I'm listening to Ron Owens' talk show this morning. Apparently, there are talk shows hosts on KGO who are upset that people are making 9/11 too patriotic. If you want to reinforce your conservative point of view, spend time in San Francisco and listen to the talk shows and read the papers and revel in the idiocacy of overly educated people with way too much money and time on their hands. Living in San Francisco tests the limits of my middle of the road democratic point of view. Sometimes listening to Rush Limbaugh is like a breath of fresh air in the extreme left wing, relativistic, politically correct silly fog of San Francisco Bay Area politics.
The San Francisco Bay Area is supposed to be the most tolerant city in the country, if not the world. What a lie! People here only seem tolerant of those who tout the extreme left wing, politically correct, point of view.
God, what is so wrong on being patriotic on 9/11? The nation went through a tragedy, a great tragedy. Tons of innocent people died, innocent civilians, not military, innocent people who were at their appointed place of work just trying to make a living, just trying to support themselves and their families, just trying to get by in this crazy world of ours by working.
Sometimes I don't understand people. Sometimes I don't understand the intolerance of the extreme left, just as much as I don't understand the intolerance of the extreme right. Sometimes I hear my dead father's voice whispering in my ear, "if those people don't like it here, why don't they just leave and go some place else. America, love it or leave it."
Thursday, August 22, 2002
I finished reading "Year of Wonders: A Novel of the Plague" by Geraldine Brooks last night. A review is forthcoming. I really enjoyed this book but, like other reviewers at Amazon.com, I can only give it three stars.
Now for more fun reading. My next books is "Harry Potter and The Prison of Azkaban" by JK Rowling. I bought the four book set from Amazon UK last year, but only read the first two books. I love Harry Potter. Doesn't everyone?
Now for more fun reading. My next books is "Harry Potter and The Prison of Azkaban" by JK Rowling. I bought the four book set from Amazon UK last year, but only read the first two books. I love Harry Potter. Doesn't everyone?
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
With the drought, comes higher food prices. I think with drought, there will also be a rise in plague like diseases. It's already starting with the West Nile virus. The FDA is going to start testing a drug/vaccine for the West Nile virus. I guess they're expecting the virus to spread around the country soon.
In Denver, they're banning lawn watering. The same thing is happening in New Jersey. When will other states be next?
A water war is already starting in Central Asia. How soon before states here are battling over the water? Or have they already started?
In Denver, they're banning lawn watering. The same thing is happening in New Jersey. When will other states be next?
A water war is already starting in Central Asia. How soon before states here are battling over the water? Or have they already started?
I just looked up how many calories are in a nacho grande and it's huge. I probably ate over 1,000 calories or more. The margarita had about 550 calories. Yikes!
I'm trying not to freak out, because I walked five miles today. I read somewhere that you burn 100 calories whether you run or walk one mile. If this is true, I had room for the 550 calorie margarita. I also walked 4 miles on Sunday and 6 miles on Monday, and that that's 1100 calories which takes care of the nachos.
God, I feel fat. On the way home, I was really pissed at myself for eating. It wasn't like I was hungry or anything, but I was at a restaurant with nice people who were eating and it seemed sociable to eat. My friend was hungry, and he wanted to split food. I didn't want to just sit there, and be the only one not eating. Is this a bizarre form of peer pressure.
On the way home, it was horrible. I had this little voice inside of me saying, whispering, that I could go home and hurl it all out. I haven't heard that bulemic voice in a long time. I saw an interview with Jane Fond, another bulemic, and she in the interview that the urge to throw up your food never goes away. I think she's right.
It's been years since I was in college and bulemic. And I was stopped myself from bulemia voluntary. Well, maybe not quite so voluntary. After months of bulemia, a hunk of hair the size of a half dollar fell out of my head. I thought I was having a brain tumor, and rushed out to the doctor to get it checked. The doctor said that I had alopecia. He said my hair probably fell out, because I was under alot of stress. I sort of half mentioned that I was on an extreme diet. He looked at my seriously and said that my extreme diet probably caused my hair to fall out, and that if I kept up with my extreme diet, more hair would fall out and I'd probably be bald in six months.
