Below are links to pictures from my cruise sailing down the California coast line to Catalina Island and then to Cabo San Lucas and back.

The Celebrity Cruise ship

Catalina

More Catalina

Another view of Catalina

Typical Catalina Car - they use golf carts to get around

Cabo San Lucas

A famous Cabo site

A Cabo beach

A little blurry but the famous Cabo San Lucas Arch

I don't why people are making such a big deal about Madonna kissing Britney Spears and Christina Aguillera.

The kisses were sorority girl type kisses, the kind of kiss you have with your girlfriends to have fun, experiment, to tease the guys at a party, or when you've had too much to drink and just want to kiss someone.

Like girls kissing girls was so normal, so standard in college, nobody thought twice, cared or thought the girls were lesbians.

As a society, it seems like our collective minds are in the gutter if people can't be a little too friendly with their own sex and not have people automatically assume they're having sex. What is up with that?

The Christian Science Monitor has a quiz to see if you're a NeoCon; Are you a neoconservative? Take this quiz to find out.

My results were: Based on your answers, you are most likely a neoconservative.

Neoconservatives…

Want the US to be the world's unchallenged superpower
Share unwavering support for Israel
Support American unilateral action
Support preemptive strikes to remove perceived threats to US security
Promote the development of an American empire
Equate American power with the potential for world peace
Seek to democratize the Arab world
Push regime change in states deemed threats to the US or its allies

Historical neoconservative: President Teddy Roosevelt
Modern neoconservative: President Ronald Reagan

Wow, surprising but the questions aren't easy ones and I gave very conservative answers. I thought for sure I'd fall more in the middle, but I guess not. And I so can't stand Ronald Reagan. Teddy Roosevelt I like, but not the actor president, no friggin' way!

I think I need to rethink my american foreign policy views if I end up on a silly newspaper quiz in the same group as Uncle Ronnie. SCARY!!!

So even though I've been warned not to do it, because there are so many predators on line, I signed up for a free trial at a christian singles dating website.

How many predators can there be on a christian singles dating website?

I've never had good luck with these things as far as permanent relationships, but I've gotten great dates out of them.

I didn't even obsess over the writing of my profile, and just zipped through it and posted it along with a some recent pics.

It was fun and it felt evil to do, because I was warned by all my friends to never do it, but what the heck, right?

What's the worse that can happen? I'll get a catholic or a bible banger. Maybe I should have said something about wanting to only date my own denomination, because I'm not switching churches for anyone, unless it's for another presbyterian church that I like and doesn't freak me out.

I watched a history of Martin Luther on TV, and the end, I was like "no wonder I'm not a catholic." I love Martin Luther! He was like so spiritual and so cool. I don't know how anyone can remain a catholic after having watched that show on TV about him.

I told my very catholic uncle in Hawaii about being presbyterian, and he laughed and said "Presbyterian is catholicism without the pope, rome and all the rules." My church has a communion service every other week, and for easter there was a class on confession and lots of people made a confession before Easter. Go figure!

Not even sure I'd switch churches anyway, because lots of people have two faith marriages. Just as long as the person doesn't hold that many opposite views to my own, because then we'd fight alot and that's not fun and not something I would ever put up with for very long.

If you haven't done it already, go to www.donotcall.gov, and register your phone numbers so the telemarketers can't call you.

You have until August 31, 2003 to do it. If you register after this date, the telemarketers won't update their lists for three months if they update them at all.

Here's a new novel idea that I was tossing around with my writing group. It would be way too much work and research for me to do, but it would be interesting to write.

From what I've been able to gather, a group of people got together and decided which books should go in the bible and become part of the official cannon. There were others gospels, but they got rejected. My church has copies of all of the rejected books of the bible.

I thought that writing a novel about being a rejectee of the biblical conference would be so cool. It would
totally fictional of course, but I could create a character who actually knew christ when alive, and wrote a story about it which has been handed down through the generations.

His descendant has a mission to get his ancestor's gospel into the bible, and he or she goes to the biblical conference where he or she finds politics, intrigues, backstabbing, etc. Sadly, this gospel is rejected at the
end, but it still survives in the family's possessions.

I was also thinking the story would be fun if you start it in present time, and then flip back and forth to the present.

Like having the main character, a man comes to mind, inherit the document, and then start investigating it. He's the last of his line, and he has problems with relationships, so the line may die with him if he doesn't have kids.

Many of Christ's follower were jews, so I'd like him to be descended from the same tribe of Jesus, which is the Benjamin tribe, and tie that into the whole abraham line - Abraham, Jacob, Joseph & Benjamin
from Rachel, King David from the Benjamin tribe as is Jesus. I like the symmetry of that.

He'd have to have a love interest, so I'd add some university nerd chick, cute of course but nerdy as alll hell, archeologist type that he contacts to investigate the document. They fall in love investigating the family document, which is wrapped in benjamin tribe cloth, echoing how moses was found wrapped in jewish cloth floating down the nile. Not sure if cloth would survive that long, so some kind of benjamin tribe ancient relic.

You could plot it two ways; 1) have the family document reveal something they left out in the bible, which you'd have to make up and it would have be something very controversial, or 2) since there was no printing in those days, documents had to be written down and copied, so maybe his ancestor wrote a place down wrong or got some kind of obvious detail wrong, which would be why the ancestor's document was rejected as an official bible book.

Make fate be a small and simple thing, which affects everthing. But the story ends happily with sad lonely descendant finding love with cute archeologist nerd and the family line being carried on along with the secret.

This novel would be hard to write though, because you'd first have to come up with a some kind of biblical gospel that would closely mirror one of the four gospels in the bible as the secret text. I don't think it would be that impossible, but it would definitely require much
thought.

Each gospel had a point of view, so you'd have to come up with a new point of view which would mean reading all the rejected ones and knowing the major ones well enough to fake a copy of one.

I love the idea of the novel though.

I'm watching the Oakland Raiders and Dallas Cowboys preseason exhibition football game.

I totally forgot that Bill Parcells is now the head coach for the Cowboys. It will be interesting to see what he can do for the Cowboys. He brings such a different philosophy of playing than what the Cowboys have been used to.

Parcells is old style football; smash mouth with a good running game and long bombs. You won't see any of the vaunted west coast offense of a short passing game and racking up the yardage in the air.

It will be interesting to see if Parcells can turnaround the Dallas tean, and if owner Jerry Jones will play a big role on the team as he's done in the past.

So my evil secret favorite tv show is on tonight, Temptation Island 3. I think it's one of best shows that television has ever produced. I have so much fun watching it, and it is the best reality show out there.

My friends think I'm crazy for watching it, and that it's the sleaziest and crassest show on tv, but that's what so fun about it. It's pure schlock, it's tv trash in its purest and highest form, no dilution, no high brow BS to get in the way, no aren't we artsy fartsy cultural for watching this show.

No, you watch the show because it's so much fun to see people acting trashy, questioning themselves, screwing their lives up, it's like they're filming a train wreck in slow motion. How fun is that?

I love it how when girls get together they revert into slutty sorority girls, and start treating men like trash. I love how the men agonize and fight over the single women, and how whoreish the single girls get. The single guys don't get trashy, they get territorial like dogs over the women.

You know life is really like this sometimes, and it's just so great to see it confirmed on Temptation Island.

Trippy. There was a power blockout in London earlier today. Their power was only out for half an hour, but still.

Conspiracy theorists discuss!

I was talking to someone I've known for a couple of years, and all of sudden religion and God came up in our conversation. I don't usually bring the topic up unless it comes up in conversation, and then when it does I'm very careful about it.

