Well, we had lunch and we talked and I'm bummed because although he seemed dreamy as all heck, he has several, several issues about getting involved. I'm glad he laid them all out on the first date of sorts, because he could have just lied about them all. I had a feeling he had serious relationship issues, so I kind of made him do his confession thing right away.

Wow, I'm bummed, very bummed and I told him so and he apologized for bumming me out but he is the way he is and he's not willing to change right now. But we did have a nice very long lunch and we did part friends, and I didn't shut the door completely shut in his case but I warned him that I play for keeps and if he's not willing to do the same then well, friendship is all he'll have.

I told him, "I'm giving you a very long rope, now don't hang yourself too quickly because in my experience if you give a guy a lot of rope, eventually he'll hang himself. So I don't have to shut the door completely in your face and be mean, because you'll do that yourself one day soon."

God, can I say again I'm bummed, bummed, bummed, but not really surprised. He was really too good to be true I suppose, but it was fun as heck to get caught up in the silly romanticism of it all. He's defintely a romantic, way more romantic than me, and maybe I'll end up his "one that got away." Who knows.

Again, I am bummed, so bummed because he was so, so cute and very, very sweet, and that's not a combo I find very often.

I hate playing games with guys and I've never understood "the rules" about how you're supposed to behave with men you've just met and want to date. Besides, I'm a half hippie chick who loved those four years in college when a guy could just walk up to you at a party and say "let's have sex", and you'd either say yes or no. How simple is that? No flirting, no delay, no stupid games, just plain and simple and so practical because it's get that sex stuff out of the way so you can concentrate on more important things like getting to know each other's mnds

Anyway, at around noon I emailed the red headed shoe guy with an email that went something like this:

***************
Subject:Fools and Snobby Girls (this is a reference to a comment he made about not wanting to make a fool out of himself with snobby girls)

Just so you don't think I'm a "snobby girl", I wanted to thank you for making my trip from LAX to Oakland a fun experience. (I think it's a good idea to always reference when and where you met the guy because chances are the guy has probably alrady forgotten who the hell I am. (Okay this is where I was being a naughty naughty elf girl and trying to flirt in an email at the same time). It isn't every day that I meet a total stranger who fulfills one of my secret fantasies by uttering an innocuous phrase, and then making it onto one of my top ten lists. (I'm sure he totally won't get what I wrote here, but he'll appreciate the "secret fantasy" phrase because it makes most men's mind go straight to the gutter)

Take care, Elf Girl

p.s. There was an accident on the Bay Bridge last night and I was seriously regretting the offer of a ride home as I was arguing about voting and Ralph Nader with my shuttle driver.
****************

Cute huh? Maybe a little to clever for him, who knows? So he emails me back and asks me if I wanted to do a late lunch tomorrow, which he said we would do on the plane, and leaves his cell phone number.

So I called him and I know it's bad, but when I heard his voice on the phone I kind of didn't recognize it; people sound so different on the phone. So we have a lunch date tomorrow and I'm nervous. Red-headed guy said something very odd too. He asked me I had sent me an email back and I said no, because I had left a message on his phone. Like why would I have to send him an email if I left him a voicemail message? I'm sure this is a subtle way of training me or something, like don't just leave me voicemail, send me an email too to remind me. I'm sorry but I'm very cynical and I've had several men try to subtely and sometimes not so subtlely try to train me to behave in ways that they liked. And what's worse, they'v copped to it too and told me that they were trying to train me.

So I did the girlie thing and came home and tried on a dozen outfits before deciding on two possible outfits that I might wear tomorrow. Damn! I hate that I'm 15 pound heavier than I was last year. I have such bad, bad timing, gaining weight like this and meeting a really sweet, sweet cute guy out of the blue. I'm trying to tell myself it doesn't matter because we sat on the plane together and my fat belly was I'm sure hanging out over my pants, and like I'm sure he noticed my very large love handle. One the other hand I've had guys tells me that they never notice a women's weight, but I was dating these guys at the time so I don't think they were telling me the truth.

And I always say the wrong thing with guys but I had to tell him I had concerns about his monster SUV and I had to think about what it meant that he owned and drove one. He asked me what I decided, and I told him that it was okay because he told me grew up on a huge 400 or 800 acre ranch so it was like in his background, his childhood to drive cars like an SUV. I told him that everyone has quirks or habit that are because of their background, their nationality, etc. And that well sometimes you have to accept the fact a guy really is the way he is and it's ingrained and it's probably never going to change, so you either have to accept the quirks or habits early on or get out of the relationship. I told him it's like dating a republican guy. I know he has bad politics, but it's okay because he's a republican and that's the way he is, always will be and I can't change it, and as long as his politics don't freak me out too much then I'm okay with the republican thing.

