So the "L Word - love" made an appearance in an email from M-Square, and I'm like not very happy. I hate when a guy uses this word like it's nothing. I never put love at the end of an email. X's an O's don't count, because it's not like the actual word and it's more like flirting and fun. "Love" is a real emotion and one shouldn't be signing one's emails with it unless you really mean it.

Maybe it's because he's a Leo and all my friends tell me that Leos are very emotional. But I don't care, the L-word is sacred!

And he put it at the end of a semi-slammogram of an email too, like the L-word was supposed to negate everything he wrote above it. We kind of had our first little tiff yesterday, where I think I totally embarrassed him at work on the phone and he got kind of upset and basically hung up on me.

My mistake I guess for calling on a bad Monday morning. I was in a bad mood, and thought that talking to him would cheer me up. Guess that was a big mistake because he was having a bad Monday too, and then it just slid merrily down the toilet bowl from there.

And I'm like how did we get to this stage where I feel like we're being cruel to each other like an old married couple? Yeah, we get along like a house on fire and feel like so comfortable talking and telling each other very private things, but we don't know each other that well.

And I guess I don't help things any, because I'm a fly by the seat of my pants type conversationalist who spits out any stupid and inappropriate thought that comes into my head, and yes I suppose I can come across as being unwittingly and unthinkingly very, very cruel.

But I'm not deliberately cruel! I don't say things knowing that it's just going to come across as nasty as hell to the other person, no matter what I feel.

But I don't know, Mercury is retrograding which means communications are messed up and we're both stressed out as hell over work. He's trying to build a 30-year garage type business into a more professional organization and I am very unhappy with my job, and this relationship is probably the last thing either of us needs right now.

But I can't help it! I really, really like this guy! He is so cool, so smart (he graduated from college when he was 19 years old), and so beautifully spiritual. And yes, dare I say, the guy is really, really 90% perfect and I haven't even met him yet.

But the cynical part of me wants to call it quits because he was cruel and knew it and couldn't stop himself anyway, and who needs that kind of behaviour when you're already stressed out. And he found one of my buttons, one of my landmines by accidents and it really, really hurt when he pushed it. But hey I stepped on one of his landmines first which I didn't know would hurt so much since he'd already talked about it, but I guess went deeper than I'd guessed or maybe should have figured.

So I guess we're even as far as hurting each other goes now which means despite the smidgen of doubt that popped into my head, which by the way always pops into my head with every relationship, I'm staying in. And yes, I think he's that worth it!

I rented Shaolin Soccer and it was such a great movie. I washed the chinese version first which was so much better than US theatrical release. They cut so much stuff out of the chinese version, and all the good parts too that gave the movie nuances. I'm glad I didn't see it in the big theatre because I think I would have been very disappointed.

I also saw "Batman Begins" over the weekend, and I was surprised by how good the movie was. Batman is an American classic, but all the actors were British. The guy who became commissioner Gordon was played by Gary Oldman. Christian Bale played Bruce Wayne. Tom Wilkinson played Carmine Falcone. I believe Katie Holmes was the only American actor.

"Batman Begins" was dark like the comic book, and it was the best Batman since Val Kilmer played him.

I am one short chapter away from finishing my Texas novel. I finished Chapter 12 yesterday, and chapter 13 today. Chapter 13 and 14 are just epilogues anyway to finish the novel. I'm excited! This will the first novel that I have finished. It gives me hope for the other three I started.

Novels are like marathons, way too long and very tiring. Speaking of mararthons I decided to workout at the downtown gym, and had the worst time finding parking because the San Francisco marathon was going on. That was dumb of me! But I like to lift weights at the gym on California street, but I guess never on a Sunday. I'm going to back to Saturday as my weightlifting day so I can take the train downtown.

On Saturday there was apparently a bonmb scare at 9th and Judah. It fouled up the N Judah schedule and I caught the last of it on my way home yesterday this afternoon. I wonder where the bomb scare was.

I think red-haired guy would be so astounded by how often I call M-Square. In one of my last conversations with the red-haired guy was all about him whining about how I never called him, which of course I totally denied. I told him I never called him because he never returned my calls.

I like have to talk to M-Square like every day! And when he's not there I always leave a message and tell him what I'm doing. He told me once that hearing my messages was like I was there with him in LA; cute huh?

And I never wished the red-haired guy "Happy 30-day anniversary", but I did it with M-Square and he wished me the same thing and said "it was sweet".

And now I started signing my emails with "xxxxooooo", but he started it first because he signed one of his emails saying "Miss you!" although now he's taking my lead and signing his emails with "xoxoxoxoxo".

And I'm like is there a difference between signing "xxxxoooo" and "xoxoxoxoxo"? Don't they mean the same thing - love and kisses or love and hugs?