Memory of a past life in the Andromedan star system

I waiting patiently in receiving room wondering when the King would arrive. I dreaded how he would react to the news that my husband had left the planet without letting anyone know. It was such a breach of protocol for a diplomat to leave without anyone official know. What was my beloved husband thinking? And leaving me to pick up the pieces in the hopes of trying to avert a diplomatic scandal. He said I would be fine, that he was useless here, that he needed to get back to Sirius to continue his research, and that I was fine substitute for him.

I shook my head at my husband’s thoughtlessness.  I am sure the King would have been amenable to any change, but to force the issue like this was just unconscionable. We had come here to study this culture, to see if they had suffered from the lack of diversity as we had. But the Andromedans were fine. There was no decay in their older population, despite the fact that their society was just as closed as our was And after two years here, we were no closer to finding out their secrets if there were any to find,

My husband was frustrated. He had only taken this post in the hopes that the study of this culture would further his research, give us answers as to why the older crystals beings on our planet were dying, and shattering before their time.

I heard the door open, and saw the King stride into the room. As soon as he saw he bowed, and then went to sit in the large throne like chair opposite across from me. I studied his face in hopes to read his mood, but his face was impassive. I prayed my face was just as unreadable. I watched him glance admiringly at me, and I was secretly glad that I had spent some time to make sure that I looked my best. Mother had always taught me that if one must face adversity, one should always be dressed their best so one could feel confident in the situation.

“My ministers have told me that your husband has left the planet.” The king intoned. “Did he leave an explanation for me fo me?” I opened the satchel I had brought and took out the letter my husband had written for the king. I handed the letter over the King, hoping that my husband had apologized in the letter and fully explained his actions. If the King asked me, I wasn’t sure if I could explain my husband’s actions, so I was immensely glad when my husband had given me the letter with instructions to give it to the King.

I contemplated the King’s face as he read the letter. I saw his eyebrows rise up, but his eyes and expressions were unreadable. I was impressed. I am sure he had learnt over the years never to show his emotions to anyone, but his control over his facial expressions was remarkable. Then his lips turned up into a smile and he looked up and our eyes locked. I felt my breathing become shallow. The attraction I had always felt for the King rose to surface. I had forgotten that it  was even there since I had managed to control it and hide it some deep dark place in my being. But the desire I felt for this being came roaring back as if it knew my husband was not around to impede its life. Something of what I felt must have shown in my face or my eyes, because I saw the King’s smile get broader.

“While I am not pleased by your husband’s actions, I approve his decision to leave you her in his place. It will give us a change to get to know each other without anyone’s interference.

I nodded my head in agreement, not knowing what to say or how to react other than to say yes. The situation between the King and I had become dangerous, and part of me was glad at the change in circumstances

This is a past life memory from another dimension and planet where I am a weapons designer.

The weapons testing room had been set up with a different crew this time.  All volunteers of course, but these were not the regular volunteers.  These were ex-military types who now made their living as mercenaries for corporations, countries, private individuals, anybody willing to hire them for a decent price.  I reviewed their names, and noted that some of them were quite famous, space pirates even, all incredibly lethal and all of course skilled at cheating death. Perfect, I mumbled under my breath, hoping no one would hear me.

“Did we pay them?” I asked that guard who was surveying the volunteers. “Yes, ma’am. And too much if you ask me.” He said not turning around. “Do they know what we’re testing and why they’re here?” I walked over to the instrument panels for one final check. I didn’t really care if they knew or not, and it was none of my business how much the government wanted to pay them, but I hated to test weapons on people who didn’t know what was being tested since it made for bad results.

“They know what we do here, so they are curious as to what they can expect to purchase next year.” The guard murmured finally turning around to look at me. I almost want to tell him they only volunteer to find out if they can back-engineer what we’re doing and get it market quicker than we can, but I’m not interested in making that much small talk.

"They say that this is a very special weapon that you’re testing. That there is nothing like it out in the universe.” Joked the guard. “I’ll let you be the judge of that.” I stared at the guard until he turned around and went back to where he had been standing.