Religion, faith and God have always been very personal issues for me, and unless I feel a certain comfort level with a person I don't talk about it. Religion, faith and God seem to such a hot-button issue, so controversial, in some circles so politically incorrect, that it's so worth the stress of getting into it unless it's brought up.

Some people are so entrenched in their beliefs on either side of the issue, that to me it's a waste of my energy and breath to talk about it. They're not open, they'll argue and freak out, why bother? Life is stressful enough, why add to everyone's already stressed out life.

Anyway, I think my friend fears religion, fears Jesus, and fears God, and her fears really shocked me. I've never feared religion, Jesus or God, ever in my life.

I mean, maybe that's my problem in life, that I don't fear far Jesus, God or religion, but I don't have memories of ever fearing these things. I don't even get how anyone can fear religion, Jesus or God, and I don't think I want to know.

It's sad to think that my woman friend has been treated so badly sometime in her life by people in the name of religion, Jesus and God, that age 60+ she still fears it.

What's weird is that as we were having the conversation, I could feel my reptilian brain activating because I could sense, no feel is a better word, feel her fear. I've never had that sensation before. She was afraid of me, because I told her I believed in God, JC and was a christian.

People fear Jesus. This is such a strange concept to me.

Everyone I know has read Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code" and are raving about it, so now I have to read it to see what the fuss is all about.

It's chock full of conspiracy theories, so I'm sure I'll just love it since I just love the conspiracy theories.

I've think I've seen Mars in the wee hours of the morning. I've been having trouble sleeping, and often get up to go to the bathroom. I leave my shades open at night so I can look up at the stars from my bed, and I've seen this really bright orange ball these last few nights.

I hate when I can't sleep. I know when I'm sleeping well because I sleep straight through the night, and don't dream. The only good thing about not sleeping well, is finding out how much I really dream and how fantastic they really are.

I've been dreaming some wild dreams, which I think is a good thing because that's supposed to mean my subconscious (or is my unconscious) is working things out and doing what it's supposed to do.

I've heard the best way to torture someone is to not them dream. You wake them just before rem sleep so they don't drean. And when someone doesn't dream, they slowly go insane because their subconscious (unconscious) can't work things out. I never really understood what your subconscious has to work out, but apparently it's got to do it or you go nuts.

In the last James Bond movie, the korean guy who got a face change couldn't sleep because of the change. He had have a special machine so he could at least dream if not sleep. I think he even said, if he didn't use the dream machine, he'd go insane.

It's been foggy lately, so I'll probably miss the big Mars show tomorrow. I wonder what it will mean for the world that Mars is so close to earth. All the astrologys sites are saying that things are going to happen tomorrow, because this Mars event is such a once in a lifetime kind of thing. I hope that whatever happens, it's a good thing.

My favorite futurist said that WMDs will be found in a valley on the border between Syria and Iraq next month. He predicted that when WMDs are finally found in Iraq, it will so shock the world and will destroy the democratic party. He's a cali born republican, so he might be just a little biased.

I've always believed that Iraq possessed WMDs, and it was just a matter of finding them. Iraq had a history of WMDs from previous weapons inspections, and it just didn't make any sense or seem logical that they would give up the program so easily. People or countries don't change that easily, especially when the change is imposed because they lost the war.

I mean, what better reason to develop WMDs. Your country lost a war, you're bitter and you want revenge. It's simple, it's human, it's common, it's logical and entirely plausible.

What's unbelievable and not very human is to just give up and die, and be a happy defeated country. The only times that's ever happened is when the country was bombed to hell and completely destroyed. In Iraq's case, Bhagdad was left intact.

Only time will tell. But if WMDs in Iraq are found, what happens to all the people and the countries who said they weren't there. What will this do their credibility?

The futurist also predicted that the US would invade Syria because of the WMD find. I hope not. We don't need any more of our soldiers killed.

I saw an old movie last night called "The Gift" with Cate Blanchett. She's such an awesome actor! She's so adaptable, playing everything from this southern white trash psychic to Queen Elizabeth, and she seems to authentic. Her southern accent was very fine.

Surprise, surprise! Keanu Reeves was also in it, playing a redneck wife beater. He does a great villian, especially if he has facial hair which makes him look not so baby faced.

I think if he weren't leading man material, he looks too heavenly for words, he'd be one heck of a great character actor specializing in evil villians. He brought alot of pent up anger and hostility to his role, and like Jason Isaacs the english actor, he comes across as just plain mean.

The story was good and scary, and it was co-written by Billy Bob Thornton. He and his partner did a good job of making the movie really creepy and scary.

Greg Kinnear, whom I started to despise in "As Good As It Gets", was also in it. I don't know, I just don't look the guy. I never liked him on "Talk Soup", and his switch to acting hasn't helped my opinion of him either.

Gary Cole was in it. He seems to be in every movie about the South, playing some kind of villian. Katie Holmes was also in it, and I guess she's trying to shed her school girl image because she did have some semi nekkid scenes where's she's only g-string knickers.

Giovanni Ribisi was also in it, and he was riveting as well. He's young, but already he's a very good actor. He's not the best looking guy in the world so he's not leading man material, but he is a compelling character actor.

A friend gave me her laser printer, which she managed to drag home after her office closed. It's one of those huge office laser printers, an HP 4050 TN, the kind you see in most offices which are shared by the whole floor.

I was so happy to get it, because I was just about to buy one of those cheap $100 samsung laser printers. The inkjet printer just doesn't cut it for printing documents over 100 pages.

Now I just have to figure out where to put the laser printer, and how to connect another printer to my computer.

So now I have three printers at home. My work printer, which is a combo printer/fax/copier/scanner. My old HP colour printer I bought in 1998, with the original colour ink cartridge still in it. And my new work horse laser printer from my friend's law office.

It's not excessive, is it?

My last post about working with men in corporate america stirred up some comments, especially about men in positions of power. I don't think it gets any better with women in power.

That same company had a female CFO, whom everybody was afraid of. She was the nastiest women, and chewed anyone over anything and people left her office crying. She got away with being really nasty simply because she was a woman.

I had a couple of confrontations with her myself, and I stood my ground and she never chewed me out. She did chew a friend of mine out, who quit over the incident.

I don't buy into the mythie anymore that all men are jerks, and women aren't. That's just so untrue! Women are jerks too, especially if they're in positions of power of power-hungry. I think there's even a book that's been written about aggression in teenage girls.

Well, take those aggressive nasty girls from junior high and high school and watch them climb the corporate ladder of success, and you know what? They're still just as nasty as they used to be junior high and highschool, only now the stakes are higher because your paycheck os involved and not just your popularity in school.

Think of the girls in that movie "Heathers" as corporate executives and you get the picture.

I worked with a bunch of female project managers once. Talk about a hell hole. There was so much backstabbing and gossiping going on, that it was like being back in junior high or high school.

These executive women running million dollar business projects would do anything to get you fired, make you look bad, etc, just because you weren't part of their clique. Talk about major sabotaging going on left and right, and they do it with a smile on their face too.

So yes, guys are nasty because they make sexual jokes sometimes and treat you with no respect and dignity, but women don't treat you any better except for the lack of sexual jokes.

People just behave like jerks when they are in positions of power, or want power, regardless of their sex.

I went to a cocktail party tonight, and all anyone could talk about was Rosanna Arquette's new movie on Showtime "Searching for Debra Winger." It's about women aging in Hollywood and what they have to go through to get parts.

I hope it comes out on video because I'd like to see it, since I don't have Showtime.

Apparently there's a scene in the movie where the actresses say that when an actress leaves an audition, which is usually run by men, the guys then go around and say to each other "she was good, but would you have sex with her?"

