I decided today that I never gave myself permission to not have a career other than a writing career, and until I give myself permission to not do well at the way I make money to pay my rent I will always hate my job. And I've hated my jobs since I decided I wanted to be an author of books and screenplays, but I never knew why.

I didn't hate the job I was between 2000 and 2004. Back then I was just happy to have a job because it was the dot-com bust, and everyone I practically knew was unemployed and looking for work. Now I have another job and every day I hate it and every day think about leaving still. It's not the job, it's me! Even if I were to get another job, I would still hate it because it wouldn't be the dream job of being an author that I long to have.

I have to do alot of inner work this week to have it be okay for me not be in a job that I'm never going to be fulfilled at, that I'll never get more than a Meets on a yearly review, and that I'll never be promoted. I don't want these types of career things anymore, I want different things. But I have to come to terms with my decision and give myself permission to be a mediocre corporate worker, so I can be a good author of books and screenplays. Maybe I've always been a mediocre corporate slave and just never knew it. I don't know.

I'm just blown away by this insight I had about myself this morning. I had no idea I was still holding on to being promoted at my job, being assigned important projects, and getting noticed and seen around the company. These are things I used to crave in my jobs and since I'm not getting them anymore, it's been freaking me out big time.

I'm so incoherent right now, I know. I'm just blown away by what should have been a simple thing to do for myself and I should have done for myself six years ago and I'm mad at myself because I didn't do this six years ago. I can't help asking myself how far would my writing have progressed had I given permission to myself to not do well at my job six years ago.

I haven't been sleeping well and now I am run down and getting sick. Not sure if it's allergies or if it's the rain, but my nose is all runny and I feel crummy. I got at 4:30 am, left home at 6 am to drive to a division meeting two hours away in Sacramento. On the drive back it started raining, and it took me 3 hours to get home. Thank god there weren't any accidents on the freeways, otherwise it would have taken longer.

I am just happy to have gotten home accident free. I know how to drive in rain, but it is still nerve racking to drive in rush hour rainy traffic. I was so proud of myself driving in rush hour traffic. I used to do it regularly, but I haven't had to drive to work in two years and I was beginning to think I was losing my commuting driving skills.

Having learnt to drive on a small island with a two-lane road, I was deathly afraid of driving in San Francisco for a long time. Five lane freeways used to just scare the heck out of me until I had to drive down the Peninsula to work every day for two years at the height of the dot com boom, when the traffic between San Francisco to the South Bay was manic and intense. Now I'm a decent commute driver, and on a rainy day like today I was glad I had that experience.

A friend is picking me up at 6 am tomorrow to drive down to Monterey for an all day seminar, so I have another long day and drive ahead of me tomorrow. Thank god I'm not driving! I am exhausted!

I wear this necklace around my neck called a super receptor. It's a health device that is supposed to help your body function better, but something is happening to it or maybe something is happening to me. It doesn't seem to have the same effect that it had when I first started wearing it in 2003. I let my friend S at work feel it today, and she noted that it wasn't as powerful as it was when she first saw it a few months ago. S said she still feels something, but it isn't as strong as it used to be.

I took it off on Saturday before my kineseology session and I usually feel lost without it, but for some reason I forgot I took it off until later that night. As an avid reader of several new age boards, I've read so many posts and articles in the last two years about how people feel that their frequencies are changing and that there is some kind of shift happening in the world and in their bodies. I've felt the changes in frequences and shifts as well, and I think it's affecting the way my necklace is working. My necklace used to have a such a powerful effect on me, but not anymore.

Everyone says there will be another large frequency shift and change happening during the new moon eclipse on March 29. My intuition tells me that they are right and sadly after that date, I don't think my super receptor will work for me anymore.

S thinks it might because I am taking my etherium supplements and they are having an effect on my energies and frequencies, which are rendering my super receptor ineffective. I mean, this is good news and all because it means it's a sign of growth and change in my body that can only mean my health is getting better. But then I'm thinking, oh great, I'm going to have to look for another device to keep furthering my body's return to good health.

I really like my necklace. It's made me feel safe and protected, and it would be such a bummer to find out after March 29 that it is no longer having the same effect. I wonder if other necklace wearers are feeling the same thing.

I could change the amethyst stone on the necklace, but my intuition tells me that a change in gemstone will not help. The necklace just won't work for me anymore

The new age boards say that the changes and shifts in frequencies are only happening to certain people, and I guess I'm one of them because I'm a sensitive and an intuitive with my four clairs (clairaudient, clairsentience, claircognizance, clairvoyance) intact and going strong and getting stronger every day.

Information on the Vesica Pisces symbol. I meditate in mine and feel JC's presence. I had visions of myself sitting in a Vesica Pisces symbol in ancient Egypt and worshipping Sekhmet. The ancient Egyptian goddess Sekhmet is known as the Eye of Ra. She is the power that protects the good and annihilates the wicked. Sekhmet is the wrathful form of Hathor (goddess of joy, music, dance, sexual love, pregnancy and birth). With leonine head, female human body and the strength of her father, she is the noontime sun --- intense blinding heat.