His warning was enough to scare me, so I stopped making myself throw up my food. Funny though, how the urge to throw up just never goes away.
I'll make up the calorie difference in the next few days. I can eat 1,000 calorie and under on Thursday and on the weekend. I think I'll also walk six miles from Thursday through Sunday.
Three days into my new eating plan of eating 15000-1600 calories per day, and I've already had a relapse. I hate this. I hate all of this. I know I have to just put this eating binge behind me, and get back on my eating plan. I feel like an alcoholic who's fallen off the wagon.
God, I hate all of this. I was just starting to feel thin too. I wonder if splurged, because I started freaking out yesterday about being too thin. I had this thought, this belief in my head, that if I got too thin, I'd be a target for rapists and mugger. I know, I know, it's a stupid thought, but I had it. II weighed 115 pounds in college, and back then, I looked strong and healthy. I know it's stupid to think that I'm equating being thin with feelings of weakness and vulnerability, but I'm having these feelings. I guess it's good that I'm recognizing these feelings of vulnerability, and dealing with them through reason. It's just weird having these feelings, since I didn't even know I had these beliefs until now. Where these beliefs came from, is another big mystery I guess I'll have to solve some day. I't's not important for to solve them now, I think. It's just good to recognize them, see them as insights and move on, move on to a happier place whree I feel safe and secure. Who knew I had such bizarre feelings of vulnerability about the size of my body? I didn't.
I'm trying not to freak out, because I walked five miles today. I read somewhere that you burn 100 calories whether you run or walk one mile. If this is true, I had room for the 550 calorie margarita. I also walked 4 miles on Sunday and 6 miles on Monday, and that that's 1100 calories which takes care of the nachos.
God, I feel fat. On the way home, I was really pissed at myself for eating. It wasn't like I was hungry or anything, but I was at a restaurant with nice people who were eating and it seemed sociable to eat. My friend was hungry, and he wanted to split food. I didn't want to just sit there, and be the only one not eating. Is this a bizarre form of peer pressure.
On the way home, it was horrible. I had this little voice inside of me saying, whispering, that I could go home and hurl it all out. I haven't heard that bulemic voice in a long time. I saw an interview with Jane Fond, another bulemic, and she in the interview that the urge to throw up your food never goes away. I think she's right.
It's been years since I was in college and bulemic. And I was stopped myself from bulemia voluntary. Well, maybe not quite so voluntary. After months of bulemia, a hunk of hair the size of a half dollar fell out of my head. I thought I was having a brain tumor, and rushed out to the doctor to get it checked. The doctor said that I had alopecia. He said my hair probably fell out, because I was under alot of stress. I sort of half mentioned that I was on an extreme diet. He looked at my seriously and said that my extreme diet probably caused my hair to fall out, and that if I kept up with my extreme diet, more hair would fall out and I'd probably be bald in six months.
His warning was enough to scare me, so I stopped making myself throw up my food. Funny though, how the urge to throw up just never goes away.
I'll make up the calorie difference in the next few days. I can eat 1,000 calorie and under on Thursday and on the weekend. I think I'll also walk six miles from Thursday through Sunday.
Three days into my new eating plan of eating 15000-1600 calories per day, and I've already had a relapse. I hate this. I hate all of this. I know I have to just put this eating binge behind me, and get back on my eating plan. I feel like an alcoholic who's fallen off the wagon.
God, I hate all of this. I was just starting to feel thin too. I wonder if splurged, because I started freaking out yesterday about being too thin. I had this thought, this belief in my head, that if I got too thin, I'd be a target for rapists and mugger. I know, I know, it's a stupid thought, but I had it. II weighed 115 pounds in college, and back then, I looked strong and healthy. I know it's stupid to think that I'm equating being thin with feelings of weakness and vulnerability, but I'm having these feelings. I guess it's good that I'm recognizing these feelings of vulnerability, and dealing with them through reason. It's just weird having these feelings, since I didn't even know I had these beliefs until now. Where these beliefs came from, is another big mystery I guess I'll have to solve some day. I't's not important for to solve them now, I think. It's just good to recognize them, see them as insights and move on, move on to a happier place whree I feel safe and secure. Who knew I had such bizarre feelings of vulnerability about the size of my body? I didn't.
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