This scene reminded me of something one of my exec type corporate boyfriends told me. Corporate director boyfriend said that the guys in upper management would talk about, when women weren't present of course, the physical attributes of all of the women in the corporation. And one of the questions that always came up about women executives was, "would you have sex with her?"

Corporate director boyfriend said they would go around the table and offer their "two cents" about the desirability of the woman executive.

I used to think that corporate director boyfriend was making all of this stuff up, and I used to just listen to his stories and think nothing of it. But maybe he was telling the truth, because the Hollywood guys do it too. And if the Hollywood guys behave that way with actresses, they probably treat female writers the same way.

I've worked with corporate america upper management most of my working life, so I'm no stranger to the way guys in corporate america treat women. But maybe this is a good thing because I'll be familiar with how I'll get treated and I'll know how to react. I've definitely had to play that game before. I don't like it, but I know how to operate in the game.

It's ill, very ill I know. But sadly, it really does seem that way. And the higher up you go on the corporate ladder, the worse it gets. You just get used to it, and you adjust, and you learn to use the rules of their game to your own advantage.

I remember going into a difficult meeting with a corporate controller, where I had to talk about why my group was over our department. He was not a happy camper about our expenses that month.

I made sure I wore a very tight sweater to the the meeting just to make sure that I had every advantage. Not sure if it worked, but the meeting went better than expected and I managed to calm him down and we figured out a way to show that my group really wasn't doing that much damage to the corporate bottom line.

I got what I wanted, but I did get sick of the "hooter jokes" that he kept making. I figured it was a small price to pay to calm the poor man down and to keep my group out of trouble. And after that incident, my boss promoted me and gave me a big fat raise.

Hollywood can't be that much worse than what I've had to go through in the halls of publicly traded corporate american executive management.

Borrowed from "Hooray For Anything"

What turns me on- intelligence, smells, sweetness
What turns me off- lying, lack of pragmatism and/or common sense (is there a difference?), right and left wing puppets and parrots, smells, petty meanness, people who don't have facts and figures to back up their claims (we used to call this marketing math)
Favorite Sound- laughter
Least Favorite Sound- static
Favorite Word- obdurate
Least Favorite Word- schadenfreude (media's new fave word)
Dream job- bestselling writer
Currently Reading- Possession
Currently Listening To- Dusty in Memphis
Currently Worried About- weight, finances, terrorism, what' going on in Iraq
Currently Happy About-lists as a way to create a story's structure, plot and architecture

A quote from a NY Times article today on fashion with the headline, "Fashion recalls 1950's nostalgia."

"Fashion is so fragmented, so indefinable," Mr. Doonan replied. "So, many people are looking for what they recognize." The retro trend "mirrors the chaos in our society."

I have the view that art and fashion are at the forefront of what's happening with society. This 1950's nostalgia reinforces my view that american society in general is only becoming more conservative because society is changing too rapidly.

When changes in society happen too quickly, it's too much for most people. Most people fear change as it is, and right now changes are forced and in your face. In fact, everything about american society in so in your face, so out there, so not private.

It's perfectly normal and reasonable for people to start clinging to the past, not because they don't want to move forward, but because the past is familiar and safe. Changes in society are happening so quickly that people are clinging to the past so they can slow the changes down, so they have time to adjust, reorient their lives and values.

What's sad is that you can't slow the change down in the end, but you sure as hell can go kicking and screaming into the future.

I think people are going to start doing that now, if they haven't already. And one sure way to slow to change the change down is to bring back values from the past.

The 1950's was such a dark time in America. I mean, sure you had family stability and all that stuff, but there was also McCarthyism and a darkness and violence in society underneath the sugary sweet stability. And the 1950's didn't last that long either, because then the beatniks and the hippies came along.

Maybe we need to all take a collective look back into the past, take a break for awhile, only to realize in the end that what we have now is so much better that we had back then.

You can never go back, but maybe you can visit for awhile as long as you don't get stuck or lost there.

I checked out the annual US News and World report rankings of colleges to see where my alma mater Grinnell College ranked.

Grinnell College is ranked # 15 for Liberal Art Colleges and
ranked # 7 for Best Value in Liberal Arts Colleges.

Not bad for a school of 1,200 in the middle of the cornfields in Iowa.

I finally finished reading Michael Lewis' book, "Liar's Poker". It's an interesting book, and you can still see the after effects of everything he brought up about the financial markets.

Mr. Lewis has apparently written a new book on major leag baseball and the Oakland A's which I intend to read. From the reviews I've read on the book and the interview I heard with Lewis, you could say that Billy Bean, the Oakland's A's general manager, could be akin to Michael Milken and the junk bond market.

Bean looks for "underperforming players", and using his own set of ratios such "base on balls percentage", signs them for the A's for cheap. These low salaried players, then end up become pretty good players for the A's. You get a good player for a cheap price.

It's the rationale that Lewis said Milken created with the junk bond market. Don't buy the bonds of good companies, when they are overpriced and whose value have nowhere to go but down. Instead, pick a company that is undervalued and if your research is right, will eventually rise in value. Or something like that.

Listening to Linkin Park's "Hybrid Theory". It's a darn good cd! I'd put a link up to Amazon.com, but their site is down right now for some reason. Oh well.

Other cds that I'm considering purchasing, Three Doors Down (Kryptonite, When I'm Gone) and Evanescence (Bring Me to Life). I love that girl's voice.

I love thrasher, semi-headbanger rock and roll music!

I'm listening to Dusty in Memphis. The cd skips on my stereo box in the living room, but works fine on my boom box in my bedroom.

I'm not sure if it's time to get a new stereo box or if there's something wrong with the Dusty Springfield CD. I bought the CD from BMG, and I've had problems with their stuff before.

Damn! Dusty has a great voice too. It's a shame not to blast her music really loud. I love that song "The Son of a Preacher Man," only because I dated a presybyterian's minister's son in college.

He was a cool guy, but confused. He told me he was gay, and then dated one of my good friends which kind of messed with my head. During my senior year in college, he cornered me and told me I was the only woman he ever loved, and I was like "yeah right, whatever, get your hands off of me." The guy was like teddy bear hugging me really hard.

In my recent college bulletin, there was an announcement saying that the guy got married. I'm like what's up with that. I thought he told me was gay. Like whatever!

Having two cups of low calorie soup for lunch and toast is really filling. It's actually a lot of food for me, but I force myself to eat it all because it keeps from feeling hungry all afternoon.

I think what I love best about eating is eating something that tastes good and feeling full from it. That's got to be the best feeling in the world. It's also the reason why cutting back on calories really sucks the big one, because it's hard to get that feeling consistently every day.

Eating soup is the only thing that does it for me. It's what worked for me in the past, so I'm sticking with it.

That's my new thing these days, making lists of what's worked for me for how to do things and what's not worked. If I stick with what works then I get stuff done, I lose weight, I keep to my spending plan.

Now granted the lists have to revised every week, because of what's happening in my life, but as I long as I more or less stick to my list, I'm productive.

It's a sign of aging isn't it? When you have to constantly write everything down to get anything done. You know, no more "I'll remember it all and get it done". If I don't write it down, it doesn't get done. It's a necessary evil in my life right now, but it works.

I wonder if there's a correlation between my spending and my eating. When I overspend, I overeat. When I stay on budget, I maintain my weight. What's up with that?

I'm still recovering from my move, which cost me about $3,000, and my trip home for the funeral, which cost me about $1,500.

Then there's my weight, because I've gained back about 10-15 pounds since may, and I'm at 160 pounds instead of hovering at around 145. I hate this!

I'm back to my soup for lunch and seriously tracking what I put into my mouth, and meticulously writing down what I spend and keeping to my spending plan.

