I haven't been posting lately. I had dental surgery on Monday to have my gumline moved on the right upper part of my mouth, so I've been on some serious painkillers all week. By Thurdsay, I was pretty wiped out and exhausted.
I didn't work out all week because my mouth was throbbing in between pills, and I didn't feel like writing either. I did manage to read three screenplays though in preparation to start working on my screenplay again.
I read "The English Patient", "Frequency", and "Bruce Almighty". A friend fro LA said to read "The English Patient". I never liked the book, and was so so on the movie. Reading the screenplay wasn't much better for me either, although I finally did figure out what the whole story was about.
I still really like "Frequency" only because it's a quasi-science fictiony type movie about going into the past to change the present. Not sure if I wrote about seeing "The Butterfly Effect", but I really, really liked the concept of the movie. I think I "butterfly effected" my own life when I wrote to the red-haired guy that I was having buyer's remorse about turning him down.
I think in my heart of hearts, I would love to be able to write movies and stories on the level of "Frequency" and "The Butterfly Effect" because they're so fantastical, so science fictional but no too out there, and they deal with regret over things done and not done, and that everlasting feeling that most people I think have, that things in life would have turned out differently if only I had done a certain thing.
"Bruce Almighty" was just such a cute movie about God, and wishing you could have the power to make things happen differently and what would happen if you really could and the effect of having all your wishes come true. I've had plenty of fantasies in my life come true. Believe me, sometimes it's not a fun thing and causes way more problems than solves them.
Isn't such a universal human feeling, to wish things had turned out differently in your life than they did, to want to go back and change things, or to have the power to make your every wish come true?
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
I don’t know if the changes I’m going through have anything to do with that funny little emotion called "love" or, I’m just getting old and have matured over the years to where I’m much more willing to compromise a bit more when it comes to relationships.
Back in 1999 I was having issues with Steve, the man I’ve dubbed "the one that got away", with him having reddish hair, his travel schedule, and the fact that his job and his home was down the Peninsula and not in San Francisco. I had to think long and hard about whether I wanted to date someone who didn’t live and work in the "City". At least I remember thinking to myself, I didn’t have to cross a bridge or go through a tunnel. No B&T guys for me. And I’d really have to love someone to even consider seriously living anywhere besides city and county of San Francisco. And thank god at least Steve’s idea of a vacation from The Inn at Spanish Bay in Monterey, the guy was seriously Mr. Luxury Hotel guy all the way, and he didn’t drive a car on the banned list like an SUV (he drove a black lexus).
So flash forward to 2004, and now I find myself thinking I’m in love with someone who:
1) works in LA during the week
2) has double the travel schedule of Steve
3) lives in the east bay (a big no-no with a bridge to cross)
4) has absurdly reddish hair and yes it’s the real thing and not highlights from a bottle or from the salon.
5) whose idea of vacation is real outdoor camping like with sleeping bags and tents
6) drives a huge monster SUV
7) and, who I would seriously consider moving to Marin with only because he wants to move there (talk about a big no-no, we’re talking a bridge and a tunnel to cross.
As I read this I laugh at myself because I’ve always had to compromise about music tastes. Steve was into Andre Bocelli and red-haired guy has on his IPOD Bruce Springstein (okay not a bad choice but he wouldn’t be on my IPOD, Jackson Browne and Bryan Adams. Bruce Springstein I can understand, but not more than one song by Jackson Browne and Bryan Adams. I don’t even own any songs by either artist. I love Springstein’s ballad "Meeting Across the River", and the only Springstein album that I can listen to all the way through is "Tunnel of Love".
Okay, okay, I didn’t look through red-haired guy’s whole IPOD. I mean he at least had Elvis Costello’s greatest hits, but when I saw all those Jackson Brown and Byran Adams songs I was bit put off and didn’t want to freak myself out too much.
Back in 1999 I was having issues with Steve, the man I’ve dubbed "the one that got away", with him having reddish hair, his travel schedule, and the fact that his job and his home was down the Peninsula and not in San Francisco. I had to think long and hard about whether I wanted to date someone who didn’t live and work in the "City". At least I remember thinking to myself, I didn’t have to cross a bridge or go through a tunnel. No B&T guys for me. And I’d really have to love someone to even consider seriously living anywhere besides city and county of San Francisco. And thank god at least Steve’s idea of a vacation from The Inn at Spanish Bay in Monterey, the guy was seriously Mr. Luxury Hotel guy all the way, and he didn’t drive a car on the banned list like an SUV (he drove a black lexus).
