I had a really great and productive day yesterday. I went to see my kineseologist for my bimonthly visit and he brought my energy back up to 96%. Most people's energy is at 80 something percent, so to be at 96% is a good thing. Then I had a training session with my japanese Ki energy trainer. I've had four sessions with him so far, but I decided to discontinue it. I wasn't sure it was working, although I loved hearing about the philosophy of going with the flow. He said I was good at it, even though I never ever practice.

Then it was back to the city for a shopping and a haircut. Shopping at Union Square isn't all that crowded to me, and all the stores are having sales. I get the feeling that most people aren't really too many things. I see a lot of people without shopping bags. I mailed off three presents at the post office in Macy's basement. I keep forgetting there's a post office there, which is open on Sundays as well. I finished all my Christmas shopping! YEAH ME! Now I just have to send out the cards and mail more presents.

Next stop was Trader Joe's in the Inner Richmond. The place is such a traffic nightmare. There is definitely not enough parking for that store. I parked a block away, and walked to the store since I wasn't shopping for that many items. I bought some St. John's Wort, which is like natural prozac. I used to take it when I working at the startups to calm my nerves, and it did help. I'm hoping it will help me calm my anxiety down.

My final appointment of the day was at my accupuncturist. Sad isn't it? I need a team of alternative healers to keep me functional, which costs a ton of money but which makes me feel good and happy. I don't have back problems, my energy is good, I only need 5-6 hours of sleep a night, my skin is decent, and I think generally my health is decent considering all the problems I used to have.

I even made a stop at the bank on the way home to deposit some checks. Then I spent the rest of the night watching "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring". What a great movie. I'm definitely watching it again tonight.

Damn! I was just in the middle of typing a really nice post when I accidentally deleted the whole dang thing. I hate that! Okay, here I go again.

I feel so much better tonight. I had a little anxiety when I came home tonight, but it was just a twinge.

Damn! Damn! Damn! I hate when I have to type over a post. I was into a roll talking about how I had no regrets in life. How my current job turned out to be a really good decision this year. It's not the perfect job, no job I feel will ever be that perfect, but I've got a great boss. The best boss I've had in a long time. Sure the woman gets on my nerves and I get peeved at her a ton, but she really is very good. This new job has also allowed me to meet most of my financial goals this year, while at the same time letting me spend money like it's going out of style.

I was kind of having regrets about the red-haired guy, but you know we had a good run. I knew my time with him was limited from the get go, and I did feel loved some of the time and I was able to let myself fall in love with him a little. And if I were to die today, I have nothing I need to say to him that I didn't already say. I left that relationship saying everything I needed to say so when I left I wouldn't have the feeling that I wished I'd told him this, I wish I'm told him that. I've been trying to do with all my relationships for a few years, because there is nothing worse than having relationship regrets.

The only thing I know I would regret if I were to die tonight, and I'm not sure what to think about this one, is I wish I'd written more. My list of accomplishments for my writing is about 10 plus items, and that's a piddly amount considering writing is something I think I'm actually good at and might want to do for a living some day. I have so many stories I wish I had gotten down on paper this year, so many short stories I wished I'd finished, four novels that I wish I'd finish, a screenplay that just needs 30 more pages to end, etc.

I never thought I'd ever have the thought that I had written more stories on my deathbed, but now I've had it. And it sucked and it was kind of sad. Sad because I keep thinking that if I could just sit my butt down in a chair and make myself write, I could have written more. I had the time, I just didn't have the discipline or desire maybe to do it. I don't know.

And with this now huge regret swirling around my head, I'm buying myself a laptop for my birthday in January. I'd buy one now, but I'm taking my work laptop with me on vacation in case an emergency comes up, and I don't want to be travelling with two laptops. I know a new toy like a laptop might really movitate me to write.

I keep telling myself it would be so much easier if I had a laptop, and now I won't have that complaint anymore. I mean I'm even contemplating going to be earlier so I could get up and write. Since I've been anxiety ridden these last few weeks, I've been going to bed at 10 or 11 pm, and waking up at 5 am. I can't sleep more than six hours without getting up. If I keep gong to bed early, I could experiment with writing in the morning. I've never actually made my myself write in the morning other than doing morning pages a few years back. Of course I'd have to fit in more writing after work before I go to the gym at 7 pm, but the more hours to write to better I say.

Last night I felt way better. I didn't hardly have any anxiety and this morning and today, I've been better. Not sure what is going on, but I'm glad the anxiety has subsided. I told my boss at work what was going on when she asked if there was "anything going on". I don't think I've been myself at work lately. She knows about my relationship with the red-haired guy and how up and down it's been. I think she was worried.

So I've been doing my list of accomplishment and under Money and Finance, I've come up with 24 things I can be proud of. I have not been paying attention to my finances at all these last four months and thought I was spending money wildly, but I haven't been that bad. I've really started to set up my life up so I save money automatically and it really, really helps. I fell short of my savings goals this year because I went on furniture buying binge, but I think I can make up for it next year if I go back to my tight wad ways.

I love having money in the bank! And I think by July if all goes well, I will be credit card debt free! Yeah me! Then I'll just have my car payment left and that will be finished by the end of 2005. I want to buy a laptop so badly and go on vacation, but I think I'll wait till after July. Not sure if I can wait on the laptop though.

If I can ever decide on which laptop to buy, I think it will be my only major purchase for next year. I'm thinking I need a new printer as well as my very old HP from 1998 is starting to not feed paper, but I saw one I liked at Costco for $200. My 1998 monitor is about to die as well and a friend of mine is trying to convince me to buy a flat screen monitor. I don't think they're that expensive, so I may just buy it one of these days.

I think I've done enough major apartment upgrading for now, and the laptop is the only thing that I really, really, reallly want.

I just started doing my 4th quarter accomplishments for work, and I'm always amazed by how much work I completed in three months. I always get this feeling at work that I don't do enough, but then when I look at my list of over 35+ plus projects I've completed, I'm like I work really hard. It just never feels like I work hard because I'm not doing any overtime and I book out at 5 pm every night on the dot. But my list of completed projects is really, really long!

I'm thinking I need to start a list of accomplishments for my life and my writing every quarter as well, because right now it feels like I'm such a lazy little slug. I know I'm not, but it sure as heck feels that way.

But I know I've done a lot like ...
1. changed jobs
2. bought a new bed and mattress
3. bought a new tv, dvd and vcr
4. bought a new stereo system
5. got published four times on the internet
6. opened a money market account
7. paid off all my credit cards except for one card
8. had dental surgery to correct bleeding gums
9. bought new glasses
10. bought a new lingere chest and new chest of drawers

And this is just the beginning.