I love watching the USA show "Monk". Monk is so funny and I so relate to him because he is so very strange. I know what it's like to be weird but still respected because you're smart.

There was an episode on Monk where he had to infiltrate an office. People in the office started liking him, and it was so poignant because you could tell that this was the first time Monk ever felt accepted by people. Then of course, Monk being Monk, it didn't last and in the end the office people thought he was weird and things were back to normal for him.

I am so having a Monk experience at my job. I heard the secretary who was promoted to an analyst whisper loudly to the summer intern "don't talk so loud, Brenda is here." I am such a freak at my office. I know I shouldn't care because I deliberately don't hang out with the office crowd, but for whatever reason it still hurts. I wish it didn't hurt and I thought I was too old for it to matter, but you know it still hurts and I'm like thinking "JC, why have you abandoned me?"

Okay, I know I am being dramatic but that's what I feel like right now. I know it's all my fault because I don't hang out and I don't gossip, and I'm one of those office workers who keeps to themselves and don't really hang with people in my group, but other than that, I don't know what I did to deserve such treatment. It's not like I snitch on people like the other people in my group, who are the biggest gossips and snitches I've ever come across in any office.

People in my group act like they're still in junior high or high school and it's like some popularity thing at work. I have not come across such clickish behaviour in an office in such a long time. It's like totally alien to me. I wish I could be like the two other women in my office who don't hang out and don't care, and are senior managers. But I'm not a senior manager and I guess some part of me does care.

Honestly, I have never worked in such an immature office before. I'm like, I used to be really well liked in other departments at other companies I've worked for, but not this one. I hear gossip about our group all the time, about how we're so strange. We are a strange group! I thought the new director would change our group dynamic, but I think it's gotten worse.

I have to get out of my job. I spoke to this guy in another division in muy company on Friday about an open position that he has, but the timing for me to move into his group will not be right until September. If I have to work with people, I want to work for someone who recognizes me and likes me and this guy so does. We can talk for hours and hours about healthcare and its problems. He treats me better than anyone in my current department. Sad isn't it?

I don't know why I feel so sorry for myself right now about my working situation, but I do. But you know, it's always like this before I make a change in my life. Before I moved apartment, things got really bad and I started to hate living in my old place. Before I change any job, things get really bad. It's almost as if the universe is pushing me out the door and moving on to my next step in my life. Things get so bad that when I do move, I have no regrets. It's an odd way to move on to your next step in life, but one that is probably necessary for me because I'm the type who tends to get rooted very quickly. It takes alot for me move one and things have to get really bad before I even consider. Once I make up my mind though to move one, then things happen pretty quickly for me whether I'm ready for it or not.

I expect the same thing to happen now. I am so ready for a new job that I know things will start to happen very quickly so I can get out of my current situation. I've been thinking for about a couple of months now that I will not be in my job for the whole month of July.

When I first had this thought, I was so confused! I wasn't actively looking for a job and things weren't so bad. But as the month of June has progressed, my job and my attitude towards it have gotten progressively worse. Things have gotten so bad that I want out of my job at any cost! God, I hope something happens soon! I don't know how much I can take my job anymore. I hate not fitting in and having people talk about me like how our ex-secretary spoke about me today. I'm like what the hell did I do to deserve this?