I'm either really getting old and senile or I'm especially horny or both. I can't tell.
I was talking to my ultra left wing film history teacher last night about the movie "The Piano", when the thought plops into my head that he's kind of an attractive guy and it would be kind of fun to have a flingie with him. And I'm like 'Oh my God!'
First of all, the guy's politics drive me insane. But a very close friend insists that most SF Bay Area men's politics drive me insane, so that's not unusual. But I'm like the guy has a paunchy tummy, which in itself isn't too bad, but I mean the guy really has a paunchy tummy. He's like portly!
He's gotta be over 50 at least, maybe even older. That's like really old for me since I've never had sex with anyone that old. He's got like graying hair, which makes me him look even older.
And last but definitely not least, his name is IRA! And again I repeat, 'Oh my God!'. I'm having sexual thoughts about some older dude guy with a paunchy tummy and graying hair, stupid ultra left wing liberal politics which I abhor intensely, and his first name is IRA! What is up with that?
See what I mean when I say I'm either getting senile and old or I'm bizarrely orny or both.
Friday, April 23, 2004
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Another blog game, this time with music from Camilo @ Mercurial.
1. Go to your CD rack/shelf/room.
2. Select the 13th CD from the end of your collection
3. What's the 5th track?
4. List it on your blog, with a story of why you purchased this CD.
5. Link back to me - if you wish.
Tracy Chapman - Tracy Chapman
5th track - Baby Can I Hold You
I purchased this cd because I associate Tracy Chapman's hit song "Fast Car" with one on my ex-boyfriends. There's a line in that car that goes:
I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone
be someone
be someone.
I can see Puffs and I driving in the rented convertible down to Death Valley to trip on shrooms, and that song playing on the tape he made for the trip. It was the end of our relationship and we were tyring to kind of save it by taking a trip together, hoping against hope that the mini vacation would be full of enough good memories to keep us together just a little bit longer.
Of course that never happened, and we broke up on Sunday morning the day we were driving back home. And walking away from Puffs was so hard, one of the hardest things I've ever done. I liked him so much, despite all the crap he put me, he put us through. And what still makes me sad after all these years is he never quite forgave me for walking away from him. He was happy that I left, even he knew it was the best thing for me, but a part of him felt so betrayed, so hurt that I didn't, couldn't stick around, didn't love him enough to prevent him from killiing himself and dying.
Puffs was such a trip! Mr. Fraternity boy, beautiful, dark haired and blue-eyed and kind of looking like Jack Nicholson, whom he adored. Stinky topsiders, ralph lauren wardrobe, and those huge 100% silky white cotton nordstrom dress shirts of his with the embroidered sailboat on the cuff that I used to wear as a coverup when I was at his place. That awesome incredibly expensive stereo with the sound processor and that glow in the dark sound wave that practically took up his whole living room.
Puffs was so smart, and so much fun to hang with as a drinking buddy, but he liked his bottle and his drugs way too much. But he was such a kick, and so much fun. Like the time he put on one of my silk shorty nightgowns and did a dancing peep show to music. He was so fun!
But the drinking and the drugs and the subsequent depression from it all were way too much for me, for us. And he wouldn't stop, and he never did either until he died a few years ago.
He used to wake up in the middle of night and grab me and hug me and tell "we were twins", which delighted and simultaneously scared the willies out of me because he was such a messed up person. Fun as heck but really, really very messed. Puffs had a heart of gold and would never hurt a fly, but he covered it all up with drinks and drugs and cigarettes.
Maybe I'm having a Puffs haunting right now. I hope he's happy in death, I hope he's at peace. I hope the demons which plagued his dreams every night have been laid to rest and he can finally sleep through the night without waking up because of a bad dream.
1. Go to your CD rack/shelf/room.
2. Select the 13th CD from the end of your collection
3. What's the 5th track?
4. List it on your blog, with a story of why you purchased this CD.
5. Link back to me - if you wish.
Tracy Chapman - Tracy Chapman
5th track - Baby Can I Hold You
I purchased this cd because I associate Tracy Chapman's hit song "Fast Car" with one on my ex-boyfriends. There's a line in that car that goes:
I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone
be someone
be someone.
I can see Puffs and I driving in the rented convertible down to Death Valley to trip on shrooms, and that song playing on the tape he made for the trip. It was the end of our relationship and we were tyring to kind of save it by taking a trip together, hoping against hope that the mini vacation would be full of enough good memories to keep us together just a little bit longer.
