I can't believe they picked San Francisco and New York City as the two finalists for the Olympic games. My bet is that it goes to NYC because of 9/11. I'm just so shocked we got picked. As a resident, I'm happy and at the same time freaked out. I hope only good comes if we are picked as the Olympic host city. I hope that they figure out the traffic mess here, because it's bad now and in 12 years it's going to be worst. I hate leaving the city on the weekend. No one who lives in San Francisco leaves the city on the weekend because the traffic is so bad. The traffic is worse on the weekend than it is during the week.
On Pete Wilson's show, they're already speculating about the protests that will happen if SF ever gets picked as the finalists. In a city where everything is political, the olympics would be the lightning rod for every freak group to protest about whatever the hell they happen to be protesting about this week. People protest so much here that as a resident, you don't even pay attention to them anymore. In fact, you come to hate the protestors fervently for the traffic jams they cause and then after awhile, you start to hate the groups they represent for the group's bad behaviour and insensitivity.
Tuesday, August 27, 2002
Faith is a strange thing for me, because I have had it since I was a kid. I have always believed in the existence of God. Sometimes when I get really freaked out, I doubt that he’s paying attention to me, doesn’t hear me, doesn’t want to hear me, doesn’t care, and is mad at me for whatever reason. When I have hit those bad bottoms in life that you sometimes do, I have even toyed with the idea that maybe God does not really exist. As soon as I get a thought like this, I always get the cosmic slap upside my head that I am dead wrong, and that God does exist but I’m just too caught in my own BS to know it.
I have come to believe that faith is a gift, and faith comes in varying degrees. Some people have it just a teeny tiny bit. Others breathe and live it. I think I fall somewhere in between, although I know some of my friends sometimes consider me a bit of a religious nut.
I don’t think I could ever run away from God. It’s like he’s got me in my palm of his hand and he won’t let go, no matter what I do. And believe me, I’ve tried to run, I’ve tried to hide, I’ve probably done a few things that aren’t very good in the name of getting away from God. It doesn’t matter. No matter how far I run, no matter how far I hide, no matter how far I stray, God always finds me and lets me know, I will never escape him. I can believe whatever I want about him, say whatever about him, but he knows that I know the real truth and he never lets me forget it..
Do other people feel this way about God? I’ve always wondered if I’m the only one. People never really talk about their faith. I don’t really like to either, unless I know the other person is receptive. I know a part of me feels that faith is private and personal, and really no one’s business but your own. So I never talk about faith unless it comes up in conversation.
I do know that despite my silence, I’ve been lucky about having people of faith around me. Over the years, I’ve come to believe that a person doesn’t stay in my life for very long or get close to me unless they have some faith in God. It’s not something I’ve consciously chosen, because it’s not like I wear my faith on my sleeve or vomit religion over someone as soon as I meet them, it’s just something I’ve noticed in my life.
It’s like I have faith-dar, a radar for people of faith. It doesn’t matter what kind of faith either, just as long as the person believes strongly that there is something, someone up there who looks out after us all.
I have come to believe that faith is a gift, and faith comes in varying degrees. Some people have it just a teeny tiny bit. Others breathe and live it. I think I fall somewhere in between, although I know some of my friends sometimes consider me a bit of a religious nut.
I don’t think I could ever run away from God. It’s like he’s got me in my palm of his hand and he won’t let go, no matter what I do. And believe me, I’ve tried to run, I’ve tried to hide, I’ve probably done a few things that aren’t very good in the name of getting away from God. It doesn’t matter. No matter how far I run, no matter how far I hide, no matter how far I stray, God always finds me and lets me know, I will never escape him. I can believe whatever I want about him, say whatever about him, but he knows that I know the real truth and he never lets me forget it..
Do other people feel this way about God? I’ve always wondered if I’m the only one. People never really talk about their faith. I don’t really like to either, unless I know the other person is receptive. I know a part of me feels that faith is private and personal, and really no one’s business but your own. So I never talk about faith unless it comes up in conversation.
I do know that despite my silence, I’ve been lucky about having people of faith around me. Over the years, I’ve come to believe that a person doesn’t stay in my life for very long or get close to me unless they have some faith in God. It’s not something I’ve consciously chosen, because it’s not like I wear my faith on my sleeve or vomit religion over someone as soon as I meet them, it’s just something I’ve noticed in my life.
It’s like I have faith-dar, a radar for people of faith. It doesn’t matter what kind of faith either, just as long as the person believes strongly that there is something, someone up there who looks out after us all.
