It's wimpy and cowardly as all heck, but sometimes the best way to deal with a problem is to run away, cut off the communication, and just not deal with it. And hopefully it will go away on its own accord without any more outpouring of emotion or drama or energy.

So I'm not going to deal with my feelings about red-haired guy. It's taking way too much time and energy on my part, and I have little of both to spare right now. I know I'm going to wake up one day soon and I won't feel bummed any more. At least that's what I'm hoping.

I wrote on Sunday, so maybe writing is once again my only salvation.

I received my official City and County of San Francisco absentee ballot today, and I'm like should I vote now or wait to see where things are headed.

John Kerry and John Edwards are fourth on my ballot, and the Shrubmeister and "Richard (not Dick) Cheney" are last on the list. There are presidential candidates from the Libertarian, American Independent, Peace aand Freedom and Green Party also on the ballot. And I'm like who the heck are these people, because I've never even seen their names mentioned anywhere until I opened my ballot.

And because it's California, there's a host of state propositions and measures as well as SF city propoisitons and measures, and even a BART proposition. Plus, you get the vote for the school board, where I think voting is most crucial for anyone living in the City and County of San Francisco. If we're going to turn around this city, it starts at who gets on the School Board.

I've been very blue this week. My good mood finally soured and I was missing my red-haired boy very much. He called to say Hi, but our conversation was very short and not very satisfying. He wants to be friends, don't they all? And I'm like whatever. Let's see what he thinks friendship means.

Work has been very busy this week, and looks like it's going to ramp up again and we're now preparing for our next Board meeting in January. Oh boy!

I need to get back to my writing and working out schedule. I'm dying to try to write on my new Palm at a coffeeshop, and then hit the gym. That schedule was so good for me and I got off it for the political conventions, and then it was so easy to not get into it. But it's time for my little vacation to end.

I'm trying to decide if I wanted to attempt the National Novel Writing Month next month. I'm going to try and write on my Palm. I don't really want to start another novel, and I'd like to use the time to finish the ones I already started. That is however cheating since the NANOWRIMO folks want their people to start from scratch. I could work on my dwarf novel. That novel is barely started and I could start from the beginning again. If I'm going to participate in NANOWRIMO, I'm going to have to decide soon.

Other than I've been tired, probably from depression more than anything else. They say time heals all things, and when I think back to all the times I've broken up with guys, I honestly can't remember much except for a few incidents. Either I blocked those experiences out, or they weren't that bad. Maybe all I need is time and then there's my trip to LA to look forward to.

I've decided I can't be objective about John Edwards. He looks like my first love, and I am just in love with him. He is just so darn cute. I know my first love would have aged as well as Edwards seems to have. My first love was born in Virginia and he had that slight southern twang in his voice, and I'm just a sucker for a cute guy with a southern accent.

Plus, you know Dick Cheney is just scary. I heard a commentator says Cheney looks like the kind of guy who turns you down for loans, or the nasty corporate boss who hands you your pink slip.

Anyway, I'm not a swing voter. Like the debates really matter to someone like who's never voted republican for president in their entire voting life. And if Howard Dean was the nominee, I just wouldn't vote for president. I've skipped voting for people before because I didn't like the democratic candidate. Take Senator Diane Feinstein, I've never ever voted for her. I never once voted for former mayor of San Francisco Willie Brown either.

But I'll definitely vote for Kerry and Edwards.