The stock market indexes are so low right now. The Dow is below 8,000. And the Nasdaq is at 1200+. I still remember back in early 2000, when the Nasdaq was at 5,000. This is so not good for the economy, the country and anyone's pocket book right now.

Bad news at work today. Our VP of operations, who was in charge of our west coast office and my boss, went on an extended leave of absence. His wife died tragically of breast cancer, and the poor man needs time to grieve. The move was sudden and unexpected, and our whole office is like really wigging out. What does this mean for our office? I called my ex-boss, and he said I will probably report back to him in our VP's absence.

I hate unstable work situations, not that this job has been very stable, but today's news is the worst. I don't blame my VP. He needs time to grieve, and he was getting very depressed since the death of his wife. But still.

I've spent all morning, reevaluating my expenses. I'm preparing for a worst case scenario, which is they hire someone new and he starts reorging the whole office. The one good thing about my new eating plan is I don't spend very much money on food, drinking or eating out anymore. Those kinds of expenses are already at a minimum, and since I plan to eat this way till the end of January, I don't have to face a cut in food expenses.

I've decided to stop buying clothes, which I was thinking about anyway, until I'm at the weight where I want to be. I love buying clothes and jewelry, and it is quite an expensive habit since I have very expensive tastes. This will save me at least $200 a month. I just don't know how people can wear the same thing month and month out, but I guess I'll find out. Since I'm losing weight, some of my other clothes are starting to fit again, so in a sense it's sort of like having new things to wear.

I've decided to not spend money on any concerts and other entertainment events for awhile, but will still attend movies. Movies are so much cheaper than Broadway type plays anyway, plus there's always a bargain matinee.

I've got to put more money away into my savings and pay off more debt, so I'm in a better financial position if I do get laid off and have to go on unemployment. If worse comes to worse, I have my IRA and a long term savings account I can tap into. But I'll only do that as a last resort. One of these days, I'll need money to retire, and one of these days I'll have enough money for a down payment on a place. My retirement and long term savings account are definitely only a last resort option.

If the economy weren't so bad, I wouldn't be worried. It's never taken me that long to get a job in the past. But not now. I know people who have been unemployed since last year, and they still haven't found a job. It's a tough job market out there. I think it's going to get better by the end of the year, but the end of the year seems like such a long way away.

In my bible study class tonight my minister called me a "post modernist" thinker, after I told him that I though a person's interpretation of the bible can change depending on where they are in their life. I had to look up a definition of post modernist thinking on Google, since I hadn't heard that phrase in a long time and didn't quite remember what it meant.

When I looked up definitions for post-modernism, I realized he was right about me. I do believe that beliefs needs to be understood in context. You have to know the history of the belief, because we don't experience life in a vacuum. It's six degrees of Star Wars. Remember when Obiwan Kanobi tells Luke that your understanding depends on your point of view, so he could say from a certain point of view that Darth Vader killed Anakin Skywalker. It all comes back to Star Wars.

But I think I've been a situationalist since I was a kid. I remember sometime in grade school, I'm thinking 4th grade but I'm not sure, a teacher asking the glass what we would do if someone were to break into our house, and there was a gun near by. Would we shoot the person in self defense and be justified? Would we not shoot the person because killing is wrong? Was there such a thing as absolute law. She then went around and asked everyone in class what they would do and why. This is the kind of exercises you get in class when you're taught by ex-hippie liberals.

I don't remember what anyone else said, but I do remember very distinctly what I said. I told her that there was no such thing as absolutely right or bad, that it all depended on the situation, that there was no such thing as black and white and life was all different shades of gray. I remember my teaching looking at me, and telling me that I was a situationalist.

How I became a situationalist is a mystery to me. When I look over at my education, I was definitely taught from a very young age to always question authority, to never take anything at face value, to always study and learn before making any kind of judgement. That it was my responsibility as an educated person, to use my mind and my intellect to navigate my way through life. Strange huh? Were other people taught this? That education was valuable, that learning was life long process and that one should never stop learning. Blame my idealist, ex-hippie teachers for this.

What I learned in college only reinforced the kind of education I received in school, and I went to public school all my life. College taught me 1) always use primary source documents; 2) question all secondary documents because it's interpretative - like the media; 3) if possible read primary source documents in the original language, and if you can't be very sure you understand the motivation and philosophy behind the translation; 4) never believe anything you read or hear until you can research the facts for yourself; 5) everyone has an agenda in any form of communication - find out what the agenda is; 6) when studying any issue, you need to read all the literature on the issue, so you know what other people have said and where you fit in; 7) if you don't understand history, you're bound to repeat it, everything happens in context; 8) it is your civic responsibility to study the issues that affect your life and your community; 9) life is a participatory act, you have to participate, you have to vote, you have to contribute to the conversation, otherwise you're not living a life and you might as well be dead; 10) ideology without humanity and practicality is a bad idea.

I'm sure there were more, but that's all I can't think of right now. I've never really thought about all the things I learned in college like this before. I'm like wow! Very, very interesting!

Below are the lyrics for that dance song that keeps going through my head. This song feels like my life right now. I think I'm still suffering from post 9/11 anniversary traumatic stress disorder. It's either that or this crazy mercury retrograde!

"Gotta Get Thru This"
by Daniel Bedingfield - UK

If only I could get through this
I get through this

I gotta get through this
I gotta get through this
I gotta make it, make it, make it through
I'm gotta get through this
I gotta get through this
I gotta take my, take my mind off you

Give me just a second and I'll be all right
Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart
Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay
Just another day and then I'll hold you tight

When your love is falling like the rain
I close my eyes and it falls again
When will I get the chance to say I love you
I pretend that you're already mine
Then my heart ain't breaking every time
I look into your eyes

If only I could get through this
If only I could get through this
If only I could get through this
God, gotta help me get through this

I gotta get through this
I gotta get through this
I gotta make it, make it, make it through
Said I'm gotta get through this
I gotta get through this
I gotta take my, take my mind off you

Give me just a second and I'll be all right
Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart
Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay
Just another day and then I'll hold you tight

When your love is falling like the rain
I close my eyes and it falls again
When will I get the chance to say I love you
I pretend that you're already mine
Then my heart ain't breaking every time
I look into your eyes

If only I could get through this
If only I could get through this
If only I could get through this
God, gotta help me get through this
If only I could get through this
God, gotta help me get through this
If only I could get through this
God, gotta help me get through this
If only I could get through this...