room.

But does it really matter? What's so scary is how fascinating it is watch the live broadcasts of war battles because of the recent reality TV shows. However, this is real reality TV. Are we becoming like the ancient Romans? They watched those gladiator fights, but we're watching war live on CNN.

I try to only watch CNN by the way, only because while I was in Bali during Gulf War 1, it was the only show news program covering the war. I think it's what most of the world watches. Sadam Hussein is said to be an avid CNN watcher as well.

Another interesting link from the World Tribune website, Memorandum from Dennis Miller to anti-war protesters. I couldn't stand Dennis Miller as a Monday Night Football broadcaster, but this list is quite good.

From an Australian news website, BRITISH troops outside Basra have discovered cruise missiles and warheads hidden inside fortified bunkers as part of a massive arsenal abandoned by Saddam Hussein's disintegrating southern army.

Like all early news about about the war, who knows if this is true, but if it is, it makes the work of the UN weapons inspectors very suspect.

The Jerusalem Post as well is reporting that a chemical weapons plant was found in Iraq, but I'm not going to post a link until I see other news agencies confirming the report.

That grenade and shooting attack with the 101st Airborne unit is very shocking. Out of the 13 wounded, CNN is reporting that one person has already died. Supposedly an american soldier was involved, and I heard a military commentator on CNN or MSNBC say that this kind of thing used to happen all the time during the Vietnam War. The commentator said when he first heard of the incident, he thought it might be the work of a disgruntled soldier.

I can't help but think that some of the anger of the protestors is generated by their irrational hatred of George Bush. If a democrat was President like Al Gore or even Bill Clinton, I wonder if the protests would be as large. I wonder if Bill Clinton was leading us into a war with Iraq, would the conservative commentators be the ones demonstrating because of their irrational hatred of Bill Clinton. I don't remember people demonstrating when the US military into Bosnia and Kosovo, and we didn't have UN approval to do that.

I've been watching CNN all day. Nothing more depressing like all day and night war coverage, but I can't help myself. I feel like I need to keep up with what's going on with the war. I am so afraid of what will happen when our troops get to Bagdad. That is when the real fighting will start will fear.

I'm starting to hate the protestors. I can't help it, and I feel bad because I've been attending anti-government protests since I was 16 years old. They've become so violent, so angry, and the ones they interview of TV sound so darned arrogant. I wonder if they know that they're coming across in interviews as just spoiled babies who don't know what the heck they're doing, especially the young ones.

What makes me so angry is that they're protesting in San Francisco where the majority of the people agree with their position, and that their actions are just turning people off. The protestors said that they're protesting in San Francisco so shut down the economic war machine.

I was going through my old newspapers today, and I came across a SF Chronicle article from March 9 which said that "According to the new international survey of Cushman & Wakefield, the cost of occupying office space in San Francisco has now fallen to the level of Budapest and Helsinki." How's that for what commercial real estate costs in a thriving economic war machine city.

They only reason the protestors in San Francisco are as successful as they have been in shutting the city down is because the mayor agrees with them and SF is tolerant of protests. Maybe too tolerant. You don't see this sort of stuff happening in any other major city, but then I don't believe San Francisco is a major city any more, if it ever has been.

From that same 3/9/2003 article:

"I don't think San Francisco has ever been a place that attracted international companies." said Cushman & Wakefield's Joe Cook. "We're a top tourist destination, but in terms of world perception, San Francisco has always had a more of a local focus, compared to a city like New York".

I hear rumors that Sadam Hussein is dead. Why doesn't he speak? They just keep showing old tape. It's not his style to not talk from what I can tell. You know who's making money in the war? All the retired army people, war analysts and commentators. Those "talking heads" are raking in the media fees for their expertise on TV.

I pray every day for our troops. They weren't drafted, they volunteered for service and are just following orders. After 9/11, it really hit me hard when I watched the national memorial service for the victims, the one where Bush, Clinton and Carter attended, that our country was first and foremost a military power. When I watched the uniformed soldiers walk up aisle with the flags, I was reminded very intensely that America's power partly rested with our military. The image was further reinforced when I saw all the uniformed military commanders at the service.

When our country was attacked on 9/11, I felt so helpless and it was surprisingly and curiously very reassuring to me to know that our military was there, and that they would do everything in their power to protect our country and its people. I don't think I ever appreciated the military as much as I did then, nor did I realize how much the military had played a part in creating, forming, sustaining and protecting our country. So I keep our troops in my prayers, and I pray they return home to their family and loved ones as soon as possible.

I'm watching Aaron Brown on CNN, and he reminds me of Mr. Rogers. He's Mr. Rogers for adults who watch the news; his voice is so calm. He could reporting the worse kind of violent news, but since he sounds so calm and collected, anyone listening to him won't freak out very much.

Is this Aaron Brown's appeal?

I'm really bothered that the Iraqis are not putting up any resistance. Are they luring us to Bagdad like a trojan horse, and then they'll start attacking. I don't like this. I'm not a military strategist, but it all looks way to easy, like we're being set up either for an ambush or for the media to say "look how the imperialist americans have run over poor Iraq".

I heard on the radio that the perimeter around Bagdad is heavily fortified and boobytrapped. Maybe we could precision bomb the perimeter before going in, like that scene from the new James Bond movie where the bad guys laser out the land mines to South Korea.

Those antiwar protestors. SFGate reported that Molotov cocktail material found near wher the antiwar protestestor were meeting today. Once the protests start doing violent and destructive things, the police will have no choice but totally crack down. The violent ones are ruining it for the rest of the peaceful ones. I don't know why I care. It's such evil and bad karma on the part of the protestors, that if SFPD decides to try some Sadam Hussein tactics and go violent on the antiwar protestors then I say they deserve it. How dumb and stupid can you get. They say they're for peace, yet they use violence to get what they want.

