Even when an elfgirl wants to be very bad, she can't. It's so unfair. No email response to my proposition from the red-headed marina frat shoe boy! I'm sure I deserve it for turning him down the first time, when he was offering the same thing.
I hate this! This is the first time in a long time I'm letting myself be bad, because it's like so boring to be good. And I get turned down like big time. So much for a total stranger saying he loves you. That should have been a huge clue huh, that this was going to be a weird little thing.
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
So my evil twin has taken over, and I'm going to be a bad girl and have fun this summer. I don't even want to think about the karma I'm going to reap by embarking on my little adventure, although I think it will be minimal. The object of my adventure and I have some karma to settle, and this seems to be a good way to do it.
It's only a one-time thing, and hopefully it won't blow up in my face. Famous last words I know, but I think it will hold. Frat boys have to be good for something in one's life, even if it's only for a fun little flingie. And I do think it will be fun little flingie, despite all the baggage we're both bringing to the table.
My inner child is like having such a blast. I feel like Eppie in Silas Mariner. I'm such a "naughty naughty elf girl".
It's only a one-time thing, and hopefully it won't blow up in my face. Famous last words I know, but I think it will hold. Frat boys have to be good for something in one's life, even if it's only for a fun little flingie. And I do think it will be fun little flingie, despite all the baggage we're both bringing to the table.
My inner child is like having such a blast. I feel like Eppie in Silas Mariner. I'm such a "naughty naughty elf girl".
Sunday, August 01, 2004
A silly and hopeless sordid romance has to be good for something right? I printed out my baseball screenplay today. It's so weird to read my own writing sometimes. I'm like sitting here thinking I can't believe I wrote this; it's not as bad as I thought it would be.
I'm just about over it with Mr. Red-headed marina frat boy. Tried to call him in LA on his cell just to say hello, and his cellphone voicemail box was full. Talk about a bad sign.
You know it's my own personal pet theory that if a potential romance isn't easy, isn't full of wonderful synchronicities, convenient to both people like you wouldn't believe and where the timing is just spot on, then the relationship is trouble and not really meant to be, and is just one big humumgous mistake.
He said we coud be friends, but I wonder if friendship is really worth it at this point. Okay sure the guy is sweet and cute and everything, but what does he bring to my table as a friend? He's not an editor, and I really need an editor friend. I still haven't figured out if he's an intellectual. I know the guy is people smart since he is an exec after all. He's not into the arts, and I don't he's even remotely very spiritual, although we haven't talked about that subject yet.
I mean, even as a potential boyfriend he really didn't seem to add that much either other than he is cute, he is sweet, he's fun to hang with so far, he's very, very well off, would probably do all the "right things" like send flowers on Valentine's Day and celebrate anniversaries, and he is a busy busy guy which for someone like me who has an issue with time could be a good thing. But he's also incredibly dysfunctional, has very serious commitment issues, probably drinks a litle more than he should, has proven to already be flaky, and perhaps is maybe too busy. I mean, the guy is senior management in his company, he's a powerful kind of guy, he's an admitted workaholic who work 12-15 hour days and always on the weekends, and his cellphone loads up with messages on a Saturday. He's got disaster written all over him.
I think I really need to look at my requirement that a guy I date be successful in the world, because success has it price and that price is time. Oh well. This is what I get when I get attracted to "Steve look-alikes". Steve was another serious workaholic, and a travelling one to boot. Arranging a date with Steve was such a struggle because he was always travelling on business, and yes he was in senior management at his company and powerful too.
I just want to date a guy where we make the same kind of income, how hard can that be? It's not like I make that much money either. I only put the successful requirement in there because of that guy I dated who couldn't relate to my work experiences. I can't help it if in my various jobs I have meetings with VPs of every company I've ever worked for. It's been that way for a long time, and in whatever job I have. It's my job karma to sometimes be the only woman in meeting full of men most of whom are senior management. Even in this job, which is bureaucratic as all hell, I have meetings like that every once in a great while.
Michael used to make such a big deal about it, and it really, really annoyed me. Like he held it against me because of what I did for a living. And the guy was only like that because he was always of the opinion that he never got quite as far as he should have done in his career, and so I think he took it out on me because I was doing things that he wished he could do. It's not like I even thought of myself as that successful because I don't think I am, it's just always been a part of what I do for a living. Not like I don't make okay money, but I'm not in senior management or anything. I'm an analyst, it's slavework really.
