I heard this song while driving around yesterday in the rain "Doing too Much" by Paula Deanda. I was googling the song and she has an official website where you can hear the song - Paula Deanda.

This is the theme song of my relationship with M-Square. The guys goes "just leave your name and number and I'm going to holler at ya". Yep, that's me.

I'm leaving messages and voicemails Telling you I miss you
Baby am I doing to much
Why you tryna diss me When I just wanna kiss you
Baby am I doing to much,
Tell me what's the issue Who I give these lips to
Baby am I doing to much
This is turning into Something I ain't hip to
Baby am I doing to much

I remember a character in a televison show talking about losing his love and he said like "it doesn't matter if you've had a few months or four hundred years together, it's never enough time." I never knew what he meant until now.

It doesn't matter that M-Square and I only had a few months together. A few months or thirty years, at the end I think I would be thinking the same thoughts I am now - "that we didn't have enough time."

Speaking about Muni, I watched the Muni fare inspectors this week bust four people on the train for not having a transfer or a Fastpass. Two inspectors came on two separate days and each time busted two people. And at the height of morning rush hour, they are not busting bums or other people you think are taking advantage of the system. They are giving tickets out to people wearing very expensive suits and carrying very expensive bags.

I can't believe these people. The Fastpass only cost $45 a month and if you're going to work every day, you should get one. It makes me wonder how many other well-heeled Muni patrons are working the system and riding for free and just not getting caught. Or, maybe they just don't pay on the way to work and only pay going home. Still! These people are the reason Muni is losing money and threatening to raise the monthly pass fees. Muni was at least breaking even when they had a driver on every train, but then probably some knucklehead on our city council living in some fairy-tale world of their decided that San Francisco people are honest and Muni could run more efficiently on the honor system. WRONG!

You know I don't mind that bums or poor people ride for free because those people cannot really afford to pay, but I get really upset when I see a woman with a $400 handbag and wearing $1,000 worth of clothes and jewelry getting busted for not having a monthly pass in the morning. Dang! It's only $45. That woman probably doesn't wear anything that costs under $100, and yet she's jerking the system and riding for free!

People who work in downtown San Francisco hate the train inspectors because they think it's stupid to bust people during the morning and evening rush hour. It's a nuisance and I know everyone thinks that no one is that dishonorable enough to ride for free. But from what I saw this week, I hope everyone is getting that there are quite a few dishonset people or quite a few people dumb enough to get caught without a pass or transfer.

This is the first day since last Saturday that I've felt a little happier. This last week has been so hard! I missed M-Square so much, and was practically crying at work when my friend S and I were exchanging emails about him. She told me not to get discouraged, but it just made me miss the guy even more! And then on Friday, I started thinking about M-Square and tears were coming out of my eyes on Muni. Nothing beats crying on public transportation during the Friday night rush hour. People stare at you with genuine pity in their eyes. God only knows what they must be thinking.

I am definitely processing something in my mind because I have been having the wildest, wildest dreams. I dreamt my grandparents were still alive and so was our old neighbour, Mr. Murakami. He had these amazing manicured gardens with all these bonsai plants. The man was truly a gardner artist, but boy did he hate dogs. My grandparents swore the man poisoned all of our dogs because they kept getting into his gardens and doing their morning and evening routines. In the dream, my grandparents were laughing because Mr. Murakami was screaming and throwing dog poo back in our yard saying it belonged to our dog. My granparents were just laughing and rolling their eyes. I don't know if this was a real memory that I dreamed about or just some kind of weird dream.