And My silly mayor Willie Brown will take major heat for not cracking down sooner. They say San Francisco is ground zero for antiwar protests, and that's fine, but once things get violent and crazy, the city will have no choice but to respond and the final result will be the outlaw of protests in San Francisco for a long time. Just you watch!

Spooky! There are rumors on the Net and the radio that we could go to red alert. They're saying it means that we might not be able to go outside. No one knows what it means. When they announced the Rodney King verdict, SF went through a city-wide curfew. That was a pretty frightening experience. There was such an air of violence in the air.

More North and South Korea madness. South Korea went to its second highest alert in 7 years, and Japan is warning North Korea.

There are reports saying there are Mexican troops on our border, but no one knows why. There are also rumors about stuff happening at the Palos Verdes nuclear power plant in Arizona. And what's up with the French finding that poison ricin in their subway.

Rumors, rumors, rumors. All we need now is a terrorist attack in our country. If that ever happens, there will be more than night curfews to deal with.

From a story on Yahoo:

"While anti-war protesters shut down streets around Civic Center, Mayor Willie Brown said the Police Department will keep the streets open and the city will run "business as usual." He also said the protesters who shut down traffic were counterproductive.

"I've got to assume that these people are so misguided that they are actually aiding the enemy by doing what they are doing," Brown said. "Most of these people who are being arrested and have been arrested, probably more than 75 or 80 percent, are not San Franciscans. I just wish they'd stay in their own communities and protest rather than put the expense on us."

I wonder if we can get money from the protestors' communities to pay for the anti-war protests march. The San Francisco Unified School District said they might lay off 1,000 teachers. Wanna bet that number goes up now that the City has to pay for these anti-war protests? Wanna bet the City of San Francisco will start cutting more social services for the poor, needy and elderly and start laying off more people to pay for the anti-war protests?

Darn! The radio news is reporting that is costs the City of San Francisco half a million dollars a day to deal with the anti-war protests. Where is this money coming from as the City of San Francisco is strapped for cash?

Don't believe everything the media tells you about San Francisco. Many people who live in San Francisco support Bush's war on Iraq. We are a diverse people with many opinions! I so resent the media trying to stereotype those of us who live here. For heaven's sake, there were Bush/Cheney signs in windows in my neighbourhood during the 2000 election.

I used to think everyone in the 60's was a free-love hippie. That's the what media would have you believe. When I studied the history of the 60's, I discovered hippies were a small percentage of society but you'd never get that impression from the news report.

And yes, although I do support the president's war on Iraq, I just about despise everything else Bush is doing to our country.

I had just gotten into my car to drive to bible study class, when I turned on the radio and heard the end of Bush's speech saying that the war had started. It was so shocking. The news reports were saying that the war wouldn't start till tomorrow.

I thought about not going to class and staying hope to watch the war unfold on CNN, but I decided that I needed to act normally and go to class. When I got to church my pastor was visibly freaked out, and was thinking about cancelling class. Almost everyone showed up, so he changed his mind and we had class.

It was weird being in bible class, knowing that a war was going on, but it was also such a great distraction for my worried mind. Our bible discussions are so intense and lively, that I forgot for a couple of hours that my country was at war. A war that I cautiously support, although a big part of me knows that war is just plain wrong.

I pray for the US troops fighting this war, and hope against hope that they come safe and alive.

I don't know what's freaking me out more, the upcoming war on Iraq or:

1) the superflu bug that seems to be spreading around the globe. "The Stand" by Stephen King is one of my favorite books, and you bet I thought of the "Captain Tripps" virus when I read this headline;
2) the thought of retaliatory terrorists strikes by Al-Queda or Iraqi sleeper cells in the US;
3) Saddam Hussein launching chemical/biological weapons on US troops;
4) Saddam Hussein launching nuclear weapons against US troops;
5) Saddam Hussein attacking Israel;
6) Saddam Hussein launching chem/bio/nuclear weapons against US interests outside of Iraq;
7) Saddam Huseein launching chem/bio/nuclear weapons at the US;
8) the crazy North Koreans launching a pre-emptive strike against the US, while we're at war with Iraq;
9) watching the body bags of our troops come home on TV;
10) CNN showing all the civilian casualties in Iraq;
11) a repeat of what happened to the Japanese during WW2, but this time happening to anyone from Iraq or or arabic descent.
12) hate crimes against people of middle eastern descent.

I can go on and on, but I'm freaking myself out even more just to list my fears.

It's a crazy, crazy world and it's not going to get any better soon.

The following was sent via email to all members of my church on the upcoming war.

Subject: [PCUSANEWS] Church leaders issue pastoral letter on war

Note #7628 from PCUSA NEWS to PRESBYNEWS:

Church leaders issue pastoral letter on war
03142
March 19, 2003

Church leaders issue pastoral letter on war

Presbyterians urged to place their trust in Jesus Christ by Jerry L. Van Marter

LOUISVILLE - With a U.S.-led war against Iraq all but certain, three leaders of the Presbyterian Church (USA) have issued a pastoral letter to all Presbyterians, calling for prayer and fasting in support of all who will be in danger in the event of war.

The March 18 letter is signed by the General Assembly moderator, the Rev. Fahed Abu-Akel, the PC(USA)'s stated clerk, the Rev. Clifton Kirkpatrick, and John Detterick, executive director of the General Assembly Council.

It acknowledges that Presbyterians "represent many different views regarding the best response to the threats posed by Saddam Hussein," and urges members of the denomination "to remember that our ultimate security is in the One who says to us: 'Take courage, I have conquered the world' (John 16:33)."

The full text of the pastoral letter:

Dear Sisters and Brothers,

We write to you today with heavy hearts, believing that short of a miracle, the beginning of full-scale military action against Iraq is imminent. In his address Monday night, our President left little room for the fading hope that war could be avoided.

