I'm in a melancholy mood today. On the verge of tears and I don't know why.

I feel drained by the peopel in my life, well, maybe just one person in particular. I don't know if I have come across another sad sack person, and the rescuer in me is doing its usual rescuing without getting anything in return.

I feel like my compassionate self is being used against me again. I cannot walk away when someone needs my help, especially if I feel there is some kind of karmic connection. But when I don't receive appreciation ro gratitude, I get a little upset.

Giving unconditional love only takes you so far in this life before you start to realize, unconditional love is fine as long as you are appreciated and acknowledged. Not very enlightened I know, but this is the way I am feeling right now.

It is a new moon today, so maybe it's a moon thing. I'm not very good with new moons.

I was walking down Mission street last week and thinking about my blog and how much I used to post. My posting production has been so very lax these three years or so, maybe even longer.

On Thursday I was talking to a friend of mine of all the things that have happened to me since 2007. Here's the highlights of the last 3 years.

1. August 2007 - moved floor and departments. Moving is so stressful. I hated the department I was in, and I guess everyone who worked there did too because since 2005 they've had about a 80% turnover rate. That department was disbanded this year and merged into other groups. Ironically most everyone that was left in my old department moved to my new department. Life is funny like that sometimes.

2. Broke off a friendship with a friend who was going energy vampire on me. Breaking off a friendship is so difficult. It's been done to me, but I've never told anyone I can't be your friend anymore. Kind of strange because I still talk to people who still talk to this person, so I'm sure we know what is going on in each other's lives. The whole energy vampire thing is weird. My brother sent me a book on it after I mentioned it to him. But WOW, this event turned out to be such a great thing for me. If someone is consciously or in the case of my friend, subconsciously, sucking off all your energy, you have no idea unti it's over how much you've been held back in your life. What an eye-opening experience! I would never wish this experience on my worst enemy. Talk about messing with your head.

3. September 2007 - my company went thru major renovations and I moved floors again. I ended up sitting right outside my boss' office. YIKES. A good experience but not the most comfortable. Thankfully, we changed locations a year later and I'm a row away and much happier.

4. November 2007 - I had a reconnection down with someone who studied with Dr. Eric Pearl. In a reconnection, you are reconnected to the earth's ley lines. A great experience, and something I'm still processing two years later. My life did a 360 after this.

5. December 2007 - I booked my trip to Peru and Easter Island with my good friend Sean D-M. My boss said I was crazy to pass it up, and he agreed that I could take 15-days of vacation. I experienced so many fears about this trip, I even went to a chanelling to ask the "spirits" about this trip. The spirit "Sophia" said I was in my ascension process and should not have any fears. and if there was a fear it was because I was afraid of karmic memories. Sophia's words were very prophetic.

6. January-Feberuary 2008 - I caught the flu 3-times in this period. I haven't been this sick in years. Frightening as heck because you so feel the fragility of your own body.

7. February - March 2008 - Peru/Easter Island Trip. Amazing, amazing, but so very karmic. Some members of the tour group took part in a shamanic vision ritual. It was quite cool to drink icky liquid out of a 100-year olf ritual cup. Talk about weird experiences on the day of a full moon eclipse in aquarius. It wasn't that bad until we left the mountain shrine. I broke into tears in public. I can count on hand when this has happened in my entire life. Sean had to heal me because he said there were holes in my aura and it all pixilated. This experience was a catalyst to so many other experiences in the next two years.

8. March 2008 - Somehow in the middle of all this, I signed up with a personal growth coach. Not the best move on my part. I made some progress but not as much as expected. Big lesson for me in discernment. My coach did not believe in God, and I do big time. There was so much I was not willing to discuss with him. Then I got a message from JC after months of prayer that JC is my best life coach.

9. May 2008 - moved apartments because my landlord had sold the buidling. Traumatic but moveout money from the new owner paid for most of the move. My place is much smaller but so much quieter and in a way better neighbourhood. I never see bums in my hood or on the bus anymore.