So I'm nervous and I keep wondering if this guy has a usual two-week shelf life and that I'll get seriously bored with him in two weeks. He'll go rotten like milk past its due date and I'll have to boot him out of my life. And I feel bad that I think such things and I know it's not about the guy, it's about me and my shallow level of boredom with most people but guys especially because they're too easy for me to figure out.

And I'm nervous because with my people karma, if God doesn't think he belongs in my life, he won't be in my life for very long and something will happen to take him away. And I really kind of like him because he's so affectionate, sweet and cute. Not sure if he's smart but at least he hasn't proven himself to be not as smart as me. Talk about another relationship killer. I can't be with a guy that I think isn't smarter than me. I've tried it and it just doesn't work. I have to respect the guy intellectually or I get very disturbed. And there are so few guys that I've met that I know are smarter than me.

So I'm like sad because I feel like I have to treasure every moment with this guy because I don't know how long he's going to be around. And I kind of understand now why some of my boyfriends have looked at me like a starving guy looks at food. If you think there isn't a future with someone then you have to stare at them and memorize every line of their face because that face won't be in your life for very long. At least romantically that's why I think men have looked at me like a starving man looks at food. Well, that and the other sexual reason too but I like the romantic reason better.

I'm such a sucker for lines like this but red-headed guy said that he thought all morning about kissing me, and I'm such a bad flirt and I answered back the thought had crossed my mind as well several times. He was so cute though because then he asked me if I was going to kiss him tomorrow and of course I said sure.

So I flew down to LA today just for a meeting and flew back. I went down to help and to transport the meeting materials. It was fun in its own way and I didn't have to work work. Not sure if the meeting went really well because we ran out of time, but my boss says we'll find out tomorrow if the senior vp doesn't send an email thanking us.

But I think it might have all worth it because I met a really cute guy on the plane back. He had red hair, which is a big plus because I have a thing for redheads because of Steve so I like him because he reminds me of Steve. He was sweet and friendly like Steve too, but he's a business traveller so it's probably second nature to him to chat up girls on planes.

But being a business traveller he didn't want to be known as someone who can chat anyone up and get them to buy things, so his line to me was "I'm a workaholic and women don't want to date me because I'm too shy." And I'm talking to him and looking at him, like yeah right. And I'm thinking to myself you're an exec, you're a frickin' director for god's sake, you're not shy, you're cute, you're smart, and women don't want to date you. So of course that this guy's line he uses with women to get them to feel sorry for him. Every guy has a line or two that he uses that he thinks will get a woman to give him her phone number.

And I told him that the shy exec guy bit was his line, but obviously it must work because I ended up giving him my business card. Red headed guy just laughed. And no his name wasn't Chris, but he had other good signs.

We ended up discussing politics, and I'm excited because even though he's a registered democrat his politics didn't disturb me. Most guy's politics always freak me out. Republicans I can take because well they're republicans and they're all that way, but democrats and other liberal left types always freak me out. Talk about a relationship killer. I'm always meeting cute guys at parties that I can't date because their politics freak me out. Red headed guy is a moderate like me, and he's not a full of rage and anger democrat either. He didn't even blink an eye when I told him I wasn't even going to watch Michael Moore's movie. But he was just meeting me for the first time so maybe he was smart and didn't want to say anything just yet.

I liked him. I had fun talking to him and he was very charming, very frat boyish. I love a charming frat boy guy who can hold a conversation and make me laugh. He even offered to drive me home, and even though every part of me was screaming to say yes, I was a good girl and said no. But then I said if I was 20 years younger I would of course have said yes, like whatever. He liked that. I also told him he was too much of a temptation and I just had to say no. I hoped he liked that.

He was very tempting, because back in the day I would have let him take me home and then had my way with him. And I know he would have been fun too, in fact I know we would have had a blast. But it's not back in the day, so I took the shuttle home.

But there was another good sign. The gate for our plane failed to open so the captain announced that we had to back up and take the plane to another door. I told red headed guy I've never been on a plane and had his happen before, and red headed guy agreed and then said "God must want us not end our relationship yet." And oh my god, I just about died in my seat. Talk about fantasy come true. I've always wanted a guy to say to me the first time we meet, "it must be destiny that I met you or God wants us to be together." No guy has ever said that to me until now.

I mean I hardly know the guy and already he made one of my secret fantasies come true. I am like so in crush! And he was so touchy and affectionate too, but not in a weird way. He tried to give me a massage on the plane, and I let him because I never turn down a free massage. He grabbed some of my hair and said he liked me hair. Then he kept putting his hand on my knee, kept stroking my arm, and he kind of tried to hold my hand. It was so cute, and I wasn't freaked out. Usually I hate when I guy gets too touchy like that. Like get your hands off the merchandise you freak! But it was different with this guy. His touch wasn't creepy but very sweet and affectionate. He reminded me of this guy I dated who was so affectionate. I mean that guy was totally worthless as a boyfriend except for the fact that I loved how affectionate he was with me. Red headed guy's touchiness reminded me of that guy's affectionate nature.

