Another blog game, this time with music from Camilo @ Mercurial.

1. Go to your CD rack/shelf/room.
2. Select the 13th CD from the end of your collection
3. What's the 5th track?
4. List it on your blog, with a story of why you purchased this CD.
5. Link back to me - if you wish.

Tracy Chapman - Tracy Chapman
5th track - Baby Can I Hold You

I purchased this cd because I associate Tracy Chapman's hit song "Fast Car" with one on my ex-boyfriends. There's a line in that car that goes:

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone
be someone
be someone.

I can see Puffs and I driving in the rented convertible down to Death Valley to trip on shrooms, and that song playing on the tape he made for the trip. It was the end of our relationship and we were tyring to kind of save it by taking a trip together, hoping against hope that the mini vacation would be full of enough good memories to keep us together just a little bit longer.

Of course that never happened, and we broke up on Sunday morning the day we were driving back home. And walking away from Puffs was so hard, one of the hardest things I've ever done. I liked him so much, despite all the crap he put me, he put us through. And what still makes me sad after all these years is he never quite forgave me for walking away from him. He was happy that I left, even he knew it was the best thing for me, but a part of him felt so betrayed, so hurt that I didn't, couldn't stick around, didn't love him enough to prevent him from killiing himself and dying.

Puffs was such a trip! Mr. Fraternity boy, beautiful, dark haired and blue-eyed and kind of looking like Jack Nicholson, whom he adored. Stinky topsiders, ralph lauren wardrobe, and those huge 100% silky white cotton nordstrom dress shirts of his with the embroidered sailboat on the cuff that I used to wear as a coverup when I was at his place. That awesome incredibly expensive stereo with the sound processor and that glow in the dark sound wave that practically took up his whole living room.

Puffs was so smart, and so much fun to hang with as a drinking buddy, but he liked his bottle and his drugs way too much. But he was such a kick, and so much fun. Like the time he put on one of my silk shorty nightgowns and did a dancing peep show to music. He was so fun!

But the drinking and the drugs and the subsequent depression from it all were way too much for me, for us. And he wouldn't stop, and he never did either until he died a few years ago.

He used to wake up in the middle of night and grab me and hug me and tell "we were twins", which delighted and simultaneously scared the willies out of me because he was such a messed up person. Fun as heck but really, really very messed. Puffs had a heart of gold and would never hurt a fly, but he covered it all up with drinks and drugs and cigarettes.

Maybe I'm having a Puffs haunting right now. I hope he's happy in death, I hope he's at peace. I hope the demons which plagued his dreams every night have been laid to rest and he can finally sleep through the night without waking up because of a bad dream.

Grabmusik by Mozart

I liked the text of Grabmusik by Mozart so much that I wanted to put some of it in my blog.

I. Recitative, The soul - Wo bin ich?
Where am I? Bitter pain? Ah, the source of all love, my repose, my comfort, the goal of my striving, my holy Jesus' heart that stirs no more, has emptied his blood and his life. Here the wounds still drip with blood. What bitter steel has torn assunder the heart of the best-beloved and the sweetest?

II. Aria, The Soul - Felsen spaltet euren Rachen
Boulders, split your thoughts and mourn and wail with wretched clangor; Stars and moon and sun, take flight, while mourning Nature grieves with me. Below, thunder! Flames and lightning rage on in unison against this deed of madness which has wounded Jesus' heart.

VI. Duet, The Soul and the Angel - Jesu, was hab' ich getan?
Jesus, what have I done? I have inflicted your wounds and sent you to the cross. Look on my heart's remorse. You suffered these wounds to gain for us salvation and mercy. This I shall resolve: that I shall love thee: and that I shall never grieve thee; Forgive me, sacred heart.

Epilogue: Ave Vernum Corpus
Jesus, word of God incarnate, of the Virgin Mary born, on the cross thy sacred body. For us, with nails, was torn. Cleanse us by the blood and water streaming from thy pierced side. Feed us with thy body broken, now and in death's agony.

On Good Friday, I went to a concert which presented words and music in remembrance of the "The Passion of the Christ". I knew one of the women who was singing in the concert, and my friend and I thought the concert would be a nice way to spend this often solemn occassion.

The music performed was:
Motet: That Virgin's Child by Thomas Tallis

Sinfonia Sacrae: This Child is set for the fall by Heinrich Schutz

Stabat Mater (duet for two sopranos) by Giovanni Battista Pergolesi

Passion Cantata: Grabmusik by Mozart

The Mozart piece was the best, and written in 1767 when he was 11 years old. The man was just an absolute genius! The introduction for the music says that Grabmusik "was probably written for a devotional meditation before the representation of the Holy Sepulchre in a Salzburg church, possibly the cathedral"

The blog seems to loading as quickly as it used to. I was very worried about the old bloggie for awhile there.

I've been on a reading rampage, trying to get caught up to my reading plan for the year. I read two books that I really liked. I finished "The Girl in Hyacinth Blue" by Susan Vreeland. The story reminded me of the movie, "The Red Violin", and there was a similar story line which was kind of weird.

Then I read Octavia E. Butler's book, The Parable of the Sower. The book started to freak me out because it features an apocalyptic vision of a future California ravaged by drought and an unbelievable economic depression.

It's like Bulter looked into the future, and saw one possible future for the golden state and fictionalized it into a novel. Scary, scary stuff!

The book was published in 1995, and now in 2004 you can see the seeds of the world she created in the book beginning to sprout. I just hope it doesn't get that bad.

I went to the library and borrowed the next book in the series, and have already started on it. I hope she keeps writing more for this series.

I feel good that I'm reading again. I got so behind in my monthly reading schedule because of all my stressorama with my job. One good thing about commuting to work every day on the train is that I can read a book for about 20 minutes going to work, and 20 minutes again coming home.

I can't really read "heavy" books on the train because the time is too short for me to concentrate on the story, but fast good reads make for great commuter reading.

I borrowed Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy from the library to read on the train. It's a small enough paperbook that it fits into my purse, and it's a good commuter read.