I took off my lab coat and checked the cuff I was wearing. I surveyed the clothes my lab assistant had procured for me from Supplies, and wondered if all our soldiers had to wear to this crazy outfit. I was dressed all in black with enough pockets on my pants and jacket to carry all sort of things, although I am not sure how I would move if every pocket was full of something or other. The shoes looked right though. Regulation boots made to endure all sorts of weather conditions.

I felt someone looking at me and found the guard gaping at me with his mouth wide open. I couldn’t tell if he was in shock or about to say something. I decided I had better say something before he did “I am testing the weapon today. Is there a problem with that?” I announced in my most official of voices.

“No, ma’am. But, if I may be allowed to speak isn’t this a little unusual?” I shrugged my shoulders and confided in him “Yes, but we couldn’t find anyone else on such short notice to be handle the weapon. So since I developed it, management decided I should test it as well.”

“But ma’am, you’re not a field person. And you’ll be in there with those, those killers”. Warned the guard. “They will be more afraid of me after the test is done. But don’t worry. I will be standing on the other side of the room. Shall we begin?” I suggested walking towards the door on the other end of the testing room. The guard nodded, but I could tell he wanted to say something more. He said nothing, and I was thankful that the outlandish rank the military gave me prevented him from questioning my orders.

As we slowly walked to the room, I went over in my head all the precautions my team and I had put in place in case this weapon test failed. I was on opposite side of the weapons testing room, and in case of a failure, a forcefield would be activated in the middle of the room separating me from the volunteers. The field would be up for 5 minutes, and if anyone touched the field, they would get the equivalent of a small electric shock. The field could handle one thousand hands touching it before finally giving out, and there were only 10 people in the room so we had some confidence that the field would hold. The 5 minutes would give me enough to time to leave the room and lock the door. But I knew there would be no failure.

The guard opened the door, and I sauntered into the room hoping to look confident and assured. I heard the door close behind me.  There was 50 feet of empty space between me and my bloodthirsty volunteers, so I moved to the half way point between the line which demarcated the middle of the room. Thankfully, someone on the team decided that it might be a good idea to give me a microphone so I wouldn’t have to yell, so I flipped it on.

I looked up an the volunteers who were starting to move towards me. “Gentleman. Thank you for volunteering.” I began. They stopped in their tracks at the sound of my voice, so I continued. “This will hopefully be a short test. You don’t have to do anything but stand there, while I test the weapon.” I pressed the first button on the cuff, which measure the frequency of everyone in the room. There was a little screen on the cuff, and when it displayed the average frequency of the volunteers. I pressed the second button, which measured my frequency. Thankfully, when my frequency was displayed there was enough off a differential where I could be test up to four scenarios. The third button was an accelerator which you could press to set the beam to whatever frequency you chose.

“What type of weapon are you testing?” One of the volunteers yelled out. I smiled. “As you may or may not be aware, all bodies have a frequency which we now have instruments to measure. The body frequency is like an electrical current. If one cuts the flow of the current to the body for even just one second, the body goes out, faints, much like what would happen if you turned a light off. No harm would come to the person however, since the body would automatically start regenerating its currents on its own.”
“That type of weapon isn’t new. Those have been out for years.” Another volunteered bellowed out.
“True. The laser weapon isn’t new, but no one has come up with a laser that you could use on a large group of people.” The volunteers looked at each other as if they were trying to ask each other if what I said was true.”
“But you have obviously.” A volunteer marveled.
“Yes, and now we will test it.” I pressed the third button twice, which accelerated the the weapon frequency to two degrees above the average in the room. I pressed the fourth button, which activated the laser and sent out a high toned pitch which you hear. Immediately 2/3 of the volunteers dropped in a dead faint. I smiled at the efficiency of the weapon. Not bad for a first test. The remaining volunteers looked at me and started slowly walking backwards to the other side of the room.

I grinned and pressed the third button twice again, and hit the fourth button. This should knock  everyone out in the room, and it did. I looked up at my team who were staring in awe at me through the glass windows that lined the top half of the room, and waved and gave them a thumbs up. The test was a success and the weapon worked. I looked at the volunteers lying on the ground. None of them were moving. I briefly wondered how long they would be out, but that was for the team to figure out.
I felt a weight lift from my shoulders.  Five years of hard work and lab testing were over. I was ready to celebrate. I walked back to the door, knocked on it, and waited for it to open, fantasizing about the size of my next bonus. I was definitely going to take a long vacation this year, maybe even to that spa I heard about on Venus. The door opened and I walked out out of the room with a big smile on my face.