So flash forward to 2004, and now I find myself thinking I’m in love with someone who:
1) works in LA during the week
2) has double the travel schedule of Steve
3) lives in the east bay (a big no-no with a bridge to cross)
4) has absurdly reddish hair and yes it’s the real thing and not highlights from a bottle or from the salon.
5) whose idea of vacation is real outdoor camping like with sleeping bags and tents
6) drives a huge monster SUV
7) and, who I would seriously consider moving to Marin with only because he wants to move there (talk about a big no-no, we’re talking a bridge and a tunnel to cross.
As I read this I laugh at myself because I’ve always had to compromise about music tastes. Steve was into Andre Bocelli and red-haired guy has on his IPOD Bruce Springstein (okay not a bad choice but he wouldn’t be on my IPOD, Jackson Browne and Bryan Adams. Bruce Springstein I can understand, but not more than one song by Jackson Browne and Bryan Adams. I don’t even own any songs by either artist. I love Springstein’s ballad "Meeting Across the River", and the only Springstein album that I can listen to all the way through is "Tunnel of Love".
Okay, okay, I didn’t look through red-haired guy’s whole IPOD. I mean he at least had Elvis Costello’s greatest hits, but when I saw all those Jackson Brown and Byran Adams songs I was bit put off and didn’t want to freak myself out too much.
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
I've been thinking about what it means to be "open-mindeded", and received the following definition via email today.
This week’s featured strength is Open-Mindedness.
People are very open-minded about new things…
as long as they're exactly like the old ones!--Charles Kettering
Definition
·Open-mindedness is the willingness to search actively for evidence against one’s favored beliefs, plans, or goals, and to weigh such evidence fairly when it is available.
·Being open-minded does not imply that one is indecisive, wishy-washy, or incapable of thinking for one’s self. After considering various alternatives, an open-minded person can take a firm stand on a position and act accordingly.
·The opposite of open-mindedness is what is called the myside bias which refers to the pervasive tendency to search for evidence and evaluate evidence in a way that favors your initial beliefs. Most people show myside bias, but some are more biased than others.
Benefits of Open-Mindedness
Research suggests the following benefits of open-mindedness:
.Open-minded, cognitively complex individuals are less swayed by singular events and are more resistant to suggestion and manipulation.
·Open-minded individuals are better able to predict how others will behave and are less prone to projection.
·Open-minded individuals tend to score better on tests of general cognitive ability like the SAT or an IQ test. (Of course we don’t know whether being open-minded makes one smarter or vice versa.)
Open-Mindedness as a “Corrective Virtue”
Social and cognitive psychologists have noted widespread errors in judgment/thinking to which we are all vulnerable. In order to be open-minded, we have to work against these basic tendencies, leading virtue ethicists to call open-mindedness a corrective virtue.
In addition to the myside bias described above, here are three other cognitive tendencies that work against open-minded thinking:
1) Selective Exposure
We maintain our beliefs by selectively exposing ourselves to information that we already know is likely to support those beliefs. Liberals tend to read liberal newspapers, and Conservatives tend to read conservative newspapers.
2) Primacy Effects
The evidence that comes first matters more than evidence presented later. Trial lawyers are very aware of this phenomenon. Once jurors form a belief, that belief becomes resistant to counterevidence.
3) Polarization
We tend to be less critical of evidence that supports our beliefs than evidence that runs counter to our beliefs. In an interesting experiment that demonstrates this phenomenon[1], researchers presented individuals with mixed evidence on the effectiveness of capital punishment on reducing crime. Even though the evidence on both sides of the issue was perfectly balanced, individuals became stronger in their initial position for or against capital punishment. They rated evidence that supported their initial belief as more convincing, and they found flaws more easily in the evidence that countered their initial beliefs.
What Encourages Open-Mindedness?
·Research suggests that people are more likely to be open-minded when they are not under time pressure. (Our gut reactions aren’t always the most accurate.)