We know that as the specter of war hangs over us all, those for whom it is most painful are those who find themselves in imminent danger, including U.S. military personnel prepared for combat, Iraqi soldiers ordered into place to defend their country and the citizens of Iraq who will find themselves the unintended objects of destruction and death. We cannot help
but think, also, of all the families, churches, businesses, and other communities whose circles have been broken by the call to bear arms. Though we know all too well the real toll of every war, it is our fervent prayer that God will offer protection to all those who are placed in harm's way by decisions not of their own making.

As we are in the midst of Lent and looking toward Holy Week and Easter, we call upon you to join us in prayer and fasting for all these named above, and also for the leaders of our nation, the leaders of Iraq and of all the nations of the earth. We are praying especially for those leaders in whose hands lie both the implements of war and the instruments of peace. We dare
to hope that whatever military action there is will be brief and that when the destruction has ended, the community of nations will come together to bring restoration. We urge Presbyterians to be in the forefront of efforts to rebuild Iraq, to support the United Nations and to work for peace and justice in the Middle East.

We are a diverse church, called into life by the Triune God, who is known to us in Jesus Christ. We represent many different views regarding the best response to threats posed by Saddam Hussein. Yet we are one in our faith in Jesus Christ as both the source of our salvation and the ground of our security. We urge you to remember that our ultimate security is in the One
who says to us, "Take courage; I have conquered the world" (John 16:33).

We know that you will be gathering in many places in the weeks ahead to pray, to study, perhaps to grieve and to support one another. Please take advantage of the resources that are available to you on our church's web site, www.pcusa.org/iraq. Many of these have been prepared for such a time as this.

"And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:7)

In the love of Christ and the hope of His Resurrection,
Fahed Abu-Akel, Moderator
Clifton Kirkpatrick, Stated Clerk
John Detterick, Executive Director

People are talking about shutting down the city of San Francisco with protests and civil disobedience to stop the money war machine. San Francisco is is such an economic slump, and the city currently has the biggest glut of office space in last 20 years. San Francisco has already been economically damaged by the dot com bust, so it's not the ecnomic engine it used to be. San Francisco is in fact, an economic hell hole right now.

If protestors really wanted to shut down the economic war machine, they should shut down Washington DC and Pentagon City, or Wall Street in NYC, or the Chicago Board of Trade, and not my already economically ravaged city.

Personally, I think the anti-war protests and the shut down of the city will have the opposite effect. I think people will just get upset, and turn away from the anti-war protests. I'm listening to a representive from anti-war protest organizers, and he's totally pissing me off. He is such a jerk! Talk about whiny and not answering any directly any of the questions that people are asking him. He's worse than any slimy politicianm who won't answer a question directly. I can see the headlines now, downtown San Francisco workers getting into fights with anti-war protestors. Great!

Whatever. This is one of the few times I'm glad I don't work in the downtown Financial District of San Francisco.

I'm not sure what kind of paper The Guardian UK is, but a columnist had this to say about Tony Blair, Electrifying Blair goes into Churchill-Custer mode. Did I read this right? Tony Blair being compared to Winston Churchill?

News commentators here in the SF Bay Area are saying to check out Blair's speech to the House of Commons. It's supposed to be amazing, and they're predicting it will be studied for years as a great speech. Well done, Tony Blair!

Sorry, I'm just not all that chatty this week. I think all this talk of war is putting me into a bad mood. I support the president and our troops, but I'm starting to become frightened of all this talk of retaliation from Al-Queda and Iraq. I know most of it is talk and rhetoric, but still it's frightening.

And all these darn protests here, I don't know. Wouldn't it make more sense to protest in a city where people are more supportive of the war? Like how about NYC or DC or Dallas or Atlanta? It's a mystery. I just hope people support our troops, and don't treat them as badly as they did the Vietnam war vets.

Last night I went through my closet and threw out five shopping bags of clothing, and the whole process was so upsetting. I think I threw out $2,000 worth of clothes, and it freaks me out. It makes me feel like I've been misallocating my financial resources. I know that some of the clothes are being thrown out because I lost weight and the clothes don't fit anymore, but it still freaks me out. I feel like such a wasteful clotheshorse. I threw out 9 pairs of pants.

Some of the clothes I'm getting rid of are not my style anymore either. I threw out two pairs of wool shorts, that I used to wear in the winter time to work with a blazer and heels. I tried them on last night, and I felt so old fashioned. Do people still wear outfits like this? I know I wouldn't be caught dead in them anymore.

Some of the clothes being thrown out were just old and I was holding on to them for sentimental reasons. There were a couple of outfits I bought while on vacation, that I haven't worn since those vacations. You know, funky tropical clothes that look great on while you're on vacation, but look so touristy at home. I threw out belts, hats, and old scarves. I have belts that are now too big for me. What a trip!

I think I need to be more careful about my clothing purchases. I threw out clothes and a pair of shoes that I've never worn. I think I bought them on sale, but then never ever had an opportunity to wear them. It's so wasteful! I'm so wasteful!

And yes, can you tell I'm bummed about what I threw out last night? The only two good things that came out of this whole process is 1) I have more space in my closet and 2) charitable tax deductions.

I'm being so festive. I'm cooking up some corned beef and cabbage. Okay, yes I'm eating meat and I'm a semi-vegeterian, but I love corned beef! This is one of the few times of the year I'll eat the stuff. What's a St. Patrick's Day without corned beef and cabbage.

If I was more ambitious, I'd whip up a batch of irish soda bread, but I'm still watching my calories.

I live in a neighbourhood in San Francisco, which has three of the most popular irish bars in the city. The St. Patrick's Day partying started last night, and people were shouting and I could hear them singing drunken songs all night long. I'm sure it will worse tonight. The police usually close off a couple of blocks just to accomodate all the partiers.

