Sorry, I'm just not all that chatty this week. I think all this talk of war is putting me into a bad mood. I support the president and our troops, but I'm starting to become frightened of all this talk of retaliation from Al-Queda and Iraq. I know most of it is talk and rhetoric, but still it's frightening.

And all these darn protests here, I don't know. Wouldn't it make more sense to protest in a city where people are more supportive of the war? Like how about NYC or DC or Dallas or Atlanta? It's a mystery. I just hope people support our troops, and don't treat them as badly as they did the Vietnam war vets.

Last night I went through my closet and threw out five shopping bags of clothing, and the whole process was so upsetting. I think I threw out $2,000 worth of clothes, and it freaks me out. It makes me feel like I've been misallocating my financial resources. I know that some of the clothes are being thrown out because I lost weight and the clothes don't fit anymore, but it still freaks me out. I feel like such a wasteful clotheshorse. I threw out 9 pairs of pants.

Some of the clothes I'm getting rid of are not my style anymore either. I threw out two pairs of wool shorts, that I used to wear in the winter time to work with a blazer and heels. I tried them on last night, and I felt so old fashioned. Do people still wear outfits like this? I know I wouldn't be caught dead in them anymore.

Some of the clothes being thrown out were just old and I was holding on to them for sentimental reasons. There were a couple of outfits I bought while on vacation, that I haven't worn since those vacations. You know, funky tropical clothes that look great on while you're on vacation, but look so touristy at home. I threw out belts, hats, and old scarves. I have belts that are now too big for me. What a trip!

I think I need to be more careful about my clothing purchases. I threw out clothes and a pair of shoes that I've never worn. I think I bought them on sale, but then never ever had an opportunity to wear them. It's so wasteful! I'm so wasteful!

And yes, can you tell I'm bummed about what I threw out last night? The only two good things that came out of this whole process is 1) I have more space in my closet and 2) charitable tax deductions.

I'm being so festive. I'm cooking up some corned beef and cabbage. Okay, yes I'm eating meat and I'm a semi-vegeterian, but I love corned beef! This is one of the few times of the year I'll eat the stuff. What's a St. Patrick's Day without corned beef and cabbage.

If I was more ambitious, I'd whip up a batch of irish soda bread, but I'm still watching my calories.

I live in a neighbourhood in San Francisco, which has three of the most popular irish bars in the city. The St. Patrick's Day partying started last night, and people were shouting and I could hear them singing drunken songs all night long. I'm sure it will worse tonight. The police usually close off a couple of blocks just to accomodate all the partiers.

I have to be in the office very early tomorrow for a meeting, so no partying for me. I'm staying home and watching "Children of Dune", and eating corned beef and cabbage.

Busy weekend it seems. Too busy and tired to blog anyway.

I went to my health practitioner in Berkeley, and I told him about my allergies and half colds I was getting. He said my immune system just needed tuning up, so he did that. He told me the reasons I didn't get full colds was because my constitution was so strong. I laughed and told him, I don't feel that way. Then he did some other things.

Listening to the news as I write this, and the radio news announcer just announced that Robin Cook, who I believe is the British Foreign Secretary has just resigned in protest over Tony Blair's position on the war in Iraq. Poor Tony Blair. I read an article over the weekend, which said that Tony Blair sincerely believes in what he's doing, and that he is willing to risk his career for his beliefs. I rather like him, and I feel bad for him. The article said that Tony Blair did an about-face in standing with the US instead of the EU. Tony Blair will sadly be probably booted out of office, but I don't think there's anyone strong enough to succeed him.

The world is getting crazier. Don't you feel it? I was in Bali on vacation when the first gulf war started, and didn't come home till the end of January. It was weird being out of the country at the time, but probably good too. The war seemed surreal and far away, like it wasn't really happening, even though most of the hotel guests sat glued to watching the war on CNN enfold.

I turn the TV on every morning as soon as I get up. I know soon one morning, I'm going to turn on the TV and the war will have begun. I do not look forward to that morning.

I just saw the movie "The Pianist". I am so freaked out. Afterwards, I went to a mall to try to ground myself back into the current time period. I even looked at shoes, at my beloved Dansko Jade shoes, but I was too emotional to try them on.

I think I'm even more disturbed than when I saw "Schindler's List", because I saw Schindler's back to back with the movie "The Piano". I went from one emotional state with "The Piano", and into a completely different emotional state with Schindler's. Most of the time during Schindler's you could hear people crying. Someone was crying the whole time during "The Pianist".

I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I think I was too horrified. Adrien Brody gave such subtle performance and Roman Polanski is a genius. I didn't know "The Pianist" was based on a true story. The real pianist lived in Warsaw till his death in 2000. He was eighty eight years old, and had written the story of his life.

Polanski does not paint his characters with black and white strokes. There was so much ambiguity in the movie. There were good jews, bad jews, good germans, bad germans, good poles and bad poles. I mean, he could have. He the director after all, but he didn't.

I am amazed by the will of the human spirit to live on, despite such hardships. I am amazed by how evil people can be, how cruel and how utterly horrifying their actions are sometimes. And what's truly amazing is that people can live on after expreriecing such terrible things, almost as if nothing has happened. The human will to survive to go is so strong, despite all our attempts to kill it.

The tears come now, after I've written all of this. Maybe writing helps me release the emotions that built up as I watched "The Pianist". I feel a need to read this man's story, although it will be a very heart wrenching thing to do. Did music keep him alive? How did he survive into another century, and not go insane?

My own concerns seem so petty to me now. My need for material things seem so blasphemous even, after having watched people scrounge for food and their very survival for 2.5 hours.

Will this movie win "Best Picture" on Oscar night? I don't know. It's such a subtle movie. Roman Polanski's set and depiction of the events in Warsaw during World War 2 was meticulous. I believ Polanski survived the Warsaw Ghetto as a child, and I'm sure this added to the authenticity of the movie.

"The Pianist" won the best picture prize at the Cannes Film Festival, but I think this movie may be too subtle for Hollywood. And Polanski's misdeeds with 13 year old girls doesn't endear him to many people. "The Pianist" is an incredible piece of filmmaking, but perhaps a friend is right. She said that the country is in such an emotional mood right now, that "The Pianist might be too much". She thinks that "Chicago will win best picture because people want escapist movies right now.

She says our current reality of an upcoming war, terrorists scares and our 9/11 post traumatic stress disorder is just too much to deal with, and that "Chicago" is the only light hearted film that lets the moviegoer escape from the real world. She may be right. Too bad. I think in any other year, "The Pianist" and any of the other movies nominated might have won.

I think I'm going to be freaked out all weekend. But it's okay. A great movie does that you sometimes.