So I kind of ended it with red-headed guy on Friday. I told him he needs to take care of some things in his life before we can be together. I didn't slam the door, I left it open, and the next move is his. So whether we continue forward or not is up to him. And I'm okay about it all.

I loved being in love with red-headed guy, and in fact I'm still into him. I couldn't have picked a more perfect guy to fall for. He was so cute, the right size, so perfect in so many ways, and I believe he sincerely loved me. But he's not really ready for a relationship, he wants to be, he's looking for a way, but he has a ton of work and growing up to do before we can be together.

Maybe the role I needed to play in his life was to move him onto his next step. And if that was all, then I'm happy because I helped him to grow. And he did help me to grow and realize many things about myself. Which is really what having a relationship is about isn't it? Helping you to move on to your next step in life, helping you to grow, and doing it with as much love as is humanly possible. And we both did that I think.

If red-headed guy comes back, then he really is my true love and true love is what I really want for my next relationship. And if he doesn't come back, then he was John the Baptist preparing the way for the true one who is to come. And I'm not going to settle for anything less than true love.

But life does go on for me, so I emailed some guy I had a dream about this morning about getting together. I'm hoping he emails me back. And then there's my weekend in LA in November, which I'm so looking forward to and hoping that red-headed guy doesn't come back before then so I can enjoy my weekend in LA.