·Individuals are more likely to be open-minded when they believe they are making an important decision. (This is when we start making lists of pros and cons, seeking the perspectives of others, etc.)
·Some research suggests that the way in which an idea is presented can affect how open-minded someone is when considering it. For example, a typical method of assessing open-mindedness in the laboratory is to ask a participant to list arguments on both sides of a complicated issue (e.g., the death penalty, abortion, animal testing). What typically happens is that individuals are able to list far more arguments on their favored side. However, if the researcher then encourages the participant to come up with more arguments on the opposing side, most people are able to do so without too much difficulty. It seems that individuals have these counter-arguments stored in memory but they don’t draw on them when first asked.
Exercises to Build Open-Mindedness
1)Select an emotionally charged, debatable topic (e.g., abortion, prayer in school, healthcare reform, the current war in Iraq) and take the opposite side from your own. Write five valid reasons to support this view. (While typing Catherine’s idea, I had a related one of my own: If you are conservative in your political beliefs, listen to Al Frankin’s radio show; if you are liberal, listen to Rush Limbaugh! While you are listening, try to avoid the cognitive error of polarization described above.)
2)Remember a time when you were wronged by someone in the past. Generate three plausible reasons why this person inadvertently or intentionally wronged you.
3)This one is for parents: Think of a topic that you consistently argue about with your teen or grown child. Now, take their position and think of 3 substantial reasons why their point of view is valid. (This could also be done with spouses or any family members for that matter!)
This week’s featured strength is Open-Mindedness.
People are very open-minded about new things…
as long as they're exactly like the old ones!--Charles Kettering
Definition
·Open-mindedness is the willingness to search actively for evidence against one’s favored beliefs, plans, or goals, and to weigh such evidence fairly when it is available.
·Being open-minded does not imply that one is indecisive, wishy-washy, or incapable of thinking for one’s self. After considering various alternatives, an open-minded person can take a firm stand on a position and act accordingly.
·The opposite of open-mindedness is what is called the myside bias which refers to the pervasive tendency to search for evidence and evaluate evidence in a way that favors your initial beliefs. Most people show myside bias, but some are more biased than others.
Benefits of Open-Mindedness
Research suggests the following benefits of open-mindedness:
.Open-minded, cognitively complex individuals are less swayed by singular events and are more resistant to suggestion and manipulation.
·Open-minded individuals are better able to predict how others will behave and are less prone to projection.
·Open-minded individuals tend to score better on tests of general cognitive ability like the SAT or an IQ test. (Of course we don’t know whether being open-minded makes one smarter or vice versa.)
Open-Mindedness as a “Corrective Virtue”
Social and cognitive psychologists have noted widespread errors in judgment/thinking to which we are all vulnerable. In order to be open-minded, we have to work against these basic tendencies, leading virtue ethicists to call open-mindedness a corrective virtue.
In addition to the myside bias described above, here are three other cognitive tendencies that work against open-minded thinking:
1) Selective Exposure
We maintain our beliefs by selectively exposing ourselves to information that we already know is likely to support those beliefs. Liberals tend to read liberal newspapers, and Conservatives tend to read conservative newspapers.
2) Primacy Effects
The evidence that comes first matters more than evidence presented later. Trial lawyers are very aware of this phenomenon. Once jurors form a belief, that belief becomes resistant to counterevidence.
3) Polarization
We tend to be less critical of evidence that supports our beliefs than evidence that runs counter to our beliefs. In an interesting experiment that demonstrates this phenomenon[1], researchers presented individuals with mixed evidence on the effectiveness of capital punishment on reducing crime. Even though the evidence on both sides of the issue was perfectly balanced, individuals became stronger in their initial position for or against capital punishment. They rated evidence that supported their initial belief as more convincing, and they found flaws more easily in the evidence that countered their initial beliefs.
What Encourages Open-Mindedness?
·Research suggests that people are more likely to be open-minded when they are not under time pressure. (Our gut reactions aren’t always the most accurate.)
·Individuals are more likely to be open-minded when they believe they are making an important decision. (This is when we start making lists of pros and cons, seeking the perspectives of others, etc.)
