I think I know why I've become such a freak at my current job. Most of the people here don't have anything else in their life other than this job. This job is their life and some of them went to school and put themselves into debt because they are passionate about healthcare.
I could care less about healthcare. I stumbled into it and I stay in it because I can make a decent income in a job that is relatively stress free work wise and easy for me. Yes, I'm a good at my job and have become something of a subject matter expert in the two years I've been here, I mean some people think I'm a nurse which is such a laugh for me, but it's not my life and it's just a way for me to make money. I have a pretty good work ethic, so of course I try to do well at my job, but healthcare isn't my life, isn't my "mission".
I want to write novels and screenplays for a living. I am passionate about writing books that commuters like me want to read, a book that makes transports them to a different world and makes them forget for a few minutes the horrible job that they are in. I love books that make me forget about my commute, forget where I am so much that I miss my stop. Books that make me forget the freaks on Muni I come into contact with every day are rare, but when I find them it's a joy. I never want the story to end, and when it does end I am bummed out, so bummed out that I end up reading all the books that the author has written just to recapture that feeling again.
I love movies that do the same thing to me, movie make me forget my horrible life for a couple of hours.
I admire people who are passionate about healthcare, or at the very least can pretend very well to be passionate about their job. A friend of mine says people who are that enthused about their job are just faking it, and that every0ne is feeling the same way I do only they're better at hiding it than I am. I wonder about that. I think if you go out and get hourself a masters in healthcare, that must mean you are passionate and want to work in the field.
I wish I could afford to work in a bookstore or some other dead-end job, anywhere but here in healthcare where I am a freak and not a happy freak at that.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
What else am I doing these days besides kvetching about my job. I am currently undergoing some aryuvedic treatment from a friend of mine who is studying to be a practitioner, and needed 10 volunteers to practice on.
She told me I was 48% kapha, 28% vata and 24% pitta. I am what they call a tri-dosha. I am on this new diet because she diagnosed me with a vata and kapha imbalance. I cannot eat cold foods, which is weird because this means no salads or cold sandwiches. This makes lunch very difficult for me since I usually eat a salad or a sandwich for lunch. I also am supposed to give sticky rice, but I can eat barley and basmati rice. I made barley rice last week and was surprised how much it tasted like regular rice. It's just hard to find barley rice at restaurant in downtown San Francisco.
For grains, I can also eat amaranth, brown rice, buckwheat, quinoa and wild rice. My friend thinks I might have a wheat allergy, which would suck because wheat is in everything. She told me I don't have to avoid it completely because I think that would be impossible. I knew someone who had a severe wheat allergy, and she basically couldn't eat out at a restaurant without freaking out because there wasn't anything there for her to eat. At Trader Joes I found two wheat free breads, spelt and kamut. Kamut is very dense, but spelt is not too bad. I'm not really supposed to eat oatmeal, but my friend said I could eat hot oatmeal for breakfast because it was better than eating cold cereal or the Balance bars I've been having for breakfast these past four years. I'm supposed to avoid corn flour as well, which bums out because this means no corn or flour tortillas!
The other food I'm supposed to be concentrating on is veggies. I cannot eat raw veggies. They have to be cooked. I can eat artichokes, beets, carrots, cauliflower, fresh corn, green beans, leeks, mustard greens, potatoes and tomatoes. I have to avoid my favourite veggie which is eggplant, which is okay because I haven't been in an eggplant eating mood for awhile. But no asparagus, sweet potatos or yams. I really like yams.
My friend says once my body gets back in balance I will be able to eat whatever I want, but until then I have to try to follow the new diet as best I can. I'm hoping the aryuvedic treatment will lead to some weight loss. My friend's first client lost 70 pounds, but she was very strict about her new eating rules. I am finding it hard to eat hot meals at lunch. I am so craving salads right now. But I know I have to change my eating habits. I feel so fat and all my clothes are tight, and I don't want to buy new clothes again.
But it's so hard to be healthy when I feel stressed out, and being in a job I don't like is a big stressor in my life right now. I am so whiny and unhappy these days.
She told me I was 48% kapha, 28% vata and 24% pitta. I am what they call a tri-dosha. I am on this new diet because she diagnosed me with a vata and kapha imbalance. I cannot eat cold foods, which is weird because this means no salads or cold sandwiches. This makes lunch very difficult for me since I usually eat a salad or a sandwich for lunch. I also am supposed to give sticky rice, but I can eat barley and basmati rice. I made barley rice last week and was surprised how much it tasted like regular rice. It's just hard to find barley rice at restaurant in downtown San Francisco.
For grains, I can also eat amaranth, brown rice, buckwheat, quinoa and wild rice. My friend thinks I might have a wheat allergy, which would suck because wheat is in everything. She told me I don't have to avoid it completely because I think that would be impossible. I knew someone who had a severe wheat allergy, and she basically couldn't eat out at a restaurant without freaking out because there wasn't anything there for her to eat. At Trader Joes I found two wheat free breads, spelt and kamut. Kamut is very dense, but spelt is not too bad. I'm not really supposed to eat oatmeal, but my friend said I could eat hot oatmeal for breakfast because it was better than eating cold cereal or the Balance bars I've been having for breakfast these past four years. I'm supposed to avoid corn flour as well, which bums out because this means no corn or flour tortillas!