I've calculated that by October, I'll be financially and weight wise to where I was in May before my life went to hell in a hand basket. And if I keep on going with my food counting, I'll be at my goal weight of 135 right before Thanksgiving.

Just for fun, I added a link (on the left) for my Amazon.com wish list. I saw it at the "Hurtline Towards Obscurity" website and wanted to do the same.

On a lighter note, I bought a ticket to fly down to LA for the day to see three art exhibits at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art.

1. Old Masters, Impressionists, and Moderns: French Masterworks from the Pushkin Museum, Moscow

2. Modigliani & the Artists of Montparnasse

3. Classic to Modern: French Works on Paper, 1800–1950, from the Permanent Collection

I fly down in the morning, and come back in the evening. I'll be on information overload from seeing three art exhibits back to back like that, but I don't want to make more than one trip to LA and I didn't want to stay overnight. I'm sure I'll be exhausted!

Besides computer problems, I woke up with a scratchy throat this morning and my nose is all stuffed up. I felt it coming on last night in art class.

I haven't been sleeping well, and I think my immune defenses are down so I must be suspectible to germs. Or maybe I picked up germs from the barbeque I went to on Sunday. Who knows?

I've had computer problems all day. First, I had install some new patch for the new virus that's coming around on work laptop.

Then I decided to do the same on my home computer, and then all of a sudden my home email on Outlook 2000 stopped working. After reading all kinds of web pages about what to do, I finally ended up deleting the old mail account, and recreating it from scratch which seemed to fix everything.

I hate anti-virus software. Every once in awhile when you get an update, it knocks out something else on your computer that you have to spend a couple of hours trying to fix. Such a pain!

I can't believe people buy Anne Coulter's republican propaganda about "California being the failed petri dish of democratic policies".

Here are some facts first.

46 states have budget deficits for their 2004 budget.

There are only seven states where Democratic governors and legislators control both branches of government.

There are Democratic governors in 24 states, and Democrats control at least one legislative chamber in 28 states.

Republicans have 26 governors, and probably control one legislative chanmber in 28 states, and have control of both chambers in 22 states.

Republican governors and legislators seem to at least have control of both branches of government in 22 states.

If you take Coulter's argument to its logical conclusion, then those 22 states where republicans control the state shouldn't have deficits, because the republicans are like financial geniuses who wouldn't be stupid enough to get their states into budget deficits.

But yet, 46 out of 50 states are facing deficits?

What's the excuse for the republican controlled states facing budget deficits? Failed republican policies?

Granted, California's budget deficit is huge, but California is the 5th largest economy. We are like our own country here. Hello! Of course, we're going to have a relatively huge budget deficit. What's Japan's budget deficit? What about the other countries above California and in the top 10.

Oh yeah, I forgot. The USA is the largest economy. I mean talk about a huge budget deficit!

Wow, my contemporary art history class was packed. 50 people were in the class.

I so don't believe it when the "pundits" say culture is dead in America. I go to art museums now once a month, and every time I go it's so crowded with people, and they're mostly tourists.

My art class has 50 people. Okay, granted it's art class in downtown San Francisco, but still. A class on a Monday night, come on! I'm giving up Monday Night Football to study art. I am like so sacrificing, because I love watching football!

My art teacher gave an introductory slide lecture, and talk about current. His last slide was a shot of Burning Man, and he asked the class, "is Burning Man art? Can people, some who say they're not artists some who say they are, become artists by being part of an event that some people say is art?"

I love studying art history. Studying art feels so necessary for my work as a writer. I don't know why, but it does.

I like studying how other people are creative, and where they take their creativity, what they're reacting to, what they're rebelling against, what kind of statement they're trying to make.

So I'm wearing this outfit to class tonight, and I think it makes me look like some reject from a bad 80's movie. Should I be embarrassed?

I've got a yellow turtleneck on, an a-line skirt black skirt with gray flowers and vines on it, a black sweater, black tights, cotton socks scrunched down and my new black Born mary jane shoes. Like it's so 80's.

I think if I had sleeker black socks, the outfit would work, but all I could find were thick black cotton ones. I'm sure I look like I'm on a retro 80's nerd patrol or something, but I'm like I don't care.

I mean I do care, but I don't have time to go out and buy thinner black socks, and I want to wear this outfit.

All it will mean is I'll just look like any another weirdly dressed San Francisco chick on the train and in class tonight. Oh well!

I'm starting my art history class tonight on the "History of Contemporary Art". It's an in depth look at art after 1940. You know, all the really, really modern stuff.

I took a class from this professor before and he's very good, so I'm looking forward to being in his class again.

He's an artist as well as an art historian, which I think makes his teaching so much better because he's creating art in his life as well as studying it. He's not some frustrated wanna be artist teaching art, because he's a failure as an artist. He's a professional artist, who has shows, teaches painting class as well as the history of art.

The best yoga class I ever took was from a professional ex-ballet dancer, who also still taught dance classes. The guy knew everything about the body and how it worked and about how not to injure yourself. The man has to use his body professionally outside of teaching yoga, and he was just so knowledgable. I mean, I think you would have to be, to teach and as well as dance professionally.

He wasn't like some part time yoga instructor. The guy used his body 5-7 days a week, and not just for a year or two but for most of his life. If you're getting paid to dance and teach dance, I would think you know a few things about the body and how to get it to work.

I saw the movie Winged Migration over the weekend. It's a documentary about birds migrating all over the world.

It was so beautiful, because it just showed birds doing their migration thing. I love birdies!

The movie took four years to film, and it made you wonder how the film makers got that close to the birds. At one point, all you see are the birds flying in their 'v' formation and the only sounds you hear are of their wings flapping. This movie would be great to see in an IMAX theatre, because the camera is so close to the birds you can see their feathers moving and I got a sense of how tiring it must be for the birds to fly such long distances. It was so unbelievable! Click on the site and watch the trailer, and you'll see what I mean.

The movie does make you think about how the changes in the weather and the degradation of the environment may be affecting the migration of the birdies.

My aunt and uncle had a memorial service for my grandmother at the catholic church they attend in Alameda. There were members of my family there that I don't see very often, which was nice.

I get there early, and my aunt tells me I missed Rich Gannon, the Oakland Raiders quarterback. Gannon attends their church with his wife regularly, and even hangs out to talk to the parishioners afterwards. What a scream! They say he's a really, really nice person. Gannon goes to church there when it's football season, but lives in some other state the rest of the time.

Her sister said Gannon's two kids attend some catholic school there. The San Francisco Bay Area is such a small world.

Afterwards, there was a barbeque at the priest's house, the rectory, which is right next to the church. Their priest seems like a really nice guy, and my aunt and uncle and their friends hang out with him and play cards (rummy) sometimes.

Father Fernando even gave me directions on how to get to my friend's house in Oakland, whom I was visiting afterwards. He drew a map and everything, which I thought was very sweet.

Some nun was also there that everyone knew, only she wasn't dressed in a nun outfit. I guess they don't have to do that anymore. She lives in her own house near the church.

The priest had a really nice house, and there was a Mercedes in the garage, which I'm assuming was his car. My aunt and uncle say their priest is really cool, and very open minded. I had a fun time, and it was nice to see family that I don't see very often.

I took a writing seminar today from this woman named Barbara Rose Booker. She was very good, and I got so much out of what she said.

Afterwards, I went to Starfreaks and wrote out 9 pages of outline and notes for my novel "Following in the Dark". I started it in 2001 with Nanowrimo, but then I couldn't finish it because I didn't know how to outline the novel. I think I learned that today.

I wrote a preliminary outline, and a structure which might be a little too complicated, but at least it's down on paper.

Most of my novel notes were trying to figure out what story to tell. Here's the new log line for my novel that I created in class today.