10. July 2008-October 2008 - started some intenstive healing treatments and spent way too much money for treatments I'm not sure really worked. Messed my knee up from the move. Another lesson in discernment for me. When people pressure me to do something, I need to sleep on any decision. It's too easy for me to say yes, but if I just say let me think about it then I come to a better decision for myself.

11. August 2008 - kept getting intution to get out of the stock market. Sold all my mutual funds and got out of the market at 10,800. This move turned out be a good one.

12. September 2008 - My co-worker is diagnosed with cancer and goes on a leave of absence. Wow, talk about stressful. She is still away and I am sort of doing two jobs. I miss her and the extra work has been tough.

13. October 2008 - stock market takes a huge drop. I felt good about my decision to sell in August.

14. November 2008 - went to see Bashar at the Angel Valley retreat center in Sedona. Almost a year later, 3 people died there at a sweat lodge session. The people who own the place are very nice, and I feel bad for them because of all negative press.

15. February 2009 - flew to LA for the Conscious Life expo. I reconnected with friends from Peru trip. I see a guy who looks so familiar; I know I've never met him but it is a very intense psychic connection.

16. March 2009 - huge drop in the stock market. Everyone is affected including my company, and money saving policies are implemented. What a huge stressor everyone. Explored the psychic connection with the guy from LA and it is very intense. My first experience with channeling, which is very cool.

17. April 2009 - more karmic work comes up for me which rocks my perception of the world. Another intense channeling for me and I get a headache for a week.

18. May 2009 - Trip to NYC to a seminar about 2012 and what that date might mean. I hadn't been to NYC since 1991. The real City has so changed and was basically unrecognizable to me. Visited Ground Zero and felt sad and cried a bit. I felt like I closed a chapter on my life during this trip.

19. June 2009 - Went to a Bashar session and was picked to asked a question. What an intense experience and so, so cool. Trip to Sedona Arizona as well and closed a couple more chapters in my life.

Okay, that's it so far. I'm still processing events since July 2009 so more on my life later.

I think when your life is too intense, you stop wanting to write about it because you're so in the middle of it that it's hard to step back and get some perspective.

Wow, talk about time speeding up and going into overdrive. Talk about burning off hundreds of years of karma.

I was on the bus the other day thinking how fun it would be to write a handbook of lessons from a temple in Egypt. All fictional of course, because I don't any such book exists. I had a psychic tell me that I was a high priestess in the Temple of Sekhmet. She is a lot like the hindu goddess Kali, except much more primal and more more deadly. She is depicted as having the head of a lion, and was the most feared of all egyptian gods and goddesses because she was only called on to bring destruction and thus transformation.

I wrote the following on the bus this week.

Lecture notes for Level 4 Initiates from the temple of Sekhmet. These teachings are taught to all Level 4 initiates in all the temples, but it is a specialty of the Temple of Sekhmet.

How to read a person's past lives.

When a baby is first conceived, there is no soul yet present in the baby's body. The soul can enter at any time from conception to three months. The entry point of the soul is the chakra point in the back of the skull. (this is like in the movie the matrix when you get plugged into the matrix). This chakra point is also the exit point of the soul. The chakra point becomes a depository for all past life memories of the soul because the soul has to bring in the past life memories into the new body to fulfill obligations of karm.

Most people do not know abou this entry point. Once a soul enters the body the chakra point is sealed, but after years of soul neglect the the seal will erode letting past life memories leak out.

The reading of a person's past life is a simply a matter of being able to go that chakra point and read the memories that are leaking out.

A skilled reader of past lives does so without the person being aware of it, and once mastered a person can walk into a crowded street and sift through the memories of everyone there when on is specifically looking for information. Of course, reading a person's past life as entertainment borders on evil and is punishable perhahps not by death but something clsoe to it. The gods themselves strictly prohibit the reading of past lives for entertainment purposes only. One only is allowed to read past lives when one is the process of healing someone or specifically researching information on past worlds.

One must remember that human history is made up of the collective memories of the community and that reading one past life does not give the full hsitory of the civilization at that time. You only see the history of the time from that person's point of view. For thorough research, one needs to sift through the collective memories of as many people as possible.