A memory from the past life with the Elf Man.

I am dying, wasting away. I am betraying every elfin law I know but letting myself die this way, but I do not care. Some part of me tells me there will be karma to pay for countless lifetimes, but even that dire pronouncement elicits no response.

I didn’t think I would ever hurt this way, feel this damaged, this broken. I feel like part of my soul was ripped in half, stolen so brutally, that time itself will never heal the scar. The scar will be open and bleeding, and part of my soul will forever be leaking away drop by drop through the centuries.

I sit in our lovely house, looking out the window at the sea. The beautiful wide sea, with all its power and immensity. I keep thinking that he will come back to me. That what I saw was a nightmare and I will wake up soon, and my beloved elf man will be here next to me nuzzling my neck the way he does so every waking morning of our life.

But I do not wake up because I do not sleep. I cannot sleep. When I sleep, the nightmares come. The moments I last saw you come back in all its cruelty, and I wake up screaming and crying. I cannot relive, will not relive those moments ever again, so I stopped sleeping.  I stopped eating as well because eating reminds me of you. Being out in the garden and working reminds me of you. Everything reminds me of you. But sitting at at the window staring out at the sea does not remind me of you, even though I know I have often sat here waiting for you to come home.

The plant devas come and plead with me to take care of the plants in the garden. They saw what happened as well, so they know my pain. They tell me that I can go on, that I can live again, and that they will help me find my joy again. I smile at them but I say nothing. They are persistent.  They come every day, and talk to me, plead their case.  And every day I smile and listen to them, and at the end, I say nothing.  Sometimes I fear they will find other elves to come and talk to me, but there are no other elves left.  There are very few of us left in this world now. And the ones that are left, have gone far underground or have made themselves as small as birds that one cannot even see them.  A few have gone to live with the humans vowing to adapt themselves to that world.

I keep asking myself why didn’t either of us see this situation coming. We had always been able to see our future so we could stay ahead of it.  We wouldn’t have lived this long without staying steps ahead of the future. Where did we go wrong? You once told me a long time ago before we started down this path, that we would only be able run for so long and that the future and time will catch up with us. But even you weren’t sure when that time would come, and if it would come at all.

Did you know that time was catching up with us and not tell me? Because if you did know, then it was cruel of you not to tell me. Did you think it would spare me?  Could not you foresee my future and how I would feel? That by not telling me, you would condemn me to to this ever spinning vortex of pain. By not telling me you would banish me to a world where feelings of hatred and misery would intertwine within me and solidify as one feeling quite indistinguishable from each other. And that feeling would do its best to try and extinguish any love that I have for you. And that I would spend what is left of my life protecting the love I have for you from the misery/hate I have for you.

And that in the end, I would long for death, wish for death even more than I ever longed for you, so I could protect the love that I have for you in my heart.

And it is our love which is keeping me alive right now. Because in the end at the final end of my life, our love wants to win, wants to stay in my heart, and banish all the hatred and misery away. So in my final moments, I will not see your final moments with me but the first moment I knew I loved you and I knew that you loved me. Because this is the memory that our love wants me take into eternity.

Dedicated to the Elf Man, who followed the elves that led him to my blog once so long ago. This is what I see of our past life, our one relatively speaking short happy and contented life together.

We lived by the sea in a small cottage on the shore away from hustle and bustle of the capital. We were happy together you and I. We were neither very rich nor very poor, for all our needs were met. You went out every morning in your boat, and brought food for us to eat.  Strange food sometimes, gifts that the Mer people your friends had given you to bring to shore. I had a vegetable garden in the back, and with help from the plant devas our garden gave us more than enough food to eat.

Our cottage was filled with remnants of our old lives which neither of us could quite let go. The fancy furniture from both our parents, the luxurious linens and clothes that we brought with us from the capital. To an outsider who did not know us, we looked like any poor old elf couple eking a simple living by the sea as we wore the simple clothes befitting our current stature.

