I woke up at 5:30 am to watch the ceremony in NYC, since I missed the tragedy the first time around. It was hard to watch and to remember that I was blissfully sleeping here in the city and county of San Francisco, while huge jet planes were crashing into the towers of the World Trade Center.

9/11 further intruded into my world as I was in my car going to work. My neighbourhood has one the largest jewish temples in San Francisco. We also have a jewish school. I had to take a detour to get on Park Presidio Avenue, because the roads to the jewish temple were blocked and being guarded by the police. A few blocks down, I saw that the roads to the jewish school were also blocked and being guarded by the police.

I was frightened to see the blocked roads and the police, but I have to tell myself that they are just being cautious.

On 280 just before my exit, I noticed a bloodied dead raccoon lying on the side of the road. The raccoon was such visible reminder to me of what this day represented last year, what the whole year was about, and I think, what today is still about.

I created a memorial tile on Yahoo. It seemed like a good thing to do. I didn't know what to write, so I picked the statement that said something like we will not forget, to all those who lost on 9/11. I picked these pretty candles, and I think I'm listed under religion. It's that catholic childhood coming up. When I looked closer at the picture, I realized I picked those candle things you see at catholic churches where you pay a certain amount per candle you want to light. I spent alot of time up until age 18 paying for and lighting those candles. To this day when I walk into a catholic church and I see the paid candle rack, I can't help but head straight to it, fork over the cash, and light my candles. It's so automatic for me. Ah ... the joys of growing up catholic.

I'm working tomorrow on the 9/11 anniversary. It seemed like a good idea to be at work, to let those evil terrorists know that they didn't destroy, could never ever destroy this country. In hindsight, I made a good decision. Knowing myself, I would have just stayed home and watched TV all day, then gotten severely depressed about what I'd seen.

I'll go to work like it's a normal day. Maybe I'll even eat out and have a light dinner, just to see what's that like. It might good for me to not eat soup every day, like I've been doing. Although I had my favourite soup today, Progresso Manhattan Clam Chowder. I've loved this soup forever! I thought it would be really fattening, but it's only 220 calories for two cups with 2 grams of fat per cup. YEAH!!! I think this may be the start of a manhattan clam chowder soup binge.

I'll go to my church's 9/11 service at 7 pm, then come home and listen the Mozart's Requiem on TV. I wish I could see it live, maybe even listen to my e-buddy Mr. Zaft sing if I lived where he does, but I'll have to make do with watching it on TV. The cd I have, Mozart's Requiem on Deutsche Grammaphon conducted by Leonard Bernstein, is supposed to be the most definitive version.

I did hear Mozart's Requiem in person a few years ago, in a church no less, and even thought about writing a short story about a girl who is in love with Mozart and travels to listen to his music all over the country. She'd be like a travelling dead head, only she's a travelling Mozart head.

My other short story idea was about a 13 year old girl who's very catholic, and whose parents take her to see Mozart's Requiem. She has a quite an imagination, so as she's listening to the concert, she fantasizes about the statues in the church coming to live, all the statues. I love the gothic horror of the story. I still have nighmares about a movie I saw as a child, where gargoyles come to life, fly around and attack and kill people.

When I was in Chicago, there were many buildings there with gargoyles. After all these years, I still half expected those statues to come to life and swoop down on me and kill me. It's fun how your childhood nightmares never seem to leave you.

I think tomorrow will be a solemn and strange day.

That orange alert is starting to freak me out. I guess you have to expect stuff like this, a day before 9/11. It's all so depressing and creepy though. I'm starting to believe that we need to attack Iraq. There are too many reports of Iraqi planes flying into the no-fly zone. Why are they doing this? What are they hiding? Cheney just said that there is more evidence of Iraq's weapons of mass destruction, but the information is too sensitive.

I received an email from a futurist last week, who publishes a newsletter I subscribe to, and he said that he and other remote viewers did some work for the Pentagon. They found people working on chemical weapons, and it sounded what I saw in XXX. This futurist has the best accuracy rate of any futurist. It scares me to think that he might be right. Why would he lie? And now Cheney, who after weeks of not speaking, says that there is sensitive information that the government has about Iraq which cannot be shared. Why can't it shared? If Iraq is making chemical weapons, shouldn't we know this? But then if we did know this, would such news bring widespread panic and chaos into the country? The futurist said that the Pentagon will try to take out the chemical weapons factory with vertical insertion teams. Is that missiles are being fired into Iraq?

I've already been feeling a general sense of unease because of the 9/11 anniversary, and this saying we have sensitive information but can't share it, and an orange alert do nothing but increase this sense of foreboding that I cannot shake.