The car insurance adjuster and I finally connected, and I decided to go through one of their repair shops instead of my car dealer. The car insurance company guarantees the work for as long as I own the car, and that seemed like a good deal plus there is less paperwork to deal with if I go through one of their authorized repair shops.

I was going to go through my car dealer, but their service is bad and they charge alot for their work, so better to go the no paperwork route.

I picked a place near my office, drove over to the repair shop, and the man was so sweet and nice. There was a silver BMW in the shop in for repair for being hit by a big rig, and somehow that made me feel better, like I wasn't the only one getting dinged by big trucks. The autobody man said he would prepare an estimate, and give me a call tomorrow. He said he would also arrange for my rental car. In short, he told me he would take care of everything, order a new door which should hopefully take a couple of days, and after that he would need 3 or 4 days to fix my car.

I was so happy to hear the autobody repairman say that. I think by the middle of next week, I'll have my car back and fixed. I'm so impressed by his customer service, that if he follows through I will definitely tip him. He even thanked me for choosing his garage. How cool is that.

Of course, my more cynical side is saying he's probably suffering economically like all other businesses, so of course he's happy to have my business, but even so, he treated me very well and I got a good feeling about him and his work ethic. I'll find out for sure when I finally get my car back, but I think it's going to work out.

Of course, I'll be out $500 which is upsetting, but for what happened to me and my car, that's probably a small price to pay. Once again, thank god for car insurance. I looked up my car insurance policy documents, and I'm not covered for All Risks. When my renewal comes up in July, I'l have to ask about what that covers. I so want as much insurance for my car as I can get now, and I don't mind paying for it.

The car insurance adjuster was so nice and easy to work with. He didn't hassle me, and he called back right away. I thought he wouldn't call me till Wednesday, but he called me Monday morning. I will have to write a nice thank you note to him and copy his boss, and if the autobody repair guy does a great job, I'll write a thank you note to him as well and copy my car insurance company so they know he's doing a good job.

My car insurance company, California Triple A, has really been great so far. When my old car got broken into in 1999, they arranged for me to go to a window repair place and my car was fixed by the next afternoon. I was expected to be hassled about my car accident, because of stories people have told me about their car insurance experiences, but so far no hassles and good customer service.

I felt blessed and relieved for once, instead of damned and punished. I needed a good experience after my horrible Good Friday. I keep thinking that if I hadn't skipped Good Friday service, I wouldn't have had the accident. That if I wasn't so not into being part of worship service, I wouldn't be out $500 dollars with my car all damaged.

I should feel grateful that people ask me to be part of the church service. But I'm just so not into it and I don't know why. This is the second time in a month I've turned down being part of a service. My pastor asked me to do Prayers for the People, and I turned him down. I write really good prayers too, but I just wasn't feeling up to to it.

Truthfully, I wasn't into it because I was afraid that I would say the wrong things because of the war. My church was split down the middle on the war, and since I was pro-war, I knew I would pray for the troops and their safett and I knew that would be such a touchy issue among some of the anti-war members of my congregation.

And yes, it has upset me that we didn't pray for the troops at every service like I think we should have. No matter what your feeling was about the war, we should always pray for the safety of our troops. But that didn't happen, and when that didn't happen I knew that the person praying was vehemently anti-war, and couldn't even bring themselves to pray for our soldiers. Like how un-christian is that or what?

Hearing the Prayers of the People by various members was so revealing to me, because it really told you alot about the individual member, maybe a little too much. I think I was embarrassed a little to be so pro-war myself, because I've been a peace dove for all of my life. But 9/11 really profoundly affected my view of the world, and it's something that I think will continue to influence me whether I want it to or not.

I get tears in my eyes when I think about the events of 9/11, I think because I have such good memories of the World Trade Center. I visited there, listened to lunch time concerts during the summer in the plaza at the very bottom, and I even still own clothes that I bought in the shops there. I spent so much in New York City for awhile, and was practically living there three months out of every year.

I even for a time paid my friend a rental fee for a room she had in her house, so I wouldn't have to worry about not having a place to stay whenever I visited New York. That was cool, paying for an apartment in San Francisco and at the same time paying for a space in New York City. My friend needed the money and I needed a place to crash.

What a life I lived back then. I thought nothing of flying to New York City for the weekend to hangout with friends and enjoy the city. New York City has always felt like home to me, from the first time I went there. That's strange coming from a girl who grew up on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, but it's true. I'm not sure if NYC is familiar to me because of all the movies, tv shows and books that have taken place there, but for whatever reason, I've always felt the city was my home.

I had to get used to living in San Francisco, and after all these years it now feels like home, but I instantly felt so at home in New York. I never get lost in New York, and I still get lost here in San Francisco all the time.

