I’m getting too involved in work again, and I hate it. Work just sucks out my creative energy, and when I get home I’m too wired and exhausted to do anything.
Somehow I got back on meeting schedule hell, where I’m in meetings constantly. I managed to get myself taken off all the meeting lists by not saying anything in meetings last year, but now I’m suddenly back on everyone’s lists. I hate it!
On Tuesday, I came into the office by 7:30 am so I could be prepared for a conference call from 8-9 am. Then I was supposed to be in another meeting from 9:30-10 am, but thankfully it got cancelled. But then at 10 am, I was pulled into a four-hour meeting from 10am-2pm, and afterwards I was pulled into yet another meeting to debrief about the four-hour meeting from 3-4 pm.
Since I came in early, I decided to leave at 4:15 pm because I was so mentally exhausted by the end of the day. But my day still hadn’t ended since I had a class from 7-10 pm that night. By the time I finally got home at 10:30 pm, I was so wired and out of sorts that I made myself go to bed. Not that going to bed early helped, because I was tossing and turning and had weird dreams all night.
I hate meetings! My company’s dysfunctional nature comes out in full force in large meetings, and especially in meeting debriefs. I hate when people say “that’s not our problem”, because I’m like, yes it is, we’re all in this together; if you let that department sink and slack off then we’ll never get this project off the ground. I actually told someone yesterday because I was so frustrated “how are we supposed to make it easier for the consumer to do business with us if we there’s no easy way to get business done internally”. The person looked at me like I was completely nuts, but I’m a big believe in “as above so below”. If your business processes internally aren’t easy, you’re never going to be able to make it easy for your external customers to do business with your company. It just ain’t every going to happen.
But I won’t get myself get worked up in my company’s dysfunctionality and politics. I’ve done that before, and it’s just too tiring to fight battles in the corporate world. It’s much easier to just go with the flow and do what you’re told to do without questions, because every time I’ve done that I’ve been promoted. Not that I want to get promoted or anything like that, although more money is always nice, but I just want to make my work life peaceful again so I can have the energy to have a creative life when I get home.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
I must be processing a ton at night in my dreams because I'm having the weirdest, weirdest dreams.
On Monday I dreamt I was with a woman I used to know and we were in parking structure and trying to escape with two other women. We had sub-automatic machine guns were carrying belts of ammo. The woman I used to know who appeared in my dream is someone I used to admire very greatly. She was a doctor and dedicated runner, and the nicest person. I lost touch with her years ago so it was weird for her to appear in a dream of mine. She was a tough cookie of a girl, but very fair minded.
Around 3 am last night before I woke up, I dreamt that my best friend from grade school had brought me a birthday cake was singing Happy Birthday to me. This is a girl who moved away in junior high and although we went to the same high school, she and I moved in separate crowds and didn't have much to do with each other. Why the woman was in my dream when I haven't thought about in years probably is a mystery. She said she had forgotten all my birtdays and wanted to make up for it. Weird, weird, weird!
Later this morning before my alarm went off, I dreamt I was at a Starfbombs in Paris and they had run out of milk for my grande latte. The american owner told me that the french don't put milk in their coffe so they weren't bothered that they were out of milk. I was upset and I started arguing with the woman, but I didn't lose my temper. And then later on in the dream I came back to apologize.
Then in another part of the dream, I was somewhere on the British railway system on a train with a bunch of people trying to get to London so we could make in time for the London showing of "Revenge of the Sith". We pulled into some station and I heard the announcer mention that it was a transfer point for all these stations including the Gatwick Airport. I couldn't remember where we were supposed to transfer to get to Heathrow, and when I turned my friend were gone.
I assumed they had gotten off the train, but when I exited the train I couldn't see them. In the dream I was panicking and thinking I'll miss the new Stars Wars movie, I won't make it to Heathrow and I'll be lost forever on the British Railway system.
I wouldn't consider the being lost dream a nightmare, but more like annoyances in my life that I absolutely hate; no lattes and not knowing where I'm going and getting lost.
On Monday I dreamt I was with a woman I used to know and we were in parking structure and trying to escape with two other women. We had sub-automatic machine guns were carrying belts of ammo. The woman I used to know who appeared in my dream is someone I used to admire very greatly. She was a doctor and dedicated runner, and the nicest person. I lost touch with her years ago so it was weird for her to appear in a dream of mine. She was a tough cookie of a girl, but very fair minded.
Around 3 am last night before I woke up, I dreamt that my best friend from grade school had brought me a birthday cake was singing Happy Birthday to me. This is a girl who moved away in junior high and although we went to the same high school, she and I moved in separate crowds and didn't have much to do with each other. Why the woman was in my dream when I haven't thought about in years probably is a mystery. She said she had forgotten all my birtdays and wanted to make up for it. Weird, weird, weird!
