It's times like these, I wish I was part of a couple, part of a stable and happy relationship. It's hard to bear the hard times alone. I have a good support group of friends, so it's not like I'm totally alone, but it's not the same as being part of a couple.

The sermon today was how people are like children playing a chase game with their parents or other adults, except as adults we're running from death or fear of death and all the little deaths that come in between. Then the minister said just like children we turn around and charge towards death in the form of addictions or anything that numbs us from the fear of death, but these addicitons and numbers are just like death.

The sermon was apt for me. I was running from a Good Friday service, the service of Christ's death where he dies on the cross and they him in the tomb, and I encountered a near death experience on the Bay Bridge.

Now I'm freaking out again that I didn't die on the Bridge or have a more serious injury. These are the times I wish I had someone who would put their arms around me and tell me over and over again that everything is going to all right. It's been my fantasy and dream to have this kind of person in my life for a long time.

Only one person in my life ever understood I needed this, but we were just friends and he was very unavailable. And even if he were available, it wouldn't have worked because he would have been very hard to live with. Still, I really appreciated that he would always tell me soothingly that everything would be okay. I miss this guy, but he said he couldn't be friends with me without wanting something more, so we parted.

I went through my life since January and I was wrong. Since my bathroom sink got plugged up, I'm on bad incident number 9. But since bad things come in threes, and I've had 3 bad incidents times 3, I think I'm due for a bad incident free next few months.