Vesica Pisces symbol information taken from the Medicine Garden website.

THE VESICA PISCES SYMBOL AND ITS MANY MEANINGS OVER THE AGES...

There is an old symbol, much older than anyone can remember, beyond Christianity, beyond Rome, Greece and Mesopotamia. It is known as the Vesica Pisces symbol. Latin translation calls it the fish bladder. But don't be detoured by this name. Looking like two circles overlapping one another, it has been called the symbol of the 'fish' (because it is shaped like one where the circles overlap) or 'the eye of God,' because it looks like the shape of an eye, as well. I call it The Eye. Eye of Horus, for example. There are many 'eye' motif's and myths/legends around the world.
The Vesica Pisces is easily one of the most profound geometrical images of ancient and modern times. It is, for example, considered to be an integral part of the Ark of the Covenant, as described and shown figuratively by ka-gold's version of the Vesica Pisces. The latter article, in fact, ties in rather nicely with the so-called Hourglass Nebula described at the end of this Alexandrian webpage.

Essentially the intersection of two, overlapping spheres, the Vesica Pisces (including the interior portion of it, and/or the more common two dimensional version) represents, among other things:
1. The joining of God and Goddess to create an offspring.
2. A symbol for Jesus Christ.
3. In art a pointed oval used as an aureole in medieval sculpture and painting.
4. The uterus of the female goddess (or Mother Mary's womb).
5. The basic motif in the Flower of Life.
6. An overlay of the Tree of Life.
7. The formative power of polygons in mathematics.
8. A geometrical description of square roots and harmonic proportions.
9. A source of immense power and energy.
10. As such, it is also a doorway or portal between worlds, and symbolizes the intersection between the heaven and the material plane. The shape of arches in gothic architecture is based on the vesica.
11. The shape of the Vesica Pisces is derived from the intersection of two circles, the Pythagorean "measure of the fish" that was a mystical symbol of the intersection of the world of the divine with the world of matter and the beginning of creation. To the Pythagoreans, the whole of creation was based on number, and by studying the properties of number, they believed one could achieve spiritual liberation. The Vesica pisces was the symbol of the first manifestation, the dyad that gives birth to the entire manifest universe. Within the Vesica can be found the triangle, the tetrad, the square, the pentacle, and many more polygons, making the Vesica a true symbolic womb.
12. The shape of the Vesica Pisces is derived from the intersection of two circles, the Pythagorean "measure of the fish" that was a mystical symbol of the intersection of the world of the divine with the world of matter and the beginning of creation. The Vesica Pisces is used in a wide range of symbolism.
13. The Latin term Vesica Pisces, meaning "Vessel of the Fish" is the most basic and important construction in Sacred Geometry. A Vesica is formed when the circumference of two identical circles each pass through the center of the other. When a Vesica Pisces is viewed horizontally, it looks like a vagina or a womb which is why the Christ child was often pictured inside of one. When the Vesica Pisces is viewed vertically it looks like the shape of a fish. Amazingly, the above two Vesica Pisces each have a horizontal axis equal in length to the gematria value of the Greek word for "fishes."
14. The Vesica Pisces is an ancient symbol used in Pagan culture, Christian symbolism and sacred geometry, as well as various other belief systems. This enduring symbol is so old that I would suggest it was 'born' during the age of Lemuria, the first world upon Earth, eons ago.
15. The two overlapping circles represent the physical world on one side and the causal or spiritual world on the other. The section where they intersect is the akashic or etheric level and is the "bridge between heaven and earth."
In the earliest traditions, the supreme being was represented by a sphere, the symbol of a being with no beginning and no end, continually existing, perfectly formed and profoundly symmetrical. The addition of a second sphere represented the expansion of unity into the duality of male and female, god and goddess. By overlapping, the two spheres, the god and goddess created a divine offspring. It also shows the integration of the male/female that Carl Jung has talked about and that is the path to the Individuation process. The Vesica Pisces motif (and its derivatives, the Flower of Life, Tree of Life, and fundamentals of geometry) has a history of thousands of years and easily predates virtually all major religions of the current era.
The son or daughter of the god and goddess is associated with the overlapping of the spheres -- the resulting three dimensional figure somewhat like an American football. In the case of Jesus Christ, the two dimensional figure has also served as a symbol for the miracle of the fishes. (The "tail" also served to more easily identify the source of the plane figure.) There is also conveyed the spiritual power originating from the interior of this symbol.

Virtually every medieval church in Europe uses as a standard motif, the Vesica Pisces in two dimensions. The fact many of these churches were dedicated to the Virgin Mary or to Mary Madagalene (aka the goddess) is simply part of the understanding. Several of the churches in northern France are even located in such a manner that their points of light recreate the "lights" of the constellation Virgo. In Glastonbury, England, the site normally attributed to Avalon (the island of the Goddess), is also where the Chapel of St. Mary is located -- the latter which is apparently patterned with the use of the Vesica Pisces.

