The cute guy from church was there today at coffee hour, looking snazzy in a nice suit and tie. He is so cute, and I'm like so afraid to talk to him. I was really getting down on myself, but you know, if he was the one and we were meant to be together fate will find a way to put us together because it's obvious to me that I'm not going to be the one to do it.

He's just too cute and he looks so similar to "the one who got away", that every time I'm see I'm tongue tied. I had the same reaction with "the one who got away". He was so cute, he made me nervous. I would spend longer than normal figuring out what to wear and fixing my myself up whenever we had a date. The thought of seeing "the one who got away" was so nerve racking but very exciting.

The cute guy at church does have very good taste in clothes, which is a relief. Men who can't dress themselves is such a turn off. You'd think a guy would figure out over the years what to wear to make himself look attractive to women. If a guy is clueless about clothes, you gotta wonder what else is the guy clueless about.

I decided I'm not going to stress myself about meeting the cute guy at church. Love is suppsoed to easy and stress free, and all my relationships that were good while the lasted started out this way. If there's too much struggle to meet someone, it makes me wonder whether it's meant to be.

I mean for all I know, the cute guy at church doesn't even know I exist. I mean I didn't even know he existed for the longest time. I mean I saw him in the pews, but he never really caught my eye. It wasn't until the last three weeks that I even noticed him. I don't know why or how I even noticed him, but when I did, it was like a thunderbolt hit me and I said to myself "wow, that guy is so cute". It was a very mystifying too, since I know I've looked at him a bunch of times before. Why all of a sudden it hits that's he cute is still a big mystery to me.

I think I need to explore what I was going through the day I thought the church guy was cute. Something must have happened to me to trigger that reaction. He does have these huge pretty brown eyes, and then there's that strawberry blondie hair that for whatever reason I really, really like.

What really freaked out today was how much he reminds me of "the one who got away". I'm not sure that's a good thing either.

I went to free opera concert at Yerba Buena Gardens, which was the site of my first date with "the one who got away". We met online through one of those dating sites and were emailing each other, when "the one" decides we should just meet for five minutes to see if the physical thing clicked.

That's the downside of meeting someone online. You can have great email/instant message conversations, and even have great phone conversations but until you meet face to face you never really know if it's going to work. I've met so many great guys who sounded great in email chats and on the phone, and then when I finally physically met them there was absolutely no chemistry. Talk about a disappointing experience. Physical chemistry used to be something I never thought about until I started meeting guys online.

So "the one who got away" and I made plans to meet, and what was supposed to be a 5 minute meeting in front of SFMOMA, turned into three hour conversation at Yerba Buena Gardens. I felt bad because I didn't find out till afterwards that I made "the who got away" late for his golf outing with his buddies, which was his fault because he never mentioned it to me. And what was worse, "the one who got away" got sunburnt from sitting in the sun with me for that long, which was still not my fault because if he was getting sunburnt he should have said something.

I really need to release myself from "the who got away". I just deleted his yahoo messenger ID, and I think I need to write out why I'm glad we're not together. Although I've romantically dubbed "Ellis" as "the one who got away", I'm using his real name because I'm getting tired of typing out "the one who got away", I am glad it didn't work out between us.

We just weren't meant to be, and I know that. He would have been a very easy going person to be with, but I think that in time he would have bored me to death, and I would have hated him for it. There was some chemistry between us, but we both decided it just wasn't that red hot. As far as comfort level though, it was 110% between us, but physical chemistry, that was about about 50%.

But physical chemistry is such a mystery to me. I mean I had a 200% physical attraction to a guy who I didn't think was that cute. I mean he was okay, but he wasn't that cute to me. The comfort level was very high, and physical attraction was off the charts, but when I looked right at him, I was never struck by how attractive the guy was.

A friend thought he was really cute, but not me. Not that his lack of physical attractiveness stopped me from wanting to pounce on him 24/7, but it did kind of freak me out that I never found him all that cute. The attraction was definitely like an animal, primitive kind of thing, which I put down to the fact that he was most alpha male guy I'd ever come across who I liked as a person. I don't wish to give the impression that the guy wasn't attractive, because I knew alot of women who were after him, I just personally didn't think he was all that cute.

The guy was a 5th generation Texan, and I do think his brand of male species which is very 19th century in flavor, was so exotic and foreign to me and probably to many women who are used to a more gentler breed of man. The guy was just "so male". I don't even know how to describe it exactly, other than to say he just such a "guy-guy", and a total alpha male guy-guy, which I think is such a rarity in the San Francisco Bay Area. The man just oozed "maleness", if you could ooze it, which was so attractive in an odd way.

The guy was sophisticated and everything, but I could sense that underneath the expensive suit and tie, he was wild and untamed. I mean, maybe it helped that the guy used to one want to be a rodeo star and rode bulls for a short time. I don't know. Whatever it was, I just found myself being ensnared in his manliness and liking it. The guy is one of the most brightest I've met in my life, so I'm sure that helped in the attractiveness as well. The Texas guy is one of the few men I've met that I know for a fact is smarter than me, and I don't say that easily about any man.