The other food I'm supposed to be concentrating on is veggies. I cannot eat raw veggies. They have to be cooked. I can eat artichokes, beets, carrots, cauliflower, fresh corn, green beans, leeks, mustard greens, potatoes and tomatoes. I have to avoid my favourite veggie which is eggplant, which is okay because I haven't been in an eggplant eating mood for awhile. But no asparagus, sweet potatos or yams. I really like yams.
My friend says once my body gets back in balance I will be able to eat whatever I want, but until then I have to try to follow the new diet as best I can. I'm hoping the aryuvedic treatment will lead to some weight loss. My friend's first client lost 70 pounds, but she was very strict about her new eating rules. I am finding it hard to eat hot meals at lunch. I am so craving salads right now. But I know I have to change my eating habits. I feel so fat and all my clothes are tight, and I don't want to buy new clothes again.
But it's so hard to be healthy when I feel stressed out, and being in a job I don't like is a big stressor in my life right now. I am so whiny and unhappy these days.
What else am I doing these days besides kvetching about my job. I am currently undergoing some aryuvedic treatment from a friend of mine who is studying to be a practitioner, and needed 10 volunteers to practice on.
She told me I was 48% kapha, 28% vata and 24% pitta. I am what they call a tri-dosha. I am on this new diet because she diagnosed me with a vata and kapha imbalance. I cannot eat cold foods, which is weird because this means no salads or cold sandwiches. This makes lunch very difficult for me since I usually eat a salad or a sandwich for lunch. I also am supposed to give sticky rice, but I can eat barley and basmati rice. I made barley rice last week and was surprised how much it tasted like regular rice. It's just hard to find barley rice at restaurant in downtown San Francisco.
For grains, I can also eat amaranth, brown rice, buckwheat, quinoa and wild rice. My friend thinks I might have a wheat allergy, which would suck because wheat is in everything. She told me I don't have to avoid it completely because I think that would be impossible. I knew someone who had a severe wheat allergy, and she basically couldn't eat out at a restaurant without freaking out because there wasn't anything there for her to eat. At Trader Joes I found two wheat free breads, spelt and kamut. Kamut is very dense, but spelt is not too bad. I'm not really supposed to eat oatmeal, but my friend said I could eat hot oatmeal for breakfast because it was better than eating cold cereal or the Balance bars I've been having for breakfast these past four years. I'm supposed to avoid corn flour as well, which bums out because this means no corn or flour tortillas!
The other food I'm supposed to be concentrating on is veggies. I cannot eat raw veggies. They have to be cooked. I can eat artichokes, beets, carrots, cauliflower, fresh corn, green beans, leeks, mustard greens, potatoes and tomatoes. I have to avoid my favourite veggie which is eggplant, which is okay because I haven't been in an eggplant eating mood for awhile. But no asparagus, sweet potatos or yams. I really like yams.
My friend says once my body gets back in balance I will be able to eat whatever I want, but until then I have to try to follow the new diet as best I can. I'm hoping the aryuvedic treatment will lead to some weight loss. My friend's first client lost 70 pounds, but she was very strict about her new eating rules. I am finding it hard to eat hot meals at lunch. I am so craving salads right now. But I know I have to change my eating habits. I feel so fat and all my clothes are tight, and I don't want to buy new clothes again.
But it's so hard to be healthy when I feel stressed out, and being in a job I don't like is a big stressor in my life right now. I am so whiny and unhappy these days.
She told me I was 48% kapha, 28% vata and 24% pitta. I am what they call a tri-dosha. I am on this new diet because she diagnosed me with a vata and kapha imbalance. I cannot eat cold foods, which is weird because this means no salads or cold sandwiches. This makes lunch very difficult for me since I usually eat a salad or a sandwich for lunch. I also am supposed to give sticky rice, but I can eat barley and basmati rice. I made barley rice last week and was surprised how much it tasted like regular rice. It's just hard to find barley rice at restaurant in downtown San Francisco.
For grains, I can also eat amaranth, brown rice, buckwheat, quinoa and wild rice. My friend thinks I might have a wheat allergy, which would suck because wheat is in everything. She told me I don't have to avoid it completely because I think that would be impossible. I knew someone who had a severe wheat allergy, and she basically couldn't eat out at a restaurant without freaking out because there wasn't anything there for her to eat. At Trader Joes I found two wheat free breads, spelt and kamut. Kamut is very dense, but spelt is not too bad. I'm not really supposed to eat oatmeal, but my friend said I could eat hot oatmeal for breakfast because it was better than eating cold cereal or the Balance bars I've been having for breakfast these past four years. I'm supposed to avoid corn flour as well, which bums out because this means no corn or flour tortillas!