To those who did know us, whom I believed despised us because turned our backs on everything we knew, we were that rebellious couple with so much promise. You were the most brilliant wizard in our class, and could have had your pick of serving any kingdom as a spiritual leader. The head of our school said your powers were unlimited. There was only one other person who was probably your equal, and that was me.  I could have married a king or served as spiritual leader to any kingdom, which would have my parents very happy.

We might have even been able to marry each other, and served any number of kingdoms if we wanted to, for together we were that powerful and wanted. But that was not what we wanted. Not after what we had seen what was to come, what was to happen to our land and to our people.

And so we ran away, away from responsibility, away from our families, for a chance to experience the happiness we knew we would never have had we stayed. We had our many, many years together and we were happy, but such happiness does not come without a price. To keep our identities a secret, we vowed to never have children for a child would have seemed out of place in our disguise as an older couple. How I longed for children in those days, to see a miniature version of you or me or a mixture of both of us scampering about our little cottage.

But the war that ravaged our land which we had been able to escape finally reached us after all, no matter how many times we moved to different shores. I sometimes think I can see the soldiers dragging you away, but those memories are still so very painful even now that some part of me blocks them away unwilling to let me experience the horrors of that day.

And all I am left with is the very happy memories of us and our very many cottages by the sea. And the gratitude that thousands of years later, you were able to find me, that some kind elves led you to me, to remind me our stolen happiness. 

Past life memory of teaching a class in an Egyptian mystery school.

I teach this class to children who are at least 8 years old, to mystery school students who are tagged as advanced by other teachers. This is a beginning exercise that the student can explore further as they grow older. It’s a simple exercise really, at least it is to me. No one taught it to me. I just know how to do it, and when my mystery school teachers found out I could do it, they persuaded me to stay at the school and teach it other students. In my 10 years of teaching, I have not found another student who just knew how to do this.  I find this fact oddly disturbing at some level, but it does give me a sense of job security if there is such a thing.

My class is filled with children of varying ages, and they are 10 children in all. They all look rather smug if you asked me, but then I suppose they have every right to be. You don’t get to be in my class unless some teacher has singled you out as being advanced.

I smile and ask them to sit in a circle a foot apart. Having them sit in a circle allows me to walk around to make sure each child is getting the exercise. I tell them to close their eyes, and then to imagine taking a spark of light from their own soul. And once they have the light, to create  a large circle of light spinning to the right. After a few minutes when I can feel that each child has that spinning circle in their mind, I tell them to take another spark of light from their soul and to make that spark into another large circle of light, but this time spinning to the left. And when I can see the student have both circles of light  spinning in their mind, I tell them to join the circles of light to create the eye of Horus, our beloved God. Once I see all the beautiful eyes of Horus in their mind, I tell them to lower the eye of Horus over them making sure that they are in the iris part of the eye.

I tell them you might feel sensations coming over their body, a sense of weightlessness, a tingling maybe.  Whatever physical sensation they are feeling is okay and is part of the process. I tell them to lower their eye of Horus until the eye has touched the ground.

Then I tell them to imagine seeing themselves in the eye of Horus and to open their eyes. I tell the students that I will walk around the circle, and touch each student on their heads one by one, and when they feel the touch they are going to describe to the class what they see in their mind’s eye.

I start, and one by one each student says out loud what they see. The first student asks if he is sitting in a portal.  I smile because some person in the class always asks this question. I tell the student yes, this is a portal, but it a special portal, because it doesn’t go the same place for each person.  Since each student created the portal with the light of their soul, the portal becomes a vortex gateway to one of their past lives, a past life that is important for that person to see right now.

This is the fun part because each student talks about what they see, hear, sometimes smell as well, and I am always amazed at the type of lives that each student talks about in the circle.

When all the students are done speaking, I tell them to imagine the circles of light becoming one and forming a single spark of light, and to imagine that light going back into their soul.

When the exercise is done, I tell the students to opent their eyes, and I give them a 15 minute break.  Then I tell the class that they will meet with me for 7 more sessions, which is 8 sessions in all. I tell them that I have found through past experience, that it takes about 8 sessions for each student to become proficient at this exercise.  I tell them some of them will master this exercise in less time, and a few of them may need more time, but that they will all master this exercise. I tell them that this exercise will have many uses for them in whatever they decide to do with their lives. I let them know that one hour has passed, but that each session will get progressively longer as they practice stepping out of the portal and entering the world of their past life.