A religious woman with stigmata fantasies is trapped in a s&m relationship with her boyfried. She meets a mysterious itinerant preacher who holds the key to her freedom.

I think I'm trying to tell two stories. The first story is about an ex-catholic woman, who wanted to be a nun, wanted stigmata, some proof of God's love and existence. When none came, she gave up on God and years later finds herself in a physically abusive relationship with her current boyfriend.

Somehow in her mind, sex, religious pasion, and love all got fused together, making an s&m driven relationship not only normal but in a way very desirable. But lately the s&m stuff has become more violent, more dangerous, more risky.

I want to show the woman's descent into the dark side, like why would someone even want to be a sexual relationship where alot of pain was involved.

This is a subject that has always fascinated me, being very pain-phobic myself. I hate physical pain of any sort, but I know from experience, given the right circumstances, sometimes pain can be exciting, even incredibly desirable. I've always wanted to explore in a fictional character, when the line between pain and pleasure gets crossed to where it's the only thing that will satisfy a person.

But I also want to write about how you get out of that mode, that darkness, because I don't think being in a relationship where sexual pain is the only thing that satisfies you is all that healthy. I don't know. Maybe it is for some people, but for my fictional character, the s&m thing is not good.

So the second half of the book is how she gets out of the s&m relationship she's in. I wanted her to meet someone who shows her the light. I sort of thought I wanted her to meet Jesus, but I know that's hokey. I like it, but it's just a bit too much for people and really not that realistic.

So I think I want her to meet a mysterious itinerant preacher who untangles her thinking. But then I decided to add a Stephen King twist to my story, and make him supernatural in some way. And then I even decided I wanted a funky happy ending, and I mapped that out too.

My ending might be a little too neat and pat, but I think I can make it work.

So I'm writing out my notes about what I think about my new novel structure and this is what came out, "I don't think anyone is going to want to read this or publish it, but I don't care because I really like the story and want to finish it."

I think it's a wild story. I love the mysterious itinerant preacher, who may or not be Jesus in disguise. It's like the total religious fantasy I've had for years, meeting Jesus for real, and which later translated into wanting marrying someone jewish like Jesus, and which is currently wanting to marry a Jesus follower who helps me to further my relationship with God.

I also wrote to myself, "what if the only way I can sell this book is to have it be a bible banger type christian book?" That would freak me out, because I'm so not a bible banger, but if a christian publisher wants to publish it and pay me money, I'd take it.

But I'm also thinking, maybe this is the kind of book I write just to write, and never sell. This book is for me, just for my own pleasure and enjoyment, my story, no one else's, just to have, just because I like it and I don't care if everyone think it's horrid, it's mine, my creation, my fun crazy novel.

I know this is so Martha Stewartish of me, but I love making my own croutons for salads. The croutons you buy in the box in the store are so gross compared to the croutons I make myself.

It's so easy too. Use good italian or french bread, like baguettes or pugliese. Cut the bread up into cubes, drizzle with olive oil, and for seasoning, use McCormick Salt Free Garlic and Herb Seasoning. Bake in the oven till desired crunchiness at around 350 degree or so, and store for use with salads.

YUMMY!!!

In between watching the 49ers beat the Raiders in a pre-season football game, I watched the news coverage on the East Coast blackout.

I was so amazed by how much I still like Aaron Brown. He's just got the most amazing voice. He's so calm and steady. Like I said before, he's the Mister Rogers of broadcast news and that's his main appeal.

The conspiracy radio programs were having a fun time speculating on whether the blackout was caused by an electromagnetic pulse weapon, and whether it really was a terrorist attack or a secret US test of a new weapon gone haywire.

And I agree with other conspiracy boards I visit, the Shrubmeister looked very tired and worried in his taped response from San Diego. The man has really aged since since he took office.

And what was up with the Prime Minister of France saying it was caused by a lightning strike in upstate New York, when later reports said he was totally wrong?

A friend called and we both joked how we were freaking out in the first five minutes when we heard the news, thinking it was a terrorist attack. Before 9/11 we would never have dad that thought about terrorism.

I told her it's karma for the rest of the country laughing at California when he had our blackouts. Cheney the head Orcmeister said it was Cali's fault. We wouldn't be having a governor recall if it wasn't for the criminals like Ken Lay and Enron who messed with California's energy market.

The energy experts have been predicting blackouts would be happening on the east coast, just like they were in California, and of course, like the early reports of terrorists wanting to take down the World Trade Center again, nobody believed them.

Talk about conspiracy theories. Did you see the electrical grid maps for the US? Why is the Texas region on its own grid, and all the other states are connected on one of two other grids?

Huge power outage on the east coast. What is going on? It sounds like it's moving to the Midwest as well.

This is scary!

I heard an interesting interview last night with Don McAlvany, who has his own newsletter about the financial markets. He's definitely a doom and gloomer kind of guy, and here's some interesting factoids he let loose, which of course the major news media outlets are not even talking about.

There were 1.6 million personal and corporate bankrupticies last year, the largest number in US history.

With the collapse of the and internet and tech stock bubble in 2000, $8 trillion dollars of wealth evaporated, although $2 trillion of that loss has come back since then.

Stocks right now are trading at 32 1/2 times earning, which means in a bear market they're still overvalued. They should be trading at 5-8 times earnings.

10-12 million Americans are currently unemployed, and the Fed is understating the unemployment rate saying it is 6.5%, when it should be closer to 9.5%.

Boeing by the end of the year will lay of 40,000 people.

The US is losing its manufacturing base, and these jobs will not be replaced in the US.

There's a real estate bubble with over $5 trillion invested in real estate mortgages. The mortgage interest rate has gone up from 5% to 6.5% in 1.5 months, which isn't a good sign.

The long term bond market collapsed, and saw its lowest prices worldwide since 1927 in the last 90 days, and lost $6 trillion in value.

Currently, there is $200 trillion invested in the derivatives market, which investors use as a hedge against the stock market, rising interest rates, etc. The collapse of the long term bond markets is sending shocks waves through this sector.

The Feds are flooding the markets with printed money, hoping to ignite another stock market bubble, which could lead to rising interest rates and hyper inflation.

If interest rates rise, watch for the real estate market and derivatives markets to both collapse, along with the stock market.

Now I'm listening to my favourite Grateful Dead songs, Scarlett Begonia and Fire on the Mountain.

Jerry .... Jerry, we love you, they scream!

I have cds in my collection that I haven't listened to in years, and sometimes I forget the group even sounds like.

I'm playing this cd from Rusted Root entitled When I Woke.

It's good. Here's what the Amazon review says, "Imagine the Gypsy Kings as hippies from Pittsburgh and you'll have a handle on Rusted Root. Energetic, largely acoustic worldbeat jams like "Ecstasy" and "Martyr"."

I was afraid I was going to put music on that I don't even like anymore, but I still like it. It's definitely an homage to the hippie stoner world beat phase of my life. Brenda the elf girl hippie chick ... what a hoot!

I went out for a walk at lunch time, and here's an example of stupid things I wonder about.

I once watched a porno movie with a boyfriend, who kept going on and on about how he liked when the porn chick's breasts moved. Like it really made him excited. Why this was such a big deal to this guy is something I've never been able to figure out to this day, but that's neither here nor there.

So I'm wondering on my walk if the breasts of women who have fake racks, the big plastique kind, shake when they're having sex. Do they jiggle, do they bounce up and down? And if not, are guys like my ex-boyfriend not getting turned on by pornos anymore, or at least that aspect of the porno movie? I mean, it's so interesting to me, only because the exboyfriend freak was so entranced by the whole breast movement thing.

I wished I'd kept in touch with the freak, because I'm totally wondering about this issue right now.