The lessons for reading a person's past life shall comprise of the following:
1) become psychically aware of a person's chakra point
2) how to sift through the images that are coming from the chakra point to come up with a comprehensive history
3) how to recognized when past life memories are blending into each other
4) tips for getting the essence of any one life
5) how to read a person's past life memories without the person being aware of it
6) how to sift through the memories in a room full of people to gather what you need for your research project

Okay, I am so over Season 8 of American Idol. First of all, the Danny Gokey haters just completely turned me off. Personally, I think people hated him because he was a church music director. People need to get over their childish hatred of religion, and forgive their parents for shoving religion down their throats with a shovel.

Then there was the "Adam Lambert" is a rock god. OMG! If he was such a rock god, why hasn't he been discovered yet? Don't you think there are scouts out there getting paid bucko bucks looking for great talent? I mean, Adam is a professional singer. HELLO. He did musical theater was in a couple of LA-based broadway musicals. If his dang voice was so great, why hasn't he been discovered? I will tell you why. Because his voice is not that great and it's not that commerical. He's a screamer, and if you're just listening to his songs on your ipod or music machine of your choice, that screaming ain't all that great to listen to when you are bopping thru life.

And I'm sorry, but I thought American Idol was supposed to be for amateurs. Alot of singer's dreams is to sing in a broadway musical, and Adam is already living that dream. Adam is just like David Archuleta who had won some star search contest. I hate that the AI producers put someone with that much stage experience next to the "real" amateurs. Is it any wonder Adam showed everyone up when he had the most stage experience.

Danny was my sentimental favorite. He was one of the few singers who sang with any heart, and when he sang I could feel the emotions in his voice. That is some powerful stuff. I didn't get that from any of the other singers, and never ever from Adam who sings great and is flashy but I never really felt his emotions in his voice.

Danny's problem was he wasn't that creative with the songs. Compared to Adam and Kris, the man looked positively lazy and was often inconsistent in his singing and song choice.

Kris on the other hand, always pushed the envelope. He played it smart, and reminded me so much of a quieter, not so scruffy, not so edgy David Cook. David Cook won last year because he tooks risks with songs, and kept getting better every time. Kris is in the final because he kept getting better and ended up being more consistent than Danny.

Kris was smart though, keeping quiet, keeping to himself and never letting himself get caught up in all the hype. Danny, I fear, got caught up in all the hype and I think felt the pressure of being a presumed finalist. No one on AI, as past seasons have shown, can be a presumed finalist.

This season reminds me so much of last season, when the judges were practically pushing for David Archuleta to win. I was so glad when David Cook won, as it was such a vindication after Chris Daughtry was voted off the season previously.

But it will all be over in a week, and only time will tell where the AI winner will be a few years. Jennifer Hudson didn't make it very far in AI, and I think she seems to be most the successful AI person with her oscar and her new album and all that exposure. Carrie Underwood, musically, is probably the most successful AI person in the country music world, with Chris Daughtry and Kelly Clarkson a close neck and neck second in the pop music world. I never did get into Clay Aiken or Ruben Stoddard but own singles from Jordin Sparks and Katherine McPhee.

I guess I am truly an american after all, because I am rooting for the underdog Kris Allen only because I absolutely hate that people have said AI is a lock for Adam Lambert. This is an amateur singing contest and I want the amateur rather than the seasoned professional to win. I want that damned american dream fantasy that is American Idol, that a person can come out of nowhere and become a star. I don't like the bankster is already rich and needs a bailout vibe of Adam Lambert. The american dream seems to fading economically for many in our country, but why does it have it fade on the unreality of American Idol.

Don't bail out the banksters with more money on American Idol by letting Adam win. He's already living a singer's fantasy by singing in musicals, he doesn't need a handout/bailout on American Idol. Let the guy who came out of nowhere, and whose only singing experience for heaven's sake, is singing in a church. Bail out the real American working man, vote for Kris Allen.