I have to be in the office very early tomorrow for a meeting, so no partying for me. I'm staying home and watching "Children of Dune", and eating corned beef and cabbage.

Busy weekend it seems. Too busy and tired to blog anyway.

I went to my health practitioner in Berkeley, and I told him about my allergies and half colds I was getting. He said my immune system just needed tuning up, so he did that. He told me the reasons I didn't get full colds was because my constitution was so strong. I laughed and told him, I don't feel that way. Then he did some other things.

Listening to the news as I write this, and the radio news announcer just announced that Robin Cook, who I believe is the British Foreign Secretary has just resigned in protest over Tony Blair's position on the war in Iraq. Poor Tony Blair. I read an article over the weekend, which said that Tony Blair sincerely believes in what he's doing, and that he is willing to risk his career for his beliefs. I rather like him, and I feel bad for him. The article said that Tony Blair did an about-face in standing with the US instead of the EU. Tony Blair will sadly be probably booted out of office, but I don't think there's anyone strong enough to succeed him.

The world is getting crazier. Don't you feel it? I was in Bali on vacation when the first gulf war started, and didn't come home till the end of January. It was weird being out of the country at the time, but probably good too. The war seemed surreal and far away, like it wasn't really happening, even though most of the hotel guests sat glued to watching the war on CNN enfold.

I turn the TV on every morning as soon as I get up. I know soon one morning, I'm going to turn on the TV and the war will have begun. I do not look forward to that morning.

I just saw the movie "The Pianist". I am so freaked out. Afterwards, I went to a mall to try to ground myself back into the current time period. I even looked at shoes, at my beloved Dansko Jade shoes, but I was too emotional to try them on.

I think I'm even more disturbed than when I saw "Schindler's List", because I saw Schindler's back to back with the movie "The Piano". I went from one emotional state with "The Piano", and into a completely different emotional state with Schindler's. Most of the time during Schindler's you could hear people crying. Someone was crying the whole time during "The Pianist".

I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I think I was too horrified. Adrien Brody gave such subtle performance and Roman Polanski is a genius. I didn't know "The Pianist" was based on a true story. The real pianist lived in Warsaw till his death in 2000. He was eighty eight years old, and had written the story of his life.

Polanski does not paint his characters with black and white strokes. There was so much ambiguity in the movie. There were good jews, bad jews, good germans, bad germans, good poles and bad poles. I mean, he could have. He the director after all, but he didn't.

I am amazed by the will of the human spirit to live on, despite such hardships. I am amazed by how evil people can be, how cruel and how utterly horrifying their actions are sometimes. And what's truly amazing is that people can live on after expreriecing such terrible things, almost as if nothing has happened. The human will to survive to go is so strong, despite all our attempts to kill it.

The tears come now, after I've written all of this. Maybe writing helps me release the emotions that built up as I watched "The Pianist". I feel a need to read this man's story, although it will be a very heart wrenching thing to do. Did music keep him alive? How did he survive into another century, and not go insane?

My own concerns seem so petty to me now. My need for material things seem so blasphemous even, after having watched people scrounge for food and their very survival for 2.5 hours.

Will this movie win "Best Picture" on Oscar night? I don't know. It's such a subtle movie. Roman Polanski's set and depiction of the events in Warsaw during World War 2 was meticulous. I believ Polanski survived the Warsaw Ghetto as a child, and I'm sure this added to the authenticity of the movie.

"The Pianist" won the best picture prize at the Cannes Film Festival, but I think this movie may be too subtle for Hollywood. And Polanski's misdeeds with 13 year old girls doesn't endear him to many people. "The Pianist" is an incredible piece of filmmaking, but perhaps a friend is right. She said that the country is in such an emotional mood right now, that "The Pianist might be too much". She thinks that "Chicago will win best picture because people want escapist movies right now.

She says our current reality of an upcoming war, terrorists scares and our 9/11 post traumatic stress disorder is just too much to deal with, and that "Chicago" is the only light hearted film that lets the moviegoer escape from the real world. She may be right. Too bad. I think in any other year, "The Pianist" and any of the other movies nominated might have won.

I think I'm going to be freaked out all weekend. But it's okay. A great movie does that you sometimes.

This is so not good. They are laying off teachers everywhere in the San Francisco Bay Area. I was listening to the radio yesterday afternoon, and teachers were calling in and saying that layoffs were happening in Oakland, San Jose and Gilroy. There was an article on SFGATE.com today, which said that teachers in San Francisco will also be laid off.

I hate those California Teachers Association radio commercials. I don't hate the message, I just hate the speaker's voice beacuse he sounds whiny and militant. The commercials say "there's an education recession", but what they don't say is everyone is suffering with this bad economy. The union makes it sound like teachers are being singled out, and that's just not true. Everyone is financially hurting.

I'm torn because I know the state has to make budget cuts. The money has to come from somewhere, and I think I would rather have it come from education rathen than from social services. Children at least have parents, one hopes, to take care of them. But what about the people who can't take care of themselves like the mentally challenged (mentally ill) and the physically challenged (disabled)? They have to taken care of by the state. Part of me still blames San Francisco's homeless isssues on the closure of social service facilities in the 1980's. I wasn't living in the area back then, but I know the history. The people affected by the closures had no where to live, but the streets.

But I do feel sorry for the teachers getting laid off. Things in this world are so stressful right now, and I think I'm being stressed out by all of it. On the one hand, the news says that things aren't that bad, and the other hand they keep reporting about layoffs, new homes standing empty, and people being out of work for a very long time. It's so bipoloar. The facts that the news people are reporting just don't add up to the their stories about the economy being not that bad.

It's so confusing!

