I am recoving from a sinus infection. I've had it off and since Tuesday and spent a horrible weekend in bed coughing and hacking. I have that disgusting post nasal drip where hot stuff drips down into my throat (it's bacteria I'm told) and makes me cough till I cry. I went home early from work yesterday because people kept coming into my cube to ask me if I was okay. I think they wanted me to go home because I sounded disgustig and they thought I was flooding the floor with germs.

It's not so bad today, but I'm still hacking a bit.

I am still in mourning over M-Square. My angel reader from Southern California called me at work today and I told her that M-Square and I broke up. She said that although M-Square is my univeral soul partner and was created especially for me 5 billion years ago, he is no longer in the light. She said he left the light 700,000 years ago and because of this, our relationship will always be a struggle so she was not too surprised it was over. M-Square is very spiritual but I'm not sure he really believes in God, JC, a higher power or whatever. He has that "I can do it all myself" attitude, which is a sure sign of an "unbeliever" and does not make for very good relationship or marriage material. Relationships and marriage are hard enough, without a person thinking it's all up to them. I remember her warning me that M-Square needed to reconnect to God for it to ever work for us. I think he has a little, but maybe not enough.

My friend S at work told me last week (she's every intuitive) that M-Square misses me, but that he's very, very messed up. She kept asking me why I wanted to be with such a messed up person because I could so much better than him.

My angel reader told me that I have another universal soul partner out there, who was created 300, 000 years ago especially for me and that I will meet him in the next two years. She said she knew I must be suffering because it's hard to let someone go who's been around you for 4 billion and 300,000 years. No kidding! I had to run off to a meeting and she ended our call by saying "I hope what I've said gives you some peace."

My aunt called yesterday to tell me she will be a volunteer when the Dalai Lama visits San Francisco on Saturday. He is having some kind of private gathering with invited guests, and my aunt by marriage's sister is one the invite list. My aunt told me that the Dalai Lama has agreed to meet with the volunteers for the events, and even though my aunt hasn't the foggiest idea about meditation or tibetan buddhism, she is excited to be meeting him.

She also told me some disturbing news. My other aunt, who lives on Kauai, told her that she has been praying that M-Square and I break up. When I heard the news, I was like "what the fbomb?" Why would my aunt be doing that? I think the woman is just so evil. She knew I was so happy that M-Square and I were together, and I think she was jealous that I was happy because her two own two daughters are still living at home and not likely any time soon to be married. God, the whole thing just creeps me out and made me realize that I really can't trust my family. I was starting to think things were getting better since my grandma died, but the dysfunctional family dynamic is still alive and kicking.

My aunt and my real mother were rivals, and even though my mom has been dead these many years, I think my aunt is still carrying on the rivalry. Like whatever! All of my siblings, except for my one sister are living on their own. And my one sister can't help it because she has a learning disability that was never diagnosed or treated when she was a child, and we all think it was caused because my mother took some medical drug she wasn't supposed when she was pregnant with my sister and the poor kid's brain never fully developed.

Not my cousins. They were totally all born normal in a normal household with a mother and father and two dogs. My uncle was a doctor for crying out loud, yet my cousins still live at home. My cousin the lawyer doesn't need to live at home, and only does it because she's saving to buy a condo. But my other cousin who is older than me still lives at home with my evil aunt. My boy cousin doesn't live at home, but my aunt has to send him rent money every month because he doesn't make enough money to cover his expenses and the guy has to have his own apartment, so he might as well be living at home.

Right now I am so mad at my aunt. I just cannot tell these members of the family anything because they have never wished me well and whenever I hear what they're saying about me, it's never been very good. But my aunt praying that M-Square and I break up has to take the evil cake prize. She is like so catholic too, I don't know how she can sit in her church and not be struck down by god. She knew I was happy, and that I was looking forward to moving down to LA and marrying my M-Square. What a bitch that woman is! She had no good reason to pray for our breakup, other than her own evilness and jealousy!

I heard this song while driving around yesterday in the rain "Doing too Much" by Paula Deanda. I was googling the song and she has an official website where you can hear the song - Paula Deanda.

This is the theme song of my relationship with M-Square. The guys goes "just leave your name and number and I'm going to holler at ya". Yep, that's me.

I'm leaving messages and voicemails Telling you I miss you
Baby am I doing to much
Why you tryna diss me When I just wanna kiss you
Baby am I doing to much,
Tell me what's the issue Who I give these lips to
Baby am I doing to much
This is turning into Something I ain't hip to
Baby am I doing to much

I remember a character in a televison show talking about losing his love and he said like "it doesn't matter if you've had a few months or four hundred years together, it's never enough time." I never knew what he meant until now.

It doesn't matter that M-Square and I only had a few months together. A few months or thirty years, at the end I think I would be thinking the same thoughts I am now - "that we didn't have enough time."