Facing the death of a loved one and silly childhood thoughts

My aunt in Florida got me started on this track. My aunt is convinced that if she goes to see grandma, that grandma will die. She said that grandma told her she wanted to see her one last time before she died, and that was two years ago.

My aunt got me all freaked out, because here's what grandma said to me. She said she would stay alive until I got married again. Grandma is old fashioned, and she thinks that women can't survive in the world unless they're married.

So I'm thinking, because this is what you do when you're indirectly staring death in the face, that I wonder if I've stayed unmarried all this time to keep grandma alive.

It's a silly thought and very childish I know, but I wonder if this belief is living somewhere in my brain. I mean after all, who wants to see their grandma, my second mommy die.

See the problem is, when you have two mommies you have to experience your mother's death not once but twice. Mom # 1 is dead, and that experience haunts me to this day.

I know there's some childish part of me that wants to delay the death of mommy # 2 as long as possible, and if mommy # 2 said she wouldn't die until I get married again, why not just not get married. Then mommy # 2 will live forever.

Childish, isn't it?