An M-Square update.

Everything is fine. We had a nice talk on Thursday and everything was okay. He received the birthday card I sent him and took it to work, and apparently showed it to everyone including his boss who is like so famous. I don't remember if any guy I've ever dated has done that before or told me, so I think it was so sweet of him to do that.

Then he told me on Friday that he needed to think happy thoughts and thought of me, which just floored me because I have a thing about being someone's happy thought because Tinkerbell said to Peter that the only way he could fly was he had have a happy thought. And I've always wanted to be some guy's happy thought!

And on Friday night we had a long late night talk, after I sent him the June 24 post from my blog that I wrote about him and he said the piece really moved him and after reading it, he wanted to meet the guy I had written about. Which I thought was really funny because that guy was him.

And we talked about so many personal things, and I love that he gets every literary reference I make and knows about stuff that I know. But then he had brought work home and had work to do, and when he said he had to go he said "You sound so bummed that I'm hanging up", and I was because talking to him makes me so happy.

And it was so weird because I kept thinking we were talking around a very important subject and neither of us was saying what we really wanted to say. And he kept saying "it felt like he was waiting for something, but he didn't know what it was." And I told him he did but that he just didn't want to say.

And we talked about how this is such a stressful time for both of careerwise, and that the relationship thing was so hard. And I ended up telling him how resistant I've sort of been to it all, and he said he could tell I was struggling about it from afar. And I'm a little worried that he's not getting any intuitive hits on what will happen when we finally meet, and I can't trust myself on any intuitive hits I'm getting.

And for the life of me I can't figure out what subject we were talking around and why we couldn't just be honest to each other and I guess to ourselves. I've never had that feeling so strongly with someone, that we were talking and yet there was this strong undercurrent of what wasn't being said. It was so Chekhovian, what's in the unsaid. It almost felt like we were talking on one level, but on another levels our minds were having this completely different conversation. I'll have to ask him about it. He's very good at responding intelligently when I have weird questions like this, and he gets it too which is just so amazing to me.

And so it's been a very, very, lovey and sweet beginning and we're planning my trip to LA, which I'm a little fearful about because it is going to be such a bummer if physically there is nothing between us. But I'm trying not to be so attached because whatever happens, I hope we'll always be friends.

I think I really need to start writing short stories again. I mean, working on the novels are great and everything, but they take so long and there is no sense of accomplishment and I think I need that to sustain my writing enthusiasm.

I'm starting to think that maybe I need to write one short story a week, and it could be long or short like flash fiction of under 1,000 words or under 500 words. You know, just to keep my writing muscles in place and to get the quick hit and sense that I'm finising something in my writing. Some of my short stories eventually end up being novels anyway, and this could be a good way for me to explore story ideas I have.

I just googled myself and thank god I can't be found and that no one is writing about me. I don't know why this is important, but I like being anonymous in cyberspace.

I added my blog to this blog ranker called TTLB Ecosystem, and out of 34,000+ plus blogs I am ranked 16,199. First of all, who knew there were so many darn bloggies out there. And secondly, I'm surpised I am the middle of the pack in this blog ranker. Thanks of course, to you my loyal readers!

My bloggie has sort of become more a personal journal right now I guess as I am not into writing about world events. But really, there's nothing that interesting happening in the world right now that I want to write about.

But there are odd things happening though. I received a rebate from my car insurance company for being a loyal customer. This is a first!

When I went to see my acupuncturist yesterday in my old neighborhood, I saw a ton of parking spaces open. I lived in that neighborhood for over 8 years and on a Saturday, I've never seen so many open parking spaces.

It feels like there is a dark economic undercurrent going on. Like things aren't as rosy as the government would have you believe. It's a just a feeling I have, little things, events, that have been happening. Not sure what it all means though.

All eyes are on the San Diego housing market because people are saying it is tanking. Vegas is advertising which I find off. I guess there aren't enough people gambling and throwing away their money. Starbucks keeps giving free drinks downtown. Business are a little too desperate about wanting business right now, which means business must not be doing very well.