Here's the SI report from Tom Verducci on poor Ted Williams, Ted's tragedy unfolds. Rome's interview with Tom Verducci was very, very strange.

And here's the link about Williams' head in a lobster pot, What happened to Ted?

Funniest lines heard today on Jim Rome's show.

Jeff Kent needing a Mach 3 to drive over his pornstache.

Bubba at a Mets game, and no Bubba, the Mets clubhouse isn't a wild as it used to be when they won the world series back in the day (or something like that). This is a reference to a recent book about the crazy Mets Team, and the stuff they did in the dugout with fan chicks and cats.

I'm back to listening to Jim Rome's The Jungle. The show is back to its orignal timeslot on the Ticket 1050 at 9 am, and I am so BORED with the recall. I got into listening to Jim Rome because I was so SICK of the Florida election debacle.

Sports is so much more interesting in its own way sometimes than politics anyway. This morning there was a great interview with Tom Watson, and SI reporting that Ted Williams' head has been separated from his body and is sitting in some cryonics lab in a lobster pot. Williams' heirs are fighting over what to do with his dead body. Now that's fun stuff to listen to and speculate about.

I heard Bill Simon on the news this morning, and I so hate him. He was practically saying he would win the governorship. What a freak! Simon reminded me of Dusty Baker handing the winning ball to Russ Ortiz before Game 6 of the World Series ended. And we all know what happened to the Giants after that.

Jim Rome is the bomb and so incredibly funny! One of my girlfriends said that Rome sounds like a typical frat boy, and I'm like "so, what does that mean?" I don't have a problem with frat boys, but I do know lots of women who do. I have friends who are so afraid of frat boys and their kind. God only knows why.

I date frat boys, been doing it since college and I haven't stopped. They're cute, they're clean, charming as hell and they're a ton of fun.

When I can't work on my current writing pieces, these days I've been writing out notes for my Elf Girl Chronicle stories, which I'll work on one of these days.

They're kind of interesting to me, because I just jot down whatever comes into my head about these stories. Here's a sample:

Thoughts about Elf Stories
-stories takes place 550,000 BCE
-DNA rules everything, the code to a being resides in the DNA
- Question to ponder for story, how many forms of beings first existed in the world besides the current day humans and animals?
-In the movie, The Matrix Reloaded, one of the characters said that humanity can be destroyed and the earth can be repopulated, and memories can be implanted.
-The Elfin Kingdom was destroyed because of politics. There were member of the Elfin High Council who thought that an alliance with the triumverate of evil (everything in the universe comes in threes) would spare the kingdom, or at least certain parts of it. An agreement was made to kill the elfin population and, but to spare the royal lines and families of the high counsel, who were anyway related to the royal lines. The rest of the population would be killed and/or enslaved.
-The High Council's rationale was 1) their own families would be saved and 2) the elfin population could be rebuilt from scratch with a stronger genetic line, a strong DNA chain. The Elfin essential DNA would be saved, since the original elfin DNA came from the royal line and their families.
-The High Council was wrong. The Triumverate renigged on their agreement, and instead of being saved, the royal family lines were enslaved and then cursed and turned into humans.
-The Elfin light body template was destroyed, and the human DNA was grafted over the Elfin DNA. With no light body template, elfin souls could not be born into their original elfin form and instead were born as humans.
-But the grafting of the human dna over the elfin dna caused health problems, especially on the left side of the body and with food and digestion.
-Elfin DNA has twelve strands, human DNA has two strands.
-At the start of the story, there is trouble in the world. For the last 12 years, whole tribes of elves, fairies, dwarves and other beings have been disappearing. There are rumors of death squads and prisons. There are rumors of a new race of humans being created to repopulate the earth. The humans, who used to be 10-12 ft, were going to be replaced by a smaller, more fragile being
-The multi-strand human DNA (need to reread what SDM said about human DNA changing in the future) is being changed to a more simple 2-strand DNA, making the humans easier to manipulate, breed with less room for variations and mistakes, and easier to control.
-need a history of world of elves
-need a history of the evil triumverate, an early form of the anti-christ
-need a history of the plan to seed the world with more fragile humans, and to wipe out the rest of the other worldly beings like the elves, the fairies and dwarves.
-there was a prophecy that the members of the High Council saw before they made an agreement with the evil triumverate. They saw the dawning of the christ/cross consciousness in the future. Some members of the Counsil, including the King, wanted to start aligning the kingdom for the new christ consciousness to insure survivial of the kingdom in the future. They wanted to merge the Elfin ways with the ways of new way to come.
-the members of the High Council who made the agreement with the evil triumverate wanted no part of the Christ consciousness. They did want to change the Elfin Culture. The evil triumverate assured them that in the future, the evil triumverate and the anti-christ would win and reign in the future, and elfin culture would not be changed.
-Parts of the story will take place at the Elfin Knowledge Schools. These schools were created to teach the use of the individual being powers to children starting at age 15. Beings from all over the world attended these schools including fairy and dwarf children. Each race of being had special powers, which needed to be learned and controlled. Powers started to intensify after the age of 12, so children were sent off to special schools at around age 15.
-need to know what the knowledge schools taught

This is a good article from the LA Time on the ramifications of the Episcopal Church's decision to ordain an openly practicing gay bishop; Episcopal Church Plays Russian Roulette on the Gay Issue.

Two good quotes from this article:

"He recalls: "I had someone there say to me, 'If you don't believe in the Bible, why did you bring it to us?'"

"There are all kinds of empty churches that tried to attract people to attend for nonreligious reasons," says Rodney Stark, University of Washington sociologist of religion. "People go to a church for religion, and if it's not religion that's being offered, they go to other places."

I'm listening to a new fave CD, Legends of the Scottish Fiddle.

This kind of music makes me so happy. I almost think I need a cd of bagpipe music as well.

Here's the list of artists and their music.

Cuts Artist
1. Celtic Society's Quickstep - 42 Highlanders Farewell John Cunningham
2. Cutting Ferns - Alex Dan MacIsaac's - Brenda Stubbert's - Mutt's Favorite - Bernadette's - Lady Gordon of Gordonstown Jerry Holland
3. Rosemary Brown Aly Bain
4. Samuel The Weaver - The Panda - Thunderhead - The Cannongate Twitch - Allan MacDonalds Reel The Tannahill Weavers
5. Fair Warning John Cunningham
6. Morag's Reels Wolfstone
7. Reels For Carl Jerry Holland
8. Mrs. Jamieson's Favourite Aly Bain
9. The Smokey Lum - Maggie's Pancakes - Dancing Feet - The Mason's Apron The Tannahill Weavers
10. The Turnpike Capercaillie
11. Hector The Hero John Cunningham

My company's computer systems was hit by that msblast.exe worm. My system kept shutting down every five minutes for an hour. What a pain!

I just checked my home computer, and so far so good.

I hate the whole recall election. What a waste of money and time. I'm going to vote No on the recall, but just in case vote in Cruz Bustamante.

Arnold "The Terminator" is a joke. He knows nothing about politics, and he's only running now because no way would he even be endorsed by his own party. I so agree with Rush Limbaugh on Arnold.

Chris Matthews on "Hard Ball" used to always quote someone in politics as saying "All politics is local". So with that, I'm going to concentrate on the city and county of San Francisco mayoral election.

Now that Matt Gonzalez has thrown his hat in the ring, he almost guarantees the election of Gavin Newsome to become the next mayor of San Francisco.

Newsome is the only centrist candidate running, and everyone else is running to the left of him. Gonzalez will split the left wing vote, and Gavin will win. YEAH!!!

What galls me about the current crop of San Francisco mayoral candidates is politically stupid they all are. They remind me of the how the media totally misjudged the whole Clinton/Lewinsky scandal.