I had my Wednesday night bible class tonight, and of course there was some discussion about the war for Iraq. The pastor of my church, as is right I think, is definitely anti-war. One man in class who is a war veteran is for the war, as is this lawyer whom I totally respect and admire. The lawyer guys argued very persuasively that the war on Iraq is "just war", and like a lawyer he had several bible verses to back his argument up.

The pastor of my church admitted that Iraq may very well have weapons of mass destruction and that Hussein is a bad man, but he is against all forms of war because he said "violence begets violence". He agreed that Hussein needs to be disarmed, but that the US was going about in the wrong way.

After class I just had to ask him if he was against all wars, and would he be protesting against the war to free the slaves and end slavery. The pastor said he would be. He then told me that what we all needed to think about was, would we be willing to die for our ideas like Jesus. His question made me wonder if I would be willing to die for my country. I think I would, but I think my background has much to do with decision.

First, I have family members who have died as war veterans, and military service to country is a strong tradition in my family. Secondly, I was born and grew up in Hawaii, a state whose identity is so tied into the bombing of Pearl Harbour, that I was taught from Day 1 that patriotism is everything. Veteran's Day is a big deal in Hawaii, and all the islands have a visible military presence. In high school, we studied World War 2 zealously, and we had presentations in school by people who had experienced World War 2. The internment of Japanese people in camps was a big subject, and former camp members came to class to talk about their experience.

The pastor said something interesting at the end. He told me that he hoped he'd be willing to die for what he believed, but that you never know what you're going to do until you're faced with the decision. I think he's right.

I recently bought a new pair of glasses, which cost me over $300 including a custom built sun clip and coatings, and they don't fit. In fact, they hurt. It's so frustrating because I've had to go to the optometrists office three times now, and they still can't get it adjusted. I hate this! $300 is alot of money to pay for a pair of glasses that hurts my right ears.

And one of the adjusters there was so rude to me. She's young and doesn't seem to know what she's doing, and every time she's worked on my glasses, she sighs and acts like I'm the biggest pain in the butt. And I feel like telling her, "look, it's not my fault you don't know what the hell you're doing, but I just spent over $300 on a pair of glasses and I expect to be treated at least civily".

I've been trying to adjust the glasses myself, and I'm totally wrecking my glasses, but they really hurt my right ear. After I've been wearing them for an hour, my right ear starts to burn and hurt. I didn't want to go back to the optometrist's office to get my glasses adjusted again for the fourth time, but I'm going to have to. And I should do, just to make the stupid young chick mad. I'm going to keep on going back there, even though I can only get there on Saturday because the office is in downtown San Francisco, until they fix it.

And if they can't fix it, I'm going to ask for a refund or a new pair of glasses. I've never done that before, but I'm so frustrated right now. I'm sure the eyeglass adjuster is going to make a comment about how I've wrecked my glasses, but I don't care. I'm just going to say that I tried to fix it myself, since after three adjustments your office couldn't do it.

Wow! I just hate paying what is alot of money for me, $300+ , for something that makes my ear hurt and rude treatment from hired help. This is the first time I've ever had this kind of rotten experience from my optometrist, and this is the third pair of glasses in 6 years that I've bought from them.

I think it's just the glasses. I told the woman who sold them to me that I had concerns about the glasses fitting my wide head. She told me, "don't worry, we can adjust it." I'm like "yeah right".

What a pain! I have to rearrange my whole Saturday around getting my eyeglasses adjusted, with the possibility that the rude young girl who works will have to wait on me. I hate this! I so hate this!

Sometimes, I feel like this is the story of my life. I know it's not, but it sure feels like it right now.

I was so industrious tonight. I altered a pair of Calvin Klein shorts to fit my now smaller body. I was going to take them to my dry cleaners for alteration, but I decided to try it myself. It took me about 3 hours, but it's done and it doesn't look that bad. I'm so pleased with myself. All those years of sewing classes my mother sent me too may have come in handy after all.

I have two more pairs of CK shorts to alter, and I'll probably finish them up this weekend. It's not that I can't afford to buy new shorts, it's just that these shorts are only two - three years old and they don't make shorts in this style anymore. I'm only altering clothes that I totally love and cannot replace.

I'm definitely getting a pair of pants and my capris altered as well. If the person does a good job, I'll let her tackle my wool and linen pants.

A friend who lost 50 pounds threw out all her old fattie clothes, and is slowly rebuilding her wardrobe.
I'm throwing out many of my formerly fat clothes but not all. Clothes older than two years old are thrown out, unless it's "love" item. Clothes costing more than $70 are kept only if they can be altered. Clothes with broken anything or impossible to remove stains are also tossed. Clothes that

Mostly it's my pants and shorts that are grossly oversized now, but not my tops. I did notice my favorite gray silk shirt was hanging on me over the weekend, but it wasn't that bad. The only tops I'm getting rid are the extra large sweaters, and some of the tops. I'm consistently fitting into a medium size top now, so my larges are starting look less then spectacular. Stil, they're not too bad and I can probably keep wearing them until I throw them out.

From a 3/11/2003 article on SFGATE on the anniversary of NASDAQ's all time high,

"The past three years have seen the Nasdaq lose more than 70 percent of its value and more than $4 trillion in investor wealth, closing Monday at 1,278.37."

Where did all this money go? Granted it was all paper wealth, but what about people whose retirement plans were invested in this $4 trillion that has now disappeared? And what about companies who invest some of their capital in the stock market?

So like how many times has Sharon Stone been married? She's now married to Phil Bronstein, the editor of The San Francisco Chronicle. But according to the KGO News director Greg Tantum in an interview, he used to be married to Sharon Stone. Does Sharon Stone have a thing for news guys?

