I saw two movies this weekend. I haven't been going to see any movies at the theater because I've been so busy and because I started getting depressed while I was in the theatre. Even when I was supposd to be seeing a comedy, I'd get depressed.

I'd be watching the movie and really getting in the story, and after awhile I'd think to myself that watching this movie was just an escape for me and afterwards I'd be going back to my horrible life. This thought would make me so depressed because I couldn't even enjoy watching a movie without my horrible life intruding on the experience.

I came to this same realization about drinking awhile back. I used to drink to escape my life, until I realized one night that once the high of being drunk wears off you're still stuck with your life.

The night that experience happened I was out partying with friends, and drank what I thought was a ton of booze. I came home, drank some more and then lay awake in bed unable to sleep. As the booze gradually wore off, the awfulness of my life started to hit me. I got so mad. I mean, what was the point of drinking if the high was so short and at the end you were back stuck with your horrible life? I felt so damned cheated, especially because of the volume of alcohol I had consumed.

Booze is such a slavemaster! In the beginning it doesn't take much for you get tipsy. Then little by little, you need more and more, and high of drinking gets shorter and shorter. Soon you're drinking a ton and not getting much out of it. Then after awhile you have to drink to maintain your blood alcohol levels, because if you don't maintain your levels you get cranky. And the crankiness gets totally worse on the third day if you go without alcohol. If you don't watch out you become a slave to heartless bottle of brown or white liquid in the bottle. Slavery to inanimate objects have never been my thing.

After that night, I started cutting down on my drinking. It seemed so pointless now. Now I just drink when I'm out with friends, at parties or when friends come over. I rarely drink when I'm by myself, although I still like to keep a very well stock liquor cabinet for company and just in case I have the urge to have a drink.

Anyway, enough about my boozaholic history. The two movies I saw was "Shrek 2" and "Troy". I wouldn't have gone to see Shrek 2, but "The Day after Tomorrow" was sold out, and Shrek was the only movie available when I was at the theatre on Friday.

Shrek 2 was really, really funny! I'll probably rent it again because I'm sure there jokes that I missed because I was laughing so hard. The theatre wasn't very packed, but other people were laughing so it must have been funny to other people as well. At one point, we were all clapping as well although I don't quite remember when that happened in the movie.

I wasn't going to see "Troy" but on Friday, I listened to Skip Bayless' review of the movie. Skip Bayless, a sport columnist for The Mercury news, was guest hosting The Jim Rome show on Friday. Bayless reviewed the movie "Troy" and tried to make a connection to sports by talking about Brad Pitt.

Bayless kept going on and on about how Brad Pitt's upper body was just amazingly well built, and how Pitt had trained for six months to achieve his upper body look. Bayless tried to make a connection between Pitt and Barry Bonds. Bayless said that people couldn't believe how much Barry Bonds built his upper body a few years ago, and so attributed Bonds' upper body strength to steroids. Bayless said that if Pitt didn't take steroids to achieve his muscular upper body, then it must be able to be done without drugs. So maybe Barry Bonds just trained hard like Brad Pitt, and didn't take drugs to do it.

Bayless then further reinforced his point, by saying that Brad Pitt's legs looked way too skinny, and faulted his trainer for not working on Pitt's legs. But if Pitt was on steroids, his lower legs should have also been built up even without him working on them.

So of course I had to see "Troy" on Saturday if Skip Bayless was raving about Brad Pitt's body. And yes, the boy was ripped and had the kind of back muscles you just want to run your tongue over to feel every curve. And I'm one of few women on this planet who doesn't think Brad Pitt is all that attractive either.

But never mind Pitt's upper body and skinny legs. What about the boy's bottom? The movie had a ton of shots of the Brad Pitt's bum! Like OH MY GOD! His bum was amazing! What is that expression? So tight he was bouncing off the wall. Like the filmmakers don't know their female audience. There were so many shots of Brad Pitt walking around naked in the tent, and the camera was just a stitch above his crotch that you couldn't help but wonder what was just below the camera line.

I knew there were probably women there squinting to see if there were pubic hairs getting into the shot. You could totally see his front hip bones. I'm not a Brad Pitt groupie, but even I was quite fascinated by his hip bones.

When I saw those Pitt body shots, I sat in my chair wondering if this was going to be like that stupid movie "Legends of the Fall" which my friend made me sit through just so she could oggle Brad Pitt. But thankfully, the "Troy" filmmakers put in some scenes for the men as well.

"Troy" had some great bloody, bloody battle scenes with blood squirting all over the place. There weren't any body parts flying around the screen like in "Braveheart", but I think that was because the weapons weren't the same. In "Braveheart", the men fought with long broadswords. In "Troy", the weapon of choice was arrows.

But there were some great arrows in legs and arrows in other body part scenes. I would have loved to see an arrow go straight through some guy's head, but this event probably doesn't happen that often. The few hand to hand combat scenes "Troy" provided great sword play, and the cuts that people sustained looked very blood and real. I would have been really bummed if the fighting wasn't gory and realistic. What's the point of watching a movie about a war without seeing blood squirting all over the place and tons of dead bodies?

I also saw bodies with lots of realistic bruising, which is really nice to see in a war movie. Usually the bruising parts gets skipped or I just don't notice it. But there was excellent bruising and bruising marks in this movie.

I also liked the guy who played Odysseus, and thought his characterization of that legendary figure was done very well. I hope they make a movie about Odysseus with that actor playing him; he'd be perfect.

Eric Bana of "The Hulk" also did quite a good job. Poor Mr. Hulk. Why did the filmmakers of that movie make The Hulk looke like the Jolly Green Giant from the frozen food packages? The Hulk even had the Jolly Green Giant's purple pants. Orlando Bloom just wasn't as attractive as he was in The Lord of the Rings. He should go back to being a blonde elf boy.

I liked the movie "Troy", but since I know the story I wished the filmmakers hadn't taken so many liberties with the story. Oh well. It's just an adaptation. With all the special effects moviemakers can do currently, you can't help but wonder when you watch a movie like "Troy" if those people you're watching on screen are real or just movie special effects.

In any battle scene, you might be able to safely assume that the first five rows of soldiers are real people because you can actually see their faces and their expressions. But after that, I don't know. I think they're just computer generated especialy if I can see a face or an expression. I spend the whole movie wondering which effects and people are real and which are fake. It kind of takes away for me some of the enjoyment of the movie, but I can't help but do it.