All the astrologists are saying that we've been going through a Mercury retrograde since the beginning of the year. A Mercury retrograde brings back people and issues from your past into your present life. So of course this week, I get contacted by two of my ex's.

1. The ex-husband sends me a newspaper clipping of himself interviewed in his local paper. The ex-hubbie, who I know will one day end up in Fortune Magazine, Time or some other glossly weekly rag, as a successful internet entrepreneur. He's about to hire his first employee for his internet shop. The ex-hubbymeister was such a slacker boy, that it's surprising he's the head of his own successful business. He even told me his business plan, and I was shocked by how well thought out it was.

I loved what he told the reporter about himself: "graduated from an elite jesuit high school". He went to Bellarmine in San Jose. But, he forgot to mention that he went to UC Santa Barbara, or UC Isla Vista as he called it, for a year, then transferred up to Cal Berkeley. At Cal Berkeley, he was accepted into the School of Music, he's got an incredible voice and perfect pitch to boot, and was double majoring in music and philosophy, before dropping out a semester before he graduated.

2. The lying and cheating ex-boyfriend from 1995 called me to invite me out to some event he was emceeing, and wouldn't it great if we could see each other. Here's a guy who told me on the corner of Divisadero and Geary one night that "he thought I was the one, but he couldn't give up his bachelor ways", and I'm like, "whatever".

I am so mean to him, and he keeps calling. He called me two years after we broke up and said to me, "I've been thinking about you every day since we broke up", and I replied, "Really? I haven't thought about you at all". Isn't that so mean? But still, the freak of nature calls. Like I'm going to forget the reason we broke up in the first place was because he couldn't keep his johnson in line. He cheated on me, and we were just dating. Memo to ex-boyfriend; if you can't be faithful while dating, you're probably not going to be faithful in a longer term relationship and definitely not in marriage. I think he calls because he's a Taurus, he's stubborn and he won't let go, and I'm like "whatever".