I'm feeling so poorly these days that I only have the energy for the small decisions in life like whether I need to buy these shoes, Dansko Jade. Now that I've lost a bunch of weight, I can once again fit into all my skirts. Unfortunately, I now need comfortable shoes to wear with my skirts. Ever since I had the heel pain, plantar fasciitis, in both feet no less I can only wear very comfortable well built shoes. Acupuncture cured my plantar fasciitis and I don't have the heel pains anymore, but I'm afraid of it coming back. I won't go back to wearing normal heels, and I refuse to wear comfortable but ugly flat old lady shoes.

European shoes are so comfortable, and stylish as well, even though they're painfully expensive at over $100 per pair. I now own Danskos, swedish Born, german Theresia, and ECCO shoes. I'd wear american shoes if they were built better. I love Dansko shoes. There are so comfortable and so stylish, plus you can get them in heel heights of two inches which make the shoes look so mod and trendy.

Does this mean you're shallow as heck when your most pressing decision in life is trying to decide whether to buy a pair of $100+ european shoes?

But check the shoe out. Isn't it cute? Don't you think it would so cute with long skirts as well as thigh high skirts with black opaque tights? I could wear them and walk around and be so comfortable.

I decided not to go to my church retreate this weekend. I was really looking forward to attending this year, but the topic for the retreat was something like "Globalization in World: A Christian Perspective", or something like that. There's been two anti-globalization seminars at church, and I didn't know if I could sit through a weekend of anti-globalization rhetoric.

I feel so bad about not wanting to go on the retreat, but I hate the topic. It's kind of typical of my church though, because after all the church is in San Francisco and I wonder how many other churches have a "Peace and Justice Committee". I am very pro-globalization. I love that the world is coming together, being connected, becoming one. I think whether you agree with globalization or not, it's already happening.

Part of the church retreat weekend was discussion of how the different religions respond to the globalization and the influence of western modern, and modern is American culture. Islamic countries fear the influence of the West, and one could argue that terrorism is a response to the invasion of American culture.

Plus, I am cautious supporter of the President's war on Iraq. My life is stressed out enough right now, and why would I want to add to the stress by a spending the weekend having to talk about the war. I think my church is 50% for the war and 50% against, so it's not like I wouldn't find people who won't support my position, but the anti-war people are so vocal and emotional about the war.

And we stopped praying for the troops in the middle east, despite the fact that several members now have children or relatives stationed there. It's so bad karma! I mean didn't Christ say "love your neighbor as you love yourself and do unto others as you have them do unto you". That's karma, which says for every action there is an reaction or as you sow, so shall you reap. So bad karma is when you treat someone in a way you wouldn't treat yourself, only karma says there will be reaction whereas christianity says "leave it to God's justice." To me it's all the same, because karma just says there will be a reaction to any action and assumes that God will decide the reaction.

I just know if I went to the church retreat, I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing my views for fear of being shunned. It's not that the church people are bad or anything, but the Iraq issue is so emotional for some people. I never understood the republican irrational hatred of Clinton, but there's an irrational hatred of everything Bush among some of my church members.

It's too bad, but maybe all for the better. I made an appointment to see that health practitioner in Berkeley on Saturday, whom I saw last year. He really helped me with some of my health issues, and I'm hoping to ask him what I need to do so I can stop getting colds and allergies.

Then on Sunday morning, I'm going to a preview event for the new Asian Art Museum. I became a member last year, and I'm really looking forward to viewing the location before it opens to the general public. The museum has more space now, and it will be displaying objects that have never been on display before. So exciting! I just love asian art!

Sorry about not blogging. I've been under the weather lately. I don't know if it's my allergies or if I'm fighting this flu that's going around. I sneeze lots and walk around with a stuffy nose, and then blow my nose lots. IT'S AWFUL!

My favourite sports tournament, March Madness, is starting and I'm so not in the mood for it. This is not good!

Did Bush's press conference change the anti-war minds of the SF Bay Area? KGO Radio did a poll on their morning news show, and surprisingly the people who agreed with President Bush were closer to those of the rest of the nation. Is this real or were those Republican Freepers calling way too much and messing up the radio poll results?

Here's an interesting theory on why time seems to go faster as you get older, Time of our lives is going faster, ever faster.

I went to the Lenten church class on confessions, and what a trip! A man who used to be an ex-catholic monk/brother taught the class. I've seen the man before in service on Sundays, and he also attends the Wednesday night prayer service I go to before my kerygma class.

Check this out. This man was a monk brother for 25 years, used to be the principal of a catholic high school, and still gets up at 4 am every morning to pray. He says it's out of habit. The man has apparently left the catholic church, and is exploring joining my presbyterian church. I don't think he's officially joined yet, because he said he was still in the process of leaving the church. He laughed when he told us this, and said it wasn't because of a sexual abuse scandal or anything like that, and that everything was okay with his leaving the catholic church. In my mind I was thinking, "really? they'd let you go that easily?"

I mean, what a trip, to be a brother monk for 25 years and then leaving the catholic church to come my very mainstream protestant church. I am dying to ask him why he left, but I can't. It's too rude and private. But my mind is full of questions!

He's also a very good lecturer. Tonight's session was on the early history of confession in the christian church. The man definitely knows his early church history backwards and forwards. He's supposed to teach next week's class which is on the modern history of confession. I already have plans to meet a friend, and I'm disappointed I'll miss his class. He's only teaching two classes, because he teaches another class on Thursday nights. He got someone to sub for him, because he really wanted to lead the first two classes on confession. No one else in our church is probably qualified to teach the history of confession, except this ex-catholic brother monk person.

I bet in next week's class, more of this ex-monk's history will come out. Man, I am dying to know his story and to ask him questions. I can just tell from the way the man led class tonight, that he is totally and utterly spiritual and has like the biggest heart of a gold. He comes across as such a gentle soul, and really forgiving. I bet he made a great brother monk person in the catholic church.

