I am totally convinced that if you've done anything bad in your life, you will at some point end up standing in line at the UPS office on San Bruno at 16th Street in San Francisco. The pundits credit the demise of the dot com industry to bad business plans, but I think the gross inefficiencies of UPS contributed to the failure of 90% of the BtoC ecommerce sites. Most ecommerce websites relied on UPS to deliver their merchandise. Which is fine if you're a business that's open 8 am to 5 pm or you work or are at home during the day and never leave your residence. However, if you work outside the home and cannot have your packaged delivered to your workplace or don't want your packages delivered to your workplace because you don't want your coworkers to see what you're ordering, you're screwed!

Standing in the UPS will call line is the most frustrating experience I have ever had. It's not the waiting that I mind nor the drive out of my way to the UPS office. No, what's frustrating is the powerlessness I feel. The feeling that my time is not valuable as UPS' time and that I have to plan one whole week of my of my life around trying to get my package. And I know I'm not alone. I watch miserably as other hapless San Franciscans are told over and over again that their packages are not there. Who would want to order online and put up with this experience? Here's my usual experience with UPS.

Day 1 - UPS leaves that 1st day notice at my apartment building which sometimes I get, sometimes I don't. I call the number on the notice and I get trapped in voicemail hell because I can't talk to a live person. I log onto their website and finally find the number for customer service, because it's not the home page. I spend 15 minutes on hold till someone actually answers. I spend another half an hour trying to figure out where my package is. I am told I can have it held at will call at the San Bruno Ave, SF office. I agree.

Day 2 - After work, I drive to the San Bruno office. I stand for 1/2 an hour in line with my notice. When the CS rep looks up my notice, I am informed that my package is not there. The CS rep asks if I want to have my package held at will-call for pickup tomorrow. I agree and leave.

Day 3 - Once again, I drive to the San Bruno office and stand in line for 1/2 an hour. When the CS rep looks up my notice, I am again told that my package is not there and again, I am asked about holding it at will-call for pickup tomorrow. I've explained that this is what I did yesterday. The CS rep with no change in expression says sometimes they drivers don't get their messages.

It takes another two visits for me to finally get my package.

The fifth time this happened, count them, five different packages and 18 visits later, I overhear a man in line saying that he waits until he gets the white postcard saying UPS is holding the package. "It's the only way to get out of the dyfunctional UPS truck loop" he says. I'm listening to him as I'm staring up at the sign that says "Drivers need 1 day notice to have packages held". I test his theory on my sixth package and it works.

If you look at it from a business point of view, it's no skin off my back to wait until the white postcard comes in the mail. I just have to wait and then plan the one day to pick up my package. If UPS wants to spend three or however many days it takes to get the white postcard, delivering my package over and over again, wants to use their gas, their equipment, their manpower hour to waste their time, wants to use their postage to deliver my white postcard, then that's their problem. I just don't how this company meets their quarterly earnings forecast. And doesn't the delivery business industry have the slimmest of operating margins?

But all of that doesn't matter anymore. I'm happy because I now know the secret of avoiding UPS Hell. I just wait till my little white postcard comes.