Sorry for not posting. I took the day off on Friday because I had to use my birthday holiday within 30 days, a company rule I didn't know existed until this year. Spent the whole day studying for my film history mid term next Thursday.

I was expecting to get a call back from that company I interviewed for on Tuesday, but there was no call. God, I hate interviewing for a new job!

I got so depressed and woke up sick and tired on Saturday, and spent most of the day in bed. I finally dragged myself out and called a friend and felt better after that. I was supposed to go to the Orchid show on Saturday too.

On Sunday, I woke up feeling the same way so I skipped church and slept till the late afternoon. I don't know if I'm really depressed or just coming down with something. One of my therapists told me once that sometimes it's okay to just do nothing except sleep. Sometimes your body just needs to shut down for awhile.

Went to bed on Sunday dreading my job, dreading my life, wondering how I was going to face it all. Some 12-step voice in my head kept saying "one day at a time, one day at a time".

Once I started working this morning I felt better. I have a ton of work to do this week preparing for a new client presentation on Friday. I called my boss this morning to talk about what I have to do for the week, and he was trying to be nice. Don't trust him though, which I feel bad about.

The consultant I work with called and asked me how the job was going. I told him I was looking for another job, and he said he was going to try and find out what was going on from some exec VP he works with. It's nice that he cares, but there's nothing he can do about my job situation.

I think I'm depressed because I really wanted that job I interviewed for on Tuesday. It was more responsibility than I'm used to, but I think I could have done it. The job was perfect too since the offices are in downtown San Francisco, and I wanted to work downtown again.

I keep telling myself it's okay, it was my first job interview in four years and I blew the interview because I'm so out of practice. But what freaks me out even more is my intuition kept telling me I had the job. I never get intuitions about any job I'm interviewing for, so I was really hopeful.

What a hoax! My intuition was so off! How can my intuition be so wrong? It's never been wrong like this before. It makes me think I can't trust myself, can't trust my intuition and that's so depressing. If I can't trust my gut instincts, what can I trust?