I am do so dying to know the story of why he left. He did speak very fondly about the reformed tradition, and what a great tradition it is. Did he leave over theology? What sparked him to leave the catholic church? The whole thing boggles my mind, and my imagination is running over time.

What's interesting personally as well, is how did he find my church? What makes my church so special that this ex-catholic brother monk would consider joining us? I mean, it's not like we're the only presbyterian church in town. We're not even the biggest; we're medium sized to small.

So many questions, and I'll never get them all answered. Still, I'm happy this man has perhaps found a home in my church. It makes me happy that he feels at home where I worship.

This is how crazy gas prices are getting here in the San Francisco Bay Area. On February 20, I picked up gas at Costco at $1.76/gallon. Today March 5, about 13 days later, gas at the same station is now $1.96.

The price of gas rose $0.20 in 13 days. It's crazy! I decided that if I start paying $180 for gas every month, which is about $5/gallon, I will take the bus to work. If I add up the price of gas and my hourly rate at work, it will be cheaper to take the bus even though the trip adds 2 hours to my commute time every day.

At the rate the gas prices are going, it might not be long till it reaches $5/gallon.

For Lent, I decided to give up chocolate chip cookies. I've been on a chocolate chip cookie binge since December. I fit them into my calorie count for the day, but I'm just totally addicted to eating two freshly baked chocolate chip cookies every night. It's very strange. I've tried to wean myself off the cookies, but I can't. There's just something about eating freshly baked chocolate chip cookies that is just so heavenly to me.

If I can give up chocolate chip cookies for the six weeks of Lent, maybe the addiction will stop. I rearrange my daily eating so I can fit in the chocolate chip cookies into my calorie total. How serious is that!

I baked what was left of the package of Nestle Toll House premade cookies in my fridge last night, and ate a dozen cookies. Horrible isn't it? I stepped on the scale this morning, and gained a whole pound from my binge.

I wonder if I'll be like a friend of mine who gave up drinking for Lent, and at 12:01 am on Easter morning popped open a bottle of champagne to celebrate. Does this mean on the morning at 12:01 am on Easter morning April 20, I'll have baked a whole package of Nestle Toll House cookies and have a chocolate chip cookie feast? I can't wait!

I'm already missing my cookies. I think I'll be cranky wanky till Easter! Yikes!

There was an owl hooting outside my bathroom window this morning. The owl was so loud! Usually I hear crows cawing and it makes me happy because crows are my favorite birds, but this morning it was a noisy owl.

I looked up "owl" in my animal totem book, and the book said owls are messengers. When I was brushing my teeth, I came up a great idea to open my screenplay. The second draft opening of my screenplay has my baseball player dude guy getting into a tax in front of Pac Bell Park, and we see the taxi taking him from the high rise luxury of downtown San Francisco and the South of Market to the lower to middle class neighbourhood of the Outer Sunset. I wanted to show the difference between my baseball player dude's professional world and his family's world. Plus, I thought it would be so cool to have the opening credits rolling over scenic shots of San Francisco.

Originally, I had a voiceover as my opening scene. I love voiceovers in movies. So what if it's overdone and overplayed, it's a tried and true Hollywood storytelling device. American Beauty had a Kevin Spacey doing a voice over, and The Quiet American has Michael Caine doing a nice voiceover. A voiceover sets the mood and tone for the movie, gives you background information, and tells you right off what the main character is thinking.

My screenwriting teacher suggested that I take it out, saying that voiceovers were so overdone. Well, they're overdone because they work. Reluctantly I agreed, but only because I didn't want to fight with her on my opening scene.

I love how the movie "About Schmidt" opened. We see Jack Nicholson's character sitting in his empty highrise office, with all his stuff boxed up, and just waiting for the clock to get to 5 pm. It's a great metaphor for Nicholson's character thinking that life will begin again for him after retirement. The movie then goes on expose the lie of Nicholson's view.

This is my new idea for the opening for my movie. I’ll have the baseball player dude talk to the cab driver. Like maybe the cab driver recognizes him and says he was a famous local player. And then at the end of the conversation, the cab driver says something like the more things change, the more things stay the same” or something like the “the sunset never changes – it’s stuck in a time warp”.

The conversation with the cab driver will give the audience background on the player, and the last line once I figure it out, will set the tone for the movie. I think I like the cab driver guy saying "them frenchies think the more things change, the more they stay the same. Maybe they've got a point. The Sunset hasn't changed since you left it".

The rest of my movie will then explore whether the cab driver was right. Does your relationship with your parents change after you've left home and made a name for yourself? Or do you get stuck in a time warp once you enter your parents' house, and you replay over and over again the same fights you had with them as a child, only now you're an adult. And, if you take the question out wider can you escape your past, your roots, your socializations, can you forge a new life and identity for yourself once you leave home, or are you bound to end up like your parents no matter how hard you try. I mean, ending up like your parents is fine if they're great parents, but what if you had totally dysfunctional parents? Are you doomed to be as dysfunctional as your parents?

How Nathaniel Hawthorne huh? How biblical! The theme of the sins of the parents being passed down to the children from generation to generation. And will there be a "christ figure" in my screenplay, who will stop the cycle of sin and destruction, and lead the baseball player dude to redemption and a new life?

How Easter and Lenten of me. Well it is Fat Tuesday and Mardi Gras, the last call" before the expected reflection and abstinence of the Christian Lenten season.

It's interesting listening to the reasons why potential marriage partners on "Married by America" are being rejected the friends and family of the participants. I've heard some of these reasons before from boyfriends who broke up with me.

Some boyfriends have told me that I was too into my "career" and had too many outside interests like writing, and that they were afraid I would always be second in their life. They were right about this one, and I've had to really look at this one honestly.