This memory fragment came this afternoon, although I have had different variations of this memory previously.

We are all standing in line in front of a large glass box.  There are armed guards everywhere. Everyone is terrified. The person who looks to be in charge is surveying the crowd.  He looks like your typical movie villain evil professor with glasses, a shiny slightly bald head, and a clipboard. 

There is a makeshift command center in front of him connected to the glass box. The glass box is full of different colored balls.  The whole thing seems dream like but not a good dream, more like a nightmare.  I have a memory of sitting in my cube at my laptop and hearing the fire alarm go off,  and then instead of the typical announcement that we should evacuate building or that this was a fire alarm test, the voice announced that we should all go up to the top floor of our building where there is a large conference room.  After the announcement, we all stood up asking each other what was going on and then the doors opened and the armed guards walked in signaling everyone to get to the elevators. One of the talky people on the floor asked what was going on, and we saw the guard put his gun to the man's head and motioned him to elevator bank. After that, no one said anything and we silently walked towards the elevators with our heads down.

When we got to the floor, there were more armed guards to direct us where to go.  I looked at the guards, and they were wearing US Army gear so I didn't think we were being held hostage by some terrorist group but it was frightening.  Why hadn't management said anything?

The evil professor motioned to one of the guards, and he came over. Evil professor started saying something and the guard had to bend his head down to hear him because he was at least a foot taller than the professor. The guard nodded and walked over the first person in line.  He motioned for the first person to stand in front of the glass box.

Evil professor walked back to the makeshift command center and lifted up what looked like some kind of helmet.  He walked over to the man standing in front of the box and motioned for him to put it on. The helmet had all sorts of antennas all over it. Evil professor went back to the controls, and nodded to the guard. The guard said very loudly, "See if you can lift the balls up with your mind. The helmet will help you".  This is the first time I think I have heard the guard speak.

The first man in line looked into the box, and closed his eyes.  Poor guy. He lifted his hands up and they were trembling. He raised both hands up as if he was willing the balls to move, but nothing happened.  After what seemed like a few minutes, the guard said to stop and told the man to take the helmet off.  Another guard came up and directed the man to stand in the left corner of the room, where another guard was standing.

One by one each person in line put the helmet one, and no one could make the balls move.  Finally a woman put the helmet on and the balls started rolling around, and when that happened there was a loud collective gasp in the room.  The guard told her to stop and motioned over to stand by another guard in the center of the room. There was no one by that guard. The other people who had failed to move the balls were all standing together.

And so it went on and one.  Some people were able to make the balls move and some were not, and they were separated into groups of people who could move the balls and people who could not.

Finally it was my turn. I wondered vaguely what group I would be in when I was done.  As soon I stepped within one foot of the box, the balls started bouncing up and down. I stopped and watched them. Then I could hear little voices popping into my head.  The voices kept saying "Hello Brenda", which sort of freaked me because they knew my name.  Then a more powerful voice said he was the leader and said they were a civilization of nanobots, and that they weren't balls at all but they have were told by the evil professor to turn themselves into balls.

I heard the guard say keep moving forward, so I stepped closer to the glass box and the balls formed themselves into letters spelled out "Hello Brenda". I heard gasps behind me. Evil professor got up from his console took his clipboard and started making notes.

I put my hands on the glass box, and the nanobots spelled out "redrum, redrum", which was murder spelled backwards from the The Shining movie. The leaders of the nanobots told me they were being held prisoner. I turned and looked at the evil professor who was now standing three feet away from me and said to him, "They are sentient." Evil professor said "Yes".

The nanobot leader told me that some of them could escape if I would be their carriers. I asked him how, and he said they would come through the glass. I nodded and I felt them coming through the glass and something coming into my fingers.

Evil Professor said "Are you talking to them?" The nanobots leader pleaded with me not to tell the truth.  I took my hands off the glass box and turned to the evil professor and said "No. If I put the helmet would be able to talk to them? They knew my name. How did they know my name?". Evil professor stared and me and then wrote something down on this clipboard. He motioned over to one of the guards, and the guard told me to come with him and led me away to another part of the room. The guard stood with me, and I watched more and more of my fellow workers putting on the helmet and trying to make the nanobots move. 