Signs by M. Night Shyamalan
I loved this movie. M. Night Shyamalan is a genius. The story is simple, but it makes you think.
The following is an excerpt from the NY Times movie review.
“The real question, posed by Graham to his brother at an especially tense moment, is what kind of person Graham (and, by implication, everybody else) is. There are two kinds: those who believe everything happens for a reason and that we are therefore not alone and those who believe that we live in metaphysical solitude, our destinies governed by nothing more than random chance. There are people with faith, in other words (and the point is reiterated frequently), and people without it.”
This was the heart of the movie for me. I am a person of faith, but I do believe there is some randomness in life that cannot be explained.
Shyamalan shows that you don’t have to spend a lot of money to scare people. You can build tension and scary moments in a movie with every day actions, every day fears and every day assumptions.
I liked how Shyamalan opened the movie and got right into the action of the story. From the start, the audience is immediately sucked into the story. In Screenwriting class, one of the tips was to open on the “cusp of conflict”. I was going to open up the second draft of the screenplay with an exposition scene. In my first draft, I opened the movie up with a locker room brawl. I think I will stick with a locker room fist-a-cuffs scene as the opening scene.
All through the movie, I kept wondering how I would have reacted if I was in story. I like a movie that makes me wonder about how I would behave in a certain situation. I think Shyamalan also made me sympathetic for how each person in the movie was behaving. I could relate to every character in the movie, so I understood every rationale for each character’s behaviour. I want to mimic this in my screenplay. I want the audience to be able to relate to every character in my movie. How I am going to achieve this effect is unknown to me, but I think it’s worth trying.
The ending of Signs was a little far fetched. Perhaps Shyamalan couldn’t figure out how to bring resolution to his interesting plot. I understand his problem. I don’t think I would know how to resolve the ending of this movie either.
All the ufologists are up in the arms over the movie. I know they don’t like the assumption that the space visitors might be less than friendly, but who knows what the space visitors will do when they decide to reveal themselves to us.
What Shyamalan also does well is put conflict into every scene. Richard Walter, in his book Screenwriting, wrote that every scene in a movie should have some sort of conflict. Every scene of the movie is infused with two opposing forces, two opposing point of views, someone who wants something from someone who doesn’t want to give it to them, etc. There is tension in every scene, of varying degrees of course, but tension nonetheless.
I am going to try to add tension and conflict to every scene of my screenplay. I want to add tension and violence as well. I read somewhere that violence is the currency by which we spend our lives. I’m not talking gun violence or battle violence, but physical and emotional violence.
Violence in my characters makes sense. They are people who bottle up their emotions because they are afraid of them. I believe emotions are like energy, and energy cannot be contained and when it is not expressed, it finds a way to explode. My characters are at war with their own emotions, suppressing them, but to no avail. The emotions bubble up with a subtle and violent explosion, often at odd moments, sometimes for a reason, but most of the time at random.
I hope I can do all of this. The idea to violence just popped into my head after I saw Signs. I should probably watch Signs again to study how Shyamalan does what he does. Maybe I even need to rent some Hitchcock movies, the master of suspense. Is it weird to add this much suspense to my family drama movie? I keep asking myself this question.
I loved this movie. M. Night Shyamalan is a genius. The story is simple, but it makes you think.
The following is an excerpt from the NY Times movie review.
“The real question, posed by Graham to his brother at an especially tense moment, is what kind of person Graham (and, by implication, everybody else) is. There are two kinds: those who believe everything happens for a reason and that we are therefore not alone and those who believe that we live in metaphysical solitude, our destinies governed by nothing more than random chance. There are people with faith, in other words (and the point is reiterated frequently), and people without it.”
This was the heart of the movie for me. I am a person of faith, but I do believe there is some randomness in life that cannot be explained.
Shyamalan shows that you don’t have to spend a lot of money to scare people. You can build tension and scary moments in a movie with every day actions, every day fears and every day assumptions.
I liked how Shyamalan opened the movie and got right into the action of the story. From the start, the audience is immediately sucked into the story. In Screenwriting class, one of the tips was to open on the “cusp of conflict”. I was going to open up the second draft of the screenplay with an exposition scene. In my first draft, I opened the movie up with a locker room brawl. I think I will stick with a locker room fist-a-cuffs scene as the opening scene.