Man of man, I hope the cute church guy is intelligent. A guy who's not the sharpest tool in the shed is a real turn off. I've tried to date those non-sharp tools from the shed, and it just never works. Some of those non-sharp tools have also happened to me the most attractive guys I've ever dated, but the lack of brain function totaly wore on me. I've definitely dated my share of "dumb blondes", and probably stayed in relationships longer than I should have because of a guy's appearance, but I've learned my lesson on that score. It's so not worth it, no matter how great a guy looks.

I thought I felt an earthquake last night. It was a very short one, but I felt and heard things in my room shake. Come to find out there was a 4.3 earthquake in Santa Rosa at 12:09 am Sunday morning, Saturday night for me. Santa Rosa is about an hour's drive north of San Francisco.

I wonder if other people in the city felt the quake as well.

When I was at Macy's I decided to torture myself and try on a pair of Ralph Lauren Saturday jeans in a size 6. Oh my god, they fit and what's better they weren't really tight. I was so tempted to go try on a size 4, but stopped myself.

I started to think that if I lose any more weight, I'll disappear. What a freaky and silly thought. I still need to lose 10-15 more pounds. My acupuncturist keeps telling me I shouldn't lose any more weight, but when I showed him my tummy, my spare tire and rolls, he finally relented. He said that being too thin wasn't good for me, but if I wamted to lose 10 pounds it was okay. My acupuncuturist said I'll never ever be really thin, because my body type is water. Water types have like 1940's figures, fleshy and curvy but not rake thin.

You'd think that after losing 30 pounds, my chest would shrink but it hasn't. I'm still the same size on top. I mean it's okay because flat chested chicks are having plastic surgery and killing themselves and paying a fortune to have my breasts like mine, so it's not like I'm not grateful. I'm sure if I was a flat chested chick, I'd be obsessed about my lack of chest size as well.

But since I do have a chest, now I obsess about whether to get them lifted because gravity does take its toll, or wondering if I wear a tight shirt a guy will only look at my chest and not at my face. And yes, some guys really do this. It's so rude to not look at a girl's face and only stare at her chest or to make comments like "if the economy gets really bad you can always get a job at Hooters or get on the cover of Jugs."

And you know for the longest time, I was so stupid that I had no idea what "Jugs" was. Jugs is like some girlie magazine that only shows women's chests. And guy who made the jugs comment to me is married with two kids, and is supposedly a friend of mine. Some friend, huh?

I went to my acupuncturist today, and I told him about the pain in my shoulder and he said it was a pinched nerve. That's what I thought. My silly chiropactor didn't believe me. Honestly, I really need to figure out a way to stop seeing him without hurting his feelings. He's just not very good, but when I told him I wanted to stop seeing him because I was moving out of the neighbourhood he got so upset.

Maybe I'll tell him that company is switching health plans, because I only see him because he's contracted with my health plan. That's a good reason. It's a total lie, but I doubt I'll get found out. This way we could both save face.

My acupuncturist treated my should and gave me the best massage. He's the best, and people come from all over even from LA to see him. He's always so busy. I wanted to see him next week, but he's very expensive ($60 per visit) so I made an appointment to see him in two weeks. He is so worth every penny. He's fixed my plantar fascitis, and my heels don't hurt ever anymore.

I think after my shoulder gets fixed, I'll have him work on my left hip. Even my spiritual healer said the angels she talks to really liked my acupuncturist, and said he was a good man.

I've spending so much money on my move this month that I need to be careful. It's so easy to spend money. I went to The Container Store, and bought some stuff. All the stores on Union Square were having a sale, and I popped into Macy's to check it out. Big mistake.

I walked out of Macy's with two pairs of earrings, on sale, but still Iike I need to be spending money on earrrings. I want to replace my eating utensils and saw the cutest set. The handles had pineapples on the end. How hawaiian is that? But four place settings cost $180. Yikes! Macy's had the set on sale for $99, and I was so tempted but I passed. Maybe in a couple of months, if the set is still there and on sale again, I'll buy them. I must have forks, spoons and knives with pineapple handles.

I decided I need to check out Victoria's Secret and walked out with 5 knickers. Two were colours I've been looking for and since you had to buy 5 to get the sale price, I bought 5.

There so many other things I wanted to buy, but I stopped myself. I can barely fit the clothes I have into my new place, and I don't really need anything. I did just buy a pair of Lands End cropped khakis and a new cotton sweaters from Sears on Tuesday for my company meeting. I didn't end up wearing the khakis, but I wore the sweater.

I told myself I would never buy myself a pair of cropped khakis, but the pair from Land's are more like pedal pushers, which means they come down to mid calf. Most cropped pants end up right at your ankle, and remind me of flood pants that some kids used to wear in elementary school because their parents wouldn't buy them new pants. Remember those? Kids at my school used to tease the kids who wore flood pants mercilessly and so meanly. I never wore them, but seeing pants like that brings those memories right back.