From a NY Times online article on Dr. Phil McGraw, the "life strategist" who has his own show on TV.

"Dr. Phil McGraw argues that the key to anyone's authentic self can be reduced to "10 defining moments, 7 critical choices, 5 pivotal people."

I've been thinking about what I would put on these lists.

Off the top of my head for 7 critical choices:
1) going to college where I did;
2) moving to San Francisco instead of New York City;
3) leaving my long term five year job, where I was comfortable and well paid, but unbelievably miserable;
4) pursuing creativity which I'm now exploring with writing;
5) decided to divorce, because I was so incredibly unhappy.

Off the top of my head for 5 pivotal people:
1) my acting teacher who told me I would be great writer one day;
2) my junior high english teacher who told me smile and be proud of where I came from, my background and what I would accomplish in the future;
3) the priest who served our church throughout most of my youth, whose sermon on the The Lord's Prayer, shaped much of my spiritual thinking and leanings.

Off the top of my head for 10 defining moments:
1) my public relations failure - when the peace rally that I was organizing took place on the same day as the Tianemen Square incident and we got zero publicity and I took a ton of heat for it - my most memorable professional failure;
2) deciding to walk out on my alcoholic boyfriend, whom I loved very much, because being with him was killing me;
3) looking down a cliff into the ocean one night at Big Sur, when the vastness and beauty of the world hit me for the first time;
4) noticing the mountains in the back of the mall back home on Kauai, and watching a white bird fly across, reminding me that I was born and grew up in one of the most beautiful places in the world.

I'll have to think about these lists some more. Perhaps my off the top of my head lists will change, once I really sit down and think about what defines my "authentic self".

Blogger and Blogspot were acting so wonky yesterday. It was so slow and freaking me ever so incredibly out. Today it's much better.

I can't get enough of that Daniel Beddingfield song "Gotta Get Through This". It's my theme song for this very unstable period of my work life. I try not to worry about work too much, but it's hard. I've stayed in this job longer than I did in my previous two jobs. It's just been so nice to be stable just for a little while.

I've made the dance station a preset on my radio, and when NPR is doing something boring in the morning like pimping music or books, I put on the dance channel. NPR was pimping a blue grass artist this morning, and I was almost tempted to listen to their report, but when I switched to the dance station and the Daniel Beddingfield song came on. I felt like I was in a musical, singing along and driving along 19th Avenue in the very heavy fog. I love fog, but not when I have to drive through it in rush hour traffic in the morning.

I just heard on the news that there was an earthquake in London. How scary! Who knew London could get earthquakes? Now they'll know what it's like to live in California.

I'm wondering if I should give up on my blog. I've been messing with it now for about four hours. Talk about major procrastination! I should take that class my screenwriting teacher is leading on Procrastination for Writers. I probably need a class like that right now. My screenwriting teacher wants to meet with me before I start on the second draft of my screenplay. She's offered to hold me to a deadline, so I keep on writing. I should do meet with her, but she said I'd have to pitch my new story.

God, I hate pitching. It's something I know I have to get used to doing, but I hate it. My screenwriting teacher told me that if I want to sell a screenplay, I'm going to have to get really good at pitching so I can do in front on movie executives in Hollywood. Pitching your screenplay is like doing a 90 second sales pitch. It's totally nerve racking.

Part of the reason I'm trying to get back into shape is because when I go to down to Hollywood to pitch my screenplay, I want to feel as self confident as possible. Being the weight I am makes my self confidence go to negative 10. Not even a zero, but a negative 10. The other reason had to do with health. Being heavy was elevating my blood pressure, and now that I've lost some weight, my pressure has gone back to normal. My blood pressure isn't where it used to be, but I had low blood pressure anyway and I would prefer it to be normal. Having low blood pressure presented a whole other set of health problems for me, so I'm praying my pressure stays normal. My resting heart rate or my pulse is low too, hovering about 55. I wonder if that's too low.

I know I want to finish my screenplay before November. I think I'll do that National November Writing Month contest again. You write 50,000 words in 30 days in novel form. That contest was so much fun to do, and is a great exercise in disciplining yourself to write every day. You have to write 1,667 words a day, every day for 30 days, to get to the 50K total. It's exhaustiive, but at the same time so exhilerating. You're doing a 120 page freewrite because you have to keep writing to make your quota. You can't go back and edit. Maybe the NANOWRIMO will snap me out of my procrastination. It's free too!