All through the movie, I kept wondering how I would have reacted if I was in story. I like a movie that makes me wonder about how I would behave in a certain situation. I think Shyamalan also made me sympathetic for how each person in the movie was behaving. I could relate to every character in the movie, so I understood every rationale for each character’s behaviour. I want to mimic this in my screenplay. I want the audience to be able to relate to every character in my movie. How I am going to achieve this effect is unknown to me, but I think it’s worth trying.
The ending of Signs was a little far fetched. Perhaps Shyamalan couldn’t figure out how to bring resolution to his interesting plot. I understand his problem. I don’t think I would know how to resolve the ending of this movie either.
All the ufologists are up in the arms over the movie. I know they don’t like the assumption that the space visitors might be less than friendly, but who knows what the space visitors will do when they decide to reveal themselves to us.
What Shyamalan also does well is put conflict into every scene. Richard Walter, in his book Screenwriting, wrote that every scene in a movie should have some sort of conflict. Every scene of the movie is infused with two opposing forces, two opposing point of views, someone who wants something from someone who doesn’t want to give it to them, etc. There is tension in every scene, of varying degrees of course, but tension nonetheless.
I am going to try to add tension and conflict to every scene of my screenplay. I want to add tension and violence as well. I read somewhere that violence is the currency by which we spend our lives. I’m not talking gun violence or battle violence, but physical and emotional violence.
Violence in my characters makes sense. They are people who bottle up their emotions because they are afraid of them. I believe emotions are like energy, and energy cannot be contained and when it is not expressed, it finds a way to explode. My characters are at war with their own emotions, suppressing them, but to no avail. The emotions bubble up with a subtle and violent explosion, often at odd moments, sometimes for a reason, but most of the time at random.
I hope I can do all of this. The idea to violence just popped into my head after I saw Signs. I should probably watch Signs again to study how Shyamalan does what he does. Maybe I even need to rent some Hitchcock movies, the master of suspense. Is it weird to add this much suspense to my family drama movie? I keep asking myself this question.
Monday, August 26, 2002
I bought a new scale on Sunday. My scale at home was so off from my doctor's scale. What's great about having a non-working scale is you can fool yourself about how much you really weigh. I would go to the doctor and get myself weighed, and the weight would always be higher than on my scale at home. In my denial mode, I attributed the difference to clothing, shoes, coffee, breakfast, etc. What's worse is, I knew I was fooling myself but I didn't care. My scale at home reflected a weight that wasn't too bad and I was happy with that. But I don't want to fool myself anymore.
My scale at home is eight (8) pounds off from my new expensive high tech scale called thinner. The blurb at the store said that the particular scale I bought, called "Thinner" of all things, is the most accurate on the market. I'm telling you though, stepping on the scale yesterday was so shocking. I was so freaked about by how much I actually weighed, I spent the rest of the night in a freaked out daze watching the Witchblade marathon on TNT, never mind that I've seen every show this season and have them taped as well.
As the night wore on, I calmed myself down and forced myself to think about what was happening. When I stepped on the new scale and it was eight pounds higher, I immediately thought that I had fooled myself into believing that I lost 12 pounds last year. How could I have fooled myself about losing 12 pounds and why did I do that to myself? But then I remembered that the weight the nurse wrote down my chart last March was 12 pounds higher than my current weight on the new scale. After realizing this fact, I felt better. Whew!!!
Part of my freak out came from the fact that I tried on a pair of jeans that used to fit me in 1999 on Satruday, and for the first time in years, I could actually button them. They were snug as heck, but at least it didn't hurt to button them or lie down to put them on.
I think this is a good thing, to have my scale at home match my doctor's scale. On the down side, I have way more weight to lose than I thought I did.
On the calorie counting front, for our lunch meeting we went to TGI Fridays. I had a salad. The salad was soaking with dressing, bleu cheese and pecan covered chicken, but calorie wise I don't think it was too bad. The TGI Friday's website didn't have a nutritional information guide, but the salad I had at TGI Fridays is similar to the one I get at La Salsa. I'm estimating the pecan chicken salad I had to be about 800 calories. That's alot for a salad, I know, but it was very filling and I'm still full. If I go home tonight and have a light dinner, I still won't be over my calorie total for the day.
I don't want to worry too much about salads. I ate fuzzy lettuce salads, covered in vinagrettes and chicken last year, and initally lost 20 pounds. I was on a carbo restricted zone type of eating. I tried restricting my carbo count to 10-20 grams a meals. Three months later I lost 20 pounds. I gained about 8 pounds of it back, but managed to to keep the 12 pound weight loss despite going to back to my regular eating ways.
