Of course all this job stress these last two months have just wrecked havoc with my weight. I stepped on the scale on Friday and just about screamed. I've gained 10 pounds in two months. I was so in denial about it too, even though my acupuncturist even mentioned how fat he thought I was getting.

I didn't want to face my weight gain because it would have meant one more thing to worry bout. But I can't deny it any longer. My size 8 jeans are so cutting off the bloody supply to my legs tight. It's so horrifying to be this heavy again!

I wish I was one of those people who get sick and lose weight when they get stressed. The type that just wants to disappear from a battle. Not me. I'm the cave girl blood type 0 type, who bulks ups and screams "bring it on" while swinging her cave girl club.

When I get stressed out, my body and system become so unbalanced. I went to the vitamin store on Saturday and loaded on stress vitamins and other herbal products that are supposed to help your body deal with stress.

I should have figured I was stressed out when all I did last week was think about having a beer after a work. It's been a long time since I've craved alcohol to chill out, and this disturbs me. Sure, I've been craving ciggies all week but decided not to give into my ciggie fit. But booze? That is scary!

I think I'm getting all needy and codependent too. I think I'm driving Laguna Beach guy nuts, because I so have to call him every day. I decided I needed to stop myself from calling him on Friday, and it was so painful to do that. I don't need to be addicted some guy right now. I have my chocolate addiction to deal with, which led me to eat two huge bags of M&M's with almonds last week. Then there's my ciggie fits and not booze cravings to fuss over. I don't need Laguna Beach boy cravings.

He was really cute though last week when he emailed me and said he had "Brenda on the Brain". How corny and sweet is that? He mentioned something about flying up here which of course just freaked me out, and which he noticed right away. I am way to stressed out be entertaining anyone right now.

M-Square is very supportive in his own way, but I just don't want to see him just yet. I have so many other things to do like trying to figure out my perfect job situation. I haven't done that exercise in ages, and I know I need to do it again because I don't want to end up in another job that I'm going to want to leave in a year. I thought this current job was going to be a place that I'd want to stay for a long time, but I was wrong. I can't make that mistake again the next time around. I am tired of job hopping!

Job stress is just so bad for my writing and zaps all my creativity. Boyfriend stress does that too, but not as bad as job stress.