The other food I'm supposed to be concentrating on is veggies. I cannot eat raw veggies. They have to be cooked. I can eat artichokes, beets, carrots, cauliflower, fresh corn, green beans, leeks, mustard greens, potatoes and tomatoes. I have to avoid my favourite veggie which is eggplant, which is okay because I haven't been in an eggplant eating mood for awhile. But no asparagus, sweet potatos or yams. I really like yams.
My friend says once my body gets back in balance I will be able to eat whatever I want, but until then I have to try to follow the new diet as best I can. I'm hoping the aryuvedic treatment will lead to some weight loss. My friend's first client lost 70 pounds, but she was very strict about her new eating rules. I am finding it hard to eat hot meals at lunch. I am so craving salads right now. But I know I have to change my eating habits. I feel so fat and all my clothes are tight, and I don't want to buy new clothes again.
But it's so hard to be healthy when I feel stressed out, and being in a job I don't like is a big stressor in my life right now. I am so whiny and unhappy these days.
My friend K and I went to the member museum preview of the Matthew Barney exhibit at SFMOMA last week. From the SFMOMA website:
SFMOMA is the only U.S. venue for this full-scale survey, the first to gather together Matthew Barney’s entire DRAWING RESTRAINT series. Spanning almost 20 years, DRAWING RESTRAINT is an ongoing, performance-based project exploring the notion that form emerges through struggle against resistance. A site-specific installation designed by the artist, the exhibition occupies the Museum’s entire fourth floor, which has been reconfigured to eliminate the gallery walls and so encourage a nonlinear experience of the art.
The opening was your typical San Francisco artsy scene. While we were waiting in line outside, there was a couple walking around dressed like some of the images in the Matthew Barney exhibit. Sometimes it's hard to tell whether these people were dressed up especially for the exhibit or whether they were just being themselves because at any given moment in San Francisco someone is always in costume, but at a typical art opening the number of people in costume expands exponentially depending on the magnitude of the event and gravitas of the artist. At the Matthew Barney member opening, it felt like about 40% of the people attending were in costume. I just found it so fascinating that SFMOMA had such a variety of members. Besides the artsy fartsy crowd in costume, the blue-hairs were there as well as people who look like they would never walk into a museum let alot a modern art museum. It always makes what Andy Warhol would have thought about us all had he been standing outside SFMOMA last Wednesday night.
I love Matthew Barney. He does such interesting work with with sculptural material. There pieces of scuplture that looked like foam or a blob of shaving cream, but which are in fact hard to touch. There was a piece that looked like someone had put a huge slab of butter or dough on the floor. It's all so fascinating!
The artist Bjork was in his photos and in his films, and she added the rock star phenomena to his pieces. I love the juxtaposition that he was a football player and wrestler in his youth and is now this avant garde NYC artist. There is something about that combo that is so very strange.
Then there was these weird videos about fawns doing strange things in a limo. I thought they looked like birdies myself, but my friend K said there were men dressed as fawns and doing lewd and weird things in a limo driving through the streets of NYC.
You can read what the SFGate had to say about the Matthew Barney exhibit,
Matthew Barney, In Glory all his own.
SFMOMA is the only U.S. venue for this full-scale survey, the first to gather together Matthew Barney’s entire DRAWING RESTRAINT series. Spanning almost 20 years, DRAWING RESTRAINT is an ongoing, performance-based project exploring the notion that form emerges through struggle against resistance. A site-specific installation designed by the artist, the exhibition occupies the Museum’s entire fourth floor, which has been reconfigured to eliminate the gallery walls and so encourage a nonlinear experience of the art.
The opening was your typical San Francisco artsy scene. While we were waiting in line outside, there was a couple walking around dressed like some of the images in the Matthew Barney exhibit. Sometimes it's hard to tell whether these people were dressed up especially for the exhibit or whether they were just being themselves because at any given moment in San Francisco someone is always in costume, but at a typical art opening the number of people in costume expands exponentially depending on the magnitude of the event and gravitas of the artist. At the Matthew Barney member opening, it felt like about 40% of the people attending were in costume. I just found it so fascinating that SFMOMA had such a variety of members. Besides the artsy fartsy crowd in costume, the blue-hairs were there as well as people who look like they would never walk into a museum let alot a modern art museum. It always makes what Andy Warhol would have thought about us all had he been standing outside SFMOMA last Wednesday night.
I love Matthew Barney. He does such interesting work with with sculptural material. There pieces of scuplture that looked like foam or a blob of shaving cream, but which are in fact hard to touch. There was a piece that looked like someone had put a huge slab of butter or dough on the floor. It's all so fascinating!
The artist Bjork was in his photos and in his films, and she added the rock star phenomena to his pieces. I love the juxtaposition that he was a football player and wrestler in his youth and is now this avant garde NYC artist. There is something about that combo that is so very strange.
Then there was these weird videos about fawns doing strange things in a limo. I thought they looked like birdies myself, but my friend K said there were men dressed as fawns and doing lewd and weird things in a limo driving through the streets of NYC.
You can read what the SFGate had to say about the Matthew Barney exhibit,
Matthew Barney, In Glory all his own.
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