Considering that I broke up with the person I thought was the love of my life on Friday, I'm in a rockin' good mood today. The "isn't life great, whhheeee feeling" is continuing this week.

I spent all Sunday writing "Dear Soul" letters, a technique I learned in a writing class I took a long time ago. You write your soul, or some other person you consider your most trusted source, letters about things, events you're going through. Then you write yourself back as "your soul" or whomever you picked. It's an interesting way to get answers to questions you somehow can't answer yourself. I write "dear editor" letters to myself when I'm stuck on some piece of writing as well.

Well, my soul had a ton to say about Mr. Red-headed guy, most of which had to do with the future. Of course, I kept writing back and saying "what future?" but "my soul" was determined to have its way. I still don't know what to think about what "my soul" wrote back to me. I even scanned previous letters, and 80% of the time it's been correct.

But "my soul" knows I'm skeptical so it keeps saying "don't do anything, watch it all unfold" and I'm like I am so not doing anything because I don’t like the future you’re telling me I’m going to have. Then I got into this writing piece about two of unfinished novels, because they have to do with the nature of free will and choice and prophecy and destiny and how much one influences the other. I believe in both novels my characters have free will and choice, but certain events in their life are planned. What free will does is lessen or add the severity of the event. Then I got into the question of whether free will can geometrically exacerbate a good or bad event, kind of like a snowball effect on life. I never could answer my own question, and I will have to finish the novels to find out if the snowball effect is true.

And then after spending all day writing, I came to the conclusion that maybe I was asking all the wrong questions about my life, and that's why I wasn't getting good answers about what next step to take. Then I did a Q&A with myself about what certain events had to with my life, and what I wrote was mind boggling. It's so true that if you ask the write questions, you'll get the right answers to why you're life isn't working of why you're doing the things you do.

But it takes courage to ask the right questions, and I couldn't have asked these questions of myself two months ago before I met red-headed guy. I wasn't ready for the answers, and somehow red-headed guy helped me get ready somehow. But even if I am now supposedly ready to read the answers about my life, it doesn't mean I like the answers I'm getting. And even though I'm very happy about the way my life is going right now, I'm not happy about the future that supposedly "my soul" said is coming my way.

I'm like there's got to be another way, there's got be another way to go, this can't be the only future available to me. And I'm like, maybe I need to write a novel about escaping your future, your destiny. Kind of life "The Butterfly Effect", but again dealing more with choice going forward in the present. If every choice, no matter how small or large, begets a different world, then can't a different choice deliberately taken steer a person clear away from a chosen path, as long as the choice is made over and over again? I think there was a series of movies dealing with this subject called "Final Destination".