I took a writing seminar today from this woman named Barbara Rose Booker. She was very good, and I got so much out of what she said.

Afterwards, I went to Starfreaks and wrote out 9 pages of outline and notes for my novel "Following in the Dark". I started it in 2001 with Nanowrimo, but then I couldn't finish it because I didn't know how to outline the novel. I think I learned that today.

I wrote a preliminary outline, and a structure which might be a little too complicated, but at least it's down on paper.

Most of my novel notes were trying to figure out what story to tell. Here's the new log line for my novel that I created in class today.

A religious woman with stigmata fantasies is trapped in a s&m relationship with her boyfried. She meets a mysterious itinerant preacher who holds the key to her freedom.

I think I'm trying to tell two stories. The first story is about an ex-catholic woman, who wanted to be a nun, wanted stigmata, some proof of God's love and existence. When none came, she gave up on God and years later finds herself in a physically abusive relationship with her current boyfriend.

Somehow in her mind, sex, religious pasion, and love all got fused together, making an s&m driven relationship not only normal but in a way very desirable. But lately the s&m stuff has become more violent, more dangerous, more risky.

I want to show the woman's descent into the dark side, like why would someone even want to be a sexual relationship where alot of pain was involved.

This is a subject that has always fascinated me, being very pain-phobic myself. I hate physical pain of any sort, but I know from experience, given the right circumstances, sometimes pain can be exciting, even incredibly desirable. I've always wanted to explore in a fictional character, when the line between pain and pleasure gets crossed to where it's the only thing that will satisfy a person.

But I also want to write about how you get out of that mode, that darkness, because I don't think being in a relationship where sexual pain is the only thing that satisfies you is all that healthy. I don't know. Maybe it is for some people, but for my fictional character, the s&m thing is not good.

So the second half of the book is how she gets out of the s&m relationship she's in. I wanted her to meet someone who shows her the light. I sort of thought I wanted her to meet Jesus, but I know that's hokey. I like it, but it's just a bit too much for people and really not that realistic.

So I think I want her to meet a mysterious itinerant preacher who untangles her thinking. But then I decided to add a Stephen King twist to my story, and make him supernatural in some way. And then I even decided I wanted a funky happy ending, and I mapped that out too.

My ending might be a little too neat and pat, but I think I can make it work.

So I'm writing out my notes about what I think about my new novel structure and this is what came out, "I don't think anyone is going to want to read this or publish it, but I don't care because I really like the story and want to finish it."

I think it's a wild story. I love the mysterious itinerant preacher, who may or not be Jesus in disguise. It's like the total religious fantasy I've had for years, meeting Jesus for real, and which later translated into wanting marrying someone jewish like Jesus, and which is currently wanting to marry a Jesus follower who helps me to further my relationship with God.

I also wrote to myself, "what if the only way I can sell this book is to have it be a bible banger type christian book?" That would freak me out, because I'm so not a bible banger, but if a christian publisher wants to publish it and pay me money, I'd take it.

But I'm also thinking, maybe this is the kind of book I write just to write, and never sell. This book is for me, just for my own pleasure and enjoyment, my story, no one else's, just to have, just because I like it and I don't care if everyone think it's horrid, it's mine, my creation, my fun crazy novel.