Of course the day after I wrote that my job wasn't so bad, I had a really bad day at work. The senior VP of my division gets all freaked out because he thought I was going to program manage this vendor, yells at my director who then overreacts to the situation, and the next thing I know I am in someone's office trying to explain myself.

I was trying to fly under the radar at this crazy place, and I keep getting pulled in to weird stuff and vps throw my name about like it was garbage. I actually thought the senior vp didn't even know who the hell I was, but I guess not because he was talking about me.

I swear, people project onto me and ascribe more ambition to me than I've ever had. I just want to do my analytical work and be left one. I don't like being in the spotlight. I'd rather support people and have them take the heat and be on the front line. I like working behind the scenes. I don't need to manage or be known or get recoginition at his job.

It's not that I don't want recognition, sure I want that, but for my novels so a publisher will want to publish my books or make my script into a movie. I don't want "work recognition"! It's a huge bother and really not worth all that much effort unless you're going to use it to become a VP or something, or a director. I want to get paid and I want to leave my job at 5 pm and I don't want to deal with stupid political intrigue at work.

I feel like the universe is testing me and saying, "are you sure you want to stay at this pretty awful job, because it will get worse?" And I'm saying back, "I don't care about recognition, I want my free time, I want to be able to leave at 5 pm and not take work home, I want time to write my novels and screenplays and still be able to workout and lose weight on a daily basis. I want this job because I can do it with my eyes closed and I get paid enough to pay my bills and have a little bit left over. STOP TRYING TO TEST ME!"