Later this morning before my alarm went off, I dreamt I was at a Starfbombs in Paris and they had run out of milk for my grande latte. The american owner told me that the french don't put milk in their coffe so they weren't bothered that they were out of milk. I was upset and I started arguing with the woman, but I didn't lose my temper. And then later on in the dream I came back to apologize.
Then in another part of the dream, I was somewhere on the British railway system on a train with a bunch of people trying to get to London so we could make in time for the London showing of "Revenge of the Sith". We pulled into some station and I heard the announcer mention that it was a transfer point for all these stations including the Gatwick Airport. I couldn't remember where we were supposed to transfer to get to Heathrow, and when I turned my friend were gone.
I assumed they had gotten off the train, but when I exited the train I couldn't see them. In the dream I was panicking and thinking I'll miss the new Stars Wars movie, I won't make it to Heathrow and I'll be lost forever on the British Railway system.
I wouldn't consider the being lost dream a nightmare, but more like annoyances in my life that I absolutely hate; no lattes and not knowing where I'm going and getting lost.
Monday, May 16, 2005
This greek drama paper is going to harder to write than I thought. It's supposed to be due tomorrow, but my teacher said we could also turn it in next week when we have the final.
I mean, I know what I want to say but do I want to spend the next four hours trying to write it or do I write a littel bit every day and turn it in next week. Ideally, I'd like to turn my paper in tomorrow and then spend the rest of the week studying for the final but I just don't feel like I have the energy right now to write a good paper. I feel so lazy right now!
I mean, I know what I want to say but do I want to spend the next four hours trying to write it or do I write a littel bit every day and turn it in next week. Ideally, I'd like to turn my paper in tomorrow and then spend the rest of the week studying for the final but I just don't feel like I have the energy right now to write a good paper. I feel so lazy right now!
Maybe I posted this already, I can't remember but here's a short two page paper I wrote on a sermon by Bernard of Clairvaux (1090 – 1153) "Father of Western Mysticism" and a christian saint canon by Pope Alexander III in 1174.
Bernard of Clairvaux (1090 – 1153)
Sermon: On David and Goliath
Biblical Text
Then he took his staff in his hand, and chose five smooth stones from the wadi, and put them in his shepherd’s bag, in the pouch; his sling was in his hand, and he drew nearer to the Philistine. (NRSV, 1 Samuel 17:40)
What the biblical text says
The book of 1 Samuel is a historical narrative, which shows the changes taking place in the leadership of Israel from the Judges to the monarchy of Saul and David, and the establishment of the House of David dynasty.
I believe the text is straightforward, and tells us that David chose weapons that he was used to carrying as a shepherd to do battle with Goliath.
Stones were plentiful in the area, and small stones were used in a sling as a long-range weapon.
What Bernard of Clairvaux says
Clairvaux says “the law is spiritual and has been written for our learning, not only to delight us with a history of external events as with the contemplation of a beautiful exterior surface, but also and more particularly to nourish our minds with the sweetness of its mystical signification”.
Clairvaux uses an allegory and preaches on the mystical meaning of each element in the David and Goliath story.
Goliath is meant to symbolize sin, and Clairvaux says that Goliath is the sin of a type of pride. Since Goliath was the Philistine’s greatest warrior, Clairvaux makes the case that Goliath represent pride. For Clairvaux, pride is the greatest of sins, the people of God are very prone to pride, and pride shows up when all other sins have been defeated.
Clairvaux assumes that we are in always in constant battle and warfare against sin, and that like David we must defeat Goliath, the sin of pride.
Clairvaux then goes on to talk about what happened earlier in the story, when Saul offered David his armor and weapons. He likens Saul’s battle gear to worldly wisdom and the tradition of philosophers, and he says that these are useless weapons in our battle against sin.
Clairvaux states that we should reject worldly wisdom and the tradition of philosophers, just as David rejected Saul’s armor and rely solely God and be armed with our faith alone.
Clairvaux then goes on to say that the five smooth stones that David picks up represent the “fivefold word of God”:
1) the word of warning,
2) the word of promise,
3) the word of charity,
4) the word of example,
5) the word which relates to prayer.
He then says when we are attacked by the sin of pride, we should use the five stones or “fivefold word of God” to defeat sin, to defeat pride, in whatever order they come to us, and if one stone fails to keep using them until one of them works.
When we are confronted with pride we should think of 1) the word of warnings which are the threats from God; or 2) the word of promise which are God’s promise and covenant with us; or 3) the word of charity or God’s loving actions towards us; or 4) the word of example which means to reflect on the lives of the saints; and if all fails, 5) the word which relates to prayer, in other words, “apply thyself to prayer with all the fervour that canst command.”
