I went to see the ACT's revival production of "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof". I sort of vaguely remember watching the movie from childhood, but really knew nothing about the story. Now I think I need to rent the movie version just to see what the differences are with this new 1974 revision from Tennessee Williams.

Here's the SF Chronicle review of the play; ACT's 'Cat on a Hot Tin Roof' prowls quietly until Big Daddy storms in and rocks the house.

I don't normally agree with theatre reviews from the Comical, but this one is right now. The firt act fairly dragged, and it was hard to see why Maggie would stay married to Brick other than the fact she was poor and had married into a rich family and didn't want to be poor again. The actor playing Brick was so unresponsive and he had his shirt off for most of the first act and seemed to just be posing the whole time. He had a great body, but I don't think there was any sexual chemistry between the two of them.

I loved the actor playing "Big Daddy", and like Maggie adored her father-in-law's crudeness and devastating honesty. Williams gave Big Daddy some really great lines! One thing Big Daddy talks about is how you put up with people in your life even though you don't really like them, and there's very few people you do like even if you're married to them or if they're your children. This observation of life is so sadly true. I find so few people that I do really like, and when I find someone it is such a joy. But unlike Big Daddy, I try not to have anyone close in my life that I don't like. Life is too short ... why put up with "mendacity"? I have to do it at work, which I absolutely hate and which in these last two years is becoming harder and harder for me to do.

What was really striking is how clearly the audience was able to see everyone's agenda. It was refreshing really to see people's real motives displayed like that on stage. Nothing was hidden and it was all out for everyone on stage and for the audience to see. That's probably Williams' genius as a playwright coming through. You can despise characters on the one hand, but sympathize with them as well for their motivation because it's so naked and so human.

I think Brick is the most problematic character because he's not as clearly drawn. I think you could make a case either way as to his sexuality because of the confusion. Was he swish? Maybe, maybe not ... I think all you can say is Skipper was, but the Skipper story is all second-hand observation and told from Maggie's and Brick's point of view.

I don't think the play is on par with "Night of the Iguana" or "A Streetcase Named Desire" or "The Glass Menagerie" or even "The Rose Tatoo", but even a bad Tennessee Williams' play is better than 99.9% of the modern plays out there.

M-Square was so sweet last night. When I told him I had a horrible day at work, he said he was sorry he couldn't be there for me. But he was! Just talking to me made me feel so much better. What a joy to talk to the man you love after you've had a hard day at work.

M-Square is really trying to work on our relationship. I had such a horrible day at work today, and somehow he knew and he called me as soon as he got home from work and we talked and he made me feel so much better.

I so adore him!

I am watching this very long world series game and it so feels like the Whitesox are a team of destiny. It would be really cool if the Whitesox won just because it would match that time when the Redsox won and the Whitesox won the next year. Baseball history is repeating itself and that's very cool.

I heard from a very good source last week that he expected indictments in the Whitehouse because of the Plame case. He said that Rove and company would be indicted, and that when that happened by implication it would mean that Shrub and Cheney were also guilty. We'll see.

M-Square and I had a very serious talk on Sunday. It was hard because we talked about his job stress and his feelings about our relationship. It's hard for him because he is so stressed out that he is in serious survival mode and can barely meet his own needs let alone mine.

Afterwards I kept thinking this is what it must mean in the marriage vows when you have to say, "I, (Name),Take you, (Name),To be my (wife/husband); To have and to hold, From this day forward, For better, for worse, For richer, for poorer, In sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'Till death do us part." (or, "As long as we both shall live.") ... especially the part about for best or for worse. Sometimes when you're really stresed out, you literally have nothing to give the person you're with. You're like barely keeping it together and you can barely be there for yourself and meet your own needs let alone meet someone else's needs. This is what M-Square is going through and he knows it.

And I'm like how much do I really like this guy and how much am I willing to put with? M-Square said he loves me and that things will get better, but not until his work stress goes away. I feel like I'm getting a taste of what it would take to be in a long term relationship again and how frustrating and disappointing it is when your husband isn't doing well. The thing about relationships is, the person you love is never going to be there 24/7 for you. It's physically impossible. Both people have up and down days, weeks, sometimes months. And the question I guess you have to ask yourself, that I'm asking myself, is "do I love this guy enough to let him be human and not always be there for me? Do I trust him enough to ride this out knowing that when he's less stressed out everything will be better?"

And right now, I don't know. I think I do because I don't feel like it's time to leave, but I know that in the past when I've gotten to this inevitable point in a relationship I've bugged out. I think this feeling of wanting to bug out and move on to green pastures will always be there, only because I've always done it in the past. It's not the best way to go and I think I've let go of some really great relationships because I didn't want to wait around, and I don't want to do that. Not with M-Square. He's just too aamzing of a guy, and I just don't know if I'll find another guy like him. That's how much I think I like this guy. Plus, he's put up with me this far and he's been very forgiving of a ton of my foibles. I also know he'll always do the right thing, a trait I find very rare in a guy.

Before all this job stress, M-Square was there when I reached out to him and needed him to be there. He put up with my 11th hour anxiety attack about meeting him, and he was there for me when I went through a serious crisis back in July. And he did all of this before he even know what I looked like and whether it would work between us.

He just can't do that right now, and I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't hurt like hell that he can't be there because he's hunkering down and doing the Men are from Mars cave thing. He's trying but it's hard for him.

So all I can think of is "for better or four worse" because I think I'm getitng a taste of what it would take emotionally for me to acutally fulfill on this aspect of the marriage vow.