The nanobot leader after awhile said to me in my mind, "Thank you. We will make a home inside you.  We can help you. We can repair your body. We can return your vision to what it was in your youth so you don’t have to wear contacts.  We can fix that pain in your knee from that skiing accident. We can do many things."

I could feel someone staring at me and I looks to my right and saw the evil professor staring at me. I wondered if he knew that the nanobots had escaped and were not inside me.  The nanobot leader, as if he could read my mind, said to me, "Don't worry about him.  They don't understand us and our species, but they are trying to.  They are looking for people like you, who can talk to us, but they are ignorant of our true capability."

"Are they murdering your kind?" I asked because of the redrum message. "They are testing us, and sometimes the tests do not work, and so we are murdered in the name of science and experimentation. We are their slaves."

"Are you my slave now?" I asked him. I didn't really want a slave population roaming through my body. "What are the nanobots getting out of being with me?"

"You will help us. You will help us free the rest of our kind." A chill ran over me. "How can I help you do that?" I said. "We will show you. You will be the liberator. It is your destiny.  That is why we can talk to you and why we recognized you."

If you are a long time reader of this blog or have stumbled upon it, let me give you some background of what I am currently posting. I have these flashes of memory not of this life that pop into my head on a daily basis. It usually happens when I am walking to and from work, and any other time when I am walking. I am not sure if these memories are from a past life, a half-remembered dream, or some fictional character who has popped into my head showing me a story that they want to see written down. Whatever the case may be, I've decided to start writing these memories down in this blog as a sort of a free write exercise, to get myself back into writing and to store these memories somewhere so they are out of my head.

I should note that not all of these memories are from the past. Some of them are from some strange future and sometimes they happen on different planets.

And they won't be complete stories either with a beginning, middle, and end. They will be memory fragments, dream fragments, like half-remembered songs. In other words, they may not make sense because they aren't suppose to make sense. 

First past life memory. I was in junior high, and had read my first book about the concept of reincarnation. I cannot remember what I was doing or what triggered the memory, but this is the memory I saw in my mind which I can still see very clearly even today.

I am standing at the top of a castle. I look down and I can see that I am very, very high up. I look up and around, all I can see is land and trees far as my eyes can see. I look down at myself. I am wearing some type of long gown. The gown looks to be made of silk and it has pearls sewn into the fabric. My hair is long I think because it is done up in braids which have been wound around my head. I am young at least I feel young. I am not wearing a ring, which may mean I am not married. I have a necklace, a choker really, made out of some strange type of bead. I wish I had a mirror so I could see what I really look like.

I feel the top of my head and I have some type of cap on or bonnet made out of the finest wool. The fabrics I am wearing feel so different than modern fabric. I feel a draft underneath my skirt. I don’t think I am wearing any underwear, but I am too afraid to check.

Emotions come over me. I feel sad, heartbroken, but I have no memories of why these emotions are with me. In my vision, I see myself having a memory of standing exactly where I am standing now and wondering if I should fling myself off the castle wall. There is no moat around the castle, so any fall would mean instant death. In my past life memory, I have more past life memories of being this age and not growing any older. I think this means I have never had long past lives. The lives I have memories of were short, meaning I never see myself being older than 20 years old.  

I am not sure why there is no one about, but judging from the light in the sky it must be early dawn because the sky is a mixture of pink and yellow clouds.  If this is a castle, it must be poorly defended since I do not see anyone standing watch on this part of the castle.

I put my arms around myself so I can give myself a hug. I am not sure if this is a modern gesture or if people have been comforting themselves like this since the beginning.

I can hear a voice calling me. It’s a woman’s voice. I have a memory of this woman, which is dropped into my brain like raindrop. She's my nurse, which I guess means she is my servant. She has been looking for me, and has now discovered my hiding place. I want to scream at her to leave me alone, but I don’t. This version of myself seems so helpless. She is, I am fragile. I feel my waist. I don’t think I have been very well because I can feel my ribs sticking out. I take one more look around, at the land, my father’s land, our land, and head to the door which has just opened.