Most of the general public, me included, totally did not care about Clinton and Lewinsky getting on. That was between him and Hilary, not us. And I'm so sure Clinton was the first president to bag an intern. Come on, get real people! I still remember the Senate page boy scandals of the 80's, or have people forgotten that married senators were getting it one with pages of both sexes. Talk about adultery times two.

It was the media and the right wing conservatives who kept whipping up the issue to death.

The majority of the left wing mayoral candidates in San Francisco, in the same way, are misjudging the San Francisco electorate. We're not all left wing as the media makes us out to be.

There's been a slow but steady gradual movement to the center and in some cases to the right. It might be feel like the center or the right to anyone outside of the city limits of San Francisco, but it is for someone who lives here.

Witness the passage of the Newsome's homelessness initiative. That thing won hands done in almost all districts except in I think three left wing bastions.

San Francisco is getting conservative. In fact, all of California is moving towards the middle and to the right. Why don't the San Francisco politicians see this?

And the fact that they don't get the swing in voter sentiment, tells me that they don't pay attention to the city as a whole, but to themselves and to their very small constituencies. And that is what's so wrong about San Francisco politics, and is so illustrative of what's wrong with the democratic party in general.

Oh well. They'll figure it out come election time. I think Newsome will win by wide percentage, and the left wing strategists will be deer caught in the headlights.

The party of "the people" can't even figure out how people are voting. The party of the people totally buy into their own BS, their own dogma so much, they can't see anything else. And that's sad.

And it's so symptomatic of the left as a whole, like those left wing professors who believe that their truth is the only truth and only teach their side of the issue. What stupidity! And it's such bad karma too, since to deny the reality of another's truth is wrong no matter which side of the political spectrum you're on.

Do you want people running government who are that out of touch with the electorate in the first place? I think not.

It's not that people don't want social justice and social programs and all the good things that the left has come to stand for, it's just that you can't just have ideology and good intentions and bankrupt yourself as well. It just doesn't work in the real world that way, at least not now with the economy the way it is, and I think will be for the next few years.

I brought home with me some of my grandmother's videos. She had quite a collection of action movies, kung fu movies and even religious movies.

One of my grandmother's most prized video sets was Franco Zefferelli's "Jesus of Nazareth". I watched part one of the three video set over the weekend. Franco Zefferelli is one of my favorite directors. He's an incredible romantic and very passionate in his story telling.

As I watched the video, I started to remember that I had seen the series on TV sometime in my childhood. The memories are very vague and fuzzy, but they're there.

The wedding scene between Mary and Joseph brought back all my childhood fantasies of wanting to be jewish.

Having been influenced by the Zefferelli movie which depicted Jesus' life as a jew, I always wanted to have a jewish wedding and raise my children jewish just like Jesus. I knew I wasn't jewish, but I also knew if I married a jewish person I could become jewish.

As a young child I had no idea that christians and jews were different and lived in different worlds. If I had a baby, I wanted my child to have covenant by blood. I didn't know about covenant by faith. If had a boy child, I wanted my boy child to be barmitzvahed so he could be a part of jewish temple life.

I also remembered in college telling my first love that I wanted to have a wedding ceremony where I jumped over a broom, which I think is an eastern european jewish custom.

Watching that Zefferelli movie years later was so bittersweet, because in the process of growing up I had to give up that jewish dream. I had to to own that being jewish and being a follower of christ were not only two different things, they were diametrically opposed.

And it really became all very clear to me when I told my grandmother about my jewish first love, and she told me I was dating a "killer of Christ". What a very rude awakening!

Watching that Zefferelli movie made me realize that I had even forgotten I had that fantasy of being jewish like Jesus. And I think I cried because I had to finally admit to myself that I had given up that dream a long time ago, but never really acknowledged the loss of this strange childhood fantasy of mine.

I didn't even know that deep down in some part of my consciousness I even still had the dream, and I only still had my jewish fantasy dream because I never acknowledged giving it up.

What can I say? Kids think the strangest things don't they?

And it's not like if I fell seriously in love with a jewish person, I wouldn't raise my children jewish. I know for certain I would feel guilty if I didn't raise a jewish child in the jewish culture. Being jewish is both an identity of blood as well as culture, and I would not dream of denying my part jewish child his or her identity.

But then the Jesus thing would be problematic down the road, and as this stage in the game I'm a little practical to want religious stress in home life. Not that it couldn't be done, because I have friends who are raising their children with both christian and jewish customs.

It's just harder and more added stress than I would ever want.

Still it's so very sad to let go of a childhood wish and fantasy, no matter how silly the wish and fantasy are in real life.

I watched the movie "Jerry Maguire" on TV just to see the line where the girl says "You had me at hello." So many men love that line, and I so don't know understand why that's a great line.

I mean, I guess how to a guy a girl saying that line, would be the equivalent of saying "you don't have to explain yourself, you don't have to say anything, just your mere presence makes me fall back in love with you."

What guy wouldn't love that he doesn't have to talk, he doesn't have to say anything, he doesn't have to have some rehearsed explanation. What guy wouldn't love to just be able to walk about into a relationship and just have a woman unconditionally love him.

It would be kind of like having a dog. No matter how long you've been away, as soon you as you walk through the door the dang dog is wagging its tail and jumping on you because it's so glad to see you.

So does that hello line mean that woman should act like loyal dogs, who are after all, man's best friend?

On Saturday, I wen to see "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen", which was so much fun. People in the movie theatre even clapped at the end. The movie had a good story, great special effects and it wasn't boring.

I loved how all the characters were literary figures I'd read as a child. It made me want to go back and reread those stories. I loved Peta Wilson, of La Femme Nikita fame, as Mrs. Jonathan Harker.

She has this one scene where does her vampire thing and the men watching have to act like it's not a freaky thing. Only a group of men would have that reaction. What a laugh and how true to life. With some guys, a girl can pull all kinds of stuff and the guy does not even blink an eye.

I can't believe Sean Connery is like 70 something years old. He still looks very good and fit for someone his aage. They had a pretty boy playing Dorian Gray as well. He was a little too thin for my taste, like say rock star heroin skinny, but he had a beautiful face.

On Friday I went to see Lara Croft, Tomb Raide: The Cradle of Life. I know it's a silly movie, but I love it. I wish I was like Lady Lara Croft. I love shows with cute girls who are tough and do great stunts. Plus Lara Croft's character is so intelligent, and I love the whole historical antiquities thing. The movie had amazing special effects and stunts as well.

I suppose I should go and see the new Charlie's Angels movie, but those girls are so silly. I wish they were all a little more intelligent and not so girlish. I much prefer Lara Croft who's more mature, not so silly and girlish but still beautiful, feminine, intelligent and able to kick any guy's butt.

My writing group met at my new apartment tonight. It was so much fun! I am so paranoid about having come over to see how and where I live, but my writing group liked my new place.

I even cooked three appetizers, but only one went over well. I'd made one of them before, the others were new.

One of of my appetizers turned this icky shade of brown and green which made me feel like Bridget Jones, but oh well. It was a mushroom, stilton, and bleu cheese dip. I'll make the leftovers into an omelette over the weekend.

How fun to have my close writing buddies see my new place, and to be able to be entertain and cook for them! I'br forgottrn how much I like entertaining.

Here's the link for the grenades and mortars in my neighbourhood, Explosives found in Inner Sunset home force evacuation S.F. bomb experts detonate 3 grenades, 2 mortar rounds.

This isn't good. They're going to detonate the hand grenades and whatever else military equipement they found in the home.

I wonder how loud the noise will be and if my electricity will be affected. YIKES!!!

Hearing those choppers overhead is freaking me out!

