I've only been at my new job three days, and I've already brought work home because I have a 9 am meeting on Monday that I need to prepare for. It's a good project for me because it's something I've done before so I kind of feel like I kind of know what I'm doing. I'm in familiar territory because the project involves clinical analysis, and that's been my main job for the last three years. This project is a little more involved, but at least I'm used to looking at clinical data.

My boss has never done clinical analysis, so I am on my own here but at least I feel qualified to actually do this project. My boss feels put out because the project was dumped in her lap from some VP, and it's an area she has no expertise in. It's kind of like the VP heard a new analyst was being hired, so she thought "great, let's see what the new analyst can do and if she really has healthcare experience and is worth the salary we're forking out for her."

OY!!! I've had a hard three day start to my new job. I feel like they expect me to hit the ground running, and I'm like sitting there wishing I could have a job where all I did was answer the telephone or some mindless activity like that.

The clinical analysis stuff I can do, the financial data modeling I'm not so sure of only because I haven't done any real finance work since 1997. Back then I built my own sales financial models, but I was used to doing finance work.

I did a search on Amazon.com and will probably buy some financial modeling books just to refresh myself. I think I'll feel more comfortable once I do some research. The guy who I'm replacing built a very robust financial model that I'm hoping will last for a couple of years before a new one has to be built.

I don't why the finance aspect of my job is freaking me out, because in my finance work life I used to prepare information to go in 10Qs, annual reports, shareholder reports, and quarterly earnings releases. I even worked on an IPO once, and had to sign SEC agreements not to divulge company secrets because I was considered an "insider" and could be held liable for "insider trading". What a laugh!

But that was years ago, and I'm just not used to doing that kind of work anymore.

Being in a new job is so draining. I feel so inadequate for my new job. It's not that job is that hard, difficult yes, but not impossible. It's just that I keep having this feeling that I'm overwhelmed. I know I've felt this way at other new jobs, but I just don't remember it ever being this bad.

I don't know. I feel stupid. I shouldn't feel stupid, but that's the way I feel. My intuition tells me that I'm just having first week jitters at my new job, and that everything will be fine. The first month of any new job is difficult because you're learning new things and getting used to new people, new work and different routines.

I remember being at one job where I kept wanting to quit during the first month, but I stuck it out and that job turned out to be one of my better jobs. I hope that I'm just having first week of job freakout and that it's not something worse.

My first day of work in an office, and I'm like so stressed. My boss called in me in the afternoon and said I have to attend a meeting with her tomorrow and her boss, even though I probably won't understand anything that's going on.

So I'm back to cube land with no privacy, which is such a change from my office with a view in my last office. People at the office seem nice enough. There's good water and the company has its own cafeteria, but no free coffee. There's hot water in the good water dispenser, so if I bring my own tea bags I can drink tea.

There's a payphone on my floor. Is this a hint about not making personal phone calls on the company dime? Thank god for cell phones. I have a picture badge ID which gets me from floor to floor. I'm going to need it on Friday for the anti-war demonstration on Friday.

My new building is right at one of the major demonstration sites, and a memo went around about the tighter security and advising employee to try to get to work early in case of demonstrators. I've managed to avoid the anti-war freaks since the war started, and now I'm at ground zero for the next demonstration.

I am so nervous about going to my new job tomorrow. I don't remember it being like this before, or maybe I just forgot because it's been so long since I've had to start over.

Starting over is so hard that I think most people stay in jobs that are not quite right for them because of the stress of having to begin again. Who needs that added stress in one's life. It was so much easier when I was changing jobs every two years because I was never really settled in one place, and starting over became so routine.

I hope this job works out, and I'm at it for a long, long time. It's always been my dream to find a job that I'll stay at for more than five years. It would be so nice to settle down and be comfortable at work finally, but I just don't see that happening even with this job.

My intuition tells me I'll be at this job for a quite awhile, but it won't be my last job ever. Something will come along to take me away, and I'll be sorry to leave the job but the opportunity coming will too hard to turn down. It's kind of an odd way to go into a job situation, knowing it won't be forever. But what job is forever is this kind of economy anyway?

My experience has been that even the best of jobs don't stay the best forever. Your group changes, your boss moves on or gets promoted, the company moves in a different direction, and so on. I know someone who's been in their job for over 20 years, but I think that's really rare. It's just not the nature of business these days.

People change and businesses change, and it seems like every year and the changes come faster and faster. Of course, I'm putting the cart before the horse. I mean, who knows, maybe I'll find out in these 30 days that this job is not a good fit. I hope not, but that is always a possibility.

I'm just hoping that the 30 days will fly by and everything will work out and I'll have some semblance of job security so I can go back to concentrating on my writing, getting to my goal weight, and working out.