I hate this. How did I end up in a job where I have to write and edit website copy for my program? This was never part of my job description, and I now I do it constantly. Whatever writing that needs to be done, they give it to me. "Give it to Brenda, she'll do it." We'll just redline her to death. Aaaarrggghh!

Strange coincidence today.

I called my dental insurance to check up on the claim for my dental surgery, and the phone rep guy told me I was third person to call who had the birthday of January 24. Then he laughed and said his birthday was on January 25. How weird is that? I never hardly meet anyone who has a birthday around the same time as mine, and the phone rep guy told me the same thing, which is why he noted how many January 24 women were calling him.

After work I went to CompUSA to buy my new Palm Tungsten E. I bought a cover, some paper and a keyboard. I'm looking through my receipt at home, when I notice that the cashier never charged me for the $70 wireless Palm keyboard. I got a free keyboard. This is so strange because the guard at the exit out of CompUSA checked my receipt and bag, and let me through. Like he didn't notice it either.

So either they're giving away free $70 wireless Palm keyboards at CompUSA, or I just got a fun free gift from the universe. What does it all mean? I never knew breaking up with a guy I'm very still much in love with could be so much fun! The universe is like giving me free stuff, like maybe I did the right thing or I'm on the right path. Or maybe I'm just really really danged lucky today.

I'm tripping, I'm just totally tripping. I'm telling you, this feeling good about the world stuff is better than any drug I've ever taken because of the sheer length of the high. I'm just wondering about the crash. After every good high comes a pretty gnarly nasty crash. You know the old saying ... the higher you go the lower you fall. So I'm like waiting for the boom to fall any minute now, and wondering how bad it's going to be.

Darn! I am in such a good mood. I really have to figure out how to bottle this stuff and sell it. It's like being high but without artificial stimulants. People would kill to feel as good as I'm feeling now, I think. I would kill to feel this good 24/7. Well maybe not 24/7, but at least whenever I wanted to feel good.

The feeling is like this ... you just want throw your head back and laugh and go "wwwhhheeeee" like you're a little kid, and you're rubbing your hands together. Ahhhh, the innocence of childhood. Or like you're on top of the world, but it's so disconcerting because you've done nothing new to warrant feeling this good.

Considering that I broke up with the person I thought was the love of my life on Friday, I'm in a rockin' good mood today. The "isn't life great, whhheeee feeling" is continuing this week.

I spent all Sunday writing "Dear Soul" letters, a technique I learned in a writing class I took a long time ago. You write your soul, or some other person you consider your most trusted source, letters about things, events you're going through. Then you write yourself back as "your soul" or whomever you picked. It's an interesting way to get answers to questions you somehow can't answer yourself. I write "dear editor" letters to myself when I'm stuck on some piece of writing as well.

Well, my soul had a ton to say about Mr. Red-headed guy, most of which had to do with the future. Of course, I kept writing back and saying "what future?" but "my soul" was determined to have its way. I still don't know what to think about what "my soul" wrote back to me. I even scanned previous letters, and 80% of the time it's been correct.

But "my soul" knows I'm skeptical so it keeps saying "don't do anything, watch it all unfold" and I'm like I am so not doing anything because I don’t like the future you’re telling me I’m going to have. Then I got into this writing piece about two of unfinished novels, because they have to do with the nature of free will and choice and prophecy and destiny and how much one influences the other. I believe in both novels my characters have free will and choice, but certain events in their life are planned. What free will does is lessen or add the severity of the event. Then I got into the question of whether free will can geometrically exacerbate a good or bad event, kind of like a snowball effect on life. I never could answer my own question, and I will have to finish the novels to find out if the snowball effect is true.

And then after spending all day writing, I came to the conclusion that maybe I was asking all the wrong questions about my life, and that's why I wasn't getting good answers about what next step to take. Then I did a Q&A with myself about what certain events had to with my life, and what I wrote was mind boggling. It's so true that if you ask the write questions, you'll get the right answers to why you're life isn't working of why you're doing the things you do.

But it takes courage to ask the right questions, and I couldn't have asked these questions of myself two months ago before I met red-headed guy. I wasn't ready for the answers, and somehow red-headed guy helped me get ready somehow. But even if I am now supposedly ready to read the answers about my life, it doesn't mean I like the answers I'm getting. And even though I'm very happy about the way my life is going right now, I'm not happy about the future that supposedly "my soul" said is coming my way.

I'm like there's got to be another way, there's got be another way to go, this can't be the only future available to me. And I'm like, maybe I need to write a novel about escaping your future, your destiny. Kind of life "The Butterfly Effect", but again dealing more with choice going forward in the present. If every choice, no matter how small or large, begets a different world, then can't a different choice deliberately taken steer a person clear away from a chosen path, as long as the choice is made over and over again? I think there was a series of movies dealing with this subject called "Final Destination".