I am in love, and it’s so unbelievably glorious. I never thought I could ever fall in love like this, where it’s exactly like what has been described in verse, song and books since time immemorial. But it’s more than that, it’s just fun, fun stuff. And this is only the beginning too. I’m like what if this continues and keeps getting stronger as the months go by. I’m so in love I’m starting to think that not having prenup might be okay, only because I know the red-haired guy isn’t going to ream me over money. But I’ll make that decision when the time comes, if we ever end up going down that road.

Yes, red-haired guy and I are still together. We had a bad moment where I saw his worst side and he saw mine, and then we both apologized and then we made up and it’s all better now, much better. Poor guy. His brother had some major, major unexpected surgery, so he was totally freaking out and not calling me. And then I got so freaked out because I hadn’t heard from him in awhile, and I jumped to the conclusion that he was trying to ditch me but couldn’t bring himself to do it and had decided to just stop calling.

But then he called and said he was a “bad, bad, bad boy”, and I said to him “I was a bad girl too” because I did feel guilty for throwing a major insecurity fit on him. Then when he told me his family trauma story, I felt so guilty. Then we saw each other the next day and we had a fantastically fun make up date, and I’m back in love and very, very happy. And now he’s planning all these romantic mushy dates, because he’s the romantic one in the relationship and I’m like so grateful because I’m not romantic at all. And of course like any silly girl, I'm thinking I think I really want to marry my red-haired boy some day and we're going to be together till we're old and gray. And red-haired guy keeps telling me we're going to be together till we're 80 years old. And life is good for now.

Saturday I went to a mall in the East Bay specifically to compare the Dell laptop I wanted, and then go next door to the new Apple store to compare it to the Apple ibook G4. Of course, the best laid plans never pan out.

The Dell people didn't have the laptop I wanted because as the salesperson said, it's not a popular model and Dell doesn't know how the sales are doing. She said they might be getting it in a few months. She told me I could just order it online, and then if I didn't like it I could get a full refund in 30 days. Whatever!

Then I went to the Apple store where there was a line because the store was just opening that morning. I got a free t-shirt, and checked out the iBook G4 again.

I hate when I can't do comparison shopping. I want to be able to pick up the Dell laptop, and feel it in my hands and think about whether it's something I wouldn't mind carrying around in my bag every day. I pick up the ibook G4 and it's bulletproof casing built to take abuse by students, and I see myself carrying it around. I'm not in love with the touchpad, never did like those things but I suppose I would get used to it.

So still no laptop. I read reviews of both on C/net and the Dell laptop kind of got a bad review for it's bad battery, easy to dirty screen and its three-prong cord. The Apple iBook didn't fare that well either.

I hate when I can't buy something that I want. There's something seriously wrong with that. I have this vision of a laptop I think I need, the world is getting in my way.

These Springstein songs remind me of my college boyfriend Drew from Bergen County, New Jersey. I have memories of us in Paramus Park Mall on Christmas eve shopping for presents of each other, and then how it was snowing when we left and how we were sliding backwards down this hill. Then driving across Jersey to visit some friend of his who lived next to a Hershey chocolate factory I think, and having to throw coins into all those darn toll booths. And hanging with him and his friends on some corner of some North Jersey town, me wearing his leather jacket and me thinking I was reliving part of some Bruce Springstein song. And that weird friend of his that I only met once and who we ran into at some classic american diner. As soon as we entered the diner, the guy comes up to us and says to me “I never forget a pretty face”. Like whatever.

Drew was going to school in South Jersey, and I stayed at his house at spring break. We tripped on shrooms and drove into Atlantic City at midnight with some friends of his, and wondered around the casinos. We watched some mafia types, all in dark suits and looking pretty dangerous playing Baccarat. Then I freaked out about the crippled woman manically playing on some giant slot machine in the front of one of the casinos.

Then we went to get something to eat, and everyone got carded except for me and Drew. The doorman took one look at us and waved us through. Drew and his friends spent an hour speculating why we didn’t get carded when everyone else did. They came to the conclusion that there must be unspoken rule in Atlantic City than when a guy is out with a jailbait looking girl, no one asks any questions. Drew’s friends thought I looked like I was in junior high.

What a fun night. That was the first time I had french fries with melted cheese on top. Then we went walking along the jersey shore and on the boardwalk, and then to a donut shop to eat donuts because we were all still starving.

I'm listening to the Bruce Springstein cd "Born to Run", and it makes me feel like I'm a college kid because that's when I think started listening to his music. My first roommate in college had picture of "The Boss" all over our dorm room. Paula was such a Chi-town North Shore girl, wishing she was a leather clad chain-smoking jersey girl. I only started liking Springstein because I was forced to listened to him for two semesters. I was a mod/goth girl wearing fishnets, clunky 60's shoes, hats with veils, and listening to The Cure, The Clash, Pere Ubu and Joy Division.

I've never understood the appeal of listening to only music from your past. It's kind of fun once in a while to listen to the music of my youth, but then I get depressed. I feel like another Springstein song "looking back on my glory days". And I'm like my "glory days" keep on happening, so what is there to look back at. And my best "glory days" are yet to come, and will keep on happening until that day I drop dead.

Whatever.

My all time favourite Bruce Springstein song "Meeting Across the River" is on this cd. I love this song. It still chokes me up whenever I hear it; the desperation in this song is so palpable. I think we've all been in this guy's position at some point in our lives, maybe more time than we would ever care to admit.