I'd like to lose 30 pounds and then see how much comes back on, when I go back to regular eating. 40% of the weight loss I came back last year once I went back to regular eating. If this ratio holds true, I should gain 12 pounds back, leaving my weight loss at 18 pounds. At that weight, I'd be close to what I weighed in 1995.
My other plan is to lose enough weight until I see a body shape I like, lose 5-10 pounds beyond that weight, and then go back to regular eating. With the extra weight loss, when I do back to regular eating, the weight I end up with should be the weight that is perfect for me.
Just thinking this far into the future is dizzying and freaky for me. I hate the thought that I might be calorie counting for more than three months, but I know if I want to get to the weight I am happy with, I'll have to calorie count for as long as it takes. I wish I'd done this earlier. I could feel my weight creeping up, but I was in such denial about it. When companies I worked for went Business Casual, I didn't freak out so much about gaining weight. When I had to wear a suit every day, a suit that cost $500 and up, I would freak out if my suit was tight. When you wear business casual type clothes to work, replacing a $50 pair of khakis is no big deal. Business Casual clothes are also not quit so fitted, so there's alot of room to hide any weight gain.
Denial is amazing, isn't it?
My scale at home is eight (8) pounds off from my new expensive high tech scale called thinner. The blurb at the store said that the particular scale I bought, called "Thinner" of all things, is the most accurate on the market. I'm telling you though, stepping on the scale yesterday was so shocking. I was so freaked about by how much I actually weighed, I spent the rest of the night in a freaked out daze watching the Witchblade marathon on TNT, never mind that I've seen every show this season and have them taped as well.
As the night wore on, I calmed myself down and forced myself to think about what was happening. When I stepped on the new scale and it was eight pounds higher, I immediately thought that I had fooled myself into believing that I lost 12 pounds last year. How could I have fooled myself about losing 12 pounds and why did I do that to myself? But then I remembered that the weight the nurse wrote down my chart last March was 12 pounds higher than my current weight on the new scale. After realizing this fact, I felt better. Whew!!!
Part of my freak out came from the fact that I tried on a pair of jeans that used to fit me in 1999 on Satruday, and for the first time in years, I could actually button them. They were snug as heck, but at least it didn't hurt to button them or lie down to put them on.
I think this is a good thing, to have my scale at home match my doctor's scale. On the down side, I have way more weight to lose than I thought I did.
On the calorie counting front, for our lunch meeting we went to TGI Fridays. I had a salad. The salad was soaking with dressing, bleu cheese and pecan covered chicken, but calorie wise I don't think it was too bad. The TGI Friday's website didn't have a nutritional information guide, but the salad I had at TGI Fridays is similar to the one I get at La Salsa. I'm estimating the pecan chicken salad I had to be about 800 calories. That's alot for a salad, I know, but it was very filling and I'm still full. If I go home tonight and have a light dinner, I still won't be over my calorie total for the day.
I don't want to worry too much about salads. I ate fuzzy lettuce salads, covered in vinagrettes and chicken last year, and initally lost 20 pounds. I was on a carbo restricted zone type of eating. I tried restricting my carbo count to 10-20 grams a meals. Three months later I lost 20 pounds. I gained about 8 pounds of it back, but managed to to keep the 12 pound weight loss despite going to back to my regular eating ways.
I'd like to lose 30 pounds and then see how much comes back on, when I go back to regular eating. 40% of the weight loss I came back last year once I went back to regular eating. If this ratio holds true, I should gain 12 pounds back, leaving my weight loss at 18 pounds. At that weight, I'd be close to what I weighed in 1995.
My other plan is to lose enough weight until I see a body shape I like, lose 5-10 pounds beyond that weight, and then go back to regular eating. With the extra weight loss, when I do back to regular eating, the weight I end up with should be the weight that is perfect for me.
Just thinking this far into the future is dizzying and freaky for me. I hate the thought that I might be calorie counting for more than three months, but I know if I want to get to the weight I am happy with, I'll have to calorie count for as long as it takes. I wish I'd done this earlier. I could feel my weight creeping up, but I was in such denial about it. When companies I worked for went Business Casual, I didn't freak out so much about gaining weight. When I had to wear a suit every day, a suit that cost $500 and up, I would freak out if my suit was tight. When you wear business casual type clothes to work, replacing a $50 pair of khakis is no big deal. Business Casual clothes are also not quit so fitted, so there's alot of room to hide any weight gain.
Denial is amazing, isn't it?
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