I know I need to rethink why I'm so shy with my fellow church members. I know I shouldn't be but I am. I'm even thinking of joining a small bible study group, something I've resisted since I first joined. I tried to join a bible study group when I first joined, but the people just freaked me out. They were so ignorant about other religions, and I think thought anyone who wasn't christian as damned to hell. I'm way too universalist for that.

I've been studying other religions since junior high, and I'm one of those who thinks as long as a person who believes in some form of god, what does it matter what religion it is. However, I don't think my view as far as I can tell is that accepted in any american mainstream denomination church.

I've had such an interesting spiritual journey myself, and have such a hodge podge of beliefs that I feel incapable of judging a person's route to god. Who cares how you get to God, as long as you're interested in wanting to meet him. Radical view for a supposed christian, I know.

So I guess I'm still in shock. I stepped on the scale this morning, and I've lost four pounds since Friday. I must be really be stressed out to lose weight like that. I just don't feel like eating, or when I do eat, I can't eat very much.

At work today, I bought a cup of soup with crackers and I had to force myself to finish it. My stomach is churning so wildly. I haven't felt this uneasy since I ran my first marathon and couldn't stomach the smell of grease or eggs.

I went to the CHP this morning, and it wasn't as dreadful at all. A nice CHP officer helped me to fill out my claim, and the whole process took about 20 minutes. I don't know why I was so worried.

The insurance adjustor has already called me this morning to ask me where I want to get my car fixed, but I was away from my office, and now I'm just waiting for him to call back.

I still feel so uneasy though. Maybe I'm going through some major post traumatic stress disorder or something. I don't know. I usually have such a healthy appetite, but I just can't eat anything right now. My stomach feels so jumpy, and sometimes I still break into tears and I want my mommy.

I'm so used to thinking of myself as an independent person, and now I feel like such a wimpy weakling female. It's an odd feeling. I really want my mommy, and I haven't had this feeling since high school. I hate it. I know if I told my mom she's be her usual brusque self and say something like I should have waited in my car, or why didn't I get the license plate of the truck down.

My mom is like a super practical cold Virgo, and she has really bad bedside manner. I know if I called her, I doubt I'd get much sympathy. It's what mommies are for, but not my mom. If I wanted cash, she'd write a check in a second, but love, sympathy and care, she's the wrong person. My mom just doesn't have a mommy nature, and I don't think she got any training from my grandmother, who she never got along with anyway.

But I want my mommy anyway, and it's a very, very strange feeling.

The member of my church whose son was sent to Iraq attended Easter service today. It was nice to see my fellow church member happy to be sitting with his young 21 year old son. Ever since his son was sent to Iraq, I watched the poor man cry during every service. He was so heart broken. Now today he was all smiles.

What a trippy thing though to see the young man who had been in the war with Iraq, the war I watched every night on CNN, to see him sitting in a pew, knowing he had been fighting in Iraq. He looked very young, and yet very soldierly with his military buzz cut. The person who did the prayers today, had us pray for the the troops and for their protection in Iraq, and to pray for the families of service people.

The Iraq war was fought by our nation's young men and women, as has happened in all our wars. They are not fought by the old or the sick. Wars are fought by the youth of our nation, the best, brightest and certainly the strongest. Perhaps that's what makes war so tragic, that it is fought by people in the full bloom and power of their youth, and that such a loss of someone so young is so wrong.

I'm still tripping out. I kept looking at him thinking, wow, that kid was just over there fighting in Iraq, and now he's here sitting a few pews away from me. His presence made the war seem so real for me. I prayed for him and his fellow soldiers who were still there, and I thanked them inwardly for their service to our country.

It's times like these, I wish I was part of a couple, part of a stable and happy relationship. It's hard to bear the hard times alone. I have a good support group of friends, so it's not like I'm totally alone, but it's not the same as being part of a couple.

The sermon today was how people are like children playing a chase game with their parents or other adults, except as adults we're running from death or fear of death and all the little deaths that come in between. Then the minister said just like children we turn around and charge towards death in the form of addictions or anything that numbs us from the fear of death, but these addicitons and numbers are just like death.

The sermon was apt for me. I was running from a Good Friday service, the service of Christ's death where he dies on the cross and they him in the tomb, and I encountered a near death experience on the Bay Bridge.

Now I'm freaking out again that I didn't die on the Bridge or have a more serious injury. These are the times I wish I had someone who would put their arms around me and tell me over and over again that everything is going to all right. It's been my fantasy and dream to have this kind of person in my life for a long time.

Only one person in my life ever understood I needed this, but we were just friends and he was very unavailable. And even if he were available, it wouldn't have worked because he would have been very hard to live with. Still, I really appreciated that he would always tell me soothingly that everything would be okay. I miss this guy, but he said he couldn't be friends with me without wanting something more, so we parted.

I went through my life since January and I was wrong. Since my bathroom sink got plugged up, I'm on bad incident number 9. But since bad things come in threes, and I've had 3 bad incidents times 3, I think I'm due for a bad incident free next few months.