·Some research suggests that the way in which an idea is presented can affect how open-minded someone is when considering it. For example, a typical method of assessing open-mindedness in the laboratory is to ask a participant to list arguments on both sides of a complicated issue (e.g., the death penalty, abortion, animal testing). What typically happens is that individuals are able to list far more arguments on their favored side. However, if the researcher then encourages the participant to come up with more arguments on the opposing side, most people are able to do so without too much difficulty. It seems that individuals have these counter-arguments stored in memory but they don’t draw on them when first asked.
Exercises to Build Open-Mindedness
1)Select an emotionally charged, debatable topic (e.g., abortion, prayer in school, healthcare reform, the current war in Iraq) and take the opposite side from your own. Write five valid reasons to support this view. (While typing Catherine’s idea, I had a related one of my own: If you are conservative in your political beliefs, listen to Al Frankin’s radio show; if you are liberal, listen to Rush Limbaugh! While you are listening, try to avoid the cognitive error of polarization described above.)
2)Remember a time when you were wronged by someone in the past. Generate three plausible reasons why this person inadvertently or intentionally wronged you.
3)This one is for parents: Think of a topic that you consistently argue about with your teen or grown child. Now, take their position and think of 3 substantial reasons why their point of view is valid. (This could also be done with spouses or any family members for that matter!)
It's so funny to read my neurotics posts about my red-haired guy. I am so "in love" with him, it's wild and so unprecedented. Maybe he is a huge lesson for me in how to love unconditionally, because no matter what he does or doesn't do I'm still into him.
I'm like so feeling the transformative power of love, and it's a feeling I've never ever felt before. I feel and see myself changing daily, and I find it fascinating. I would so become an "LA poodle" girl just for him.
But I think he is trying to change for me as well. He made a comment about his drinking and how he drinks alot, something I've never commented on. He also used to say this one phrase constantly, which I swore to god if I heard him say one more time I would slap him, and for whatever reason he's not saying it anymore. He also made comments about how he does work a ton, which doesn't leave us much time to see each other. Well, that and the fact that he does work in LA and is only here on the weekends.
He also used the "G word - girlfriend" inadvertantly, and I called him on it and he tried to excuse himself out of it saying I was a girl and a friend. And I'm like whatever because he already more than abused the "l word - love" with me.
But I love being in love, and I feel love vibes from my red-haired guy all day and all night long and I hope it's him thinking of me. And I try to send him love vibes all day and all night long with the message that I totally adore him. Ahhhh, romantic love is such a fun little trip.
I didn't get to see him this weekend because he was way too busy, and I started seriously panicking and thinking gloomy, gloomy thoughts. But then I told myself that there's no urgency to see him like we only have a short amount of time to see each other and then the whole thing will burn itself out. I have the feeling my red-haired marina frat boy is going to be around for a really, really long time, and we all have all the time in the world to see each other.
So I just called him and left a message saying I missed him something awful, and I needed my red-haired guy fix, and I hope I get to see him soon.
I'm like so feeling the transformative power of love, and it's a feeling I've never ever felt before. I feel and see myself changing daily, and I find it fascinating. I would so become an "LA poodle" girl just for him.
But I think he is trying to change for me as well. He made a comment about his drinking and how he drinks alot, something I've never commented on. He also used to say this one phrase constantly, which I swore to god if I heard him say one more time I would slap him, and for whatever reason he's not saying it anymore. He also made comments about how he does work a ton, which doesn't leave us much time to see each other. Well, that and the fact that he does work in LA and is only here on the weekends.
He also used the "G word - girlfriend" inadvertantly, and I called him on it and he tried to excuse himself out of it saying I was a girl and a friend. And I'm like whatever because he already more than abused the "l word - love" with me.
But I love being in love, and I feel love vibes from my red-haired guy all day and all night long and I hope it's him thinking of me. And I try to send him love vibes all day and all night long with the message that I totally adore him. Ahhhh, romantic love is such a fun little trip.
I didn't get to see him this weekend because he was way too busy, and I started seriously panicking and thinking gloomy, gloomy thoughts. But then I told myself that there's no urgency to see him like we only have a short amount of time to see each other and then the whole thing will burn itself out. I have the feeling my red-haired marina frat boy is going to be around for a really, really long time, and we all have all the time in the world to see each other.
So I just called him and left a message saying I missed him something awful, and I needed my red-haired guy fix, and I hope I get to see him soon.
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