I learned this new kind of therapy technique over the weekend, and it's bringing up all kind of stuff. You know, one would think that if you've been in and out of therapy since you were 21 years of age (and yes I've been in therapy that long) you would have solved alot of the big emotional issues in your life. Apparently this is not the case.

I have stuff coming up now about my parents that I had no idea was in my subconscious programming and this stuff is huge!!! This stuff has been lodged in my brain since I was six years old. You would think after having spent thousand and thousands of dollars on therapy and growth and development courses that this stuff would have come up. I mean, it's like so major and it explains patterns that I've noticed in my life since 1998. I hate that it's taken what, seven plus years for me to figure it out. That is like so slow!

I just made one connection last night, and then everything else fell in place. I'm like what else is in that black hole of my subconscious that is ruling my life. I feel like I'm in the matrix and I've created this messed up world, and I want to start over and recreate everything. But first, I have to keep digging through my subconsious programming. I'm afraid to know what else has been there.

Here's a new technique that I received in a newsletter today about money. Get a money bill in a large denomination and hold it and see what comes up in your mind about having it and whatever else you have going on about money. Or, hold your paycheck and see what issues you have about your career. Or, write a huge, huge check to yourself and see what comes up about money and worthiness.

The mind is a wild thing, and it's amazing what kind of interesting ideas are knocking around in there, that support and don't support you.

So I made the mistake of reading a John Grisham book "The Summons" that someone had given to me, and now I'm hooked on reading all of his stuff. Grisham's books are great bus-reads. You can go through a book in 2-3 days, and they are fast reads and very entertaining. I read the "The Firm" a long time ago but wasn't that intrigued by Grisham, but I guess I'm hooked now. That same friend also gave me Grisham's book "The Testament", so I'm plowing my way through it.

It's got some sad but hilarious sections on how people think about money. I know you're not supposed to say this as as writer, but I would love to write books like Grisham. I know as a writer you're supposed to want to write the next great american novel and not the next great beach/bus read, but what if you can't? What if my level of writing is on the level of the next great beach/bus read? I don't care, I'm not fussy ... I just want my stories published, and hopefully lots and lots of people will want to read my stuff. I would love to be the kind of writer that makes the reader unable to put novel down until they get to the end. That would be cool!

Up very early again trying to write. Wow, I'm finished with chapter 11 of my Texas novel. Three more chapters and I'll be done. Chapter 12 is a full chapter and chapters 13 and 14 are more lke epilogoues for each character.

Maybe there is something to this getting up at 5 am every morning thing. I'm awake and I can write. I'm tired and it's a little difficult, but that's because I'm not using to getting up at this hour. I'm amazed though how my brain is still quite functional at this early hour.

So it's after 5:30 am and I'm and in bed typing on my laptop and trying to write. I hate this! But the words are coming, which is nice. One thing that I noticed that I thought was impossible. My wireless network is working even though my main computer is powered off. I thought my main computer had to be on for me to pick up any internet connection. I guess not. Wow, this is new. I guess this means I can surf the net without me having to turn on my main computer. This is good.