God, I miss my love Brian. I wonder how he is doing and where he's working and if he's happy. I wonder if I will ever find anyone who will tell me the truth of things the way he did, if any man will ever tell me the truth of what he really feels the way Brian did, even all the nasty evil stuff that I knew he never wanted me to know. He must have had a Sagitarius rising or moon to go along with his Virgo perfection. Only Brian made me believe that I felt inside intuitively was right. He confirmed all my intuitions and gave truth to what I thought were just my own delusions. But then he was quite exceptional that way. Never afraid to tell me what he really felt, even though in telling there might be pain, for either himself or me or the both of us.

I know that where ever he is and who he's with, he's happy in his own way. He's very practical in that respect, able to tuck away the past in some forgotten corner of his mind, to be looked at only in unguarded quiet times.

I told him we would be happy together one day in another life and he was so sweet when he said, when will that be?

We were so different and there were so many circumstances keeping us apart. And he was such a romantic, too romantic for us to ever be friends afterwards, because being friends with me he said, was impossible. It was togetherness or nothing at all. I think now we both couldn't let go of the dream and so we just abandoned it, because it was easier that way. And we moved on.

But he still haunts my dreams sometimes although I too have tucked him away in some forgotten corner of my mind, only to be looked at in unguarded moments like now.

When I wonder how he is and if he's happier without me and does he miss just a little bit the way I miss him.

And I still wonder every day since our last conversation, whether I find another love who tells me that what I feel is real, because he feels it too, who will tell me the truth of his feelings and not hide away in the name of protection and fear of having his heart ripped out.