I went to a screenplay reading by a friend from myscreenwriting class on Saturday. My friend worked really hard on his screenplay, and I know rewrote the thing 3 or 4 times and even went to two scene by scene intensive classes. But sadly, the new reworked screenplay from what I could tell wasn't that much different from the first draft I read.

I don't know. I'm freaked. I knew my friend had been really very hard on his screenplay, so I guess I expected to see a really improved verison. Instead it was more of the same. I know the written second draft of my screenplay is radically different from the first version, so I guess I expected the same thing to happen to my friend.

It must be such a bummer to have worked that hard, and still not have it your writing be any better. I think of how much work I've put into my screenplay. I write about 10 outlines before I even start writing, because it's so hard to get the plot just right. If I count the outlines I've written, which take 1-3 hours to write each, I'm on something like draft # 20. That's a heck of a lot of drafts.

I'm starting to freak out again about the strange concept called "talent". Do I have it? Does it matter? Everyone all my life who has read anything I've ever written said I have some talent, bad grammar but some talent. Like what does "some talent" mean? And when do you start admitting to yourself that you just don't have what it takes to make it, and that maybe writing is in the genes.

Like take weight. I'm never going to be model thin ever. I don't have the genes for that. I have the kind of genes where keeping my weight at a healthy level is always going to be a struggle.. I'm always going to have to be disciplined about what I eat and how much I exercise, but I have two sisters who don't watch what they eat and don't exercise and have never been above a size 4. Like what's up with that?

My poor screenwriting friend. I received an email from him this morning thanking everybody for attending the reading. He admitted he was disappointed, because he honestly thought he had a finished product. I can't believe he thought he had a finished product, and I have to wonder about the people in screenwriting group who may have told him he had a good product. Like what is up what the people in the screenwriting group? It makes me wonder if having other people read you work is even worth it.

Stephen King in his book "On Writing", that you should just have a few trusted friends read your work and that writing classes and workshops aren't really that useful. Is he right? I trust my long time writing group, but I don't know if I trust anyone else except my screenwriting and acting teacher to read my work.

Writing is such a mystery. You'd think it would be easy. but it's not. Talent is so subjective and fickle. I'm starting to wonder if it's really all worth it.

I was going through my papers, when I found a bone density report I had done at a health fair. My mom has osteoperosis, and broke her hip falling out of a chair a few years ago. The whole incident freaked me out, so when I saw the booth at the health fair offering bone density screenings I went for it.

For the bone density test, I lay down and went through a machine and had a dexa test. The test scans your body and measure your bones, as well as your body mass and your percentage of body fat. The report recommends what your weight and body fat should be, and then how many calories to eat to lose weight without losing your lean mass, and how many calories to eat to preserve your weight.

What's interesting is that the report recommends that my body weight should be 149.9 pounds or 27% body fat, and this is the weight I've been plateauing on for the last 6 weeks. According to my bone density report, I'm at the perfect weight.

The report also show what my body fat percentage will be at different weight. My goal weight was to weigh 130 pounds, but at that weight my body fat percentage will be 17%. All the health guidlines I've read say that a female should not go below 18% body fat, because there might be serious health consequences.

So now I'm like thinking, my weight plateauing because 149 pounds is comfortable for my body, and if I want to weigh less I'm going to have to fight my body. But I really want to lose more weight, because my tummy is still fat and I still have fat on my hips and thighs. Am if fighting nature at this point and is it worth it?

To have a 20% body fat percentage, I would need to weigh 136.8 pounds. I would need to lose 12 more pounds to have a boy fat percentage of 20%. The minimum body fat percentage I should have is 18%, which means I'd have to weigh 134 pounds. So my new weight goal is 134 pounds, which means I now need to lose 15 pounds. I don't know if trying to get to an 18% body fat percentage is going to work for me, but I'm curious to know what I would look like at that weight.

The bone density report recommended that I eat 1313 calories per day to lose weight. Anything less than amount will cause me to go into starvation, or so says the report. The figure is based on my lean body mass of 109.5 pounds multiplied by 12.0 So my new calorie average total until I lose the weight is 1313. I've never had a weekly calorie average that low before, and I'm not even sure if I can do it.

Rock star guy was very complimentary on my weight loss and new look, but then spoiled it for me by saying my jeans were too loose, and couldn't I buy tighter jeans. Men! I know rock star guy meant well, and probably just likes the look of a girl in a skin tight pair of jeans. I told him the jeans fit my hips, but were just loose on the thighs. Rock star smiled and said "thin thighs were a good thing." And I'm like "whatever".

It's probably not a good thing, when your city's police chief and other top commanders in the force are indicted in a lawsuit by a grand jury and will shortly be arrested, SFPD Chief Sanders, Asst. Chief Fagan Indicted Plot To Obstruct Justice Charged.

I'm sure newspapers around the country and the world will have a field day with this one. I can hear the steak fajita jokes in the city of the fruits and nuts starting.

SF Bay Area Politics is strange. There was a survey which said that 41% of the SF Bay Area agree with President Bush and the push for war with Iraq. In San Francisco the number drops to 25%. Nationally, about 63% of the american people agree with President Bush.

From SFGATE.com
<"While a 52 percent majority of Californians supports the plan to take military action against Saddam Hussein, that percentage rises in the Central Valley and north-state regions to 63 percent and falls to 53 percent in Southern California and just 41 percent in the Bay Area.

Binder said researchers, for the first time, also broke down support within three subdivisions of the Bay Area region and found further disparities: In "core'' counties such as San Francisco, Alameda and Marin, backing for a possible war effort stands at 25 percent, while toward the south in San Mateo and Santa Clara counties the numbers add up to 39 percent and outlying counties such as Contra Costa, Napa, Solano and Sonoma registered the highest level of all with 54 percent. >

But when it comes to the disrespecting the flag, now that's another issue.

KGO AM radio ran a poll yesterday morning on whether its listeners agreed or disagreed with Toni Smith, the Manhattanville female basketball player who turns her back on the american flag during the playing of the national anthem. About 60-70% of the KGO listeners, or two to one callers, voted that they disagreed with Toni Smith's behaviour.