I just got through reading a post over at Dietchick's Blog about losing weight. It made me think about why I'm losing weight.

I decided to lose weight, primarily because of health reasons. I used to have very low blood pressure, 110/70 and a very low resting heart rate, 60. About two years, my doctor noticed that my blood pressure was slightly elevated (130/90). He was very concerned for my health, because it had been below normal for so long. He basically told me to lose weight and exercise, or he was going to put me on high blood pressure medication. He told me normally he wouldn't be concerned because it wasn't like I had really high blood pressure, but because my old pressure was so low the increase was too much to ignore. A normal blood pressure is 120/80.

I got so freaked out. I also started to notice that I was having pains in the bottom of both heels, when I walked. My left hip, which is a little high because of my scoliosis, started to really hurt. I told my doctor about these various pains, and he said my increased weight was causing all these problems.

I've never believed in losing weight just for the sake of appearances, and I'm a big believer in accepting yourself for who you are, but I also noticed that I wasn't as self confident as I had been when I was thinner. In fact, my self confidence around men was practically zero, and I would freak myself out whenever I went out on first dates or met really cute guys. I couldn't help but think, why would anyone be interested in me at this heavy weight person, especially now that I was unhealthy and having pains all the time. Talk about feeling geriactric in a serious hurry.

So I went about trying to lose weight last year, and I took off 20 pounds, and my blood pressure came back down to normal, not my normal low pressure, but normal enough, and the pains in my heels for the most part disappeared. And my self confidence improved a wee bit, but not enough where I felt that good about myself. Still, I felt a whole lot better than did the year before.

It wasn't until I met the really cute guy in my screenwriting class in the spring, that I realized my self confidence was still too low, I still felt totally unnattractive, and sadly, very unworthy around a man I was wildly attracted to. I didn't put it all together until around July or August, but once I did, weight loss became essential not only to continue my journey towards better health, but also towards feeling better about myself. I don't think I would have even contemplated losing weight, unless my health and my general well being about myself weren't being threatened somehow.

Losing weight is so not easy. It's much easier for me to eat all the food I want and not worry about my body. I envy people whose bodies can take all that extra weight, and not feel physical pain or have their health or their self esteeem compromised. I'm not one of those people. My extra weight put my health in jeopardy, and put me on a totally bad trip about who I was, what I was, and what I looked like. I can't believe I let "my weight, my fat" take control of my life like that, and threaten the very things I had always taken for granted; good health and well being.

That's my weight loss story for now. Maybe it will change in a few months when I finally reach my goal weight, maybe it won't. But I already feel better with the weight that I have lost, and although my left hip still hurts (will probably always hurt a little), all the little physical pains that I thought were part and parcel of life are gone. And that's been the biggest and best benefit of my weight loss plan so far. Everything else after that for me right now, is gravy, extra. And what's great is how much happier I am, knowing that my body works again without pain and that I'm doing something to make my life better.

My company just hired four temps last week. They've all come from well paying jobs, and things must really be hard out there if they're taking temp jobs in a call center. I don't blame them. If I was in their position, I think I'd take any kind of temp job I could get just to make rent or have extra.

I have a friend who's been out of work since January, and now she's working in a retail store for the holidays since her unemployment checks stopped. She can reapply unemployment next year, but she has to make a certain amount of money this year or she won't qualify. She seems to be taking it all in stride, but I wonder.

God, I hate downloading software from the Internet. I was trying to install this book/cd I bought a few years ago called "Wingmakers", and I kept getting a failure message. From the research I've been able to do, I have to make sure all the drivers on my pc are updated.

I have an Nvidia GeForce sound and graphics card, that have pages and pages devoted to they mess up other games. Nvidia just put out a driver fix on 11/20, and I've been trying to download it all day. Me and everyone else who owns the Nvidia graphics/sound card. What a pain.

I found the ebook/cd on my old hard drive, and I can actually run it from there, but I'd like to install it on my new hard drive. I'd like reformat my old drive just to clean it out, but I may just leave it just in case there's something else I can't install.

While doing my research on my pc problem, I found a website called www.annoyances.org. It's a website for people who use Microsoft products. People post rants and tips on how to solve various Microsoft annoyances. Very funny but frightening due to the large volume of messages. Spooky!

Wow. I'm under the 150 pounds mark. I'm showing big weight losses because of all the cleanses I'm doing. Cleanses will clean your insides out, and if you have a tendency to retain water like me, it gets rid of the water as well.

After last week's cleanse, I was afraid I would gain all the weight back but I didn't. YEAH!!! I'm also going strictly vegetarian for awhile, except for the Thanksgiving weekend and possibly Christmas, and my company Christmas party. When I go strictly vegetarian, it's easier to stick to my eating plan,

One thing about this weight loss that I totally love is I now can wear some of the tighter fitting clothes in my closet. The necks on my turtlenecks, even the really tight ones, are loose, and it's so cool.

I'm dying to buy some clothes, especially now with all the christmas catalogs flooding my mailbox, but I feel like I should wait until I'm done. Everything looks baggy on me, except for waistlines which are loose but not that loose.

My extra large sweaters are definitely going to have to be thrown out or just used to wear around the house, because those sweaters are just hanging on me now. The loose necks on my turtlenecks is definitely the coolest thing though.