My friend S and I did a 2.5 hour channeling on Wednesday. Channelings are very interesting, in case you haven't been involved in a session. All kinds of strange and fantastic information comes through. I told her we needed to tape it because it would be so hard to remember all of it.

One of interesting things we saw was images of Egypt, ancient Egypt. At one point, S said a being was showing her the sun, and rays emanating from the sun with a man underneath. It took us awhile to figure out this was the mythical RA being, who has been written about and channeled by other people.

So here's what came out in the channeling. RA was married to this woman under Eygyptian law and they had children, but he seemed to have also fathered other children with other women as well. He was trying to create a super race of beings, all with his DNA, which meant the children would have great powers, great psychic ability, etc.

RA wanted to bring monotheism to Egypt, but we saw that Egypt and the human race was not ready to monotheism. RA's heart was in the right place, and we got that RA's heart is always in the right place, but it was too much too soon. RA wanted his psychic children to serve in his temple, and bring all the different gods and goddesses of ancient Egypt under him. RA thought that by having one god, all the fighting between the various people who served in the different temples of gods and goddesses would stop. I mean, it was a noble idea.

But RA's wife, whoever she was, stopped him. RA's wife, companion, whoever that woman was, knew that the world wasn't ready for monotheism. Some of his children were not suited to serve in the RA temple, and were more interested in serving in the temple of Anubis for example. She knew that if she allowed RA's plan to go through that some of the children, and they weren't all hers, would be so unhappy in the RA temple and would probably kill themselves or rebel and overthrow RA just to get out of the temple.

And this she couldn't allow. She loved RA, despite all the other women, despite the fact that she was expected to mother all of his children, even in they weren't her own, she loved him. We weren't sure if she loved in the sense that "love" is used now in the modern sense, but "loved" in a more ancient sense meaning she wanted to obey because 1) he was her husband, companion, mate; 2) he was head of the temple, king, dynasty; and 3) he understood her, he got her and despite his other behaviour valued her above all women.

So she forbade RA to keep all the children at his temple, and when the children were five years old, she "sorted" them and distributed them around to the various temple where they would go to mystery school and become priests and priestesses in the various temples.

So my friend S, who was doing the reading with me, was a daughter of RA who wanted to serve in the temple of Anubis. And RA cursed her because she was the most gifted of all his children, and he wanted her to be the head of the temple after his death. But S refused and rebelled, and we saw that head of the temple of RA had always been male and never female.

We kept trying to find out why RA would allow his wife/companion to stop him, and the only answer we could come up with was because his wife/companion was as powerful as he was, and he knew that she protected him and he needed her protection.

We saw that if RA had gotten his wish for monotheism, that the Egyptian culture would not have lasted as long as it did and would not be influential as it is now centuries later. By keeping polytheism in place, RA's wife/companion preserved the Eygptian culture for generations to come and ensured that the fascination for all thing ancient to do with ancient Egypt would continue to fascinate people through the end of time.

Interesting, huh? You never know if what you see or hear in these sessions is true or not. We saw how emotional RA was and how he kind of still was mad at his wife/companion because she never supported him. My friend S said that RA kept his wife/companion busy at the temple so she had to sneak out to see them. S thinks that RA deliberately prevented his wife/companion from seeing the children as his way of getting revenge on her.

But even if RA's wife/companion couldn't see the children in person, they were all psychically linked and she had taught them to contact her mentally which all the children did. So RA's wife/companion knew what was going on with her children at all times, and the children showed her mentally what they were learning so she learned everything they learned. And RA's wife/companion knew how to call the spirits, something which RA couldn't do.

We saw the timeline of RA's temple from beginning to end and that to be head of the temple you had to be a direct descendent of RA and carry his DNA. We also saw a staff that the head of the temple had to possess. The highpoint of the RA timeline was in the middle, but by the end of the temple days, head priests didn't necessarily have to have RA's DNA to be the head of the temple. Getting to be head of the temple was very competitive. Everything about RA's temple seemed to be very competitive since they had not yet learned to serve the light or source and there was alot of human ego involved.

I need to research all this stuff to see what other channelers have said and if there are any parallels in egyptian history.