I suppose I should go downstairs to check it out, but what a bother!

Choppers are flying overhead. I just heard on the radio that hand grenades were found about 7 or so blocks from where I live. The bomb squad is somewhere in the vicinity, and I'm sure this is all messing up the traffic.

When I find a link for the story, I'll post it.

Here's a great article from Scotland on Sunday on the left's disenchantment with Mr. Hitchens, The trial of Christopher Hitchens.

Just added a new site to my list of "Sites to See". It's the site for my favourite left wing commentator Christopher Hitchens.

I'm not even sure if he would be considered left wing by the left, since he did support the US led war on Iraq. He and The Nation had quite a falling out over the Iraq issue.

I love Christopher Hitchens. He is so brilliant and so funny. I don't always agree with everything he says, but he's very thought provoking.

He's like a chubbier and scruffier version of Simon from American Idol. They're both English, scathingly honest and nasty, and I totally adore them both!

I just made this dish today from Epicurious, and it was very easy and very tasty. I think it would be worth about 4-5 points per serving for Weight Watchers. I never follow recipes exactly, and use less oil and butter than what the recipe calls for. I also used skimmed milk instead of cream, and it still tasted fine. I had it plain, but would probably serve it over pasta when I make it again. I also added red pepper flakes for an added kick.

Epicurious has the best recipes, and they're very simple. Just type in the ingredient you want to use, and then choose a recipe. Peruse the reader reviews and comments as well, for added tips on how to cook the dish.

BRAISED CHICKEN BREASTS ON CREAMY LEEKS
We adapted this dish from a recipe in La Cuisine Spontanée by Swiss chef Frédy Girardet. Braising the chicken breasts over the leeks keeps them satisfyingly moist and tender. Crusty bread is a good accompaniment.
Active time: 25 min Start to finish: 35 min

2 lb medium leeks (white and pale green parts only)
4 boneless skinless chicken breast halves (1 1/2 lb total)
1/2 tablespoon vegetable oil
2 1/2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1/3 cup dry white wine
1/3 cup chicken broth
1/3 cup heavy cream

Halve leeks lengthwise, then cut crosswise into 1-inch pieces.

Pat chicken dry and season with salt and pepper. Heat oil and 1/2 tablespoon butter in a 10-inch nonstick skillet over moderately high heat until foam subsides, then brown chicken on both sides, about 4 minutes total. Transfer to a plate.

Add wine to skillet and deglaze by boiling over high heat, stirring and scraping up brown bits, until reduced to about 2 tablespoons, 1 to 2 minutes. Add leeks and remaining 2 tablespoons butter and salt and pepper to taste, then simmer over moderately low heat, covered, stirring occasionally, until leeks are wilted, about 10 minutes. Stir in broth. Top leeks with chicken breasts and juices from plate, then gently simmer over low heat, covered, until leeks are tender and chicken is just cooked through, about 8 minutes .

Transfer chicken breasts to a plate. Add cream to skillet and boil over high heat, stirring occasionally, until thickened slightly, 1 to 2 minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Serve chicken on top of leeks. Makes 4 servings.

Gourmet, February 2001

I got in touch with the ex-husband after my grandmother died, and he was very sympathetic and sweet. He's a nice guy, and it's too bad we just couldn't live together very peacefully.

Anyway, he told me he was researching his family tree and found out that his mother's side of the family first emigrated to California in 1850. His mom's ancestor was the captain of a ship that sailed from Liverpool to San Francisco, and then stayed for the gold rush.

His mom's ancestor sailing captain was one of the founders of the town of Redwood City, which is on the peninsula south of the city of San Francisco. What a trip!

I typed up the "Spooning with My Mother" story from my notes. I was so excited to finish writing it, but as I was typing it up I realized that it needs a ton of work.

I'm good with the plot thing, because at least I have a beginning, a middle and an end. But the story reads like it's too choppy and very disjointed. My character keeps going to back to a memory she had in the past, and I'm not liking the transitions from present to past and back.

I started to get confused reading it, which is bad. If the author is confused, what about the reader?

I need some way to let the reader know the story is now taking place in present time as opposed to the past, and visa versa.

I'm taking a writing class in a couple of weeks which focuses on how to structure your stories better, which should help my short story because it definitely needs it.

No wonder I can't lose weight. Since I got back from vacation, I've spent about $200 on food. The money is leaving my checking account and sitting on my fat tummy forever. I hate that.

I hate this expression but it's so true; "a second on your lips becomes a lifetime on your hips."

I started a new excel spreadsheet to track my calories today. I'll start modestly and eat 1,400 calories per day.

There are daily Weight Watcher's meetings at several different times at a nearby shopping mall. My friends who are doing the program like it because 1) you can add more points if you exercise and 2) you can bank points for special occassions.

I'm going to see how I do with my calories this week, and if I can't hack it I'll go to a Weight Watcher's meeting.

I found a copy of The Economist at the gym, and read it on my train ride home. It's a good magazine, and easy to read. They had some really good information on what's happening in the world from a financial perspective, and I was surprised how fascinating it all was.

I think you can really learn alot about what drives people, companies, organizations and even countries when you study their finances. How neo-marxist of me huh?

I'm trying to decide if I need to subscribe to this mag. I registered at their site, and I'll get a newsletter via email once a week from them on their current articles. If I find myself reading The Economist online constantly, I'll get a subscription.

On Saturday, another friend called and we went to the Aloha festival at the Presidio. It's a two-day festival dedicated to everything Hawaiian.

We stood in line for half an hour to get shaved ice and malasadas. Malasadas are portuguese donuts rolled in sugar. They are so yummy. At highschool football games on Kauai, along with the usual sporting event food the vendors sold bags of malasadas and boiled peanuts.

The sun even came out and it was warm and muggy, just like in Hawaii. We even got to see some hula. There was a maori dance troupe with poi balls, and for sentimental reasons I bought a pair. I remember learning to do a hula with poi balls when I was a little girl.

Then my friend and I ate a plate of hawaiian food, like I didn't eat enough hawaiian style pork when I was home. Afterwards, my friend left to meet her boyfriend and I went to the gym to workout and lift weights.

My friend, whom I spent the day with, told me she was doing Weight Watchers. She's lost 10 pounds so far with little effort. She said she liked the feeling of having to be accountable to someone for her weight.

I'm wondering if I too need to go to Weight Watchers to lose these last 10-15 pounds that I've been struggling with all my life. I like the weight I'm at now because it's comfortable for me to maintain, but I know I'm not at my goal weight of 135 pounds.

It would so great to achieve my goal weight, but I'm totally worried about trying to maintain that weight. 145-150 pounds has been such an easy weight to maintain for me, but I am still so fat. I have clothes in my closet that still don't fit, and I still have a poochy tummy.

I'm thinking I could at least try Weight Watchers for a month just to see if I like it, and if it makes a difference. I was able to lose 30 pounds on my own, but maybe now I need a little extra push to get to my goal.

A friend came over for dinner on Friday, and I had my first dinner at my new place where I actually cooked.

I made an italian rissoto with chicken, leeks, mushrooms (white, crimini, portobello and and porcini) and spinach. It was a bit salty because I used this refrigerated chicken stock, which I've never used before. My friend seemed to like it though, and I topped the dish with grated romano cheese.

I watched the rissoto being made one of my favourite TV cooking shows, Lydia's Kitchen. She is a great italian cook and her dishes are always so easy.

It was fun to cook and make food for my friend. For an appetizer, I heated up some brie to eat with slices of my favorite italian bread - pugliese.

I bought an expensive chocolate sauce to pour over vanilla ice cream for dessert, but we were so full from dinner and the bottle of chardonnay we drank that we skipped it.