The goddess of any and all religions which recognize her power and significance invariably use the Vesica Pisces to identify her. From the overlapping pools of water and the chalice well cover in the goddess's garden in Glastonbury (aka Avalon) to any number of representations of the Tree of Life, the goddess and her ability to create and birth life are celebrated.
Robert Lawlor, in one of the best books available on Sacred Geometry [Thames and Hudson, 1982] notes that the Ö3 contained within the Vesica Pisces is "the formative power giving rise to the polygonal 'world'."

In Mark Percy's Appendix to the unique book, Two Thirds, [Aulis Publishers, London, 1993] the square roots of 2, 3, and 5 (three of the first digits in the Fibonacci Numbers) can be geometrically calculated. This is just an inkling of the possibilities. And, for those who are into mathematics, 3 - Square Root of Three - 1.732 : 1 - Vesica Pisces.

In 1996, a Crop Circle in the shape of the Vesica Pisces appeared in England. Anyone stepping into the inner portion of the two circles' intersection could feel a sudden rush of energy. More dramatically, is the Hubble Space Telescope photo of the ineptly named Hourglass Nebula http://hubblesite.org, in the center of which is a dramatic, colorful object, supposedly the remnants of a dying star (one about the size of our Sun). The green spot, in fact, is larger than the size of our solar system! The photograph is so dramatic, in fact, that it has appeared on the cover of National Geographic [April 1997]. The fact that it is out in space, in our spiral armed galaxy makes this a symbol of the Universe, not just on our Earth.

Many people experience many sensations in the eye . You can suddenly be pulled forward until you feel like you're going to tip over your toes and fall. Or, you can feel pulled backward to the point where you think you're going to fall over. Or, you may feel a strong pull from your left or right shoulder. It may seem that you're doing what I call, 'adjusting' by moving one way or another. This adjustment is about getting your aura or energy field, back into balance and harmony. Once that is accomplished in the eye, you then can experience an incredible amount of things.

Some people see a color or two. Others see a person, sometimes, their Master or spirit guide or a loved one that has passed over. Or, some will hear music, or their hearing will be sharpened and accentuated. Words, sentences or instructions may be given. Other times, places, incarnations or your home planet may be shown to you. No two people will ever have the same experience because they are uniquely different.

What is the point of working in the eye of the VP? This is a way to access our own integration process, clean out our dirty laundry within us (our wounds/negative emotions, ect.), and heal yourself. When you sit and meditate in the eye, this is one of the most profound experiences you can have.

The VP is about healing. And opening up. Don't be surprised if your heart chakra flies open and you feel tremendous love pouring down through you. As you are filled up with this love from the Universe, you, in turn, can give to others. It is a win-win situation.

The VP can put you in touch with a special teacher in Spirit. You can receive positive and reinforcing guidance as well. Past lifetimes may unroll like film on a movie screen to you, too. The VP, in the finest sense of the word, is a DOORWAY. To where? Well, you must sit in there and find out. The VP is not only a doorway, but it is catalytic as well. You cannot sit in the VP and not change for the better. It will accentuate your true, authentic self and bring you to full bloom if you allow it to work with you.

Reports of going through a worm hole, a 'star gate', flying through the galaxy or through the Universe have also been experienced. Even more profound, going 'home' to your home place where your soul was birthed (and we all have such a place where we have come from and return to between incarnations).

The VP is a mystical opening into the other dimensions, a gate, a door or whatever you want to call it. When you sit or lie down in the VP (make sure your entire body is within the eye or lens/fish, no part of it outside it), something will happen. First, your aura will adjusted and harmonized. Once you are in harmony, then your healing begins.

I would suggest a twenty minute meditation daily in the eye of the VP. Be sure to keep a journal or diary of what you feel, hear, see or experience. Over time, you will see that each journey is like a piece to a greater motif that is you.

OTHER HEALING USES OF THE VESICA PISCES
Feeling stressed out? Go sit or lie down in the The Eye of the symbol. If you are upset, angry or losing patience, go sit in the eye for about five to ten minutes. Amazingly, all the anger or impatience or feeling out of sorts, will simply dissolve away and you'll feel strong, steady and in your 'core' being where there is a sense of solidness and peacefulness.
Worried? Anxious? Panic attack? Want to get rid of these awful feelings? Go sit or lie down in the lens/eye for ten to twenty minutes and feels all this unwanted energy dissipate and dissolve. You'll come out of there feeling like a new person.

Sick? Have a headache? Experiencing arthritis? Go sit or lay down in the lens/eye for ten to twenty minutes and see what happens. You'll be feeling a lot better when you leave the VP.
You see, the VP is our very own, private doorway to the Universe in every possible and conceivable way. You can turn negative into positive. Separation or duality into Oneness. ain into no pain. Sharp, hurtful emotions move into a feeling of peace and harmony.