I just heard on the radio that there was typhoon that hit the island of Guam, and 2,000 homes were destroyed. The radio reporter said they were flying in a hospital to the island, because the Guam Memorial Hospital is not functioning. This sounds bad.

The noisy upstairs neighbours are driving me crazy. Last night they came and stomped about in their shoes. I ended up hitting my ceiling with the broomstick to tell them to quiet down, but of course they didn't. I hate my apartment, and it's freaking me out. I need the place where I live to feel safe and secure, and they've completely destroyed it for me.

For the first time ever, I don't even feel like buying a tree for Christmas. I usually buy a tree, decorate it, and even put up colourful Christmas lights. But I'm so upset about hating my life and apartment right now, that I can't do it.

I remember visiting a friend's apartment, and it was undecorated. My friend said the apartment didn't feel like home to her, so she didn't feel like putting up pictures or investing money to make it look better. At the time, I didn't understand her feelings. Now I do. Why should I spend the money to buy a tree, and put up Christmas lights, which are a big in the wazoo to hang anyway, when I don't feel like happy in my apartment, and it's not the sanctuary from the world I thought it was.

I won't pull a total Scrooge for Christmas. I always buy a couple of poinsettias anyway, and they're festive enough. I decided not to even give gifts to my building manager and building owners, which I've done every year since I moved in. I complained about the people upstairs being noisy, and nothing has changed. They probably wouldn't even notice or care that they don't get a present from me or not.

God, I'm in such a bad mood. I need the place where I live to feel safe, secure and like a sanctuary, and now it's turned into one humongous hell hole. I'd love to move, but things are still unstable at work. Rumors are going around that they might close the office. I'll be okay financially, but only if I can keep paying the same amount for rent.

I used to be afraid of getting laid off, but with unemployment and at least three months of severance and my vacation pay, if I got laid off in March 2003 (which is the month the rumor mongers are saying the office will close) I could afford to stay home and not work till 2004. The last time the company laid people off, they gave everyone three months severance. I hope they do the same if they close my office. The economy in the SF Bay Area is so bad right now, I might not have a choice but to stay home and be unemployed. At least I'll be able to afford it. I mean, I'll have to lead this incredibly frugal, cheap and budget driven life, but at least I'll be to do it. It's my one and only bright spot in these uncertain times.

I've never not worked. The most I've ever gone without working is six weeks, at least since I've been on my own, and I spent those six weeks on vacation. I was in Hawaii for two weeks, and then I flew to Bali for a month. I'm glad of glad I made my Bali trip when I did. I would be afraid to travel there now, because of the recent terrorist bombing and all of their civil unrest. Bali was such peaceful country when I was there; there was no violence whatsoever. Now that's all changed, just like my living situation.

I guess it's not going to be that much of merry Christmas for me.