I went out to dinner last night to a restaurant called Ponzu. The restaurant specializes in mixing asian and western foods, or fusion cooking. This was the first fusion restaurant that I really liked. The food was fantastic!

Dining out while dieting is interesting. This was first dining out experience with someone, while on my new eating plan. I tried to keep my calorie count for breakfast and lunch pretty low, so I wouldn't feel so restrictive at dinner. Ponzu encourages family style dining, so my friend and I shared the food were ordered. The bill was $70 with tip, which is very reasonable for dinner.

I didn't order a drink, because liquor is just extra empty calories for me. I've never needed booze to have a good time, so not having wine or a cocktail isn't a big deal. I would have been content with the two dishes we ordered at first, but my friend was still hungry, so we ordered one more dish. We had scallops with some kind of salad, chicken, and pork with eggplant. I had two scallops, one chicken wing and one breast, and a pork chop and a half. I would have preferred to eat a fish dish, but my friend really wanted the pork.

My friend ordered rice, which I decided not eat to because of the extra dish. My friend also wanted to split a dessert, but I declined because of the extra pork dish. If we hadn't ordered the extra dish, I would have split a dessert.

Family style eating while dieting is difficult, especially if your with someone who eats more than you do. If we had gone to a regular restauarant, I would have ordered a salad and either soup or an entree of meat and vegetables, and I would have been happy. If I had just soup and salad, I might have even splurged on a dessert.

I was thinking about maintaining my weight loss this morning, when I'm at my goal weight. I don't think there is any such thing as maintenance, meaning the way I'm eating now is probably the way I'll need to eat for the rest of my life. The only difference is that at goal weight, I'll be able to eat about 300-500 more calories than I'm eating now. I'll never be able to mindlessly eat the way I used to. I'll always have to watch what I eat, and eat smaller meals when I'm going to a party or to dinner. And I'll always have to workout.

Eight weeks ago before I started my new diet, I freaked out at the thought of eating a certain amount of calories every day. I still freak out every once in awhile actually, when I have this thought. But after 8 weeks on this new way of eating, I think I'll be able to do it. I may not have to be as hypervigilant about every calorie that goes into my mouth, but I'll still have to watch my food.

I'm looking foward to getting to goal weight actually, because I'll be able to eat more than I do now. I'm starting to think maintenance is not a good word to use. Losing weight will never be just about maintenance for me. It's about eating the correct amount of calories for my weight. It's about changing the way I think about how much food I really need to eat. It's about a thinking and lifestyle change.

Maintenance connotes restriction. What am I maintaining? I'm eating the proper amount of food for the weight that I am period. If I'm eating over that correct amount, I'm overeating, not maintaining. I'm probably being picky about semantics, but maintenance sounds so horrible. I want to think that once I get to goal weight, there is no going back to the way I used to eat. Maintenance implies that there's a place to get back too, and that's not what I want.

I don't know. This is just an idea I'm having about maintenance. Maybe it's too soon to have this discussion, because I'm not at my goal weight yet, but I'm trying to make the idea of being at goal weight acceptable to me right now. I'm trying to see if I can live comfortably for the rest of my life eating this amount of food. Because if I can't find a level of comfort and acceptability with how I'm eating now, I know the weight will come back as soon as I get to goal weight. And I definitely don't want that.

Good news in the weight loss department! I stepped on the scale and I was 159 pounds! YEAH!! I thought I was plateauing and going to be stuck in the low 160's for awhile.

I did something which in my mind was counter-intuitive, but which in my gut made sense. I didn't try to decrease my calorie count. I'm supposed to be eating 1,1479 calories a day, and I've tried to eat exactly that amount. But I've also been doing a couple of new things too.

1) I'm back to exercising for 40 minutes at night, and my pedometer says I walk an equivalent of 2+ miles plus in that time period.

2) I'm taking probiotics. "A probiotic is an organism that contributes to the health and balance of the intestinal tract; also referred to as the "friendly", "beneficial", or "good" bacteria which when ingested acts to maintain a healthy intestinal tract and help fight illness and disease." I was listening to a exercise show on the radio on Saturday morning, and the host said that if you're property digesting your food, you'll never lose weight. Proper digestion insures you get the maximum nutrition of all the food you're eating. The host suggested taking probiotics to insure proper digestion.

So I don't know what's really helping at this point. I'm just glad that whatever I'm doing, it's working, and maybe that's all that really matters.

Last night in bible studies class, we learned how to do an exegsis on Matthew 9:27-31 - The Healing of the Two Blind Men. What a ton of work! The new pastor says our church has one of the best pastor's library that he's ever seen, and it's open to the whole congregation.

And now I have homework. I think I'm going to be spending all day Saturday in the public library, reading bible commentaries on this passage.

Write 4 or 5 things you realized about this passage.
One sentence what it says about JC.
One sentence how the passage applies to your life or how would your preach on this passage.

I didn't have much time to do anything else last night, as I wanted to watch "The Tailor of Panama" before it was due back. Strange movie! Great acting by Geoffrey Rush. The movie is based on a novel by John Le Carre, and I think I'd like to read the novel because the movie ended so strangely. I had so many unanswered questions about the plot. It was a great story though and very interesting.

After the movie, my mood became very melancholy. The tailor character in the movie said that people make up stories and end up believing them, because it makes them feel better about their wretched lives. I wondered if in some way, I was like the The Tailor of Panama. It's not that my life is that wretched either, but I wonder if I sometimes make up stories about my life and fool myself into believing them. I don't know. You can either have a positive or negative spin about your life.

As a practical person, I've always thought that it was impractical to spin a negative story about yourself. I mean, what's the point? You'd end up in therapy and depressed for the rest of your life. It was far more practical to spin the most positive story you can about your life, and in this way you can be happy and productive no matter what your life circumstances. I guess I got melancholy because I started to question the wisdom of the positive spin on life. Is it realistic? Isn't it better to look reality squarely in the face and get on with life? Why even put any kind of spin on your life? Or can you never get away from forming a judgment about your life? Maybe to spin is part of being a human being?

To spin or not to spin, is that the question?

Blogspot is slow again. I can't read anyone's blog. Not sure what is going on, other than there was a blogspot server maintenance on Monday. They've been slow since they started offering more space if you pay. Maybe the paid blogs have priority on the server.

I wish I knew what was wrong!