I set my microsoft explorer security to high so I could receive links that people send me, and all of a sudden I couldn't do anything on blogger. That was so scary!

Once I set my security back to where it was before, all the blogger stuff started working again.

So I'm torturing myself and thinking of the cute guy (marina hottie boy) in my screenwriting class I had a crush on last year. It all started because I turned on the TV and started watching some Ken Burn's documentary on jazz. The cutie from screenwriting was a big time jazz freak. He said he only listened to jazz in his car and on the radio. I even surprised him when we were all at a party together, and I put on a Charlier Parker record. I only put it on because I hadn't seen a Charlie Parker record in ages, and it reminded me of college.

Marina hottie boy was so shocked I even knew who Charlie Parker was. I guess I must not look like the type who listens to jazz. I think he thought I only liked bands lik Guns n Roses, a band that I of course totally love, because the song made me smile and he saw me smiling when we were all walking to a bar one night. Whatever.

I'm going to check out the North Beach festival on Saturday, and I'm like wondering if I'll run into him because he lives in the area. Like I really want to run into him, because the last time I saw him at a screenwriting reading he was holding hands with some woman with like Anna Nicole Smith type boobs. How embarrassing, that I was actually interested in a guy who would hold hands with a woman with huge cow udders. I'm so mean, huh!

I love that cow udder phrase. My first love in college used to call girls with massive chests - chicks with cow udders, and I still really love that phrase. I don't know. Cow udders is so perfect, although I like my own made up phrase, plastique rack. You know, because like plastique is an explosive, and a woman with a huge rack probably have fake ones, an fake ones can explode and give you cancer, so they're like "plastique".

plastique n: an explosive material that is easily molded around the object it is intended to destroy [syn: plastic explosive]; French: plastic [adjective-adverb]

Anyway, I'd love to run into him because the man is absolutely drop dead beautiful, but at the same time, it's like I don't know why I even want to torture myself that way.

The man is like so out of my league, and even if I could date him, I wouldn't because he's a baby and so immature. I mean, the guy played college football and he's got that whole jock thing going which means he's fun to hang with but not fun to be with in any kind of dating situation.

But, boy is he pretty, and I'm a sucker for a man with pretty blue eyes. But he's like an aetheist, he's a krishna boy and not a JC boy, which means he can never anything but a very short term experience for me. Who wants to listen to a rant against god and organized religion for the rest of your life? Life is stressful enough without having that kind of religious stress at home.

But I'm bad, because if I do run into him and he's not with the giant cow udder woman, and I get my chance to have him, I would definitely take it. I'm so bad!

In honor of Gregory Peck's death, I'm going to reread "To Kill a Mockingbird" by Harper Lee.

I was going to write about how I can be a christian and post modernist at the same time, and how post modernism brings God back into the equation of our lives. At least I think it does. But I don't feel like being philosophical and who the hell cares what I think anyway.

I'm just glad I figured it all for myself, and maybe that's all that matters.

Post modernism theory, at least my understanding of it, has every viewpoint be valid. If this is true, then people who think they talk to angels, people who think they have visitations from God, people who speak in tongues or have those biblical ecstatic experiences all have valid experiences.

I'm sure it's all much more complicated than that, and most of the time when people tell me I'm a post modernist, I have absolutely no idea what they're talkinga about. But if being a post modernist allows for miracles, angels, healers and other mystical phenomena to be true, then yes I'm a post modernist.

I have no scientific fact, no numbers as they say in finance, to back up the theory that things like angels and miracles can't be true. But I don't care. I think it's totally cool that things like angels and miracles might be true. I don't know. It's not like I talk to angels or have had like a biblical type miracle happen to me, but if someone tells me that they talk to angels or have had biblical type miracles happen to them, I'm like "GREAT". Wow, wish I could have stuff like that happen to me.

To me the problem with rationalism and enlightenment is it took God out of life. It said we can't prove God exists because scientifically it can't be done. Rationalism and the enlightenment relied on science to make everything true in our lives. It painted the world in black and white, in absolutes, and life just isn't like that. Life is full of contradictions, and stuff that just doesn't make any sense.

I mean, sure you can scientifically prove things, but then things happen, shit happens, people do things that make absolutely no sense at all for absolutely no reason. Life just not that rational sometimes, life can't be put in a box and added up.

I think post modernism frees us from the strait jacket of rationalism and enlightenment, and says that faith is valid. Faith in god, which can't be scientifically proven, which can't be explained, which in some ways is the most irrational thing in the whole wide world, faith is valid and if faith is valid, then so is God, from my point of view.

It's six degrees of Star Wars. You know, when Obiwon Kanobi tells Luke that Darth Vader is his father, and Luke accuses Obiwon of lying. Obiwon says he was telling the truth, from a certain point of view. And then Obiwon ways something like "you will find that truth depends on your perspective." How post modernist is that?

But like everything else, post modernist has it weaknesses and bad points too. I mean, everything does. It's so ying yang. What's so great about post modernism is also what's really bad, because then truth is not absolute and if truth is not absolute, then some people will say that God is not absolute. But I disagree.

Post modernist thinking opens the door for God, for people believing in angels, for people who fervently believe that prayer works and works absolutely. Post modernist thinking puts God back into the equation of life.

At least that's how l look at , But I am a christian, and God is the filter through which I view life, so of course, like duh!!! Like I'm going to say that post modern thinking negates God. I don't think so.