And like I'm such a plane slut because I let the guy kiss me on the cheek when we parted. On the way out of the airport he kept trying to hold my hand, and he kept saying he didn't want to say goodbye to me, which was so sweet and so cute. So when he bent his head next to mine to kiss my cheek, I let him but didn't kiss him back. And I thought I would be kind of grossed out to let a total stranger kiss my cheek but it was sweet.

I just remembered something else. The guy smelled really good. Not sure if he was wearing cologne or something but he smelled clean and good. Talk about a turn on. I hate dirty smelly stinky skanky boys! He looked clean and he smelled clean. I'm not sure about the clothes, they were too nondescript but at least he didn't look like a slob. Talk about another relationship killer. Sloppy dressing is just such a huge, huge turnoff.

But it's not like he's Mr. Perfect because he had to tell me drives one of those monster SUVs, and part of me just shrivelled up at that little factoid but I'm willing to concede that maybe it's a guy guy thing to drive an environmentally unfriendly and politically incorrect car. Because red headed guy is not a femme boy but a guy guy, not oozing with way too much maleness and definitely oozing enough where he's not coming across like some wimpie cali girlie man. I hate this type of guy!

He's not a city dweller either. He lives in the East Bay. But he says he's a city boy and always go rollerblading in Golden Gate Park, and he just lives in East Bay because he likes the sunshine.

So we exchanged business cards, and he said he would take me out to lunch on Friday. And I'm like okay, let's see if he calls or emails me. I'm like so ready to email him and tell him I'm in so crush with you. I mean I tried to kind of tell him that on the plane. I told him our whole conversation reminded of this scene in the movie "Practical Magic". He of course had never seen the movie. There's this one scene in the movie where the Sandra Bullock character tells the cop she loves that he's everything she told herself she wanted when she was a little girl, that she made a spell about this impossible man so she wouldn't ever have to experience the hurt of falling in love, and now here was this guy, the cop, who had all the qualities she put in her spell.

So for like the briefest of moments, I thought I had dreamed up red headed guy, that he was everything I told myself I wanted in a guy, especially when he made the God comment. But only for the briefest of moments, because like who knows. Even my best friend whom I totally loved from Dallas told me he knew my attention span with men was two weeks, two weeks before I looked a guy in the eyes and figured out that he totally bored me to death. Dallas guy felt happy that it took longer for me to get bored with him, even though I did get bored with him eventually but not for the resons I get bored with most guys.

So I am in such a crush and it's fun and exciting for now.

When I set my sights on Silicon Valley in 1997 and left my comfortable 5-year job in San Francisco for the world of start-ups, little did I know how such a move would impact my life. I spent about 6 years working in the suburbs outside of San Francisco, although I had a brief 16-month stint in the middle of those sixe years working in China Basin, which was in 2000 the heart of the dotcom explosion in San Francisco.

Working outside the city changed me politically. I learned to take the middle road, and grew wary of extremism on both ends of the political spectrum. Outside the extreme left-wing politics of San Francisco, another world exists where political extremism has no place. People in suburbs aren't as politicized. They're working and trying to raise their families, and don't really have the time to indulge in the self indulgent political masturbation that city folks go through. And if you do have time for it, the extremism of the left and the right make no sense to a family just barely struggling to pay bills and survive.

There's also a negativity, a uncontrollable rage that exists on both extremes of the political spectrum. You can't raise a family and have that kind of extreme anger and rage, and not have it affect your family. The extreme anger and rage is so intense, I keep hearing Obewon Kanobi telling Luke "anger leads to the dark side of the force."

I don't understand that kind of rage, that kind of anger. It doesn't make sense to me to operate out of that kind emotion, because if you did, you wouldn't be able to make rational decisions. Politics like business is not about emotion. It's about making rational decisions for the good of the community, the corporation. If you're too full of emotion, you're not balanced and you make bad decisions.

Besides when you hate something that much, I think you're basically projecting. That what you actually hate is the shadow side of your personality that you see in the other person. This hatred of the shadow was responsible for holocaust, slavery, and any kind of bad thing that happened to any group.

I don't believe in that kind of hating. To hate like that would mean you have to make the other person less than human, and it's the root of Nazism, this is why Hitler was popular. How you can think of anyone as less than human, as an animal, because once you do that, the next step is slavery of people isn't it? These people are not human after all, so they can enslaved, they can chained, they can beaten and whipped, gassed, killed and burnt till the ground beneath the human ovens rises two inches because of all the human ash.

I will not take the walk towards anger and to the dark side of the force.

My post is incoherent I know. I just hate all this negativity and anger and rage. It's dangerous and it's scary.