A friend of mine says it's because I wear pearls. Pearls send a certain message out to the world, although I don't know what the heck that message is. Pearls are just pearls, they're like work jewelry, and always appropriate for every occassion. They're like so practical, why wouldn't I wear them. And no I don't buy the conservative thing one damned bit. You can buy fake pearls at Macy's for $20 that look very authentic, so it's not like they're not affordable.
And whatever happened to my wish for an editor boyfriend? That's what I really need. A boyfriend to edit my work, encourage me in my writing, and do everything to make himself useful so I can further my writing career. He can be a writer too, as long as we don't get competitive. Been there, done that and it's amazingly a ver torturous experience. Competing with the boyfriend is just not a good thing, ever!
I'm just about over it with Mr. Red-headed marina frat boy. Tried to call him in LA on his cell just to say hello, and his cellphone voicemail box was full. Talk about a bad sign.
You know it's my own personal pet theory that if a potential romance isn't easy, isn't full of wonderful synchronicities, convenient to both people like you wouldn't believe and where the timing is just spot on, then the relationship is trouble and not really meant to be, and is just one big humumgous mistake.
He said we coud be friends, but I wonder if friendship is really worth it at this point. Okay sure the guy is sweet and cute and everything, but what does he bring to my table as a friend? He's not an editor, and I really need an editor friend. I still haven't figured out if he's an intellectual. I know the guy is people smart since he is an exec after all. He's not into the arts, and I don't he's even remotely very spiritual, although we haven't talked about that subject yet.
I mean, even as a potential boyfriend he really didn't seem to add that much either other than he is cute, he is sweet, he's fun to hang with so far, he's very, very well off, would probably do all the "right things" like send flowers on Valentine's Day and celebrate anniversaries, and he is a busy busy guy which for someone like me who has an issue with time could be a good thing. But he's also incredibly dysfunctional, has very serious commitment issues, probably drinks a litle more than he should, has proven to already be flaky, and perhaps is maybe too busy. I mean, the guy is senior management in his company, he's a powerful kind of guy, he's an admitted workaholic who work 12-15 hour days and always on the weekends, and his cellphone loads up with messages on a Saturday. He's got disaster written all over him.
I think I really need to look at my requirement that a guy I date be successful in the world, because success has it price and that price is time. Oh well. This is what I get when I get attracted to "Steve look-alikes". Steve was another serious workaholic, and a travelling one to boot. Arranging a date with Steve was such a struggle because he was always travelling on business, and yes he was in senior management at his company and powerful too.
I just want to date a guy where we make the same kind of income, how hard can that be? It's not like I make that much money either. I only put the successful requirement in there because of that guy I dated who couldn't relate to my work experiences. I can't help it if in my various jobs I have meetings with VPs of every company I've ever worked for. It's been that way for a long time, and in whatever job I have. It's my job karma to sometimes be the only woman in meeting full of men most of whom are senior management. Even in this job, which is bureaucratic as all hell, I have meetings like that every once in a great while.
Michael used to make such a big deal about it, and it really, really annoyed me. Like he held it against me because of what I did for a living. And the guy was only like that because he was always of the opinion that he never got quite as far as he should have done in his career, and so I think he took it out on me because I was doing things that he wished he could do. It's not like I even thought of myself as that successful because I don't think I am, it's just always been a part of what I do for a living. Not like I don't make okay money, but I'm not in senior management or anything. I'm an analyst, it's slavework really.
A friend of mine says it's because I wear pearls. Pearls send a certain message out to the world, although I don't know what the heck that message is. Pearls are just pearls, they're like work jewelry, and always appropriate for every occassion. They're like so practical, why wouldn't I wear them. And no I don't buy the conservative thing one damned bit. You can buy fake pearls at Macy's for $20 that look very authentic, so it's not like they're not affordable.
And whatever happened to my wish for an editor boyfriend? That's what I really need. A boyfriend to edit my work, encourage me in my writing, and do everything to make himself useful so I can further my writing career. He can be a writer too, as long as we don't get competitive. Been there, done that and it's amazingly a ver torturous experience. Competing with the boyfriend is just not a good thing, ever!
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