I came across this factoid in the comment section of a financial website that I have bookmarked; one to two hundred thousand dollars lost by fifty million households since January 14, 2000.

Is this true? If it is, it's unbelievable because that's a ton of people. The commentator also mentioned that many retired people who were heavily invested in the stock market suffered serious losses, as well as those retirees from companies whose stocks have gone to nothing like Lucent, ATT, and Bethlehem Steel.

I was lucky. I got out of market before 2000, while the market was still high, and transferred everything to money market accounts. I knew the markets were going to correct, and it was just a matter of time. Some of my best friends thought I was totally crazy to get out of the market, and blamed my fascination with conspiracy theories on looniness. My critics have lost a ton of money, some are bitter, some are worried, and some are scared. This was their retirement money, after all.

And looney me? I didn't lose money, I made money actually. Not a lot, but at least I have no losses. I take no pleasure in being right. I don't want to tell people I told you so, and why the heck didn't you listen to me, although I'm tempted. It's cruel to be sanctimonious with people who have suffered financial losses. I feel for my friends.

What scares me is the effect these financial losses will mean for the country. If people have lost money, this means corporations which are also heavily invested in the stock market, have lost money too. This means pension funds and mutual funds have taken deep losses as well.

And it all trickles down, trickles up, trickles everywhere. All the states are experiencing budgetary woes, which means a cutback in social services at the state level. The government cut taxes, but now they could sure use that tax money for the war on terrorism and upcoming war with Iraq. If they have to make cuts, the government will cut social services.

Where is the safety net that many people might be needing soon? I had images of blood on the streets in January 2000 right before the markets started diving. Those images have come back, but this time I don't think it's financial bleeding I'm seeing.

A fun link, The Top 10 Conspiracy Theories of 2002. God, I love this stuff. People have such great imaginations! I'm an analyst, so I'm sort of trained to look for trends and connections in massive amounts of data. But these conspiracy people put my skills to shame.

Some New Years's Resolutions.

1. Finish my two novels. Following in the Dark - a story about religion and s&m sex and finding yourself, and The Crow Priestess - a scifi fantasy story of power games by women.

2. Finish my screenplay - Going Home Again, and send to Richard Walter at the UCLA Screenwriting program for review.

3. Start and finish - Missy Dreams of Ducks - the story of a 12-year old who dreams she's become a duck.

4. Finish my very long short story Crazy Eddie - the story of a woman who goes to the desert after she discovers her boyfriend lying in a pool of blood in her hallway.

5. Get my weight down to 130 pounds and maintain.

6. Read my bible every day, and study Luke/Acts and the Pauline letters.

7. Write a gratitude list every day, only because I know I'm not very grateful for how great my life really is.

So it's New Year's Day and I'm playing with my dowsers, which I got in the Sean David Morton seminar I went to in November. I'm asking my pendulum and copper rods all these questions about 2003, and it's fun and mindless and who knows if what they're saying is true, but it's like an entertainment thing, so who cares right?

This morning I dreamt of my first love from college, MN (a nickname only he and I know the origins of). I haven't dreamt of him in years, but I did this morning. I dreamt we were getting together, like dating and getting married, which is so weird since I haven't heard from since I left college.

I mean, it would be my ultimate romantic fantasy to end up being married to first love, but the chances of that happening is like so zero. I think he probably lives somewhere in DC or Maryland, because he always said he was going to live on the banks of the Potomac, and he's the kind of guy who always does what he says. And I'm here in the city and county of San Francisco.

So I'm asking the pendulum and the dowsers about my first love MN, and they're like confirming my dream and I'm like, yeah right, in a million years, I'll believe when I see it. I mean, it would have to take a phone call from my first love telling me he's living here in the Gemini city of San Francisco, and like wouldn't it be nice if we got together. Still, it's kind of fun in a sad way to think of us getting together again. Sad only because I know it's just a fantasy. But I'm an Aquarian, and every Aquarian girl has a thing for their first love guys, so maybe it's not that surprising that I still cling to the fantasy of marrying my first love.

It's so weird to think of my first love on this first day of the New Year. I mean what was my subconscious mind up to when it made me have that dream? I suppose I should sit around and try to analyze my dream, but I'm not going to. What's the point? I think I should just look at my first love dream as a reminder that I'll find someone to fall in love with this year, and it will be as cool, as hot, and as special as that first time. Now that's my ultimate love fantasy!