Some boyfriends have said that I was too much into personal transformation and always changing, and that they were afraid that one day I would change so much that I would leave them. These guys were obviously too insecure to be with me. I'm very independent and into personal and spiritual growth, and some guys aren't into women with these traits.

A couple of guys said that they thought I might be smarter than they were, and they didn't know if they could be with someone who was smarter than they were. I never had guys say this to me, and although I was extremely flattered it freaked me out at the same time. I've decided that I could never be with someone who I didn't think was smarter than me. It would just be too strange and awful. I like guys who are very intelligent, and quick on the uptake. I dumped a guy once when he told me my conversations were too deep for him. It was hard to do, because frankly the man was playgirl gorgeous but talk about "dumb blonde". I just couldn't handle it, and when he got whiny that was it.

I'm bad. I'm watching "Married by America, but I can't help it. I'm finally doing my taxes, and I have the TV on as background. The show is so funny. They asked a group of the suitor guys about sexual appetite, and one guy just blurted out "that he's hungry, like he's at an all you can eat buffet". And the next guy afterwards said that he was "hungry too, and would do things like tear the wife's clothes off at the door." These guys are so funny! Cute as heck too.

I like the fact that they have roommates, friends, and or family choosing the person these people are supposed to marry. I mean, your friends and family should have your best interests at heart right?

I went to a screenplay reading by a friend from myscreenwriting class on Saturday. My friend worked really hard on his screenplay, and I know rewrote the thing 3 or 4 times and even went to two scene by scene intensive classes. But sadly, the new reworked screenplay from what I could tell wasn't that much different from the first draft I read.

I don't know. I'm freaked. I knew my friend had been really very hard on his screenplay, so I guess I expected to see a really improved verison. Instead it was more of the same. I know the written second draft of my screenplay is radically different from the first version, so I guess I expected the same thing to happen to my friend.

It must be such a bummer to have worked that hard, and still not have it your writing be any better. I think of how much work I've put into my screenplay. I write about 10 outlines before I even start writing, because it's so hard to get the plot just right. If I count the outlines I've written, which take 1-3 hours to write each, I'm on something like draft # 20. That's a heck of a lot of drafts.

I'm starting to freak out again about the strange concept called "talent". Do I have it? Does it matter? Everyone all my life who has read anything I've ever written said I have some talent, bad grammar but some talent. Like what does "some talent" mean? And when do you start admitting to yourself that you just don't have what it takes to make it, and that maybe writing is in the genes.

Like take weight. I'm never going to be model thin ever. I don't have the genes for that. I have the kind of genes where keeping my weight at a healthy level is always going to be a struggle.. I'm always going to have to be disciplined about what I eat and how much I exercise, but I have two sisters who don't watch what they eat and don't exercise and have never been above a size 4. Like what's up with that?

My poor screenwriting friend. I received an email from him this morning thanking everybody for attending the reading. He admitted he was disappointed, because he honestly thought he had a finished product. I can't believe he thought he had a finished product, and I have to wonder about the people in screenwriting group who may have told him he had a good product. Like what is up what the people in the screenwriting group? It makes me wonder if having other people read you work is even worth it.

Stephen King in his book "On Writing", that you should just have a few trusted friends read your work and that writing classes and workshops aren't really that useful. Is he right? I trust my long time writing group, but I don't know if I trust anyone else except my screenwriting and acting teacher to read my work.

Writing is such a mystery. You'd think it would be easy. but it's not. Talent is so subjective and fickle. I'm starting to wonder if it's really all worth it.

I was going through my papers, when I found a bone density report I had done at a health fair. My mom has osteoperosis, and broke her hip falling out of a chair a few years ago. The whole incident freaked me out, so when I saw the booth at the health fair offering bone density screenings I went for it.

For the bone density test, I lay down and went through a machine and had a dexa test. The test scans your body and measure your bones, as well as your body mass and your percentage of body fat. The report recommends what your weight and body fat should be, and then how many calories to eat to lose weight without losing your lean mass, and how many calories to eat to preserve your weight.

What's interesting is that the report recommends that my body weight should be 149.9 pounds or 27% body fat, and this is the weight I've been plateauing on for the last 6 weeks. According to my bone density report, I'm at the perfect weight.

The report also show what my body fat percentage will be at different weight. My goal weight was to weigh 130 pounds, but at that weight my body fat percentage will be 17%. All the health guidlines I've read say that a female should not go below 18% body fat, because there might be serious health consequences.

So now I'm like thinking, my weight plateauing because 149 pounds is comfortable for my body, and if I want to weigh less I'm going to have to fight my body. But I really want to lose more weight, because my tummy is still fat and I still have fat on my hips and thighs. Am if fighting nature at this point and is it worth it?

To have a 20% body fat percentage, I would need to weigh 136.8 pounds. I would need to lose 12 more pounds to have a boy fat percentage of 20%. The minimum body fat percentage I should have is 18%, which means I'd have to weigh 134 pounds. So my new weight goal is 134 pounds, which means I now need to lose 15 pounds. I don't know if trying to get to an 18% body fat percentage is going to work for me, but I'm curious to know what I would look like at that weight.

The bone density report recommended that I eat 1313 calories per day to lose weight. Anything less than amount will cause me to go into starvation, or so says the report. The figure is based on my lean body mass of 109.5 pounds multiplied by 12.0 So my new calorie average total until I lose the weight is 1313. I've never had a weekly calorie average that low before, and I'm not even sure if I can do it.

Rock star guy was very complimentary on my weight loss and new look, but then spoiled it for me by saying my jeans were too loose, and couldn't I buy tighter jeans. Men! I know rock star guy meant well, and probably just likes the look of a girl in a skin tight pair of jeans. I told him the jeans fit my hips, but were just loose on the thighs. Rock star smiled and said "thin thighs were a good thing." And I'm like "whatever".