Clairvaux concludes by saying that if we want to kill Goliath, the sin of pride with it own sword as did David, we need to create a “feeling of elation” in our minds and “a reason for greater humility”, so we can condemn ourselves as proud people and become afterwards more humble and less conceited. If we can do that, Goliath, the sin of pride will be defeated.
Was the Word faithfully preached?
As much as I like this sermon for its creative attempt to make the historical biblical text more meaningful, I do not believe that you can assign the kind of symbolism to the five stones that Clairvaux has done. There is nothing in the Bible to support such a claim, and while his advice is eminently practical on what to do when facing sin, Clairvaux’s allegory fails when you try to relate the word stone to “fivefold promise of God”.
If you wanted to really stretch it you could say, the word of warnings come from stone used as weapons, the word of promise comes from the Ten Commandments being printed on stone tablets, and the word of charity could be God providing stones for housing. For the words of example and prayer, it becomes increasingly difficult to take the stone symbolism and apply them to charity and prayer without sounding like you’re making it all up.
Bernard of Clairvaux (1090 – 1153)
Sermon: On David and Goliath
Biblical Text
Then he took his staff in his hand, and chose five smooth stones from the wadi, and put them in his shepherd’s bag, in the pouch; his sling was in his hand, and he drew nearer to the Philistine. (NRSV, 1 Samuel 17:40)
What the biblical text says
The book of 1 Samuel is a historical narrative, which shows the changes taking place in the leadership of Israel from the Judges to the monarchy of Saul and David, and the establishment of the House of David dynasty.
I believe the text is straightforward, and tells us that David chose weapons that he was used to carrying as a shepherd to do battle with Goliath.
Stones were plentiful in the area, and small stones were used in a sling as a long-range weapon.
What Bernard of Clairvaux says
Clairvaux says “the law is spiritual and has been written for our learning, not only to delight us with a history of external events as with the contemplation of a beautiful exterior surface, but also and more particularly to nourish our minds with the sweetness of its mystical signification”.
Clairvaux uses an allegory and preaches on the mystical meaning of each element in the David and Goliath story.
Goliath is meant to symbolize sin, and Clairvaux says that Goliath is the sin of a type of pride. Since Goliath was the Philistine’s greatest warrior, Clairvaux makes the case that Goliath represent pride. For Clairvaux, pride is the greatest of sins, the people of God are very prone to pride, and pride shows up when all other sins have been defeated.
Clairvaux assumes that we are in always in constant battle and warfare against sin, and that like David we must defeat Goliath, the sin of pride.
Clairvaux then goes on to talk about what happened earlier in the story, when Saul offered David his armor and weapons. He likens Saul’s battle gear to worldly wisdom and the tradition of philosophers, and he says that these are useless weapons in our battle against sin.
Clairvaux states that we should reject worldly wisdom and the tradition of philosophers, just as David rejected Saul’s armor and rely solely God and be armed with our faith alone.
Clairvaux then goes on to say that the five smooth stones that David picks up represent the “fivefold word of God”:
1) the word of warning,
2) the word of promise,
3) the word of charity,
4) the word of example,
5) the word which relates to prayer.
He then says when we are attacked by the sin of pride, we should use the five stones or “fivefold word of God” to defeat sin, to defeat pride, in whatever order they come to us, and if one stone fails to keep using them until one of them works.
When we are confronted with pride we should think of 1) the word of warnings which are the threats from God; or 2) the word of promise which are God’s promise and covenant with us; or 3) the word of charity or God’s loving actions towards us; or 4) the word of example which means to reflect on the lives of the saints; and if all fails, 5) the word which relates to prayer, in other words, “apply thyself to prayer with all the fervour that canst command.”
Clairvaux concludes by saying that if we want to kill Goliath, the sin of pride with it own sword as did David, we need to create a “feeling of elation” in our minds and “a reason for greater humility”, so we can condemn ourselves as proud people and become afterwards more humble and less conceited. If we can do that, Goliath, the sin of pride will be defeated.
Was the Word faithfully preached?
As much as I like this sermon for its creative attempt to make the historical biblical text more meaningful, I do not believe that you can assign the kind of symbolism to the five stones that Clairvaux has done. There is nothing in the Bible to support such a claim, and while his advice is eminently practical on what to do when facing sin, Clairvaux’s allegory fails when you try to relate the word stone to “fivefold promise of God”.
If you wanted to really stretch it you could say, the word of warnings come from stone used as weapons, the word of promise comes from the Ten Commandments being printed on stone tablets, and the word of charity could be God providing stones for housing. For the words of example and prayer, it becomes increasingly difficult to take the stone symbolism and apply them to charity and prayer without sounding like you’re making it all up.
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