Of course that never happened, and we broke up on Sunday morning the day we were driving back home. And walking away from Puffs was so hard, one of the hardest things I've ever done. I liked him so much, despite all the crap he put me, he put us through. And what still makes me sad after all these years is he never quite forgave me for walking away from him. He was happy that I left, even he knew it was the best thing for me, but a part of him felt so betrayed, so hurt that I didn't, couldn't stick around, didn't love him enough to prevent him from killiing himself and dying.
Puffs was such a trip! Mr. Fraternity boy, beautiful, dark haired and blue-eyed and kind of looking like Jack Nicholson, whom he adored. Stinky topsiders, ralph lauren wardrobe, and those huge 100% silky white cotton nordstrom dress shirts of his with the embroidered sailboat on the cuff that I used to wear as a coverup when I was at his place. That awesome incredibly expensive stereo with the sound processor and that glow in the dark sound wave that practically took up his whole living room.
Puffs was so smart, and so much fun to hang with as a drinking buddy, but he liked his bottle and his drugs way too much. But he was such a kick, and so much fun. Like the time he put on one of my silk shorty nightgowns and did a dancing peep show to music. He was so fun!
But the drinking and the drugs and the subsequent depression from it all were way too much for me, for us. And he wouldn't stop, and he never did either until he died a few years ago.
He used to wake up in the middle of night and grab me and hug me and tell "we were twins", which delighted and simultaneously scared the willies out of me because he was such a messed up person. Fun as heck but really, really very messed. Puffs had a heart of gold and would never hurt a fly, but he covered it all up with drinks and drugs and cigarettes.
Maybe I'm having a Puffs haunting right now. I hope he's happy in death, I hope he's at peace. I hope the demons which plagued his dreams every night have been laid to rest and he can finally sleep through the night without waking up because of a bad dream.
Grabmusik by Mozart
I liked the text of Grabmusik by Mozart so much that I wanted to put some of it in my blog.
I. Recitative, The soul - Wo bin ich?
Where am I? Bitter pain? Ah, the source of all love, my repose, my comfort, the goal of my striving, my holy Jesus' heart that stirs no more, has emptied his blood and his life. Here the wounds still drip with blood. What bitter steel has torn assunder the heart of the best-beloved and the sweetest?
II. Aria, The Soul - Felsen spaltet euren Rachen
Boulders, split your thoughts and mourn and wail with wretched clangor; Stars and moon and sun, take flight, while mourning Nature grieves with me. Below, thunder! Flames and lightning rage on in unison against this deed of madness which has wounded Jesus' heart.
VI. Duet, The Soul and the Angel - Jesu, was hab' ich getan?
Jesus, what have I done? I have inflicted your wounds and sent you to the cross. Look on my heart's remorse. You suffered these wounds to gain for us salvation and mercy. This I shall resolve: that I shall love thee: and that I shall never grieve thee; Forgive me, sacred heart.
Epilogue: Ave Vernum Corpus
Jesus, word of God incarnate, of the Virgin Mary born, on the cross thy sacred body. For us, with nails, was torn. Cleanse us by the blood and water streaming from thy pierced side. Feed us with thy body broken, now and in death's agony.
I. Recitative, The soul - Wo bin ich?
Where am I? Bitter pain? Ah, the source of all love, my repose, my comfort, the goal of my striving, my holy Jesus' heart that stirs no more, has emptied his blood and his life. Here the wounds still drip with blood. What bitter steel has torn assunder the heart of the best-beloved and the sweetest?
II. Aria, The Soul - Felsen spaltet euren Rachen
Boulders, split your thoughts and mourn and wail with wretched clangor; Stars and moon and sun, take flight, while mourning Nature grieves with me. Below, thunder! Flames and lightning rage on in unison against this deed of madness which has wounded Jesus' heart.
VI. Duet, The Soul and the Angel - Jesu, was hab' ich getan?
Jesus, what have I done? I have inflicted your wounds and sent you to the cross. Look on my heart's remorse. You suffered these wounds to gain for us salvation and mercy. This I shall resolve: that I shall love thee: and that I shall never grieve thee; Forgive me, sacred heart.
Epilogue: Ave Vernum Corpus
Jesus, word of God incarnate, of the Virgin Mary born, on the cross thy sacred body. For us, with nails, was torn. Cleanse us by the blood and water streaming from thy pierced side. Feed us with thy body broken, now and in death's agony.
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